One week down, six more to go. Today was Day 8! Cool kind of class today but the humidity was up and I had lots of space. There is a new karma yoga program at my studio which involves four hours of work per week at the studio in exchange for free classes. I would say this is a pretty good deal, especially for students, and it makes sense for studio owners. I'd been wondering when they might start up with this program. However, I wouldn't go for it. I have done work exchanges before and I always end up feeling like I'm getting the crap end of the stick. I understand the concept of karma yoga, but at this point in my life, workin' for free just ain't my thing. I would rather get a different part time job and use the money I earned to pay for my yoga package. I enjoy giving in other ways. OK, I just hate chores!
The karma yoga program changes the energy of the studio. There's a kind of disorganized buzz going on and I'm not sure if I like it. The thought occurred to me that I hope none of the work traders try to pull a fast one, which surprised me. I will ponder this a bit more and try to have an open mind.
Anyway, I feel great, my back is feeling pretty good, and I am proud to have made it to class through a busy weekend that included a crazy, late night out on the town.
I don't have too much to say, today, but a funny quote I heard from a teacher a few classes ago:
"Sit on your knees, Japanese style. If you're Japanese, just sit."
I *love* this kind of humour. YukYuk :)
Monday, April 29, 2013
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Bikram Yoga and Weight loss Advice
As a person that has lost over 30 pounds (and kept off at least a good 25 pounds for 1.5 years that I had carried around for about a decade), and is currently slimmer at age 34 than I was at 16, I can tell you a thing or two about weight loss.
If you struggle with your weight, I sincerely hope that you will be able to take something from this. You will. Keep reading.
The first thing I have realized is that after a period of true dieting, then through changing my diet and exercise regime, I created a new "set point" for my body. So although weight fluctuates throughout the month and year, and goes down when you're being "good", if you sort of let things slide a little or live life like a relatively normal person, your weight will stabilize somewhere. The weight you say your body seems to like to be. My set point for many years was 160 pounds. I hit that weight at age 23, and although I would lose and then gain back 5, 10, or 15 pounds periodically, (mostly through calorie restriction - I have always exercised) I would just seem to go back to that weight. Then, as I said, I went on a serious diet, during which I did not eat processed foods for around five or six months. I was largely a raw food vegan during that period, but I did change it up a bit. I didn't exercise a great deal more than I had been exercising before, but the exercise was really regular. Anyway, I've gone up and down a bit in past year, but the main thing is that I have a new set point now, and it is 24 pounds less than it was: 136 pounds. (I am 3 pounds below that right now.) 136 is the weight I was at when I stopped my no-processed foods diet, and I have returned to it several times. Unfortunately, it is still too high for my preference. (My lowest weight is 127.)
I had thought I would be really happy at about 130, and I am certainly comfortable, but I believe in my heart of hearts that I am carrying around about 7-10 extra pounds. I just feel that intuitively. My BMI is currently 21.5, which is well below the maximum for health (25, in case you didn't know), and people tell me how slim I am all the time, but I have decided that with my frame being as small as it is, and the fact that I can still grab fat off my abdomen and hips, I would feel more comfortable at a BMI of about 20.
When I got back to Bikram about six months ago, my body immediately shed pounds, which I have since gained back (more on that in a minute). At that time, I hadn't been eating any grain for several months, (as an experiment, as the last time I cut out grain I was eating vegan and I found I had to rely heavily on fruit. Now I am not vegetarian, so I decided to give some version of 'paleo' a shot.) The problem with eating that way for me was that I had hardly any energy. I am usually really big on fruit and I wasn't eating a lot of it for possibly the first time ever; consequently, it was a period of low activity for me. Sometimes the most minimal of activity really wore me out. It was kind of ridiculous. Anyway, when I went back to Bikram (and actually what inspired me to get back was that my ultra low-carb diet had me feeling shitty), I began carbing out like mad. Pizza, pasta, rice. Everything. Yet I continued to lose weight. I think the shock of Bikram yoga after a few months of relative inactivity was enough to set it off. I was so happy! I thought I could just eat whatever I wanted from then on.
Boy was that a dumb thing to think!
Christmas season rolled around right after that, and I began to gain. I gained and lost five pounds a few times and struggled to keep my weight down, even as I practiced Bikram yoga about four times a week or more. I was finding it really hard to stop myself from overeating, and had become addicted to grains.
Finally, after distancing myself from my scale for a while and just trying to eat normally, I had to admit to myself that my clothes were just not fitting right. I stepped on the scale exactly two weeks ago: to my horror, I was up 9 pounds from my lowest weight! YIKES! Yes, you read that right: after losing five pounds initially, I managed to gain them back plus 4 more pounds: those are pounds that I had managed to keep off for the better part of a year before even starting Bikram yoga again! Not only that, but Bikram yoga is NOT my only form of exercise. I also walk, jog, swim, work out with free weights, do HIIT routines, pilates, and various other routines. Quite regularly!
So if you are one of the mistaken people that thinks Bikram yoga or any other exercise alone (without diet modification) is always going to be enough to lose weight, you are wrong! I have done a lot of internet research on this topic and I have come to the following conclusions:
1. Men are more likely to be able to rely on exercise for weight-loss than women, especially young men. Weight loss success stories from doing Bikram yoga often come from men. I don't know why this is. But peer reviewed studies have confirmed this, and I believe it. When I started doing this yoga 7 years ago, my body changed for the better and of course I became more muscular, but I did not lose fat. That is because my eating went out of control. I made up for all the calories burned during class by overeating. This is a very real phenomenon. That brings me to my next point:
2. Please remember how much easier it is to eat 300 calories than to burn it. A McDonald's cheeseburger, so small you can devour it in about 10 seconds, is 300 calories. Most hamburgers are double or triple the calories of that. It is so easy and quick to eat 300 calories. Meanwhile, many forms of moderate exercise, like the elliptical or biking, only burn about 300 calories in 30 minutes! Not properly understanding what I am saying here (and I sure didn't use to!) is the # 1 reason people are confused about how to incorporate exercise into their weight-loss regime. Exercise can and does help. Absolutely. But unless you're really overweight or a young male, what you eat and how much you eat is far, far more important.
3. When used correctly, exercise will aid in weightloss, but you have to change it up. I know that a calorie in is a calorie in and the same goes for calories out. Weight loss is a numbers game. However, things get tricky when your body gets used to an exercise. It becomes more efficient and starts burning less calories. OR makes better use of the calories it has already taken in. I am not sure of the exact process, but take me, for instance: after six months of steady practice, it's as though my body no longer considers Bikram yoga to be a calorie burning activity anymore. I don't eat any more than I would if I were just biking slowly about 40 minutes a day and maybe doing a 20 minute pilates routine on top of that some days, yet I have weighed LESS when that was my lifestyle than I do now. I had to cut out all processed food and lower my daily caloric intake to the point that I felt hunger to lose 3 pounds in the past two weeks, but I know that if I stopped doing Bikram altogether, and replaced it with say a 45 minute jog per day (which burns less calories, being half the time) interspersed with interval training, I would rev up my weight loss. So frustrating! But true.
4. You mess your body up when you stay overweight for a significant amount of time, and this affects what kinds of food are going to keep you slim and what kinds are going to make you gain. My cousin is a dancer and she has been super-slim all her life. She has had two kids and although her body has probably changed in ways only she and her husband know about, you can't tell at all. She appears to have the body of a teenager. Anyway, she wouldn't dream of doing "low carb" or cutting out a particular food or food group. She eats whatever she wants. The key is, she has never wanted to eat a whole pizza. She has always kept her portions small and reasonable. That's why she can eat grain no problem. For a person that has struggled with weight issues, they have probably overdone it with the processed carbs about a million or trillion times, and now they have some kind of bad romance with them. So, going low-carb or cutting out a food or food group entirely could potentially have amazing results. It could be the key to success. Your history with food makes a big difference to what will work for you, so don't necessarily listen to what a naturally slim person advises you. In a sense, they are clueless. If you've been overweight, chances are you have an addictive relationship with food. Slim people often don't. So they don't know how effective cutting out a food group entirely can be, and they will categorize it out of hand as fad dieting.
I will state this for once and for all: If it weren't for so-called "fad dieting", NEVER would I have had success with weight loss at this level. Calorie reduction was not sustainable for me.
Well, there's my two cents in a nutshell.
Anyway, in my opinion, every single person on this planet owes it to his or her self to be the weight they actually, truly want to be, and to not go for gold is to cheat yourself - to waste your life. I feel like I wasted my entire twenties at a weight I didn't care for at all (BMI 23.4 - 25.8, depending), and although I believe in cosmic order of things, and that I went through that for a reason, I do feel that it is a terrible shame that I didn't do something about it sooner. I will never, ever go back to a weight I am not comfortable with.
Conversely, I am not overly polite or complimentary or a teller of white lies when it comes to people talking about wanting to lose weight. You will rarely hear me utter the words, "you don't need to lose weight". No way. Instead of that nonsensical, unhelpful, culturally enforced politeness, I tell them straight up what I believe their best plan of action would be, based on what I know about them.
