Challenger

I started yet another challenge yesterday, which makes today Day 2. I hadn't been to Bikram yoga in just over a week when I went into class last night. I didn't feel like going. I felt like lying in bed feeling depressed, but a little voice told me something good would come of it if I dragged myself up and out into the car. And good came! I saw posters for a challenge starting, which means a good deal on a one month package, even if a person doesn't necessarily intend to do a challenge. But I do. It's the right thing for me to do now.
Not having been to class in a while, but instead quite active with another style of yoga, I was truly in top form last night and today. This can only firm up my longstanding notion that something I am doing in class is aggravating a condition. I want to do this yoga for life. I may be past my prime in some sense, but I am still young, and I do still want to better my bodily condition, my shape, and further increase my strength and flexibility, even as I age. But my injury inhibits my progress, the depth into which I can physically go into the postures. My mental focus & concentration, awareness of my body, and my dedication to the practice, have all progressed beautifully.
What I'm basically saying is I want to do Standing-Head-to-Knee!!! I still look like a beginner on some days. I've got to heal up!
So, the mystery continues. I read some very good advice about strengthening the abdominals as a compliment to one's yoga practice - actually, as a necessary component, to protect the back. My abs are still too weak, I've realized. So, forget any kind of extreme cardio or worrying about silly things like calorie counting and five extra pounds. My goal is abs strengthening, hip opening, hamstring stretching, and back HEALING!

Thoughts on Healing

I was looking at a scar on my knee today, from when I skinned it this past summer after I fell down in the gravel while hiking. It was a big, gaping wound, and it took a long time to heal. In fact, it even hurt to kneel as recently as a month or two ago. The scar is still quite pronounced, but after applying pure vitamin e oil to it every night for the past few weeks, I've actually noticed an improvement, thankfully. I don't remember the last time I skinned my knee prior to this - it was probably over 20 years ago!

But anyway, I got to thinking about the body's ability to heal, and the difference in our perception between disease and injury. One of the lessons Bikram himself took with him as a yoga teacher was that terrible injuries, such as shattering one's knee, as he did in a weightlifting accident, can be healed through the correct application of yoga. His doctors told him he might never walk again, but his knee did heal. Similarly, we hear many stories of injuries being healed, or at least the healing process being greatly sped up and enhanced through yoga and other sustaining practices and exercises.

But even without any outside influence, cream, treatment, therapy, or exercise, our bodies do have the genetic instructions to heal on their own - without this mechanism, we would never have made it to where we are today. If I cut myself, and then proceed to live my life as though nothing ever happened, the wound will naturally close up and disappear. If I break a rib, the broken pieces will eventually fuse again, even without a cast. 

In the case of injury, it's clear what has gone wrong, and what it will take to fix it. If I keep poking at an open wound, it's going to interfere with the healing process, or even stop it. My body will keep trying to heal, but my actions do have the power to overtake the mechanism.

In the case of disease, we often don't know what the cause is, or figure there could be multiple causes. Some diseases have a clear cause. For instance, many of the students I teach from polluted regions of the world, such as mega-cities in Brazil and Taiwan, suffer from asthma. Within a couple of weeks of being in Canada, their symptoms frequently disappear completely. So we can see quite clearly that there was a definite cause in their disease, and once it was removed, the condition dissolved. With heart disease, it's clear that diet and lifestyle are huge contributing factors. As with injury, once a person changes what they eat and starts moving their body, reversal of this type of disease comes quickly. Even doctors agree that as long as a person is truly committed to change, heart disease needn't be a death sentence. On the other hand, continuing with the same food and sedentary habits that led to the condition of heart disease is like poking an open wound; it interferes with the healing process, and actually, quite often, stops it, and pushes the person to death. In the same way, when my students go back to their smog-ridden cities, their asthma returns immediately.

As we're all aware, there are hundreds, even thousands, of names for diseases out there, and much of the time, doctors and patients alike don't have any clue what the cause is. Maybe it's genetics. Maybe it's stress. Maybe it's just a part of getting old. Armed with this surrendering to the general consensus that cause can be classified in the realm of life's grand mysteries, doctors get busy working on methods of relieving the symptoms. This is an oversimplification, yes, but I can't help but think that this is the essence of Western medicine. Very rarely do we hear medical experts compare healing in the case of an injury to healing in the case of a disease. But as I become more and more health-minded, I see a deep and important connection between the two, and I just can't accept that we are so quick to dismiss the possibility of figuring out what the causes of many or even all diseases are, and getting busy eliminating them! I can't imagine that anything could be more important to a sick person than figuring out why they are sick, and what to do about it. 

It might sound silly, but to me, medicine is actually kind of ridiculous - even natural medicine. It's a quick fix. Of course it has its place, its use. Yes, it saves lives and improves quality of life, and all of that. No doubt about it. But how many people and how many of their doctors take a step back and say, "wait a minute. Wait one minute right here. Everything in this entire universe that exists has a cause, and therefore, your disease also has a cause. Let's figure out what it is!" Many people turn to yoga as an alternative or complement even to natural medicine, and that is good, but there is a sense in which I think that yoga is a form of medicine that, for some people, is only relieving the symptoms. Yoga - when it works - is more ideal, because of the lack of side effects, as well as the additional benefit of being a very effective stress management tool. However, I have come to believe that the vast majority of illnesses we see in our species have emotional disturbance at their root. In one person, this might manifest as Fibromyalgia, while in another, it may be kidney stones. In some patients, treating the symptoms is enough for a long and fulfilling life, while in others, no medication or treatment known to Western medicine can do a thing for them. Whatever the case may be, as soon as the health begins to dip, we really need to ask ourselves the honest question, "Why?" There is always an answer, and in isolating it, I truly believe that we can allow our bodies to heal a disease the same as we can a broken bone. On the flipside, merely treating the symptoms is like deliberately keeping a wound open. It interferes with our bodies natural process.

I have a new room!

Do you enjoy exercising in your room with the door closed, where no one can bother you? I do! I really do.

But for most of my life I have not been able to do this because the many (many) various bedrooms I have inhabited over the years have been too cramped to enjoy it and spread out properly. The living room is always an option, of course, but with roommates and family and partners milling about asking you where a spare lightbulb might be found or inquiring as to why you didn't replace the toilet paper roll, or perhaps just standing there and staring at you in the middle of your routine, their mouth agape, is kind of a buzz kill to say the least.

Anyway, for the past two months I had been in a particularly small room, in the basement of an old house, with a low ceiling. I couldn't even do a sun salutation because my arms hit the ceiling at about the wrist. So annoying. In fact, I really got to the point that I could not stand it, and if I can help it I will never again live in a place with a low ceiling. Didn't know I didn't like it. Now I know for sure.

But anyway, I'm really happy now because this past weekend I moved to a new room, and it is the biggest room I have ever inhabited in my entire history of being. Up until a few hours ago, there were boxes all over the place so I couldn't properly appreciate the vastness I have going on here, but I really cracked the whip on myself when I got home from work, and now the dust has settled. My oh my, it's a big and spacious room. I absolutely love it!

I celebrated by doing a two hour exercise routine, mainly consisting of Pilates and yoga. I know that might not sound all that exciting. But for me, it was pure heaven! It's all mine. Having a bit of space to oneself on this (actually not crowded at all) planet is a real luxury, a big source of pleasure. The older I get the more I realize that I have a strong dislike for small, and especially cramped spaces. I can't think that many people would say they love 'em, but I don't think I was in touch with myself enough to realize that in the past. No wonder I've never been attracted to the world's mega-cities. That being said, I do live in quite a big city with extraordinarily expensive real estate. I need to move out to the country, I really do.

I really look forward to exploring what kind of movement I can achieve in such a space.

Today is one of my favourite days of the year: the day we turn the clocks back and get an extra hour of sleep! Really I should be a little down about it, as this marks the season of waking up and leaving for work in pitch-black darkness, amid the frigid rain and wind, but I'm truly a sucker for more sleep. And that one hour just feels so valuable, like we cheated time a wee bit.
This morning I woke up at about 8:30 (really 9:30) to a bright, beaming sun, after having had a long night's sound sleep. I'd had a busy few days and went to bed rather late last night, but I slept the perfect amount. I was expecting horrible weather, but today was just gorgeous!

I have made the commitment to focus ALL the mental energy I habitually use towards worrying and endlessly reviewing what I dislike about my life, and how various events, circumstances and situations all tie in as proof of what I dislike the most, on feeling great. I'm really going to use this month to put my money where my mouth is and use every technique I've ever learned to raise my own personal level of satisfaction in life. What could be more important?
Last week I cleansed my body. This month I cleanse my mind.

Healing to Heal

I should begin by mentioning that I haven't even been to Bikram yoga in over a week! I don't do Bikram while on a cleanse - it's just too much. Mind you, my cleanse has been over for a few days now! I have been moving a lot of boxes, though, that's for sure. I just helped two friends move, and changed rooms within the same house myself. And I am involved in another school of yoga which has a physical aspect. I can't even remember the last time I did Pilates! I had been riding my bike daily up until a few days ago, but recently the weather has taken a sharp turn for the bone cold damp; very wet, and riding a bike through that kind of thickness can be a buzz kill. Anyway, I'm eager to get back to Bikram's and explore other types of exercise now that I have a nice big room again.

A friend and I were having a conversation this afternoon about the concept of needing to heal oneself before being in a position to heal and/or help another. This seems to be the basic philosophy of certain spiritual schools of thought. We see in social work and medicine, however, that often the person in a position of authority is often in just as bad shape as those he or she is trying to help, which can be troublesome when one contemplates what one might term 'the ideal'. However, that's not to say an overweight doctor with heart issues can't care for his patients satisfactorily. Indeed, he can.

