Fatigue

I have been struggling with back pain for some time now. After several weeks of avoiding deep front bends while going balls to the wall with the backbends, as well as a few massages, the aid of a small green exercise ball, yogic and pilatic (no that is not a real word) stretching outside the hot room, and various other techniques one employs in dealing with back issues, I began to see and feel some relief. Accordingly, I dove right back into the full expression of my practice last week. This seemed to be serving me all right, but then I went on a 3 hour road trip over the weekend, which had me about a 5 on the pain level. Not crippling, but disturbing nonetheless, and certainly unwanted. It also added to the fatigue that comes with a busy weekend out of town.

At work yesterday, I was ready for my first class back after a 3 day break, (as well as the first day of my 50 day challenge), despite the twinges I was feeling in my lower back. As the day wore on, however, some serious tiredness began to set in; I even considered skipping the scheduled class directly after work and going home to bed first. I drank a latte rather late in the afternoon and felt that sitting quite heavily in my stomach. I ran through my usual litany of reasons why class should be avoided or postponed. I ignored the voice and went to class as planned, suspecting (though not allowing myself to care) that I would have a difficult class complete with nausea and pain.

Instead, I had an amazingly strong class. Not a hint of ill feeling or weakness, my fatigue evaporated immediately and my spirits were high. I was even complimented by the instructor after class on the strength of my practice (which hasn't happened recently; teachers have seemed rather stingy with the praise and more keen on correction and general encouragement, but maybe that's me. In any case, I appreciate recognition when I can get it, as well as correction, or really any feedback at all).

So, I really pushed myself and I loved every second of it. Then I went for a massage, which felt great.

Fast forward to bedtime.

AGONY!!!

All I could think as I lay in bed, my back pulsating with rhythmic spasms of hurt, was how careless I'd been and how I should have known better than to push myself like that after the car ride and ensuing soreness. Finally I could take it no longer: I got out of bed and applied some all-natural muscle pain cream on my lower back (which felt like it was burning up) and did some gentle hip-opening stretches, a five minute upward dog, a wheel, and some breathing exercises. It helped enormously, and I was finally able to get to sleep at about a quarter to one (which is way too late for me if I want to feel energized and refreshed for work). I felt relieved though that at least the exercises had helped, as I wasn't at all sure that they would.

When I woke up this morning my back felt better, but still quite wonky. Again, as the hours passed at work, all I could think of was collapsing in bed, and slightly overwhelmed at the self-imposed necessity of going to class every day now amidst these back issues, whether I feel like it or not. Once more on my walk from work to the studio, as fatigue seemed to rack my body (and again I drank my latte too late!) I considered going home for a nap rather than attending the early afternoon class, and just going to one of the later classes. But I reminded myself that one of my principal aims in doing this challenge is the strengthening of the will, and it was surprisingly easy to quiet the voices of dissidence in my mind.

I did not push myself at all today. I went back to super easy forward bends, and stepped it up even further with the backward bends. The room was cool today and I appreciated it immensely. I was aware of nothing, no one, only my reflection in the mirror, pushing through the series gently, using all the strength I had: no more, and no less. I sat out one set of Triangle today. That was OK. I did not put my hands in prayer during Standing Separate Leg Head-to-Knee; I spread them wide for balance and support, and kept my front knee bent, my throat choked, my forehead pressed firmly to the knee. I let myself fall out of Toe-Stand because I didn't have the power to push myself back up. Floor series was very strong; it is the best for my back. I lay in final Savasana for 10 minutes, verging on sleep. On the walk home from the studio, I could feel that my back was in much better condition than yesterday. I will continue to take it easy in this way until my back feels better. Day by day.