To be at a weight you're unhappy with is to suffer great emotional pain. A friend's reassurance that you look OK when you know you don't is cold, cold comfort. It's a bullshit way to deal with one another and I don't believe in it.
Now I am slimmer than I was as a teenager, and I am in my mid 30s. Many (most) of the girls that were always much skinnier than I was, are now the same size as me or bigger. Who am I kidding: it's freaking great! Did you really think it wouldn't be? Despite what I said at the beginning, about still wanting to lose another 10 pounds or so, I am already very happy with the body I have now. It is truly an amazing experience to lose the weight and I would do anything I could to help a person out in that department. It's a major part of the reason I want to become a yoga teacher. Why bother pretending our body size is not as important of an issue for all of us as it actually is?! it's not superficial; it's the reason out species exists.
I would give up my university degree before I took on those extra pounds again, and I do not say that lightly.
If you struggle with your weight, I sincerely hope that you will be able to take something from this. You will. Keep reading.
The first thing I have realized is that after a period of true dieting, then through changing my diet and exercise regime, I created a new "set point" for my body. So although weight fluctuates throughout the month and year, and goes down when you're being "good", if you sort of let things slide a little or live life like a relatively normal person, your weight will stabilize somewhere. The weight you say your body seems to like to be. My set point for many years was 160 pounds. I hit that weight at age 23, and although I would lose and then gain back 5, 10, or 15 pounds periodically, (mostly through calorie restriction - I have always exercised) I would just seem to go back to that weight. Then, as I said, I went on a serious diet, during which I did not eat processed foods for around five or six months. I was largely a raw food vegan during that period, but I did change it up a bit. I didn't exercise a great deal more than I had been exercising before, but the exercise was really regular. Anyway, I've gone up and down a bit in past year, but the main thing is that I have a new set point now, and it is 24 pounds less than it was: 136 pounds. (I am 3 pounds below that right now.) 136 is the weight I was at when I stopped my no-processed foods diet, and I have returned to it several times. Unfortunately, it is still too high for my preference. (My lowest weight is 127.)
I had thought I would be really happy at about 130, and I am certainly comfortable, but I believe in my heart of hearts that I am carrying around about 7-10 extra pounds. I just feel that intuitively. My BMI is currently 21.5, which is well below the maximum for health (25, in case you didn't know), and people tell me how slim I am all the time, but I have decided that with my frame being as small as it is, and the fact that I can still grab fat off my abdomen and hips, I would feel more comfortable at a BMI of about 20.
When I got back to Bikram about six months ago, my body immediately shed pounds, which I have since gained back (more on that in a minute). At that time, I hadn't been eating any grain for several months, (as an experiment, as the last time I cut out grain I was eating vegan and I found I had to rely heavily on fruit. Now I am not vegetarian, so I decided to give some version of 'paleo' a shot.) The problem with eating that way for me was that I had hardly any energy. I am usually really big on fruit and I wasn't eating a lot of it for possibly the first time ever; consequently, it was a period of low activity for me. Sometimes the most minimal of activity really wore me out. It was kind of ridiculous. Anyway, when I went back to Bikram (and actually what inspired me to get back was that my ultra low-carb diet had me feeling shitty), I began carbing out like mad. Pizza, pasta, rice. Everything. Yet I continued to lose weight. I think the shock of Bikram yoga after a few months of relative inactivity was enough to set it off. I was so happy! I thought I could just eat whatever I wanted from then on.
Boy was that a dumb thing to think!
Christmas season rolled around right after that, and I began to gain. I gained and lost five pounds a few times and struggled to keep my weight down, even as I practiced Bikram yoga about four times a week or more. I was finding it really hard to stop myself from overeating, and had become addicted to grains.
Finally, after distancing myself from my scale for a while and just trying to eat normally, I had to admit to myself that my clothes were just not fitting right. I stepped on the scale exactly two weeks ago: to my horror, I was up 9 pounds from my lowest weight! YIKES! Yes, you read that right: after losing five pounds initially, I managed to gain them back plus 4 more pounds: those are pounds that I had managed to keep off for the better part of a year before even starting Bikram yoga again! Not only that, but Bikram yoga is NOT my only form of exercise. I also walk, jog, swim, work out with free weights, do HIIT routines, pilates, and various other routines. Quite regularly!
So if you are one of the mistaken people that thinks Bikram yoga or any other exercise alone (without diet modification) is always going to be enough to lose weight, you are wrong! I have done a lot of internet research on this topic and I have come to the following conclusions:
1. Men are more likely to be able to rely on exercise for weight-loss than women, especially young men. Weight loss success stories from doing Bikram yoga often come from men. I don't know why this is. But peer reviewed studies have confirmed this, and I believe it. When I started doing this yoga 7 years ago, my body changed for the better and of course I became more muscular, but I did not lose fat. That is because my eating went out of control. I made up for all the calories burned during class by overeating. This is a very real phenomenon. That brings me to my next point:
2. Please remember how much easier it is to eat 300 calories than to burn it. A McDonald's cheeseburger, so small you can devour it in about 10 seconds, is 300 calories. Most hamburgers are double or triple the calories of that. It is so easy and quick to eat 300 calories. Meanwhile, many forms of moderate exercise, like the elliptical or biking, only burn about 300 calories in 30 minutes! Not properly understanding what I am saying here (and I sure didn't use to!) is the # 1 reason people are confused about how to incorporate exercise into their weight-loss regime. Exercise can and does help. Absolutely. But unless you're really overweight or a young male, what you eat and how much you eat is far, far more important.
3. When used correctly, exercise will aid in weightloss, but you have to change it up. I know that a calorie in is a calorie in and the same goes for calories out. Weight loss is a numbers game. However, things get tricky when your body gets used to an exercise. It becomes more efficient and starts burning less calories. OR makes better use of the calories it has already taken in. I am not sure of the exact process, but take me, for instance: after six months of steady practice, it's as though my body no longer considers Bikram yoga to be a calorie burning activity anymore. I don't eat any more than I would if I were just biking slowly about 40 minutes a day and maybe doing a 20 minute pilates routine on top of that some days, yet I have weighed LESS when that was my lifestyle than I do now. I had to cut out all processed food and lower my daily caloric intake to the point that I felt hunger to lose 3 pounds in the past two weeks, but I know that if I stopped doing Bikram altogether, and replaced it with say a 45 minute jog per day (which burns less calories, being half the time) interspersed with interval training, I would rev up my weight loss. So frustrating! But true.
4. You mess your body up when you stay overweight for a significant amount of time, and this affects what kinds of food are going to keep you slim and what kinds are going to make you gain. My cousin is a dancer and she has been super-slim all her life. She has had two kids and although her body has probably changed in ways only she and her husband know about, you can't tell at all. She appears to have the body of a teenager. Anyway, she wouldn't dream of doing "low carb" or cutting out a particular food or food group. She eats whatever she wants. The key is, she has never wanted to eat a whole pizza. She has always kept her portions small and reasonable. That's why she can eat grain no problem. For a person that has struggled with weight issues, they have probably overdone it with the processed carbs about a million or trillion times, and now they have some kind of bad romance with them. So, going low-carb or cutting out a food or food group entirely could potentially have amazing results. It could be the key to success. Your history with food makes a big difference to what will work for you, so don't necessarily listen to what a naturally slim person advises you. In a sense, they are clueless. If you've been overweight, chances are you have an addictive relationship with food. Slim people often don't. So they don't know how effective cutting out a food group entirely can be, and they will categorize it out of hand as fad dieting.
I will state this for once and for all: If it weren't for so-called "fad dieting", NEVER would I have had success with weight loss at this level. Calorie reduction was not sustainable for me.
Well, there's my two cents in a nutshell.
Anyway, in my opinion, every single person on this planet owes it to his or her self to be the weight they actually, truly want to be, and to not go for gold is to cheat yourself - to waste your life. I feel like I wasted my entire twenties at a weight I didn't care for at all (BMI 23.4 - 25.8, depending), and although I believe in cosmic order of things, and that I went through that for a reason, I do feel that it is a terrible shame that I didn't do something about it sooner. I will never, ever go back to a weight I am not comfortable with.
Conversely, I am not overly polite or complimentary or a teller of white lies when it comes to people talking about wanting to lose weight. You will rarely hear me utter the words, "you don't need to lose weight". No way. Instead of that nonsensical, unhelpful, culturally enforced politeness, I tell them straight up what I believe their best plan of action would be, based on what I know about them.
To be at a weight you're unhappy with is to suffer great emotional pain. A friend's reassurance that you look OK when you know you don't is cold, cold comfort. It's a bullshit way to deal with one another and I don't believe in it.
Now I am slimmer than I was as a teenager, and I am in my mid 30s. Many (most) of the girls that were always much skinnier than I was, are now the same size as me or bigger. Who am I kidding: it's freaking great! Did you really think it wouldn't be? Despite what I said at the beginning, about still wanting to lose another 10 pounds or so, I am already very happy with the body I have now. It is truly an amazing experience to lose the weight and I would do anything I could to help a person out in that department. It's a major part of the reason I want to become a yoga teacher. Why bother pretending our body size is not as important of an issue for all of us as it actually is?! it's not superficial; it's the reason out species exists.