My friend expressed concern that it is often being on something of a troubled state that gets people interested in other people and THEIR problems, and in this way a person that doesn't have their shit completely together might make for a better helper. Balanced, stable, fully realized human beings, on the other hand, potentially lose that drive to really get their hands dirty in the quest to make a difference in peoples' lives.

This got me thinking about a small section I read recently in Shakti Gawain's "Creative Visualization." In it, she writes, "...human nature is basically loving, and so most of us will not allow ourselves to have what we want as long as we believe that we might be depriving others in order to do so."

First of all, what a breath of fresh air it is to think about our species in such a positive light. I honestly feel that it has been beaten into us that the lot of us are intrinsically selfish, self-serving, thoughtless, entitled, greedy, etc and on and on about how awful we are to ourselves, each other, the planet, and even the universe if you get to the level of vibes!

But that's not the point. The point is, the idea that sometimes we feel that if we got the life we truly wanted, the one we almost don't even dare dream about it's so sacred, that would somehow have a detrimental effect on everyone else.

I must admit that on a deep, subconscious level, this belief or something like it exists in me, even though in my waking conscious state I would deny that a person need limit themselves in any way.

2 tennis balls...

Underneath my bum. That's what I'm going to lie on top of here for about 10 minutes. Apparently they kill, but alao end up feeling amazing. We'll see. Report to come!

Burnout

I used to think that selfishness was one of the worst qualities a person could have. I would put myself out to no end trying to please everyone, and going above and beyond what was expected, even when it was totally unnecessary, was a standard I held not only for myself, but for the other people in my life, too. Now I think that understanding how & why to be selfish is perhaps the most vital lesson a person gets in this lifetime.
Who on earth decided it was ever right to put someone else's needs before one's own? I agree that sometimes this is a kind and appropriate course of action, but not as a rule. And certainly not as a defining role in any relationship. Only after a thorough evaluation of a given situation. The same goes for doing anything - anything at all - solely because someone else wants you to, and not because you yourself want to, and have decided as a free agent that you really think it's the right thing for you to do. If this other person is your boss, well, that's another story. But when you are free to choose, and you choose what you don't want, in the name of pleasing a loved one, or because you feel obligated for any reason, or because you fear some other negative consequence of your action, well, that's a much trickier & riskier endeavour than I'd ever previously imagined.
Why? Because it leads to burnout. I threw that word around the same as everyone else until my cousin, a clinical social worker, defined it for me in technical terms, saying that when you burn yourself out in a relationship, or the other person burns you out, or the situation burns you out through no one's fault, directly, you reach a state where it is impossible for you to care. To me, that's very serious business, and I have always felt guilty as hell about having negative thoughts about people or not wanting to see them. But upon reflection, I do believe that when you reach this state of burnout, there's literally nothing you can do to remedy it. You must remove yourself from the situation, and hopefully only temporarily. Otherwise you'll find yourself in a ceaseless state of stress and distress, terminally dissatisfied with your life as well as your relationships. This is how people live their entire lives, and I think that learning the right way to be selfish, to understand the sheer necessity of putting your own needs first to the exclusion of major players in your life (as in "you are not meeting my needs in this relationship - shape up or SHIP OUT"), is the only way out of this mess.
One of (many) reasons I'm reluctant to join the cast of motherhood is because I feel it's often a one-way ticket to burnout. I don't think it has to be that way, but in a society where the middle class cannot afford nannies (or anything, actually), and women must work as well as be primary childrearers, and are often isolated from their friends, peers, and key family members, I would have to say that burnout is the norm.
This is not to say all moms (and dads) stop caring about their children: of course not. Though some do. But care in other areas, such as care about one's own role as person on this planet separate from relationship, care about the world, care about the appearance, care about one's own basic human needs -- many, many things take a backseat, sometimes permanently. We call this "growing up". We call this real life. I call it insidious.
When I figure out a solution to this conundrum (and I'm sure that every parent I know living their own version of burnout would love nothing more than to give me really good advice on this issue despite the fact that they're the living example of what I've just described in general terms), I will consider being a little less selfish with my life!

The Mirror Technique and Others

I have just ended a period of five days of cleansing. I realize a lot of people have a negative opinion about fasts and cleanses. Well, that's their business.
But one might consider that for health & spiritual reasons, fasting has been practiced for thousands of years, throughout different traditions. Can one really state that there could not possibly be any benefit?

More than anything else, this experience had me questioning my relationship to food. It is one thing to try to appreciate food, to try to realize that using food as a comfort and replacement for emotional fulfillment is in some sense an abuse, and to try to stop it. However, to fast is to know these things. So much clarity can be gained through the temporary elimination of food.

Focus

Focusing the mind was something I hardly even paid attention to in the early stages. I mean, in the early early stages, going into the most basic of postures and balances was so challenging for me that I couldn't help but not let my mind wander! I really had to concentrate very hard on doing everything even remotely right. But once I sorta got the hang of it, yoga became a place where I could think long and hard about basically everything: what I was doing in school, the ups and downs of my various relationships, what I happened to be worried about, some event that had happened that day or recently that was still bugging me -- etc. etc.
I was semi-aware somewhere in the back pf my mind that attempting to control the random thoughts that flash in and out at lightning speed might be a good idea. But sometimes when it comes to things you know you're not supposed to do, there's that one thing that you decide early on that you are going to do despite it all. (I am an expert at this at work. I suppose that somehow it has lodged into my belief system that certain rules simply don't apply to me! This calls for further reflection.) Anyway, that's how I long regarded the advice to leave cares and concerns at the door : I wasn't leaving my cares or concerns anywhere! In fact, I was going to use this 70 or 90 minute block of time to focus randomly and often from a negative angle on each and every one of them!

These days, I have come to realize, much as I stated yesterday that worrying is the worst thing I can do for my health, that nothing exhausts me more thoroughly than the monkey mind. For this reason, and a few others, I am growing a slow, steasy appreciation and respect for the cultivation of stillness of the mind. Focus. Concentration, the emptying of thoughts. Letting go.

It's a work in progress! More on this tpoic tomorrow, as well as a cool technique for improving concentration.

Stress & Health

The other day I wrote a bit about hip openers, and how double pigeon was my favourite. Well, I've come a long way since then, and I've realized that double pigeon is probably the most intense hip opener there is, and it doesn't make much sense to do it in isolation, unless one really doesn't have time for anything else. Today, I held a standing, high, and low lunge on each side for 30 seconds per stretch. Then I put each of my legs up on the high sink one at a time and stretched again. Then I did the Bikram-style tree on either side. Only then did I do double pigeon; it was so much smoother! The whole routine took me under ten minutes, and my hips and lower back felt really great after.

Relieving tension in my hips is so important to me right now. Doing my own stretches as I feel inclined has become one of the most important parts of keeping myself well.

I am at a point where I can feel very good in my body if I do the right things:  that is, drink enough water, get enough sleep, stretch the right way, do yoga, do other physical activity, and - most importantly - breathe through any and all stressful moments and not allow myself for longer than a split second to tense up. I have realized at the age of 35 that tensing up in stressful moments and/or not taking necessary measures to stay calm is the absolute worst thing I can do for my health. I know this on a deep, intuitive level, and nothing - NOTHING - written in any medical text could ever convince me otherwise. This is why I think it is such bullshit when people cite smoking, alcohol, food, the environment, lifestyle, genetics, bad luck, etc. as the only major factors when illness occurs in the body. Don't get me wrong, these things are all significant. But what could matter more than when stress and fear instead of fulfillment and happiness overtake the body?

Nothing!

One more thing I have to say on this topic that is really important, and I feel that I am something of an authority on the subject because I am quite prone to stress and fear and methods of coping, is that the big New Age 3: yoga, meditation, and positive thinking, DO help ... But ultimately, there's something far more important: figuring out how you really feel, who you really are, and expressing that 100% no holds barred.

 I read a very important message from a man who's been teaching yoga for over 40 years: (Tony Crisp - google him, he's got some amazing stuff on his website): he says that these 3 activties can actually maek a person worse, because if there are real things in your life, from your past or that are happening right now, or what have you, that are causing you to experience negative emotion, and you use say, positive thinking, to help you feel better, what you could actually be doing is pushing a reaction that needs to be expressed into your subconscious, where it is liable to rot and poison you. This resonated as very, very significant to me, because recently I've been unearthing a lot of memories from my younger years that I've been feeling quite upset about. For many years, I've told myself to forgive and forget, to let the past go, and thoughts like that, and it does work. I'm not even saying that I don't want to think like that anymore, but I am concerned that this way of thinking does not actually heal the hurt. It goes on hurting beneath the surface. Similarly, you can feel glorious and relaxed for fleeting instances during meditation, and certainly relaxed and grand physically after a yoga class, but these are temporary states that don't necessarily lead a person directly to a satisfactory level of being. And then you look around and see your life is basically perfect, but you can't figure out why for the life of you, that deep happiness that you've caught in glimpses and glimmers, is totally out of reach, and a lack of satisfaction, of fulfillment, continues to prevail. The power of the subconscious!

I do believe that there are good and effective ways of bringing negative emotions, stored hurts, and painful memories, to the surface, and facing them properly and perhaps neutralizing them, and I think that yoga, meditation, and positive thinking can be wonderfully beneficial as part of that process. But I'm not sure about the right way to do that yet. Tony Crisp says these practices can be seen as suppressing our true inclinations, of controlling ourselves, and that this can have consequences in the form of paranoia, phobias, depression, etc. I had never looked at it that way before, but as I said, it does resonate with me. I certainly think there's something to be said for sitting in your room alone and doing your own little yoga/dance/meditation/stretching/crying/ laughing/taking a short nap when you want to routine!

