Yoga Update

It hardly seems possible, but I've been back at this yoga for about four and a half months now.

Wow. Great! In the past, when I was younger and a party girl, I would have really struggled to go this regularly without the aid of a thirty day challenge or a buddy to keep me hanging on. But I am doing this all by myself, with no one to motivate me. It definitely helped that I was laid off work for a while and had a lot of free time. This was great during that time because it takes so long (getting to the studio, nintely minute class, showering, etc.) - I was happy for something to do! Now I'm back at work full time and really serious about staying healthy and slim and saving my money!

My first month or so back, I was going really strong, and I had a lot of renewed energy. However, the studio I was at for that month was rather cold (I won't say which one it was, heehee) - many classes, I struggled to break a sweat, let along soak my outfit, towel, hair, and surrounding area. It really pissed me off, actually - I hope that something has been done about that. Goodness knows I complained about it more than a couple times. I realize now what a difference the heat makes to the difficulty of the yoga series as I had been thinking I'd just gotten really good at the yoga and it had become a piece of cake for me. Yuk yuk -- yeah right. I guess I forgot the saying, "It doesn't get any easier." Anyway, not hot enough at all - I won't go back if I can help it, although I don't know where I'll be living in future, and it's vital for my practice and commitment that a studio be close by. But I see now that the lack of heat actually gave me a lot of strength that I often don't have when I'm sizzling and shaking like a slice of bacon on the grill, and allowed me a level of playfulness in the postures. It was kinda neat doing Bikram yoga in (what felt like but probably wasn't) a normal temperature. I think overall it was a good experience and a good adjustment period for me, after three years of very patchy attendance.

My second month back on the train was at a completely different studio, one I'd never been to before, as I've been moving around a lot this year due to a period of unsettlement in my life. I really appreciated that studio as there was easy parking and it was never very busy, so it was always nice and quiet. God knows the chaos of the ladies' change room is enough to make me threaten to retire to a mountain cabin for all of my remaining days. However, unfortunately one side of the room was just a big window, and it was January at that time, the coldest time of year. It was difficult to keep the heat in. At least I was always breaking a sweat, (the later in the day the better, so I started going to the last class of the day), but on average this studio also wasn't hot enough for my liking. (Again I piped up about this many times and that's how I found out it was due to the big window, lol :)) At least I usually had a few reluctant beads of sweat covering my body, but at the end of class my clothing was just lightly damp, and my towel usually remained relatively dry. Lazy as I am, I often cheated and tried to use my feet to suck up all the wetness in different parts of my body to make my towel wetter for grip during triangle, but unless I used my full strength I was Slidy McGee, because halfway through the series, no matter what I did, my towel was the sahara desert. Anyway, it was during this second month that changes started to happen in my body (no I don't mean the good kind) and I developed a lot of pain in my lower back. More about this to come.

I took a break of about two and a half weeks before getting yet my third unlimited monthly package at my home studio, where I began and attended class for many years. (I still had 14 classes from an no-expiry date 20 class package I bought about three years ago, and I used all of those up in between buying memberships at these other studios, beginning in about the middle of November, which means I've actually been back at the yoga for over five months.) The heating system at this studio is amazing, and always has been. Almost every class is steaming HOT, the way I like it, and the way that absolutely destroys me. I am in my second month now, and I have been completely expelling each and every ounce of fluid from my body during almost all classes. Now I really, really see how much more difficult classes can be in the super hot, humid environment - of course it also depends on where you are in your body that day, how much salt you consumed, what you ate, how much you drank - you know what I mean if you practice. I regularly have classes where I have to sit or lie out a posture or two, feel nauseous, dizzy, exhausted beyond being able to think, and have to lie there for up to 10 or fifteen minutes post class, recovering and getting my strength back.

It's fucking great!

But like I said, I've really done something to my lower back - I began to feel it a couple of months ago, about late January. I didn't really do anything weird or get injured per se, can't attribute it to beginning in one particular class - the pain was just suddenly there all the time: during class, after, while I lay in bed at night. I am pretty sure it is due to forcing my body back into alignment (whatever that means, but there was always something funky going on with my hips), and pushing too hard through the pain when I should have been taking it easier. Not sure precisely what's going on, whether it's a pinched nerve or sciatica or even a slipped disc (yikes), but in addition to the pain and limited mobility/flexibility during the postures, especially on my right side, in my every day life I just don't feel limber, like when I run for the bus or bend down to grab something, I'm like an old lady. I surprise myself, because still I expect to be a quick moving bunny, and then when I feel the limitation, the stabbing pain, sometimes, it's like "Oh yeah. Shit."