I would give up my university degree before I took on those extra pounds again, and I do not say that lightly.
I am Niagara Falls
Holy crap, what a class! I feel like I visited another dimension during that class: wow.
Hung over as rhymes with luck and half dead with fatigue after going to bed at about 4 am this morning, (stuffed with an alcohol assortment as well as candy and pizza), I dragged my sorry ass butt to class at 4:15 pm today! I was in such rough condition that my run to the studio (yes I always run to the studio because I live a block away and I usually leave my front door about two and a half minutes before class starts, sometimes necessitating holding out my hand for cars to stop as I attempt to jaywalk across a major street) had me breathing in a way that might be termed 'wheezing'. You know you're in rough shape when you're already dizzy in the change room. I was scared. I was very scared.
Luckily we had a great teacher scheduled, a champion practitioner with a clear, deliberate delivery, good advice, and the smarts to leave the right people alone, who was able to give me the energy I needed and help take me from start to finish in one piece.
I didn't have too unpleasant of a class considering the state I was in, meaning I didn't get the spins, but it was very challenging. And unusually long. And I was suffering from a hangover headache, throbbing at every twist and turn ... although this did make me aware of the fact that I don't usually have a headache in class, so it was nice to have that thought. I had to take a few knees during the standing series, not because I was dizzy or nauseous, but just out of sheer fatigue. As I referred to in the title of this blog, I was also sweating up a storm; much more than usual. I did drink a lot of water today in an effort to keep myself alive after all the alcoholic beverages I danced intimately with last night, but I often drink a lot of water. I'm not sure. All I know is that when I dumped my gear in the laundry after carrying it home, my arm got that achey release feeling, like I'd been carrying something especially voluminous and weighty, and they hit the floor with a thunderous slap. But it was just three little items.
Anyway, once again, not a chance in the world I would have attended class had I not been on a challenge, but I believe that this will affect my decision making process in the future, when I feel that I just cannot make it to class. I always say to myself that I will never drink that much again, and I tend to feel very guilty the day after drinking excessively, like I've damaged my body irreversibly. (And in a sense, I suppose I have.) But lets face it, the future will likely hold more stagettes and parties and 7 hour marathon yack fests with a friend or cousin or sister that involve drinking more than a single standard unit of alcohol. This WILL happen again. And since I allow myself to worry that I have negatively impacted my health, why not give my body the helping hand it needs to rid itself of the toxins?! Anyone with any understanding of wellness should be able to recognize that doing a Bikram yoga class is probably one of the best things you can do to right yourself after a night of wrong. I know that other styles of yoga are great. And the variety of postures featured in other styles each have added benefits and stretch the body in different ways. But I'll say it for the infinitieth time: there is no exercise on this earth like static postures done in that heat. Amazing recovery system. But the motivation to get there is killer, and the class itself is still no piece of cake. I must have burned about 1000 calories today. Did I mention how long the class felt? Time slowed right down so that my pre-class memories from today feel like they happened last year.
Oh, Life! You can be such an obstacle course!
Anyway, as a rule I absolutely don't believe in rewarding oneself with special food or treats after challenging exercise (I have a lot to say about this, but I'll save it for the time being!) but today was an exception. I was going to make myself a protein shake but it turned into a crazy milkshake as I wildly added more and more ingredients, and it was freaking delicious. It started with just a cup of almond milk, a scoop of protein powder, and a banana, but I was suddenly inspired to toss in a tablespoon of Frye's cocoa, and then a large scoop of ice cream (some might say the equivalent two scoops, but if you use your hand as a cupping device, one scoop can be quite sufficient), and then I really lost all control and threw in a hunk of peanut butter, and not even the all natural kind. The Skippy. This was an epic milkshake, let me tell you.
Hung over as rhymes with luck and half dead with fatigue after going to bed at about 4 am this morning, (stuffed with an alcohol assortment as well as candy and pizza), I dragged my sorry ass butt to class at 4:15 pm today! I was in such rough condition that my run to the studio (yes I always run to the studio because I live a block away and I usually leave my front door about two and a half minutes before class starts, sometimes necessitating holding out my hand for cars to stop as I attempt to jaywalk across a major street) had me breathing in a way that might be termed 'wheezing'. You know you're in rough shape when you're already dizzy in the change room. I was scared. I was very scared.
Luckily we had a great teacher scheduled, a champion practitioner with a clear, deliberate delivery, good advice, and the smarts to leave the right people alone, who was able to give me the energy I needed and help take me from start to finish in one piece.
I didn't have too unpleasant of a class considering the state I was in, meaning I didn't get the spins, but it was very challenging. And unusually long. And I was suffering from a hangover headache, throbbing at every twist and turn ... although this did make me aware of the fact that I don't usually have a headache in class, so it was nice to have that thought. I had to take a few knees during the standing series, not because I was dizzy or nauseous, but just out of sheer fatigue. As I referred to in the title of this blog, I was also sweating up a storm; much more than usual. I did drink a lot of water today in an effort to keep myself alive after all the alcoholic beverages I danced intimately with last night, but I often drink a lot of water. I'm not sure. All I know is that when I dumped my gear in the laundry after carrying it home, my arm got that achey release feeling, like I'd been carrying something especially voluminous and weighty, and they hit the floor with a thunderous slap. But it was just three little items.
Anyway, once again, not a chance in the world I would have attended class had I not been on a challenge, but I believe that this will affect my decision making process in the future, when I feel that I just cannot make it to class. I always say to myself that I will never drink that much again, and I tend to feel very guilty the day after drinking excessively, like I've damaged my body irreversibly. (And in a sense, I suppose I have.) But lets face it, the future will likely hold more stagettes and parties and 7 hour marathon yack fests with a friend or cousin or sister that involve drinking more than a single standard unit of alcohol. This WILL happen again. And since I allow myself to worry that I have negatively impacted my health, why not give my body the helping hand it needs to rid itself of the toxins?! Anyone with any understanding of wellness should be able to recognize that doing a Bikram yoga class is probably one of the best things you can do to right yourself after a night of wrong. I know that other styles of yoga are great. And the variety of postures featured in other styles each have added benefits and stretch the body in different ways. But I'll say it for the infinitieth time: there is no exercise on this earth like static postures done in that heat. Amazing recovery system. But the motivation to get there is killer, and the class itself is still no piece of cake. I must have burned about 1000 calories today. Did I mention how long the class felt? Time slowed right down so that my pre-class memories from today feel like they happened last year.
Oh, Life! You can be such an obstacle course!
Anyway, as a rule I absolutely don't believe in rewarding oneself with special food or treats after challenging exercise (I have a lot to say about this, but I'll save it for the time being!) but today was an exception. I was going to make myself a protein shake but it turned into a crazy milkshake as I wildly added more and more ingredients, and it was freaking delicious. It started with just a cup of almond milk, a scoop of protein powder, and a banana, but I was suddenly inspired to toss in a tablespoon of Frye's cocoa, and then a large scoop of ice cream (some might say the equivalent two scoops, but if you use your hand as a cupping device, one scoop can be quite sufficient), and then I really lost all control and threw in a hunk of peanut butter, and not even the all natural kind. The Skippy. This was an epic milkshake, let me tell you.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Two AM classes
Yesterday was my first 6 am class in about five years! Pranayama breathing and Half Moon pose were hard - and they are always the hardest things for me on those early AM classes. Other than a bit of reduced flexibility - totally normal first thing in the morning, without having moved at all yet - the class was enjoyable and refreshing, and I felt good about having gone all day.
I remember when I first started doing Bikram yoga, many jobs ago, my hours of work were 8 - 4, Monday to Friday, disallowing the possibility of 6 am or 4:15 pm class. The only classes available to me during the week were 6:15 pm and 8:15 pm; work and yoga left me with very little free time, the time I needed to relax. That really affected my motivation, especially considering how back in the early days, 90 minutes felt like an absolute eon, and each class was an important accomplishment. (I don't care what people say - in some sense at least, it does get easier!) How I longed to be able to go in to work a little later some days, so that I could go to 6 am class and get my yoga completed first thing in the morning! I thought about it all the time. But I didn't have that kind of freedom and flexibility with work in those days.
Now, I start at 8:45 am, making class at 6 am very doable. Mind you, I also get off early enough to go to 4:15 pm class, and sometimes even 3:15 pm, and now the studio has two rooms and runs classes on the hour up until 8:15. There are a lot of choices now, and I can go to yoga straight after work. It was that hour or so between getting home from work and having to get up and leave again for yoga that really sucked me dry of motivation. Let's face it; after a day of work, sometimes you don't feel like doing anything. It IS easier not to go home first.