Just some food for thought.

Flexibility

Mine comes and goes, especially my hamstrings. Did I say I had tight hips? I meant hamstrings!
I meant ... shoulders.
I meant ... spine. Can one even have a "tight" spine?
If there's anything on the body that can be tight, I've got that body part, and believe me, it's tight!

I took a visit to Science World this summer and there was this 'touch your toes' measure of flexibility thingy where you sit back against a little metal backrest, and then reach forward real quick and touch, to see how many centimetres forward you can reach. For my age category, it said my flexibility was a bit better than average, I think. In the world of yoga, that doesn't translate as all that impressive. I don't remember if my flexibility was at peak form on that day or not, but my hamstrings are very touch and go. Most times, if I take class first thing in the morning, I won't be able to touch my toes, at least not without a class worth of stretching. Looking around the room sometimes, I marvel at how open the young yoginis are. I feel you can really tell who has had a long history of bending their body, and it leaves me feeling rather regretful that I wasn't able to pursue something marvellous such as gymnastics or ballet as a child, some form of dance (or anything at all, really). Instead, I'm stuck with a body that really do much besides walk until the age of 24! Seriously. I realize that I'm better off than a lot of people, and I'm thankful towards myself and grateful for my natural physiology, but... One interesting thing is that one of our yoga teachers has told me repeatedly that I am very flexible naturally, but it would seem in areas of my body that aren't as obvious, such as my knees. What does it even mean to have knee flexibility? Great?!

Anyway, speaking of teachers, it really can hard when I've been practicing for such a long time, and feeling like if they see me on one of my off days, and I feel that well, they're going to think that I don't have a very impressive practice. And, if only they'd seen me practicing two nights ago! Then they would easily be able to see how hard I work in yoga! I know it sounds silly as heck, but someone's gotta say it. I don't buy into it when teachers go on and on about it not being a competition, and not to judge yourself, etc. I just find it annoying, and not helpful at all. I wish they would just acknowledge that sometimes it IS a freaking competition and it's not as easy as 1-2-3 to let that go in your mind. Besides, easy for people with a beautiful practice to say. I mean, I absolutely, 100% agree that one should go easy on oneself and be satisfied with one's best, no matter what that is, it's just that one can't very well be expected to say to oneself "Stop caring" and be done with it. Just as anyone loves a compliment, we also tend to take it personally when one of our goofs are observed. It's the basic psychology that drives the human race towards constant betterment. Without this psychological factor, we honestly wouldn't be able to make progress in our various endeavours.

Anyway, it doesn't happen all the time that I get bummed out if I'm having an off class. Some days I'm more tender and vulnerable. Others I actually don't give a shit. The whole world can see me sitting on my mat, or giving what appears to be bare minimum effort, but what is genuinely my very best at that moment.

Great Hip Opener

One thing that I must say about the Bikram yoga program is that although there are quite a few hip openers, it's simply not enough for my tight hips. Some people carry tension in their hips; I, on the other hand, positively wedge every single worry, fear, and stress I've ever had deep into my hip sockets! Postures like Tree & Wind-removing pose feel great, but they end too soon. In addition, I suppose I still haven't figured out precisely what adjustments I should be making or where I really need to hold back a bit, but the series itself, if I practice as often as I like to, (every other day) continues to aggravate my sacrum area & lower back on and off, and I feel this may either result in or be a result of toght hips.

I tend to forget completely about hip openers until I'm writhimg on the floor in pain (well, almost), which is to say I'll do a routine for a while and then just forget about it completely, probably because my body starts to feel good again so sunconsciously I feel like I don't need it anymore.

Anyway, In order for me to get the relief I seek, I have a couple of standby's that really make a difference and provide me enormous relief. I'll start with the most effective hip opener I've ever tried, and then go on from there:

Double Pigeon

This involves bending one leg in front of you at a 90 degree angle, so that your calf is straight & directly in front of your body., and then stacking the other leg on top of it. Hold for 30 seconds to 5 minutes, and then switch which leg is on top. If possible, bend forward and try to drap your upper torso over the legs.

Sometimes this is such a release and a relief for me that I almost cry or at the very least, bizarre moans & cries escape my lips. It's pretty powerful, and very effective. I'd somehow forgotten about this stretch for months, but recently started doing it again a few times a day, and it feels fantastic. My hips feels a lot more open and tension free. It has an effect on the emotional well-being also, which is really important.

Genuine Feelings

I pondered today what I'd written yesterday evening about alcohol-free living, and realized that I might not have properly emphasized my ultimate goal in all of this, which is to realize happiness from within! And also, to focus my energies on finding states / situations that provide me much higher levels of fulfillment and satisfaction than the rather false sense of those things that drugs and alcohol (and to some degree, food and other addictive substances & activities) can provide.

Anyway! I am trying to write daily on this blog.

So, I made the realization today that when you perceive that a person likes you, you'll forgive them for things you might not otherwise. What allowed me this thought was observing my current boss during a staff meeting this afternoon, and noting that she was actually quite similar in her approach to the job as a boss I'd had a few years back. The thing is, I like my current boss a lot, whereas my previous boss was the ultimate reason I quit that job. Primarily, I felt that I didn't like the way she handled her administrative role and that side of things within our workplace. Also, I always felt this undercurrent of mild disapproval when we interacted with each other, like she didn't like the way I did my work. Because I was not willing to change, this caused a bit of a clash between us. This type of employee/boss relationship might have been sustainable for someone else, but I don't deal well with criticism or visible disapproval of any kind. It's a real challenge for me, especially at work, of course, and I'm often worried in different situations that I'm going to "get into trouble." I seem to have this need to feel like I've done everything perfectly and that I am perfectly approved of, or at least that it seem that way. (Something I'm working on.)

Anyway, my current boss hasn't really been given the chance to see my downfalls on the job, (for instance, my tendencies towards being wildly disorganized!) as I'm quite new on this contract, and so far have been on my best behaviour. Not only that, I should say, but I am rather competent and likeable in general, and in what I do for work, thankfully. At work, I generally expect that people like me and approve of me, although naturally that isn't always the case, and I accept that. I just try to avoid those people when I can, which is hard to do when they're your boss! Generally I have always liked bosses that trust that you can do your job properly and just leave you alone. That being said, at the other school I work for, I am almost completely left alone, to the point where I feel unsupported; and actually, I have come to realize, I don't like that, either. A boss that can find a good balance in this regard is quite valuable indeed, I would say!

So, I am trying to sincerely figure out whether I genuinely like this girl or not - I think that I do, but I couldn't help but notice that her approach to the job is very similar to my previous boss's. I suppose is what got me thinking down this line. There's also the fact that she clearly likes me, and has been willing to do things to help me. Anyway, I guess I'd just like to take this chance to set my intention up to like her for being her, and not mainly because she approves of me or can help me out!

Lifestyle Adjusts

At this time in my life, I am choosing to abstain from drinking any alcohol. Alcohol makes me feel bad physically -- this is my most basic answer for why. If I have more than a couple of drinks, more than a couple of times a week, for an extended period of time, I am prone to more than just a hangover. I feel pain in my body. I get rashes. I get down in the dumps. I feel unwell.

This is not the first time I've taken a complete break, but this has been the longest, and as week after week goes by (not to mention weekend after weekend) I feel more and more like I might be making a permanent change to my way of living. I'm not saying that beer or wine or anything else will never touch my lips again.. But I believe that if and when I do go back, it will be from a different angle, a new perspective. I have made some important realizations about the role of alcohol in our society, and in the lives of those around me, and it's become clear to me that I have been ready for a major change in my lifestyle for a long time now.

I think that one's relationship to alcohol is a very personal thing, and would say more or less that alcohol is not a very big deal to many people. I wouldn't necessarily classify this according to how much or how often a person drinks, but more in terms of how attached they are to drinking. A person who might go weeks and weeks without a drink and barely notice would be someone like this, even if over another period of time during that same year, they actually drank quite a lot.
I have never really been this type of person. It has become easier and easier for me to drink less as I've gotten older, that is per night and also nights per week/month (thank God), but there were still many nights - this year, even! - where I went way overboard.

Healthwise, that is not great, and I think that we all know that, but that's not even what concerns me about my own relationship to alcohol, in retrospect. More insidious than amount or frequency is the realization that many times, during a stressful day at work, or boring week night at home, I would find myself really looking forward to some event coming up like a party, dinner, or get-together. In my mind I would sort of be saying, "It's all right, you'll get through this, and pretty soon you'll be out having a good time and all will be well again." That is normal enough, isn't it? I think that is the way a lot of us think. However, during the past few months I have not been drinking at all, and I find that I don't look forward to social events NEARLY as much. At first I thought that this was merely part of a period of adjustment that I was making, but truthfully, it hasn't gotten any better. And I've come to the point where I must be honest with myself and admit that the bulk of my social life and social connections consisted of people and events that aren't much worth looking forward to without alcohol. For me, this is terribly significant, and it's caused me to re-evaluate ALL of my relationships, and in fact the structure of my entire life, and what I believe makes me happy.

During this time, certain friends of mine have almost completely dropped off my radar. I don't even think of these people anymore. Other people like co-workers and acquaintances, and peoples' partners that I've never cared for - well, I wouldn't dream of spending time with anyone I don't like unless I absolutely had to. Afterwork invitations to a pub and dinners at expensive restaurants where I don't particularly care for the food? Not a chance. It sounds crazy, but I feel like it has only been over the past few months that I have really even been able to properly get in touch with what I like doing and who I like being around! How could I have not been clear on these important issues?!