Every yoga teacher I ask tells me something different (a fact I lament, and I have a lot more to say about this at some other date) and I have read some scary stuff online that actually had me questioning whether I should be doing the yoga at all. I haven't been to a doctor or chiropractor or anybody like that - that's not really my style, although if I can't work the kinks out through my own methods within the next couple months I may resort to something like that. I'm not sure, I don't really trust the so-called experts, mainly based on the results I hear about. I don't know. Again, I won't rule anything out ultimately, that would be stupid, I just don't want anyone getting their hands on me and making it worse, and I have seen that happen in people.

I've surmised from what I've read and from what I've been told, and of course in listening to my body, that for now I am best off barely doing forward bends at all, but going for it more than every with the backward bends. That means I have my knees very very bent during Hands to Feet pose, I don't kick out during Standing Head to Knee, I'm very careful not to have my hips out of alignment during Standing Bow, Balancing Stick, and Standing Separate Leg Head to Knee (that's 3 different postures), I place my hands on the floor during Standing Separate Leg Stretching, I do a light Sit-Up, I barely push my hips up in Rabbit, and I bend my knee up more than ever before in Head to Knee with Stretching. Meanwhile, I do everything else the same, and I give extra effort during all backbends, especially the spine strengthening series and Camel. After about six classes like this, I have definitely noticed improvement in my lower back, and actually during this afternoon's class I was very tempted to go back to my full expression during the forward bending postures, but I told myself I had better continue to take it easy for a little while longer.

I don't want to not be a limber person that can't jog to the corner store or get out of bed without pain. I know that teachers say that it is all part of the process, but I'm sorry: how long does the process last, and at the end of the day, what's the freaking point? The process of WHAT exactly, people?! The teachers I asked (and it was more of an investigative experiment than a true request for good advice because I don't actually trust that any of them can answer any of my questions to a satisfiable degree of expertise, I am truly sorry to say) all piped up about their own suddenly appearing hurts, pains, and limitations, and those of other teachers, as though to inspire or comfort me. Actually, it just worried me, and again, caused me to ask: WHY?

Why are we putting ourselves through this?

Millions of people that don't do yoga are walking around on this planet in fairly good health, and maybe they're out of alignment, maybe their bodies are actually in cold storage - but as long as they are in reasonable shape they seem to feel generally great, and they don't know the difference. They can dash across the hall without wincing in pain and rubbing their back for the next ten minutes like a car accident victim.

I know that the Bikram yoga series done in heat helps me to feel absolutely tremendous from the inside, (health-wise, system wise, organ wise, fitness wise, bodily-function wise, you get the picture), no matter what, and because I've never suffered from a serious physical injury, the health benefits are the true miracle for me. But it just doesn't make sense to me that I can only feel that good at the expense of my physical body, such as in my ligaments and tendons, joints and muscles, and bones. That's not how I want to feel in my body. I don't want to feel shitty on the outside. Straight up! Therefore, I think the best thing to do is just ease up for a significant period of time, and stop being concerned about how flexible I am, how good I look. (I don't even look that good anyway! Who am I kidding?) Even in the state I am in now, I am much more flexible than I ever was, even as a kid, before I started the yoga. Isn't that enough? I think it is, Miss Adriana.

Outside of the yoga room, I've been experimenting with the miracle ball system (google it), and continuing to do my pilates, which is a better core strengthener than any yoga practice I've ever done, and other stuff I usually do like biking and swimming. Oh yeah, that reminds me: lately cycling has also left my tailbone feeling sore, which is definitely connected to the lower back pain I have been describing here. I have to ride my bike. One of my friends told me that my cycling may also be contributing to my reduced flexibility, which is a bit of a shame, but I love it almost as much as I love yoga. Once again, the crazy flexibility I once aspired to is no longer the goal it once was.

I've also been trying to be more mindful of my posture, wear good shoes all the time, keep my stomach in whenever I think about it, and things like that.

I also wanted to mention that I've decided to change the focus of this blog somewhat to include the other things that are important to me at this time, mainly in terms of my finances, relationships, career, and what I want for my future. I am aspiring to bring about a lot of change in my life through discarding old, negative patterns in thoughts and behaviour, and adjusting and replacing them with new, empowered, ways of thinking and behaving, largely influenced by the teachings of the law of attraction. I touched upon this in a few earlier blog entries. I think I have a lot of good stuff to say, a lot of experience, and some good results. I am successful in unusual ways, and I'd like  to share that with the people!

Overall, I feel I am at a good place in my life and I want to continue down this path and see where I end up. Cheers!