Anyway, I am a bit of a night owl, and the earliest I like to wake up normally is about 6:20 am. Any earlier and I go through that whole "I would seriously rather lose my job or even die than get out of bed right now!" which, although it only lasts a few minutes, is really one of the most unpleasant things we regularly go through in life, in my opinion. If only I could get into the habit of going to bed earlier, but it's such a struggle for me. I just love doing my little projects, reading, drawing, watching stuff on youtube, that kind of thing, before bed, and then I never want to stop. (When I'm single, that is.) So, I was really anticipating this 6 am class on Friday all week, and telling the teacher who was scheduled for that class every day that I was nervous about it and not sure if I was going to be able to do it. He just laughed. Then I get there and the class is packed with regulars! Everyone was fine. I was fine. The girl in front of me was performing as open and flexible as an olympic gymnast. So, truthfully, I was really shaking my head at myself and the lesson I took from it was to have more faith in my ability to do challenging things, and to not make such a big deal out of things.
So the whole reason I had to do 6 am class was because I was busy after work planning my cousin's bachelorette party, which is tonight. Last night as we set up the party house, I had a few drinks and stayed out rather late. I am also quite busy today, obviously, so I had to wake up bright and early again, but this time for 9 am class. This morning I really learned the value of being on a challenge, because if I wasn't, with the way I was feeling this morning and the craziness of this weekend, there is just no way I would have gone to class. But because I am on this challenge and have made the commitment, I did, and I had a superbly enjoyable class. I feel so much better. Throughout the past few months, morning classes have been difficult for me because of stiffness in my back, and although that is still present, having gone every day this week and to such an early class yesterday, it made this morning's class easy peasy. There is just nothing else in the world that could have taken me from where I was at 8 am this morning to what I am feeling now: light, energetic, with clear skin, in a good mood, and without a hint of bloat, even though I ate Japanese food for dinner last night and snacked on chips, which was a salt overload. (Another style of yoga, a HIIT routine, a jog - all of those things would have made me feel better and pushed that salt out of my system. But not like 90 minutes in the heat.)
It really goes to show that the times when you feel least like going to class are exactly the times you need it the most. And for anyone that struggles with motivation, challenges are invaluable for showing you just that.
My goals for tonight (which is going to be crazy with a capital C) are to drink water, NOT do ANY shots of alcohol, mix alcohol as minimally as possible, and just relax and have fun. I have been being so careful with what I eat in an attempt to shed a few pounds before the wedding, and also because as I have mentioned, BY makes me really hungry and leaves me vulnerable to binging. All of this being said, tonight is not the night to worry about food. It's going to be yes to the bread, the tortilla chips, and the hummus and pita. Not the end of the world. I can really put myself through hell the next day if I feel I "overdid" it, but I think over the longrun, success with weight control comes with knowing these nights are inevitable, and for me, drinking alcohol while restricting food can spell disaster. I'm too old for that now. Really. Lol. Cheers!
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Day 3. Only.
Man, this challenge seemed undesirable today. I wistfully longed to skip class, and it's only Day 3. Instead I wanted to go to the mall with my sister and buy a sexy black dress for my cousin's stagette this weekend, an event which is going to make yoga a pain in the butt to go to on Friday, Saturday, AND Sunday. ARGH!
I had many second thoughts about this, like that I don't have time to go to yoga every single day. I was supposed to be looking into picking up a second job, going on more dates, and devoting more time to my personal projects. Now I have automatically lost 2 extra hours each and every day to yoga, for the next 7 weeks. Actually, more, because I need more sleep now. When you think about it, that's kind of a big deal.
They say ("they" meaning teachers and studio directors, and Bikram himself, I guess) that there's nothing more important than your health, and that is why it's always worth it to go to class. I have always tended to agree. But what I'd really like to establish for myself is whether I truly believe that every day for 50 days is actually the best thing I can be doing for my health. Is it really any better than 5 days a week? And what practices outside the room can make this a better experience, in terms of rest, food, drink, and things to avoid. I'm also concerned, despite claims that this yoga is "holistic" and as long as you do the postures using the correct form you cannot injure yourself (or injure yourself further), actually VERY concerned, about the state of my back. A chiropractor recently told me that BY can exacerbate injuries, and I've got to say that my back immediately starts to feel better as soon as I lay off the practice. I've talked to about 10 different teachers about this, and everyone has a different answer. It's really hard to know who to trust.
Mind you, there are so many people that practiced against the advice of all of their doctors, in all states of injury, that emerged healed. I will say that my back is definitely better than it was a month or two ago, and I have by no means stopped practicing. But the improvement occurred with easing up a lot in the hot room, particularly with forward bends, Like I mentioned in a previous post, I've also been doing other things that have nothing to do with BY, that have been therapeutic as well.
Anyway, I'm determined to heal my back and come into much greater alignment. I've been out of whack for years, with wonky hips and a right duck foot, slouchy shoulders and a back full of tension. I suspect that this could be a "get worse before you get better" situation.
I had many second thoughts about this, like that I don't have time to go to yoga every single day. I was supposed to be looking into picking up a second job, going on more dates, and devoting more time to my personal projects. Now I have automatically lost 2 extra hours each and every day to yoga, for the next 7 weeks. Actually, more, because I need more sleep now. When you think about it, that's kind of a big deal.
They say ("they" meaning teachers and studio directors, and Bikram himself, I guess) that there's nothing more important than your health, and that is why it's always worth it to go to class. I have always tended to agree. But what I'd really like to establish for myself is whether I truly believe that every day for 50 days is actually the best thing I can be doing for my health. Is it really any better than 5 days a week? And what practices outside the room can make this a better experience, in terms of rest, food, drink, and things to avoid. I'm also concerned, despite claims that this yoga is "holistic" and as long as you do the postures using the correct form you cannot injure yourself (or injure yourself further), actually VERY concerned, about the state of my back. A chiropractor recently told me that BY can exacerbate injuries, and I've got to say that my back immediately starts to feel better as soon as I lay off the practice. I've talked to about 10 different teachers about this, and everyone has a different answer. It's really hard to know who to trust.
Mind you, there are so many people that practiced against the advice of all of their doctors, in all states of injury, that emerged healed. I will say that my back is definitely better than it was a month or two ago, and I have by no means stopped practicing. But the improvement occurred with easing up a lot in the hot room, particularly with forward bends, Like I mentioned in a previous post, I've also been doing other things that have nothing to do with BY, that have been therapeutic as well.
Anyway, I'm determined to heal my back and come into much greater alignment. I've been out of whack for years, with wonky hips and a right duck foot, slouchy shoulders and a back full of tension. I suspect that this could be a "get worse before you get better" situation.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Fatigue
I have been struggling with back pain for some time now. After several weeks of avoiding deep front bends while going balls to the wall with the backbends, as well as a few massages, the aid of a small green exercise ball, yogic and pilatic (no that is not a real word) stretching outside the hot room, and various other techniques one employs in dealing with back issues, I began to see and feel some relief. Accordingly, I dove right back into the full expression of my practice last week. This seemed to be serving me all right, but then I went on a 3 hour road trip over the weekend, which had me about a 5 on the pain level. Not crippling, but disturbing nonetheless, and certainly unwanted. It also added to the fatigue that comes with a busy weekend out of town.
At work yesterday, I was ready for my first class back after a 3 day break, (as well as the first day of my 50 day challenge), despite the twinges I was feeling in my lower back. As the day wore on, however, some serious tiredness began to set in; I even considered skipping the scheduled class directly after work and going home to bed first. I drank a latte rather late in the afternoon and felt that sitting quite heavily in my stomach. I ran through my usual litany of reasons why class should be avoided or postponed. I ignored the voice and went to class as planned, suspecting (though not allowing myself to care) that I would have a difficult class complete with nausea and pain.
Instead, I had an amazingly strong class. Not a hint of ill feeling or weakness, my fatigue evaporated immediately and my spirits were high. I was even complimented by the instructor after class on the strength of my practice (which hasn't happened recently; teachers have seemed rather stingy with the praise and more keen on correction and general encouragement, but maybe that's me. In any case, I appreciate recognition when I can get it, as well as correction, or really any feedback at all).
So, I really pushed myself and I loved every second of it. Then I went for a massage, which felt great.
Fast forward to bedtime.
AGONY!!!
All I could think as I lay in bed, my back pulsating with rhythmic spasms of hurt, was how careless I'd been and how I should have known better than to push myself like that after the car ride and ensuing soreness. Finally I could take it no longer: I got out of bed and applied some all-natural muscle pain cream on my lower back (which felt like it was burning up) and did some gentle hip-opening stretches, a five minute upward dog, a wheel, and some breathing exercises. It helped enormously, and I was finally able to get to sleep at about a quarter to one (which is way too late for me if I want to feel energized and refreshed for work). I felt relieved though that at least the exercises had helped, as I wasn't at all sure that they would.