The way I'm making it sound, one would think all I ever did was throw back drinks, but that honestly wasn't the case. It's just that drinking alcohol is so pleasurable for me (at least some of the time) that it has had me saying yes to all kinds of situations and activities that I wouldn't really find all that enticing, and also -- the way I got through situations that I didn't find particularly fulfilling or enjoyable was by placing my awareness in the future, at some up and coming fun time when I would be drinking, or relaxing at home by myself, which has always been the most pleasurable thing I can think of. But one can't spend all of their time in isolation.

Oh, man.

Anyway, the bottom line is, this experiment of mine is at the very least opening up doors for different kinds of activities, such as qigong, meditations & spiritual groups, and open water winter swimming, as well as new friendships, and new friendship dynamics. I've got to admit, I still don't find life as fun and pleasurable without the aid of alcohol, but I see that as everything BUT a reason to get back off the wagon. I see this as a chance to get to know myself better, to see who and what really makes me tick, and to find that pleasure and enjoyment within myself. I think some people go a lifetime without ever fully engaging themselves. That's not what I want for my life.

List Tips

Random Bikram Yoga Tips:

1. Try to focus and stand still between postures. Sometimes I catch a glimpse or feel the energy of a person near me and they seem like someone waiting at a bus stop or in line at Starbucks in between postures. Do try to stand still and breathe evenly during the rest period! It makes a difference.

2.  Try your best. There is a fine line between pushing yourself too far and selling yourself short. I have been walking that line for a while now, and I know mine pretty well. I think that a lot of people, even those who have been coming for years, have no concept of what they are actually capable of. You can always do more than you think you can do.

3. Don't kick out on a bent knee during Standing Head to Knee. One line of dialogue that bugs me is "As a beginner..." Um, define beginner. Some people will never be able to kick out, at least not every class, at least without personal coaching. I see so many people kicking out on a bent knee despite the fact that you are told repeatedly not to. Something needs to be done about this.

4. Know that each and every time you do things "your way" and not as you're instructed, you are risking real and lasting injury. It is never worth it. 

5. You cannot wrench yourself into posture further than your current level of flexibility will allow, without serious consequences that would at best negate the positive effects of maintaining the practice in the first place, or worse, a ghastly injury. Balance!

6. Don't wipe your sweat. What on earth would you do that for? What an interference to your practice. This just seems absurd to me now.

7. Don't give your yoga clothes a quick rinse (as opposed to a proper wash) in the shower and then just wear them again the next class. This omits a bad odor into the room and it's unpleasant.

8. Try (if your schedule allows, which mine often hasn't) to get there early and relax before the class starts. Go in slow, not rushed. A yoga teacher from a different school advised me that doing pranayama breathing before postures is considered a bad idea because whatever state you're in at the time you do pranayama breathing, it will become magnified. By the reasoning of this school of yoga, at least 7 postures should be performed before any breathing exercise. I can see some truth to this. It's food for thought, anyway.

9. Just because you did yoga doesn't mean you can pig out, especially if weightloss is a goal. In fact, if weightloss is your primary goal, I would not increase caloric intake on your practice days AT ALL.

10. A teacher once told me that as you progress in your practice, which teacher is leading the class will matter less and less. I have mixed feelings on this. I really do think that some teachers are so bad or difficult to be near, there is the possibility that unless you are capable of advanced states of focus, they can truly rob you of your peace. There are teachers whose classes I just won't take, even if that's the only class I can fit into my schedule that day. That's just how I feel at this time in my life. Anyway, the bottom line is that classes are expensive and you should enjoy yourself, so don't try to convince yourself you like someone you just don't jive with. Know that great teachers are out there, probably at your studio, and for some people, they make all the difference in the world.

Peace~

Teaching. Learning. Life.

Well, it's been a little while, but I'm still holding my own over at my local Bikram yoga studio (actually, not my local studio! I drive half an hour to go to my favourite one, my home studio near my mom and dad's house, and more on that in a later blog) and my practice has grown more magnificent, stronger than ever before. I'm very pleased about this, not to mention proud of myself, and ever-enamoured of the power and simplicity of this extraordinary sequence of postures done in the heated room.

But in terms of talking about the yoga, here at this blog, specifically, I think what I've really got to do if I'm ever going to be successful is just stop censoring myself in terms of what I say/critique, stop being concerned about who I might offend, and let open the flood gates! Hatha yoga, the practice itself, is a dialogue between the physical body and God, one might say, if one were spiritually or religiously inclined, though one needn't be to practice, of course. I once heard a yoga teacher say it was a 'dance for God', which I found very touching. So, there is a sense in which one may not speak of it at all. There are many aspects of my spiritual development, and my growth as a human being, that are simply impossible to put into words, and I accept the necessity of that condition of our humanity. However, we are creatures blessed with a voice, and a major part of our experience here on planet Earth is verbally reviewing and recording what happens, through conversation, reflection, the written word, etc. So, I must be honest now. I am 35 years old, and I am allowed to say how I really feel without fear of punishment. For goodness' sake!  

I'd like to start by saying that throughout my exploration of what is true in this world, what is worth knowing, I have long had a distrust of teachers. Why? Well, it all began in elementary school, where I observed the squelching of children's natural talents and inclinations, alongside the enforcement of some very silly rules and methods of doing things, and felt from a very young age that there was just this element of foolishness that went against the natural order of things. I also thought long and hard about why I disliked each teacher at my school - and unfortunately, I disliked all of them - and it was a long journey admitting in my heart that it wasn't just a cliche to 'hate your teacher', that my concerns - as a child and now as an adult - were legitimate, and that there were actually reasons why these people were not cut out for the job. Let me explore this for a moment.

Most importantly, the major problem is that there are teachers and people in charge in this world that are mean-spirited. Cruel. Sadistic. Teachers that take obvious joy in embarrassing and shaming children for any reason they happen to fancy at the moment, teachers that belittle students and deliberately make them feel that they were worthless, or beyond hope, and teachers that regularly and easily lose their temper, scream and yell, and even throw things across the room. Not to be dramatic, but at my elementary school back in the 80s, this was just the tip of the iceberg, and I'm sure many can relate - well, this is what millions of adults witnessed on a daily basis throughout our elementary school years, and now we have a billion dollar industry trying to figure out why we struggle so much. How could we turn a blind eye to the practice of allowing mean-spirited people to teach at elementary schools? This is simply baffling to me, and who can argue that this has absolutely been the case, possibly at most elementary schools throughout history, even? It is no wonder to me that the most recent generations of parents have become so 'problematic' for teachers. I understand that sometimes parents (with all of their faults and poor parenting skills) cannot accept that their children have ever done anything wrong, and may be overly inclined to blame the teacher or the school. I also know from firsthand experience that some kids just exhibit difficult behaviour (that is to put it nicely) for no discernible reason, or at least no reason that can be helped, such as divorce, or a move, etc. But it is plain to see that people who have been adults for a long time do not forget the shitty aspects of our schooldays, and when I think of someone talking to my little niece the way I was spoken to, I feel something protective inside of me being triggered that has the potential to rip this universe another black hole. Even my grandparents remembered vividly going through even worse (much worse, actually), and I don't doubt that part of the reason many in this world are disinclined towards higher education is because of horrible teachers.

What a crime. Seriously. If you teach children in any capacity, please take a moment to respect the enormity of your responsibility. Accept the reality that being unfair even ONE time, for one decision, has the potential to etch itself in the heart and memory of a precious child until their last day on this planet. You have that kind of power. Use it as you will.

Next were teachers, as well as administrative staff, who were not necessarily mean-spirited, but definitely didn't like children, or may have at one time, but were burned out. (I can sympathize with the spirit-crushing condition of burnout, and realize as an adult that workers in myriad fields have to suffer through this phenomenon with no viable recourse available to them, but that's another topic.) Intermingled among the meanies and the haters, there were the teachers who were just not very smart. I recall on many an occasion, sitting there in my desk, a B/C student, easily able to recognize the gaps in their knowledge - and feeling slighted for it! Finally, the least offensive of all, but still not the key ingredient in fond memories, were the teachers were who I just didn't like for personal reasons: the dull, the abrasive, the obtuse. Good riddance to you all! I thought. But now, over 20 years on, I appreciate the impact that these people have had on who I am and how I view the world, and most importantly, just how valuable a good teacher really is. Which is the topic of this blog.

I should say for anyone that may be pitying me now, that despite the shenanigans of this group of wayward adults, who essentially raised me from the ages of 4-12, I still had a good time, and I would say overall that my experience at elementary school was quite positive. It just took a long period of recovery to realize that learning could actually be worthwhile, given the right material, presented in the right way, by the right teacher. (For this reason, I give the lot of them a gigantic F! Or at best a C-) Anyway, I got glimpses of what learning COULD be during high school, but to be honest,  the situation there wasn't much better. The major problem for me with high school was the material being taught, the method of teaching (sanctioned by the government, the universities that trained these individuals, the institution of education itself, and whatever other powers that be). And, as is the case in many average Catholic schools, most of the teachers at my high school were just ok. I have always been an enthusiastic person, bright, and very curious, yet I spent the vast majority of time in those desks utterly uninspired. Bored. Distracted. Annoyed. Very few of my teachers recognized my potential for what it really was, and I was told repeatedly that it was ME, that my attitude and performance were strictly a result of me being a bad student, or even a dumb person. I truly believed that for many years. In fact, it became a key component of my identity.

Holy crap. What a lie!

So, for quite a long time, and even up until now, most of my learning has come from books, and from life experience itself. I have been practicing yoga and exploring philosophy (my university major, and don't even get me started on what a bore that was, even though I chose that subject specifically as it was literally the only thing that really piqued my interest) for many years now, but I am still unable to adequately manage my stress, and achieve the level of success I know that I am capable of. This is not for lack of trying. Something is missing, and I truly believe that a lack of guidance is a factor.

Thus, my desire for a real, living teacher has reached a zenith as of late. I'm tired of reading books. Books are a modern invention. Teachers, leaders, elders ... they're as old as humanity itself. Do you have any idea how many books I've read in my life? I know so much on certain topics that I can't even find anyone on my same level of knowledge to have a conversation with. I have to put an ad on craigslist and join Meet-up, and still I can't find anybody! In fact, my brain is so full of facts that I have had to put a halt on learning from books, and instead have imposed a rule of mandatory, daily TV, which I never did in the past. That's right: I am doing the opposite of trying to cut back on TV.
I don't think this is the only way to relax my mind and enjoy myself when I'm alone, but this is something that has been working very well for me for about three weeks, so I have no plan of stopping anytime soon.

Anyway, how does all of this relate to yoga? Well, the truth of the matter is, I love what yoga has done for my health and for my mind, but I am still stressed out and my back has not yet healed completely. I want a real, live teacher. I feel there's more, much more to all of this, and I can only grasp it in glimpses and glimmers. Some say that what I am looking for can only be derived through meditation; however, I am not satisfied with what I have been able to glean so far on the proper way to meditate. So I'll say it again: I want a teacher. A teacher I can trust.

Also, I am tired of being annoyed so frequently; I try to be open, accepting, respectful, give people the benefit of the doubt, etc, but I am reaching my limit for the fools spouting nonsense I encounter in the modern, western world of yoga. That is actually what brought me to Bikram yoga in the first place: I actually DO trust Bikram's system, and I am indebted to him for establishing his yoga franchise, which has ensured that the timed sequence of his series in the hot room has not been altered to its complete detriment. Around the world, thousands of people are increasing their vitality through this practice, and I am among them. I deeply appreciate the no-nonsense factor, and how could there be a shred of doubt in my mind that this practice (when carried out PROPERLY) promotes health and vitality, when I have over a thousand classes under my belt to solidify my stance on this issue? I certainly don't need a double-blind, peer reviewed study to tell me that this stuff works! (For the record, I don't give the tiniest shit about almost anything that science reports on health: virtually everything that modern science tells us through their "studies" regarding healthy living could have been easily confirmed by people living thousands of years ago, or uneducated villagers the world over, if you don't have a time machine. For me, modern science is an excellent example of bad teaching, and I am prepared to back that up logically.)

To get back on topic: after 7 and a half years of careful observation, it is my opinion that even this precious system of Bikram Yoga © is indeed being tainted by fools. Not only that, but from the stories I've heard, Bikram himself seems to be suffering from a kind of mental disorder, a sort of 'east meets west' syndrome. With these factors present, the system is perpetuated, and new teachers are trained sufficiently, but a sickness pervades it all, and I find it disturbing. It needs to be shaken up in a big way, because this is clearly not the same man or the same practice as it was when it was first put into motion. Thankfully, there are many fine studio owners, teachers, and practitioners keeping its vital essence alive, but there's a lot wrong here, and a new aim of this blog is to call attention to it. Because it's wrong, and the people of this Earth in 2013 need some serious guidance. I am a teacher, too, (not a yoga teacher by training, mind you) and I'm not perfect, but I am a critical thinker and I have a lot of experience. I'm just going to do my part here. Take what you can.

Meanwhile, I am also ready for my teacher, a real person to guide me through physical, spiritual practice and development, in order to sustain a healthy body and mind, well into old age. I don't know if I can find this in the world of yoga, as it is available to me, and I know I can't find it through books, or personal practice alone. I am currently exploring the world of Chinese medicine, as well as religious and spiritual practice that is Western in origin, and I would like to incorporate some of these learnings into the blog as well.

Join me, why don't you!

Day 5 of my Return!

Oh why, oh WHY can't I maintain a regular, yearly, yoga practice??! I push myself until I'm on the verge of collapse, and then I'm MIA for months at a time. Here's to hoping that changes upon getting a fantastic deal at my home studio for a three month unlimited pass. Yay!

Well, it's my 5th class of the season ... technically speaking, since my last Bikram's class prior to the past two weeks occurred on about June 25th, the week after my 50 day challenge, which I successfully completed! I missed three classes in total - one due to not realizing that a class had been cancelled due to some holiday back in May, argh! - which resulted in three doubles crammed into the final week of my challenge. That was pretty tough, if my memory serves me correctly, as one would expect. However, I ended the challenge with a bang, feeling good, strong, energized, flexible, and minus a lot of the back pain I'd experienced throughout the past year, (which I've chronicled in this blog). That was my goal. The last time I'd attempted a challenge (a 60 day challenge), I quit at about Day 40, feeling very low energy and lethargic. I knew not to let any dips or ebbs get me down this time, and I stayed ultra hydrated, rested, and listened to my body about when to take it easy. Towards the end, though, I was going very strong. That being said, I wasn't to be seen again for another two whole months!

As anticipated, I had a very busy summer, working six days a week. A lot of that was spent working as a tour guide, so I was on my feet tons. My program also included a considerable degree of physical activity as we were outdoors most afternoons and all day Saturday. During this time I was biking about 40 minutes to an hour per day, total, and doing a bit of exercise in my living room in the evenings, such as jumping rope, pilates abs exercises (though clearly not enough as my abs are feeling mighty weak these days), and a bit of mild stretching. That was my summer exercise routine in a nutshell. Although my diet included lots of my usual stuff, like oatmeal, nuts, veggies and fruit and a good base, I was snacking a lot and eating stuff like ice cream, cookies, and candy bars. Hot dogs and hamburgers. A consequence of being so busy, and also the monotony of leading groups on trips - it got pretty damn boring, and I frequently felt the need for an edible pick-me-up. By the way, I'm well aware this issue is quite common, and can be nipped in the bud through planning, but unfortunately I found myself hungry and foodless with nothing but convenience stores and fast food joints in the vicinity on several (dozen) occasions! The program required a lot more calories than I'd properly anticipated when packing my regular lunches.

Anyway, summer food, lack of yoga, fatigue, etc. took its toll, and I felt due for a maintenance class far sooner than I actually got my butt to the studio. But here I am, five classes in, feeling better than I have in a very long time!

For this first post, I do want to mention that I am still experiencing lower back issues, though not as intense as the discomfort, pain, & reduced flexibility I had last winter. Still, I have had a reduction in movement that I wanted to address. Yesterday, instead of attending class, I did my own yoga routine, which included postures not featured in Bikram's 26 posture series. Included in my own series was this quick routine that I've been doing on and off for a year or so now:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-PYY_f1is4

All I have to say is, WOWSA! Today's Bikram class (as opposed to the last couple of weeks, prior to doing these types of stretches) was smooth as silk. I felt a big difference.

I got some wonderful advice from Jerome two days ago: set your intention. I've heard and read those words countless times, but what do they really mean? Stop being vague. To me, now, I believe that what one wants can usually be summarized in a sentence, and it's important to speak that sentence out loud and see what happens. I really feel I'm back on the yoga train for the long haul. No challenges (I may never do another challenge), no weeks without practice, no pushing, no avoiding. Listening. Knowing. Realizing. Admitting. Saying OK. I did not heal my back during my challenge, but whatever I did helped. I never said, "I want to heal my back completely." I thought more along the lines of, "I hope this helps. I'm going to do this 50 day challenge and hopefully I start to feel better soon, and hopefully I don't make my back even worse. Then I walked around in flip flops all summer. Well, this time around, I do have a clear intention, and that is to heal my back completely. I don't have any problem with my elbows, do I? No. I don't have a problem with my neck. Some people do have problems with their elbows and their necks and their knees and their ankles, and I don't, and I am grateful. However, I have a problem with my lower back, and my intention is to eradicate that problem. I want my lower back to be like my elbows. I want a pain free spine and a proper (as nature intended it) range of motion for movement and flexibility.

I want a healthy spine, and I will stop at nothing to achieve this goal. There, I've said it! I intend it.

As I've said many times, I love the Bikram series and I would hate to see it altered in ANY way. That's very important, that that never happens. But as an individual, one can clearly see that there are dozens of other postures that exist within the realm of hatha yoga, and some that are not included in Bikram's series might be very well suited to a particular injury. No matter what any teacher, chiropractor, doctor, or fellow back pain sufferer advises me, I see immediately what is helpful and what isn't, in MY body. Someone else could be suffering the exact same symptoms and find something else helpful; I don't know. But if you, like me, suffer the lower back issues and do not find that Bikram yoga is relieving your symptoms to the degree that satisfies you, OR - like me - a daily practice seems as though it is actually aggravating your condition, here are some suggestions:

1. try the video I linked to
2. focus on core strength exercises outside of class, such as pilates
3. keep your stomach sucked in throughout the whole Bikram series. Yes, that means 90 minutes of sucking your stomach in. If that seems too challenging for you, and you have lower back issues, then you absolutely need to work on your core, because that means your core is WEAK. Core strength is imperative when it comes to back health, and if your health care practitioner didn't already tell you that, he or she is a fool.
4. take it easy on ANY forward bend. who cares if you used to be more flexible. Just because your body can't bend to the degree of flexibility it used to, (while all you're thinking is "yoga is supposed to make me more flexible, not less! Yes, I know, but that's life) does not mean you can WRENCH it that way without consequences. this is the stupid, stupid way of thinking i used to be slave to, and yes I want the teacher's verbal praise but you can't always get it- this wrenching I did is probably a factor in my back pain.
5. any advice that the bikram yoga teachers give you should be taken with a liberal sprinkling of salt. I do not know what they learn in that 9 weeks of teacher training, but most of them don't know a lick about the body more than delivering that dialogue. i have been practicing for 7 years, and I have asked many different teachers many different questions. you wouldn't believe the divergent - as well as bad - advice I've been given. It's actually hilarious. (And yes, I've received really good advice as well, and talked to some fantastic, knowledgeable people that I have grown to truly respect and admire.) But is it really a surprise?! Look at the contention between chiropractors and doctors, and experts and specialists of all kinds! Your average 26 year old yoga instructor might know which foods and lifestyle factors keep her slim and trim and chipper, but she knows JACK about your body. Only you do.
6. you can heal your back. I don't know how. But it can be done.