When I woke up this morning my back felt better, but still quite wonky. Again, as the hours passed at work, all I could think of was collapsing in bed, and slightly overwhelmed at the self-imposed necessity of going to class every day now amidst these back issues, whether I feel like it or not. Once more on my walk from work to the studio, as fatigue seemed to rack my body (and again I drank my latte too late!) I considered going home for a nap rather than attending the early afternoon class, and just going to one of the later classes. But I reminded myself that one of my principal aims in doing this challenge is the strengthening of the will, and it was surprisingly easy to quiet the voices of dissidence in my mind.
I did not push myself at all today. I went back to super easy forward bends, and stepped it up even further with the backward bends. The room was cool today and I appreciated it immensely. I was aware of nothing, no one, only my reflection in the mirror, pushing through the series gently, using all the strength I had: no more, and no less. I sat out one set of Triangle today. That was OK. I did not put my hands in prayer during Standing Separate Leg Head-to-Knee; I spread them wide for balance and support, and kept my front knee bent, my throat choked, my forehead pressed firmly to the knee. I let myself fall out of Toe-Stand because I didn't have the power to push myself back up. Floor series was very strong; it is the best for my back. I lay in final Savasana for 10 minutes, verging on sleep. On the walk home from the studio, I could feel that my back was in much better condition than yesterday. I will continue to take it easy in this way until my back feels better. Day by day.
Monday, April 22, 2013
50 Day Challenge to take Bikram's class!
Well, I swore I would never do another challenge, because the last time I signed myself up for the 60 day one I fell hard so off the wagon at Day 47 or so that I didn't return to a regular practice for 4 years! However, that was back then, and this is now. I am wiser, stronger, fitter, healthier and plunge forward armed with a will of steel.
Mistakes I made from my last challenge that I will not make this time:
Overeating
Eating the wrong kind of food
Not sleeping enough
Overdoing it every class
Drinking too much alcohol
Not drinking enough water
Not getting enough massages
Ta-da! That is the exhaustive list.
There are several reasons I'm keen on doing this challenge. I'll get back to them in a minute.
I do believe that I have the physical stamina to make it through this challenge. My only concerns are being in the bridal party for an in-town wedding next month that has lots of other events attached to it, (stagette, shower, rehearsal dinner, family get-togethers, etc.), and a weekend out of town near the end of May. I am also quite busy with work and other projects, my social life, an unusually high requirement for downtime that is necessary to my sanity, toying with the idea of getting a second job, other athletics, not to mention the fact that I am trying to invite romance into my life. Um, wait a second. Yikes!
However, I don't think the rules about doubles are that stringent at my studio, and if I squeeze in a few 6 am'ers, which I hate, but are very good for strengthening the will, I should be able to pull it off. I want to pull it off. I can do it!
In addition to everything I just mentioned, I was contemplating how much my friends and family have protested during previous challenges I've committed myself to over the years, leaving as they do my already tight schedule even less open to requests like accompaniment to the mall, acquaintances' birthday celebrations, and attendance at pointless hangout sessions. The truth is, this is an opportunity to just say no, something I've struggled with. I believe we're conditioned to believe that saying 'no' and putting our own asses first makes us second rate citizens, and I have certainly been guilty of a severe reluctance to say no, and when I do, man does the guilt come pouring down like a tropical rainstorm.
But as I've aged, I've come to realize the value of being selfish. The need to say no. I think in the end we do our loved ones a disservice by not making our own prominent needs and desires top priority in our own lives. Also, putting oneself last consistently over the years (which is exactly what we do when we let our jobs and the people in our lives take precedence over taking proper care of ourselves, or just putting off the things we really want to do for so long we forgot we ever had important things we ever wanted to do) causes cancer. That's a fact!
So when people tell me they're running a race or wearing a yellow flower or rubber band around their wrist for cancer (all of which contributes to the problem, in my opinion, as it perpetuates the false notion that what we're really after here is a 'cure') I am going to tell them that I am doing my part by saying 'no' to things I really don't want to do and 'yes' to what I actually want to do. For cancer! No, not to cure it. To prevent it, of course. And I sincerely hope that everyone I know starts doing the same.
Moving along, why do I want to do this?
Well, I've been averaging about 3-4 classes a week for the past couple of months, and although that's quite good, I feel in my heart that I'd like to step it up a notch. Also, the last time I practiced regularly before this 7 month period that I have been going strong with, I was on a challenge, which, as I mentioned, I failed to complete, and this has been hanging over my head. I did complete about 4 or 5 previous 30 day challenges prior to that, but they were so hard for me. I struggled so much, and then my practice would always drop off afterwards for weeks at a time. I really want to do this one right.
I should also mention that I am considering, in a rather lighthearted way that is still in the wistful phase, that I am considering the teacher training program for Fall of this year, or next year. I have told a few people about this. I should mention right away that I truly don't know if I have what it takes to go to teacher training. It seems crazy. The sleep deprivation aspect especially makes it extremely daunting. I also don't know if I am a strong enough yogi to represent to the masses. For instance, I am not the type of practitioner that teachers and studio directors would approach to go to training - nothing like that! Then there's the time off work - nine weeks is a long time. And I don't know where the money will come from.
All of that being said, I've been on this scene for over 7 years. I know the drill. I believe in the system. I support the franchise. I already have faith that I am an excellent teacher, and intellectually, I am capable of the job. I feel I have something unique and valuable to offer. Anyway, all that really matters is that the seed of desire exists inside of me, and this has become a tentative goal, or plan. And in any case, I feel that completing this challenge (or unable to complete it due to lack of will) could at least be an indication of whether this is truly not an option for me at this time.
Mistakes I made from my last challenge that I will not make this time:
Overeating
Eating the wrong kind of food
Not sleeping enough
Overdoing it every class
Drinking too much alcohol
Not drinking enough water
Not getting enough massages
Ta-da! That is the exhaustive list.
There are several reasons I'm keen on doing this challenge. I'll get back to them in a minute.
I do believe that I have the physical stamina to make it through this challenge. My only concerns are being in the bridal party for an in-town wedding next month that has lots of other events attached to it, (stagette, shower, rehearsal dinner, family get-togethers, etc.), and a weekend out of town near the end of May. I am also quite busy with work and other projects, my social life, an unusually high requirement for downtime that is necessary to my sanity, toying with the idea of getting a second job, other athletics, not to mention the fact that I am trying to invite romance into my life. Um, wait a second. Yikes!
However, I don't think the rules about doubles are that stringent at my studio, and if I squeeze in a few 6 am'ers, which I hate, but are very good for strengthening the will, I should be able to pull it off. I want to pull it off. I can do it!
In addition to everything I just mentioned, I was contemplating how much my friends and family have protested during previous challenges I've committed myself to over the years, leaving as they do my already tight schedule even less open to requests like accompaniment to the mall, acquaintances' birthday celebrations, and attendance at pointless hangout sessions. The truth is, this is an opportunity to just say no, something I've struggled with. I believe we're conditioned to believe that saying 'no' and putting our own asses first makes us second rate citizens, and I have certainly been guilty of a severe reluctance to say no, and when I do, man does the guilt come pouring down like a tropical rainstorm.
But as I've aged, I've come to realize the value of being selfish. The need to say no. I think in the end we do our loved ones a disservice by not making our own prominent needs and desires top priority in our own lives. Also, putting oneself last consistently over the years (which is exactly what we do when we let our jobs and the people in our lives take precedence over taking proper care of ourselves, or just putting off the things we really want to do for so long we forgot we ever had important things we ever wanted to do) causes cancer. That's a fact!
So when people tell me they're running a race or wearing a yellow flower or rubber band around their wrist for cancer (all of which contributes to the problem, in my opinion, as it perpetuates the false notion that what we're really after here is a 'cure') I am going to tell them that I am doing my part by saying 'no' to things I really don't want to do and 'yes' to what I actually want to do. For cancer! No, not to cure it. To prevent it, of course. And I sincerely hope that everyone I know starts doing the same.
Moving along, why do I want to do this?
Well, I've been averaging about 3-4 classes a week for the past couple of months, and although that's quite good, I feel in my heart that I'd like to step it up a notch. Also, the last time I practiced regularly before this 7 month period that I have been going strong with, I was on a challenge, which, as I mentioned, I failed to complete, and this has been hanging over my head. I did complete about 4 or 5 previous 30 day challenges prior to that, but they were so hard for me. I struggled so much, and then my practice would always drop off afterwards for weeks at a time. I really want to do this one right.
I should also mention that I am considering, in a rather lighthearted way that is still in the wistful phase, that I am considering the teacher training program for Fall of this year, or next year. I have told a few people about this. I should mention right away that I truly don't know if I have what it takes to go to teacher training. It seems crazy. The sleep deprivation aspect especially makes it extremely daunting. I also don't know if I am a strong enough yogi to represent to the masses. For instance, I am not the type of practitioner that teachers and studio directors would approach to go to training - nothing like that! Then there's the time off work - nine weeks is a long time. And I don't know where the money will come from.
All of that being said, I've been on this scene for over 7 years. I know the drill. I believe in the system. I support the franchise. I already have faith that I am an excellent teacher, and intellectually, I am capable of the job. I feel I have something unique and valuable to offer. Anyway, all that really matters is that the seed of desire exists inside of me, and this has become a tentative goal, or plan. And in any case, I feel that completing this challenge (or unable to complete it due to lack of will) could at least be an indication of whether this is truly not an option for me at this time.