Other kinds of Exercise

Earlier I'd posted about having a belly full of fried shrimp and noodles, and not feeling like going to class. Well, I made it, and it was a good one. I feel much better. Unfortunately it is already time for bed, and only NOW do I feel that good energy running through me.

One trick I've learned for motivating myself, especially if I'm holed up in my bed with my laptop directly in front of me, unable and unwilling to move an inch, except for my fingers tapping away on the keyboard and my eyeballs to the upper right hand corner of the screen to check how much longer until I am ripped from my zone of comfort (forget yoga, this is MY pose!), is a few minutes of cardiovascular exercise. This is also good for when you feel depressed, or sad, or bored, or angry. Just a few minutes - no huge commitment. I recently bought a skipping rope for this purpose; you could also do a few jumping jacks interspersed with push-ups, a couple lunges, jogging on the spot, star jumps, some pilates abs, etc. I tend to stay away from burpees and mountain climbers, as they are made of rotten celery, and should be banned from exercise regimes worldwide. Ugh. But I would mention here that before I had a skipping rope I would sort of skip on the spot as though I had one, ever since one of my crazy will-of-steel students gave me the idea when she told me that she lost a bunch of weight through skipping for something like four hours a day, on the instruction of her professors at the fitness college she attended. Please don't think this is a normal thing to do - this happened in Korea. Actually she permanently injured her feet doing this and developed a severe case of edema - I've seen the black, blue and bloody pictures to prove it and it honestly looks as though she might have had to get her feet amputated (she didn't). Disturbing, yes, (very - especially considering her instructors AND PARENTS encouraged her to continue skipping even after her feet had begun their descent into puffy, bloody bundles of pus, which is one of the reasons they got so bad, the other reason being that, hello, she was skipping for 4 hours a day. She only stopped after she was literally unable to walk and in the freaking hospital) but anyway she remained adamant that jumping rope was the best cardiovascular exercise known to human. So, like I said, I'd been sort of pretending to jump rope without anything in my hands for the better part of a year during my exercise routines, until I broke down and bought a jump rope.

Well holy crap, it's not easy, is it?! Yeah, just slightly harder with the actual rope. Try it. It's not just for kids. (Although if you have a kid, this is also of course a great purchase. Do kids still jump rope? I hope so. The kids at the elementary school I worked at two years ago were reasonably non-adverse to exercise, which was a relief to me.)

Anyway, yes, I began to feel better immediately after I did a bit of cardio, and that also got my stomach rumbling a bit and moving that heavy food through my system.

Now, I should also state that there has been an elephant in the blog, because I have failed to expand upon the fact that the weekend of my cousin's wedding, I missed not one, not two, but THREE classes on my challenge! What is funny is that on the actual day of her wedding, the day I had thought it would be impossible to attend, I made it to class. Friday was insanely busy with the rehearsal and dinner, Sunday was a complete write-off, and then on Monday I didn't realize that because it was a holiday, several of the evening classes were cancelled. (I even made my way to the studio only to be turned around and told to go back home.) So, although this is Day 35 of my 50 Day Challenge, I really have only been to 32 classes, and since the break over that weekend, seven contiguous classes, including today's.

Although having to do three doubles at some point over the next two weeks is going to suck ass (yes, by the way, I am on the home stretch of this challenge with just two measly weeks left!) - I must say that the little break I took there absolutely recharged me. The slate was wiped clean and I like it. Maybe missing only one class would have done the trick, but it happened the way it happened and all I can do now is ensure that I complete the 50 classes by the last day of my Challenge. Heaven forbid - I repeat Heaven. Forbid - I don't complete this challenge after coming this far and spending four years brooding about the fact that I failed to complete my 60 Day Challenge back in 2008. Oh wait, that's practically five years. Yes, well, come hell or high water I will finish this Challenge intact.

I have certainly had my ups and downs over the past month or so, and I do not push to my edge and kill myself every single class, but overall it's been great. I'd say I've had about seven really tough classes in total, where I was pretty useless, red-faced, and limited in what I could do, and the rest have been reasonably strong for the amount that I am going. By no means am I feeling like my body has been overworked or overstretched, or in a weakened condition. I did feel that for a while there when I probably wasn't eating or sleeping enough, but now I am, and I feel like the proverbial Bengal Tiger. My flexibility has improved, my will is strong, I tell my wandering mind what to think and when not to think, and sometimes it even follows my instructions, I have a fair amount of energy, and my overall level of pain in different areas of my body has decreased. I was worried that at this point I'd be in a fragile state. I have still managed to keep off that 5.5 pounds, (which was gained weight - this was not a new loss), but I stress that it is mostly through adjusting my diet and being much more careful about what I'm eating than one might imagine getting 90 minutes plus of exercise daily, but like I've said in the past, my body doesn't seem to consider Bikram Yoga a calorie burning activity. So fucking annoying. And as an addendum to that, with work and my social life, downtime, and of course the two hour commitment to yoga every day, I haven't really done much else in the way of exercise beyond daily commute walking or biking, and little five, ten or twenty minute routines here and there. Not nothing, but not nearly as much as usual. I have this free-weight arms workout that I do every few days because I am concerned about my arms getting more toned. (Same with my abs, but I've been neglecting that as of late.)

I miss other styles of yoga and pilates especially, and the main reason (not the only reason) I'll be happy once this challenge is over is that I'll have the time to start incorporating other forms of exercise into my days, especially at this time of year. I love being outside and moving my body. When I don't feel like doing the typical outdoors activities I will absolutely plop myself down in the middle of a crowded, grassy area and do a full pilates routine, which people find quite weird. (That's actually my favourite, and yes I get lots of looks, and no I don't appear to be any kind of advanced pilates practitioner! I don't give a shit.) I also love to swim and jog at the beach. We really only get two or three months worth of great weather in this city and I will take full advantage of that, alongside a Bikram Yoga practice of about three times a week. I wouldn't want to dip below that after all the progress I've made, but we shall see how it goes.

Namsies. (I have no idea what that means.)

This is What Happens when you Delay Class.

You stuff yourself with chow mein and coconut fried shrimp for dinner and then you lay in bed in a fear coma, reading the WTF section of BuzzFeed, plagued with the legitimate worry that you won't have enough energy or space in your belly to handle class at 8:15 pm, five hours after the class you'd originally planned on going to.
Oh WOE IS ME. Never delay class. Never! No reason is good enough. Just go and then bask in the glory of having gone, having gotten it over with!
Like they say in Standing Head to Knee, don't even think about it, just DO IT. That's exactly like class. Just go. If you start to analyze and fantasize about what 90 minutes in the heat with a stomach full of Chinese food could possibly entail, well ... that's called There Goes my Motivation.

I have told myself not to do this on numerous occasions. At least I am on a challenge so I have to go. If I wasn't I'd be in even worse agony, debating with myself whether to go or not. I know I'll go. I just really don't want to anymore.

Here's an Idea: Don't eat Denny's before Class!

Yesterday for breakfast instead of my usual fruit and/or oatmeal and/or green smoothie I flipped my health the bird and consumed two and a half pieces of buttered toast with pb and jam, one gigantic pancake positively drenched in butter and syrup (and not actual maple syrup, not even close, we're talking high fructose corn syrup delight here), two slices of cardboard turkey bacon which I will never eat again as long as I shall live, and two fried eggs. And coffee.

Um. Whoa. What.

I devoured this monstrosity at about 9:59 am and had planned on attending a 12:15 Bikram yoga class. What was I thinking? Not even close. I hate to be one of these health nuts that acts like any food that is not in its organic, vegan, raw, state might as well be mainly composed of arsenic, but this breakfast really had a negative effect on me. I already knew I was in trouble on the drive home. After having had a full night's sleep and luxurious Saturday morning sleep in, I had to go right back to bed at around 11:30. I literally could not keep my eyes open for long enough to read more than a sentence or two of my book at a time, and drifted in and out of a fitful sleep for about two hours. I barely, barely recovered in time to trudge down to the studio for 2:15 pm class, which was the latest class I could attend as I had plenty of other things to do yesterday, such as move house (!), that I could not attend to as I lay in a Denny's Breakfast Coma wondering how the hell I was going to get through class and then go to a kid's birthday party and then go out for a night on the town and try to find someone to marry me.

My class was not easy. I was very low energy, especially at first, and I had approximately three minor panic attacks during Pranayama Breathing. The high-expectation, eagle-eyed teacher lay off me, thank Godliness, even though I had gone and placed myself right at the mirror to the left of the stage in an effort to motivate myself. I regretted this decision during the first few postures, in a big, big way.

But then, awesomely, something truly funny occurred that caused in me the rumblings of deep, belly laughter one normally does not associate with yoga. Unless it's Laughter Yoga, of course. Anyway, I hadn't laughed as hard as that in a long time, and certainly not during class: our teacher repeatedly did various imitations of the worst type of practitioner kicking out in a wildly unstable way (on a bent knee, of course) during Standing Head to Knee, in order to show us what not to do. I can't really explain why, but it was some of the funniest shit I had ever seen. He made me laugh a few more times during class, which was so refreshing, and gave me the energy I needed for a great floor series despite my comatose beginnings.

In light of this little anecdote about the hilarious, verbose, risk-taking Patrick Chui, I wanted to mention that I am reading Hellbent (click to read reviews on Amazon). As you can see, this book, which was written by a pretty dedicated (yet not without concerns & doubts regarding the practice and the "cult of bikram" in general) Bikram yogi who went to BY teacher training, got some pretty great reader reviews. I haven't finished yet, but I have mixed feelings myself. I will save my commentary for after I am done. The book is really informative and I've been reading it slowly, usually when I don't feel like going to class, because as honest and skeptical a look at the whole circus sideshow that the world of Bikram Yoga that this writer's perspective really IS, it is nonetheless a great motivator. I hear people criticizing this style of yoga almost every day, and I am not without worries myself, so although in many ways the practice does speak for itself and that is all that really matters to me, my interest was piqued when I saw this book.

Anyway, one of the key concepts that the writer hones in on is that Bikram Yoga teacher training does not necessarily aim to churn out good teachers. Well! I feel like this is something I already knew, but to have it spelled out like that, I didn't know whether to be furious or approving. The training program is basically just there to ensure that new teachers memorize the dialogue, and from Bikram's perspective, there is a sense in which that is all that really matters. I do get that. People also say that the longer you practice, the less it matters who is teaching the class.

Personally, I think the quality of Bikram Yoga teachers varies a lot, and for me, it can make a huge difference on those days when I am struggling. Sometimes it absolutely does not, and that is where I see my development as a practitioner and the beauty of the dialogue. There are teachers that just spew out the dialogue without any additions or personal corrections - nothing but straight-up dialogue delivered in an even tone. I had a class like this a few days ago and it was really rather refreshing. (It actually made me think about how a lot of the nonsense teachers babble during class can be annoying and I worry that their shitty opinions are going to tattoo themselves onto my subconscious, because I am so open to receiving their words during my practice.)

But for me, I'm already hooked. The main reason why a "good" teacher is more desirable than a crappy one or a really standard kind of teacher that doesn't stray from the dialogue is that with all the distractions life has to offer and the considerable commitment that maintaining a regular practice requires, studios really need those knockout teachers to provide motivation. Think about how many students drop out and start doing different styles of yoga, or stop doing yoga altogether. This happens by the hundreds! Let's face it, Bikram Yoga is more challenging, it's hotter, it's more intimidating, it's longer, it's more expensive, and the fact that it proclaims itself to take place in a "torture chamber" isn't exactly the selling point that true devotees might imagine it to be! Keeping ordinary students coming is a challenge for any studio, I would imagine. Meanwhile, a single memorable class with a clever, loving teacher could turn a new student into a lifer.

Anyway, I have often lamented the fact that there are so many great intermediate level students that practice regularly that would make excellent teachers, but the majority of these people will never teach. In order for a person to have the desire to be a teacher, the nine weeks available at the specific times of year that the training is offered, and the money to go to training, for all of that to line up, well, that's obviously quite rare and a very special thing. My concern is that spoiled and whimsical young adults who have that kind of free block of time and free access to the bank of mom and dad are somewhat over-represented, and this demographic often (but not always) don't turn out to be the most knowledgeable or motivating. At least not for me.

This being said, I do still believe that we are truly saved by the dialogue and the sequence, and I am eternally grateful that it is copyrighted.

Challenge Ups & Downs

On Day 32 (truly 29) of my 50 day challenge, and it has brought great joys. I pushed myself harder. than. ever. ever. before today and I have a mandatory bath with epsom salts in my very near future!

I have been a lazybones in Half Moon. It's official. I am not sure why. I have it buried deep in my subconscious that Pranayama Breathing, Half Moon with Hands to Feet, and Awkward (the first breathing exercise - actually a posture in my opinion! - and the first two postures) are the hardest part of the class and if I push myself too hard, I could use up all my energy and not go strong for the  rest of the class. In fact we are reassured that the opposite is true. In any case, today I really went for it in Half Moon and it was quite scary, but I felt a bit sheepish afterwards because I realized how much deeper I can stretch my spine to the sides than I usually do.

With my lower back injury or issue or whatever the hell is up with my back I have been strictly pushing myself further than I want to in all of the backbends. God, I used to be lazy. Locked in my comfort zone. Not anymore. (By the way, please don't ever lie to yourself into believing the oft stated untruth that you can't make progress or do as well as you could before because of your age. If you took the 20 year old me and compared it to the 34 year old me, man oh man. You'd know that you really can turn back the clock. You can build a whole new you. I understand that I'm relatively young still. But all the same, I hear people my age and younger complaining about the ill effects of age and time on their bodies on a daily basis. I'm living proof it doesn't have to be that way!)

Anyway back to backbending, I especially love it when I am face to face with the floor during the first backbend and I hear at least three cracks. That happened today and I thought I was gonna die. In a good way. Sometimes, especially in the morning, my spine is like: UH ... NO. Sometimes I look back and that is all I can do: my spine stays stationary. I used to get mad at myself when that happened, as though I'd failed. Now I feel like a scientist doing a study on my own body. It is a fantastic thing to get to know your body as well as you can being a yogi. Before it was like living in a house where you never turned the lights on.

Hands to Feet had been borderline impossible earlier this challenge due to my back pain, especially on the right side. Sciatica, some have said it is. Seriously, after doing yoga for 10 years I found myself unable to touch my toes. Disappointing to say the least, extremely painful at its worst. Anyway, I am really happy to say that I am almost back to normal flexibility after about a month and a half of concentrated effort. One stretch that I have found to be particularly helpful is called "stacking the logs" (google it, obviously) - my cousin, who is a dancer and had also suffered with lower back pain, was recommended this stretch for at least 60 seconds on several each side, times a day. She told me she was very consistent and it made a difference. I do it at least once a day (usually post-final savasana, in the hot room) and like I said, I do have much less pain in my body than I did, say, last January, but that could be due to a number of factors. I do stretch in the evenings as well, a lot of hip openers like pigeon pose and the type of stretching for the splits and to ease pressure on the lower back. But I must say, when I didn't do my "stack the logs" for a few days there and then I attempted to do the stretch one day when my body was totally cold, my lower back started twitching and I couldn't believe how tight I was, and what a relief it was to stretch that way. So yes, it's a good one. Stretching is just so vital to a good feeling in the body, isn't it?

There is a girl at my school in a wheelchair, and I was looking at her one day and thinking about all the stretches I would do if I ever had to be in a wheelchair. I got pretty deep into this fantasy. I don't anticipate that being the case for me, of course! Heaven forbid. But goes to show how "into" stretching I am!

My most challenging pose when it comes right down to it continues to be Standing Head to knee, or in my case, Standing. Problem number one, of course, is that I cannot fully kick either of my legs out, let alone get my head to my knee, and it's not due to not being able to lock my knee. I can lock my knee for the full sixty seconds. I just can't stretch my leg out. Also, for the past seven years I have been duckfeeting it, (and I know that I do it, it's just that I feel wildly out of alignment when I don't tilt my standing leg's foot out to the side) and I was finally properly called out on this, by one of the teachers whose class I take regularly, and who is a medical doctor. She told me to talk to her after class, and explained to me that I have a lot of flexibility in my knee (I didn't even know that one's knee could be flexible or inflexible) and have not developed the necessary muscles in my inner thigh and buttocks, that my flexible knee is taking all the weight of the posture, and feeling the need to spread my feet was actually compensation. She went on to say that 'lock the knee' actually means lock the inner and outer thigh, the buttock, and the hip - it's all got to lock solid. Well, I didn't know that, did I? She said it could take another 20 or 25 classes, but that I had to re-align in that posture and build up strength in other areas. And, of course, be sure that my standing foot is pointing straight towards the mirror. Then I can start thinking about kicking out. Seven years, people, and this is where I am. My friend Genieve could lock her knee and kick out straight on her very first Bikram yoga class, which was also her very first yoga class. I couldn't believe it. Mind you, I've seen some people there for years and they're still kicking out on a bent knee, which is probably the worst thing you could do (and I never did that, thankfully). Don't do that! Be patient. I'm glad I know exactly what I have to do now. If you're not where you want to be in a posture, there is nothing you can do to force that. You just have to keep trucking, day by day, and do the posture the right way. I can tell you that a tiny bit of progress is actually very significant. If there's one thing I can say after having gained the amount of experience that I now have with this yoga practice, it's that there really are no shortcuts. Doing the posture the wrong way in order to go deeper (or appear to be going deeper) is absolutely the essence of counter-productivity in terms of building a yoga practice. It's an illusion. I've done it. Don't.

Well, that's my update for now. I had a very weak week back there somewhere, I think two weeks back, and it didn't help matters that I was trying to diet for the first thirty days of this challenge! I am eating well, hydrating, taking vitamin C and chlorella, green smoothies, lots of fruit, big bowls of oatmeal, and as much sleep as I can squeeze in. I'm going for it! Day 32 and feeling very strong.

Day 22

Today I thought long and hard about my priorities and what I truly want out of life. I came to the realization that although I have thought I had been living authentically, I haven't been, not completely. And the truth is, in my estimation, that not living completely authentically is not living authentically at all.