Tuesday, April 09, 2013
It's tough, but it's worth it!
There was a man in our very hot class today, in the back corner beside the metal rail like you see in the handicapped bathroom. (Boy did this man need that rail.) I would say he was about 65 years old, but possibly older, and he had a large, square body with the loose skin of the Floridian winter crowd, and big floppy man boobs.
Let me tell ya: No one in that room was working as hard as that guy. This man was climbing the summit of Mount Everest back there - I am not exaggerating. To illustrate, these are the words that my mind is conjuring up in association to what he was producing, mainly in the form of gasping, grunting and groaning, as he shook and shuddered his way through the class:
- a furious bear
- a conch shell
- the gurgling, sputtering and coughing when a big gulp of drink goes down the wrong pipe
- a woman in labor
- darth vader
- teen girl watching a horror movie
Anyway, the thing that really struck me, ultimately, is that no one in the class including myself paid this guy one bit of attention of even really noticed him until the teacher addressed the two new girls (first day) who I guess kept turning around to look at him with looks of deep concern. The teacher, in a very calm voice that was neither concerned nor uncaring, just said "Don't worry, He's fine."
It got me wondering why no one else was worried about him. Keep in mind that he was by no means calling out for help or falling down or anything. He was pushing through every posture of the standing series.
I realized that we all know how difficult the class can be at any stage (and especially remember back to our early days, at least those of us that didn't arrive in the class with the bodies of world class athletes) and also know how beneficial it is to the health, and maybe it doesn't even occur to us to be worried about someone, even if they are having a really hard time. I truly believe that the best place a sick or out of shape person can be is in that hot room practicing yoga the best they can, and although I can't speak for everyone in class that day, the two new girls and their worried faces honestly stood out more than that old guy, even as he roared like a lion on the plains of the serengheti.
I wonder if a lot of people whose hearts do not beat to the rhythm of this crazy hot yoga, so-called health experts, athletes in other arenas, etc., would be thinking that the new girls were right to be concerned, and the rest of us were jaded, distracted, or brainwashed. I don't know. It's something to think about. But in that moment that the teacher spoke, I knew for certain in some recess of my mind that the man would walk out of there perfectly fine, and so he did, and I DO believe he's the better for coming and giving the effort that he did. And to take that one step further, if someone were to advise him (based on his apparent difficulties with the postures and the heat and whatever else) to try a gentler form of yoga, I would be absolutely against that.
Let me tell ya: No one in that room was working as hard as that guy. This man was climbing the summit of Mount Everest back there - I am not exaggerating. To illustrate, these are the words that my mind is conjuring up in association to what he was producing, mainly in the form of gasping, grunting and groaning, as he shook and shuddered his way through the class:
- a furious bear
- a conch shell
- the gurgling, sputtering and coughing when a big gulp of drink goes down the wrong pipe
- a woman in labor
- darth vader
- teen girl watching a horror movie
Anyway, the thing that really struck me, ultimately, is that no one in the class including myself paid this guy one bit of attention of even really noticed him until the teacher addressed the two new girls (first day) who I guess kept turning around to look at him with looks of deep concern. The teacher, in a very calm voice that was neither concerned nor uncaring, just said "Don't worry, He's fine."
It got me wondering why no one else was worried about him. Keep in mind that he was by no means calling out for help or falling down or anything. He was pushing through every posture of the standing series.
I realized that we all know how difficult the class can be at any stage (and especially remember back to our early days, at least those of us that didn't arrive in the class with the bodies of world class athletes) and also know how beneficial it is to the health, and maybe it doesn't even occur to us to be worried about someone, even if they are having a really hard time. I truly believe that the best place a sick or out of shape person can be is in that hot room practicing yoga the best they can, and although I can't speak for everyone in class that day, the two new girls and their worried faces honestly stood out more than that old guy, even as he roared like a lion on the plains of the serengheti.
I wonder if a lot of people whose hearts do not beat to the rhythm of this crazy hot yoga, so-called health experts, athletes in other arenas, etc., would be thinking that the new girls were right to be concerned, and the rest of us were jaded, distracted, or brainwashed. I don't know. It's something to think about. But in that moment that the teacher spoke, I knew for certain in some recess of my mind that the man would walk out of there perfectly fine, and so he did, and I DO believe he's the better for coming and giving the effort that he did. And to take that one step further, if someone were to advise him (based on his apparent difficulties with the postures and the heat and whatever else) to try a gentler form of yoga, I would be absolutely against that.
Tuesday, April 02, 2013
Yoga Update
It hardly seems possible, but I've been back at this yoga for about four and a half months now.
Wow. Great! In the past, when I was younger and a party girl, I would have really struggled to go this regularly without the aid of a thirty day challenge or a buddy to keep me hanging on. But I am doing this all by myself, with no one to motivate me. It definitely helped that I was laid off work for a while and had a lot of free time. This was great during that time because it takes so long (getting to the studio, nintely minute class, showering, etc.) - I was happy for something to do! Now I'm back at work full time and really serious about staying healthy and slim and saving my money!
My first month or so back, I was going really strong, and I had a lot of renewed energy. However, the studio I was at for that month was rather cold (I won't say which one it was, heehee) - many classes, I struggled to break a sweat, let along soak my outfit, towel, hair, and surrounding area. It really pissed me off, actually - I hope that something has been done about that. Goodness knows I complained about it more than a couple times. I realize now what a difference the heat makes to the difficulty of the yoga series as I had been thinking I'd just gotten really good at the yoga and it had become a piece of cake for me. Yuk yuk -- yeah right. I guess I forgot the saying, "It doesn't get any easier." Anyway, not hot enough at all - I won't go back if I can help it, although I don't know where I'll be living in future, and it's vital for my practice and commitment that a studio be close by. But I see now that the lack of heat actually gave me a lot of strength that I often don't have when I'm sizzling and shaking like a slice of bacon on the grill, and allowed me a level of playfulness in the postures. It was kinda neat doing Bikram yoga in (what felt like but probably wasn't) a normal temperature. I think overall it was a good experience and a good adjustment period for me, after three years of very patchy attendance.
My second month back on the train was at a completely different studio, one I'd never been to before, as I've been moving around a lot this year due to a period of unsettlement in my life. I really appreciated that studio as there was easy parking and it was never very busy, so it was always nice and quiet. God knows the chaos of the ladies' change room is enough to make me threaten to retire to a mountain cabin for all of my remaining days. However, unfortunately one side of the room was just a big window, and it was January at that time, the coldest time of year. It was difficult to keep the heat in. At least I was always breaking a sweat, (the later in the day the better, so I started going to the last class of the day), but on average this studio also wasn't hot enough for my liking. (Again I piped up about this many times and that's how I found out it was due to the big window, lol :)) At least I usually had a few reluctant beads of sweat covering my body, but at the end of class my clothing was just lightly damp, and my towel usually remained relatively dry. Lazy as I am, I often cheated and tried to use my feet to suck up all the wetness in different parts of my body to make my towel wetter for grip during triangle, but unless I used my full strength I was Slidy McGee, because halfway through the series, no matter what I did, my towel was the sahara desert. Anyway, it was during this second month that changes started to happen in my body (no I don't mean the good kind) and I developed a lot of pain in my lower back. More about this to come.
I took a break of about two and a half weeks before getting yet my third unlimited monthly package at my home studio, where I began and attended class for many years. (I still had 14 classes from an no-expiry date 20 class package I bought about three years ago, and I used all of those up in between buying memberships at these other studios, beginning in about the middle of November, which means I've actually been back at the yoga for over five months.) The heating system at this studio is amazing, and always has been. Almost every class is steaming HOT, the way I like it, and the way that absolutely destroys me. I am in my second month now, and I have been completely expelling each and every ounce of fluid from my body during almost all classes. Now I really, really see how much more difficult classes can be in the super hot, humid environment - of course it also depends on where you are in your body that day, how much salt you consumed, what you ate, how much you drank - you know what I mean if you practice. I regularly have classes where I have to sit or lie out a posture or two, feel nauseous, dizzy, exhausted beyond being able to think, and have to lie there for up to 10 or fifteen minutes post class, recovering and getting my strength back.
It's fucking great!
But like I said, I've really done something to my lower back - I began to feel it a couple of months ago, about late January. I didn't really do anything weird or get injured per se, can't attribute it to beginning in one particular class - the pain was just suddenly there all the time: during class, after, while I lay in bed at night. I am pretty sure it is due to forcing my body back into alignment (whatever that means, but there was always something funky going on with my hips), and pushing too hard through the pain when I should have been taking it easier. Not sure precisely what's going on, whether it's a pinched nerve or sciatica or even a slipped disc (yikes), but in addition to the pain and limited mobility/flexibility during the postures, especially on my right side, in my every day life I just don't feel limber, like when I run for the bus or bend down to grab something, I'm like an old lady. I surprise myself, because still I expect to be a quick moving bunny, and then when I feel the limitation, the stabbing pain, sometimes, it's like "Oh yeah. Shit."
Every yoga teacher I ask tells me something different (a fact I lament, and I have a lot more to say about this at some other date) and I have read some scary stuff online that actually had me questioning whether I should be doing the yoga at all. I haven't been to a doctor or chiropractor or anybody like that - that's not really my style, although if I can't work the kinks out through my own methods within the next couple months I may resort to something like that. I'm not sure, I don't really trust the so-called experts, mainly based on the results I hear about. I don't know. Again, I won't rule anything out ultimately, that would be stupid, I just don't want anyone getting their hands on me and making it worse, and I have seen that happen in people.
I've surmised from what I've read and from what I've been told, and of course in listening to my body, that for now I am best off barely doing forward bends at all, but going for it more than every with the backward bends. That means I have my knees very very bent during Hands to Feet pose, I don't kick out during Standing Head to Knee, I'm very careful not to have my hips out of alignment during Standing Bow, Balancing Stick, and Standing Separate Leg Head to Knee (that's 3 different postures), I place my hands on the floor during Standing Separate Leg Stretching, I do a light Sit-Up, I barely push my hips up in Rabbit, and I bend my knee up more than ever before in Head to Knee with Stretching. Meanwhile, I do everything else the same, and I give extra effort during all backbends, especially the spine strengthening series and Camel. After about six classes like this, I have definitely noticed improvement in my lower back, and actually during this afternoon's class I was very tempted to go back to my full expression during the forward bending postures, but I told myself I had better continue to take it easy for a little while longer.
I don't want to not be a limber person that can't jog to the corner store or get out of bed without pain. I know that teachers say that it is all part of the process, but I'm sorry: how long does the process last, and at the end of the day, what's the freaking point? The process of WHAT exactly, people?! The teachers I asked (and it was more of an investigative experiment than a true request for good advice because I don't actually trust that any of them can answer any of my questions to a satisfiable degree of expertise, I am truly sorry to say) all piped up about their own suddenly appearing hurts, pains, and limitations, and those of other teachers, as though to inspire or comfort me. Actually, it just worried me, and again, caused me to ask: WHY?
Why are we putting ourselves through this?
Millions of people that don't do yoga are walking around on this planet in fairly good health, and maybe they're out of alignment, maybe their bodies are actually in cold storage - but as long as they are in reasonable shape they seem to feel generally great, and they don't know the difference. They can dash across the hall without wincing in pain and rubbing their back for the next ten minutes like a car accident victim.
I know that the Bikram yoga series done in heat helps me to feel absolutely tremendous from the inside, (health-wise, system wise, organ wise, fitness wise, bodily-function wise, you get the picture), no matter what, and because I've never suffered from a serious physical injury, the health benefits are the true miracle for me. But it just doesn't make sense to me that I can only feel that good at the expense of my physical body, such as in my ligaments and tendons, joints and muscles, and bones. That's not how I want to feel in my body. I don't want to feel shitty on the outside. Straight up! Therefore, I think the best thing to do is just ease up for a significant period of time, and stop being concerned about how flexible I am, how good I look. (I don't even look that good anyway! Who am I kidding?) Even in the state I am in now, I am much more flexible than I ever was, even as a kid, before I started the yoga. Isn't that enough? I think it is, Miss Adriana.
Outside of the yoga room, I've been experimenting with the miracle ball system (google it), and continuing to do my pilates, which is a better core strengthener than any yoga practice I've ever done, and other stuff I usually do like biking and swimming. Oh yeah, that reminds me: lately cycling has also left my tailbone feeling sore, which is definitely connected to the lower back pain I have been describing here. I have to ride my bike. One of my friends told me that my cycling may also be contributing to my reduced flexibility, which is a bit of a shame, but I love it almost as much as I love yoga. Once again, the crazy flexibility I once aspired to is no longer the goal it once was.
I've also been trying to be more mindful of my posture, wear good shoes all the time, keep my stomach in whenever I think about it, and things like that.
I also wanted to mention that I've decided to change the focus of this blog somewhat to include the other things that are important to me at this time, mainly in terms of my finances, relationships, career, and what I want for my future. I am aspiring to bring about a lot of change in my life through discarding old, negative patterns in thoughts and behaviour, and adjusting and replacing them with new, empowered, ways of thinking and behaving, largely influenced by the teachings of the law of attraction. I touched upon this in a few earlier blog entries. I think I have a lot of good stuff to say, a lot of experience, and some good results. I am successful in unusual ways, and I'd like to share that with the people!
Overall, I feel I am at a good place in my life and I want to continue down this path and see where I end up. Cheers!
Wow. Great! In the past, when I was younger and a party girl, I would have really struggled to go this regularly without the aid of a thirty day challenge or a buddy to keep me hanging on. But I am doing this all by myself, with no one to motivate me. It definitely helped that I was laid off work for a while and had a lot of free time. This was great during that time because it takes so long (getting to the studio, nintely minute class, showering, etc.) - I was happy for something to do! Now I'm back at work full time and really serious about staying healthy and slim and saving my money!
My first month or so back, I was going really strong, and I had a lot of renewed energy. However, the studio I was at for that month was rather cold (I won't say which one it was, heehee) - many classes, I struggled to break a sweat, let along soak my outfit, towel, hair, and surrounding area. It really pissed me off, actually - I hope that something has been done about that. Goodness knows I complained about it more than a couple times. I realize now what a difference the heat makes to the difficulty of the yoga series as I had been thinking I'd just gotten really good at the yoga and it had become a piece of cake for me. Yuk yuk -- yeah right. I guess I forgot the saying, "It doesn't get any easier." Anyway, not hot enough at all - I won't go back if I can help it, although I don't know where I'll be living in future, and it's vital for my practice and commitment that a studio be close by. But I see now that the lack of heat actually gave me a lot of strength that I often don't have when I'm sizzling and shaking like a slice of bacon on the grill, and allowed me a level of playfulness in the postures. It was kinda neat doing Bikram yoga in (what felt like but probably wasn't) a normal temperature. I think overall it was a good experience and a good adjustment period for me, after three years of very patchy attendance.
My second month back on the train was at a completely different studio, one I'd never been to before, as I've been moving around a lot this year due to a period of unsettlement in my life. I really appreciated that studio as there was easy parking and it was never very busy, so it was always nice and quiet. God knows the chaos of the ladies' change room is enough to make me threaten to retire to a mountain cabin for all of my remaining days. However, unfortunately one side of the room was just a big window, and it was January at that time, the coldest time of year. It was difficult to keep the heat in. At least I was always breaking a sweat, (the later in the day the better, so I started going to the last class of the day), but on average this studio also wasn't hot enough for my liking. (Again I piped up about this many times and that's how I found out it was due to the big window, lol :)) At least I usually had a few reluctant beads of sweat covering my body, but at the end of class my clothing was just lightly damp, and my towel usually remained relatively dry. Lazy as I am, I often cheated and tried to use my feet to suck up all the wetness in different parts of my body to make my towel wetter for grip during triangle, but unless I used my full strength I was Slidy McGee, because halfway through the series, no matter what I did, my towel was the sahara desert. Anyway, it was during this second month that changes started to happen in my body (no I don't mean the good kind) and I developed a lot of pain in my lower back. More about this to come.
I took a break of about two and a half weeks before getting yet my third unlimited monthly package at my home studio, where I began and attended class for many years. (I still had 14 classes from an no-expiry date 20 class package I bought about three years ago, and I used all of those up in between buying memberships at these other studios, beginning in about the middle of November, which means I've actually been back at the yoga for over five months.) The heating system at this studio is amazing, and always has been. Almost every class is steaming HOT, the way I like it, and the way that absolutely destroys me. I am in my second month now, and I have been completely expelling each and every ounce of fluid from my body during almost all classes. Now I really, really see how much more difficult classes can be in the super hot, humid environment - of course it also depends on where you are in your body that day, how much salt you consumed, what you ate, how much you drank - you know what I mean if you practice. I regularly have classes where I have to sit or lie out a posture or two, feel nauseous, dizzy, exhausted beyond being able to think, and have to lie there for up to 10 or fifteen minutes post class, recovering and getting my strength back.
It's fucking great!
But like I said, I've really done something to my lower back - I began to feel it a couple of months ago, about late January. I didn't really do anything weird or get injured per se, can't attribute it to beginning in one particular class - the pain was just suddenly there all the time: during class, after, while I lay in bed at night. I am pretty sure it is due to forcing my body back into alignment (whatever that means, but there was always something funky going on with my hips), and pushing too hard through the pain when I should have been taking it easier. Not sure precisely what's going on, whether it's a pinched nerve or sciatica or even a slipped disc (yikes), but in addition to the pain and limited mobility/flexibility during the postures, especially on my right side, in my every day life I just don't feel limber, like when I run for the bus or bend down to grab something, I'm like an old lady. I surprise myself, because still I expect to be a quick moving bunny, and then when I feel the limitation, the stabbing pain, sometimes, it's like "Oh yeah. Shit."