I really get discouraged and disturbed when I bear witness to (and realize I'm a part of) the bullshit way we communicate with one another as a society. We feel annoyance, resentment, and genuine anger towards the people in our lives, yet we don't tell these people how we really feel. Instead we bottle it up and let it linger, fester, build up, our only relief being complaining to others' behind their backs, or letting them "have it"in tiny jabs and brisk comments. It's so fucking stupid. I used to be considered very argumentative and at times hard to get along with, (rarely, of course, with acquaintances and strangers, only with the people closest to me, and of those people, only some of them), and after enough people complained about the same thing, I did adjust my level of reactiveness. I'm glad I did. I am not saying I want to return to arguing with people. But at the opposite end of the spectrum now, I do think it's unloving and disingenuous to just let everything go all the time. Why? Because we're not really letting it go. In some recess of our brains, we are "keeping track". And I think it's damaging. It hurts our relationship with our higher selves, and damages and makes superficial our relationships with other people. I just don't want to live like that anymore. I DO have serious issues
with and concerns about some people in my life, for them as individuals as well as in terms of our relationship, and I don't believe that I can keep living as though this isn't the truth.

Today I made the decision that I would be very upfront and honest about the direction one of my oldest (active) friendships has taken. I have been enabling what I consider to be destructive behavioural patterns for so long. Why? Out of fear. Fear that once I started being truly authentic and honest about how disappointing I find our relationship to be, I wouldn't be able to stop, and years of resentment would come tumbling out. And that she would be mad at me, or not face me anymore. One of my biggest fears - and this is truly my ego speaking - is that my truth will be so devastating to a person that it will turn their lives upside down and they won't be able to recover, and ultimately, I will be the cause of that.
Anyway, I wrote this friend a letter, and although it is clear, firm, and I go further with the truth of my feelings than I've ever gone before, it really only scratches the surface. Still, I worry. I've sent the email. Reactions to come.

To me it's plain that so many people live their lives in this screwed up, dependent manner, just one step away from falling apart. Lonely, unfulfilled, bored, playing their role in dysfunctional relationships. Lives of quiet desperation, as Pink Floyd would say. But to point it out, to bemoan this reality, is to have different priorities than the norm. Truly. I feel that this is the essence of being common, and my whole life I have resisted it.

Although I'm not exactly where I want to be in life, I am not trapped, and for this I am eternally grateful. I still believe that I have a world of possibility ahead of me. I don't earn or have the money I want to, or hope to, but I have ultimately made the decision that I cannot live my life locked to a company, without the freedom to work independently, or take unpaid leaves of absence. I simply will not. Similarly, I am very hesitant about being tied to a mortgage. I understand (to some basic degree) the value of being a home owner, and I see that on a particular view, paying rent is a fruitless scheme. But at the same time, you are ultimately paying for your freedom. Freedom to live in the area you want to live in, and not merely where you can afford to buy. The freedom to pick up and leave.

I do understand that what I have written here represents merely my own current system of values, and in writing this I do not suggest that it is right to adopt it. Many people in my society are living a life that would be miserable to me, and they rejoice in it. I don't doubt this for a second, and that is not my point. (In fact, many of those people are INDEED living their truth, and I condone them, no matter what their lifestyle.)

My point is that I do believe that my values are much more common than people are courageous enough to admit, and to deny one's own self the liberty and right of living according to one's OWN SYSTEM OF VALUES, not those of their spouse, parents', siblings', friends', or society, is to live inauthentically. I also have come to believe that it is utterly wrong and selfish to depend on anyone or expect anyone to behave in a certain way, or do anything - ANYTHING - merely because you want them to, or that is your preference. That is exactly how we are taught to structure our relationships, and it is BS. That is conditional love, and it is the poisonous seed of co-dependence. It would also take enormous pressure off to know that no one was doing anything for me as a special favour, or against their true desire, but rather because in their heart they wanted to do that thing. To me, that is amazing. It is such a lie to think that asking people to do things they don't want to do - just because we want them to - is the basis of a loving, authentic relationship. I used to think just the opposite of this. But it is just enabling yourself and the other person to depend on each other for one's own personal happiness. This is so dangerous. Actually, it is a recipe for disaster. Yet it is the basis for romantic and familial love as we know it in our society, and we are encouraged to demand it, or at least manipulate each other to get what we want to the best of our ability. This is not to say I don't think it's OK to ask. Yes, absolutely! That's part of it. Ask, and be totally honest about your preferences. But don't be disappointed if the answer is: "hell, no!"

And also, don't be afraid to say no yourself, as I've mentioned in an earlier post. It is the right thing to do, even when it feels counterintuitive. Just say no! No, I'm sorry, I'm too tired. No, I'm sorry, I don't want to. Whatever! It doesn't matter why the answer is no. That's your business.

I question myself how realistic I'm being here, as this is not exactly a formula I have followed precisely. I have made ALL of these mistakes, and more, in virtually every relationship I've ever been a part of. (And I used to be truly hopeless at saying "no", but now I'm a C - ... I'll get there!) Nevertheless, this does represent what I truly believe, and it's about time I start being vocal about it.

I also realize that in everything I have said, I am only halfway there.

I must start being more honest with myself and with the people in my life about how I feel, about them, about our relationships, about what I want, about the boundaries I wish to set. About everything. Even if it rocks the boat. Even if the storm that has been brewing, collecting ammunition, finally settles down on this town and rips the houses from their foundation and rocks every boat at the port. Kaboom!

I must do it, without fear of consequence.

I must live authentically! Only then.

Pickle Juice!

Last night was my sister's birthday and I had a couple of glasses of wine times three. Yeah, about that. Maybe a bit more. Times four? No! Couldn't have been...
Anyway I am not disallowing alcohol in my life at this time; rather I am making hydration a must at all times. After spending last Sunday lying on the beach all day without any water, sweating litres in class later that day, and then not properly hydrating, I REALLY paid for that on the Monday. Not repeating that. So in a way I'm glad I had that experience because I never want to feel that way again, and I won't.
My body is very sensitive right now. I am practicing food combining (for the most part) meaning that I either have a carb like rice or yam or squash with veggies, OR a protein like meat, chicken, fish, etc with veggies, but not a carb and a protein together at the same meal, (and sometimes I just have veggies with no carb or protein), AND I only eat fruit on an empty stomach. I don't know to what degree food combining is necessary or effective for me, but as I've mentioned I am trying to drop a few more pounds and I want to maximize digestive efficiency in order to utilize all the nutrients I consume the best way I can, and save energy. Anyway, I threw caution to the wind this weekend - for instance last night we ate at the Keg, and I had bread, cheese (which I'm not really having right now), tons of butter, steak, crab, potatoes...and ice cream cake for dessert Whew! (That is NOT a typical meal for me but needless to say: amazingly yummy). Ordinarily my stomach would actually be fine with all that as I'm not that food sensitive, but that certainly affected my stomach and energy levels last night and today, especially with all that wine. I haven't felt that FULL in a long time, and I must say that feeling about that full was a very regular, almost daily fact of life for me in the past. How could I have lived like that?! It was so unpleasant.

Oh but it didn't stop there. Today I had a mini burger at Mother's Day lunch (alongside chicken salad) and then a relatively small piece of cake with whipped cream and strawberries about two hours later. It really wasn't that much food, but again: I felt it. In fact I conked out for about an hour and a half, even though I'd slept 8.5 hours last night! When I woke up I could still feel that cake sitting there, and it took yoga to move all that food through my system. To be honest, I didn't eat again today. I'm not sure if that's bad, but I just didn't feel the need or desire. After yoga I prepared a very delicious lunch for myself tomorrow consisting of a Thai veggie soup and steamed squash with all kinds of delightful seasonings, but I didn't feel the slightest inkling to eat any of it. There have been quite a few days on this challenge where I have not eaten dinner. The paleo crowd says that this is fine, and from an evolutionary perspective and looking at different groups around the world, it is and has been VERY normal to skip a meal. But it was always so ingrained in us never to do that, and generally as a society we're still quite hooked on the 3 square meals a day thing. Also there's the blood sugar thing. If I feel hungry and I don't eat, I turn illogical and emotional (something my ex could see coming a mile away, and would call "bonking"). So, who knows. Some say "listen to your body", others say "what about when your body tells you to eat a whole box of cookies?! No, definitely do not listen to your body in fact that term doesn't even mean anything."

Anyway, since Day 1 (20 days ago) I have dropped 3-5 pounds (it goes up and down depending on the day). I guess that is quite significant, it just doesn't feel like it because I am still not at my slimmest.

Moving along, I had the strongest class of my challenge today! I judge a class by many things, but one is the way I feel during the 20 second savasanas of the floor series. if I feel restless and heatstroked and exhausted, that's bot a great class. today I felt deep calm and even a kind of euphoria. So great! the classes that keep you going. My back was almost pain free and I haven't yet mentioned that I have seen big improvements with my flexibility. My body is healing! It is no longer the case that I feel the need to modify my postures just to stay out of pain.

During class the teacher mentioned that during her teacher training the attendees would drink pickle juice to get the salts back in their body. (By the way, I have been consuming more salt than usual and feeling that it has been a benefit. Miso soup feels like an especially nutrifying and helpful food at this time.) So a girl piped up and said that pickle juice was the cure for hangovers in Russia.

Well, that was all I needed to hear. I was sold. When I got home - without thinkng about it, without ANY hesitation - I had my very first cold, refreshing glass of pickle juice ... and it tasted DIVINE!

Try it!