Every yoga teacher I ask tells me something different (a fact I lament, and I have a lot more to say about this at some other date) and I have read some scary stuff online that actually had me questioning whether I should be doing the yoga at all. I haven't been to a doctor or chiropractor or anybody like that - that's not really my style, although if I can't work the kinks out through my own methods within the next couple months I may resort to something like that. I'm not sure, I don't really trust the so-called experts, mainly based on the results I hear about. I don't know. Again, I won't rule anything out ultimately, that would be stupid, I just don't want anyone getting their hands on me and making it worse, and I have seen that happen in people.
I've surmised from what I've read and from what I've been told, and of course in listening to my body, that for now I am best off barely doing forward bends at all, but going for it more than every with the backward bends. That means I have my knees very very bent during Hands to Feet pose, I don't kick out during Standing Head to Knee, I'm very careful not to have my hips out of alignment during Standing Bow, Balancing Stick, and Standing Separate Leg Head to Knee (that's 3 different postures), I place my hands on the floor during Standing Separate Leg Stretching, I do a light Sit-Up, I barely push my hips up in Rabbit, and I bend my knee up more than ever before in Head to Knee with Stretching. Meanwhile, I do everything else the same, and I give extra effort during all backbends, especially the spine strengthening series and Camel. After about six classes like this, I have definitely noticed improvement in my lower back, and actually during this afternoon's class I was very tempted to go back to my full expression during the forward bending postures, but I told myself I had better continue to take it easy for a little while longer.
I don't want to not be a limber person that can't jog to the corner store or get out of bed without pain. I know that teachers say that it is all part of the process, but I'm sorry: how long does the process last, and at the end of the day, what's the freaking point? The process of WHAT exactly, people?! The teachers I asked (and it was more of an investigative experiment than a true request for good advice because I don't actually trust that any of them can answer any of my questions to a satisfiable degree of expertise, I am truly sorry to say) all piped up about their own suddenly appearing hurts, pains, and limitations, and those of other teachers, as though to inspire or comfort me. Actually, it just worried me, and again, caused me to ask: WHY?
Why are we putting ourselves through this?
Millions of people that don't do yoga are walking around on this planet in fairly good health, and maybe they're out of alignment, maybe their bodies are actually in cold storage - but as long as they are in reasonable shape they seem to feel generally great, and they don't know the difference. They can dash across the hall without wincing in pain and rubbing their back for the next ten minutes like a car accident victim.
I know that the Bikram yoga series done in heat helps me to feel absolutely tremendous from the inside, (health-wise, system wise, organ wise, fitness wise, bodily-function wise, you get the picture), no matter what, and because I've never suffered from a serious physical injury, the health benefits are the true miracle for me. But it just doesn't make sense to me that I can only feel that good at the expense of my physical body, such as in my ligaments and tendons, joints and muscles, and bones. That's not how I want to feel in my body. I don't want to feel shitty on the outside. Straight up! Therefore, I think the best thing to do is just ease up for a significant period of time, and stop being concerned about how flexible I am, how good I look. (I don't even look that good anyway! Who am I kidding?) Even in the state I am in now, I am much more flexible than I ever was, even as a kid, before I started the yoga. Isn't that enough? I think it is, Miss Adriana.
Outside of the yoga room, I've been experimenting with the miracle ball system (google it), and continuing to do my pilates, which is a better core strengthener than any yoga practice I've ever done, and other stuff I usually do like biking and swimming. Oh yeah, that reminds me: lately cycling has also left my tailbone feeling sore, which is definitely connected to the lower back pain I have been describing here. I have to ride my bike. One of my friends told me that my cycling may also be contributing to my reduced flexibility, which is a bit of a shame, but I love it almost as much as I love yoga. Once again, the crazy flexibility I once aspired to is no longer the goal it once was.
I've also been trying to be more mindful of my posture, wear good shoes all the time, keep my stomach in whenever I think about it, and things like that.
I also wanted to mention that I've decided to change the focus of this blog somewhat to include the other things that are important to me at this time, mainly in terms of my finances, relationships, career, and what I want for my future. I am aspiring to bring about a lot of change in my life through discarding old, negative patterns in thoughts and behaviour, and adjusting and replacing them with new, empowered, ways of thinking and behaving, largely influenced by the teachings of the law of attraction. I touched upon this in a few earlier blog entries. I think I have a lot of good stuff to say, a lot of experience, and some good results. I am successful in unusual ways, and I'd like to share that with the people!
Overall, I feel I am at a good place in my life and I want to continue down this path and see where I end up. Cheers!
Monday, April 01, 2013
LOA thinking!
Jesus said, above all things I want you to prosper. I want to prosper too!
The universe is not a thing that is going to push us around.
We are allowed and able to DEMAND THAT THE UNIVERSE GIVE US WHAT WE WANT!
So, I have been immersing myself in the application of Law of Attraction principles in order to turn my life around and get what I want! I have been studying and trying to practice LOA since 2007, and it's definitely changed my way of thinking, and helped me to get my life on track. (That could also be in part due to the process of maturation, but there are many links in this life.) I used to be such a flounderer, as I've alluded to in this blog, and in some ways, I still am. But I'm proud of the great strides I've made, and I do attribute many of my successes to the teachings and principles associated with LOA, mindfulness, and New Age thought. I don't feel that this stuff is merely a heap of dismiss-worthy nonsense. Some of it, yes. And I realize that a lot of people who are into "woo" type stuff can be rather credulous. Some stuff I've heard individual people say is silly and even dangerous, and that turned me off everything, including all religious thought, for many years (that was during my skeptical/rational stage, which I'll get into another time). I guess what got me to where I am today in terms of my own personal philosophy was all the silly and dangerous teachings thrown about in all fields - in the skeptic crowd, in science, in philosophy, in medicine, (of course), and in our culture. I'm still in the process of rejecting everything I've been taught or influenced to think and establishing what I want to believe, what is important to me, what actually appeals to me rationally and intuitively. It's a process.
I can tell you that it's not easy to change the subconscious, to unlearn and re-write. You also don't want to completely discard all the good things you've learned. I've long pondered that living in the information age is the ultimate blessing and curse, because I have always been enamoured of the Internet and how beneficial it is, but at the same time also leads people down bizarre paths of belief, and it becomes very difficult to decipher what is credible and good information, and what absolutely isn't.
Anyway, depending on how strong our limiting beliefs are, (and I have some seemingly iron clad limiting beliefs, it would seem), it becomes something where if you truly want success, you have to change your whole approach to life, and become a very strong person, strong in your views, confident in your decisions and assertions. Sometimes I feel that I am, and other times, I'm back to floundering.
For me, it's not that I don't believe in the principles or understand them, it's just that applying them and avoiding going back into the negative thought loop has been very challenging for me. I have been so prone to thinking negatively, and being fearful - all that.
Last night, something significant happened during my meditation (I should say that for me, meditation is twenty minutes per day of just sitting there completely still, with my eyes closed, trying to focus on my breathing and curb the barrage of thoughts that race through my head). Inevitably, my mind starts wandering - anyway, I began to REALLY visualize what I wanted in a way I hadn't been doing. A lot of times I repeat affirmations (not during meditation usually unless I really cannot focus), but so far that hasn't been a very effective tool for me. (And I believe that they can be for many people, and they may be for me one day, but just that has not been the case thus far.) But whether it was due to my pleasant level of fatigue or that I am becoming a better meditator (and visualizer, as I had been doing visualizations last Saturday because my chakra theme of the day was third eye chakra, so I was just doing some exercises I had learned), I just visualized myself where I wanted to be in a very powerful, clear, and real way, and it felt like I was doing something I had never done before.
And suddently there was a spider crawling on me, down my arm! A big one. I yelped and jumped out of meditation, and brushed it off my arm and on to my bed. It didn't bother me that much because I am not really that scared of spiders, but I couldn't help thinking "This is a sign!" I honestly dont even remember the last time I saw a spider, let alone found one crawling on me. I don't think I ever have. And it had to come at that very moment?! I felt very strongly that it was some kind of sign, that I had found the key to making LOA work for me - although it cut my meditation short and that was a little disappointing!
Resulting thought: Words are for wimps. Mental pics are for mighty warriors! (That just came to me after my meditation, it's not meant to be particularly clever.)
I had a long sleep last night because I was tired and I needed it, about 9 hours. My body asked for that and I am grateful I was able to give it to myself. That will have a positive effect on my entire day.
My first thought today (as it has been so many times) was, AGAIN? Since I started devoting myself to the project of re-creating my life into exactly what I want it to be and diminishing my bad habits, every day has seemed so long, such a trial! I have been sorting through so much data in my brain as well as taking in new information, re-writing all the old codes and making discoveries. Every day is really a big, big day. I imagine that this is what young children with brains like sponges go through, just sucking up heaps of information every day and then the processing that goes with it. No wonder they sleep so soundly. (Whereas I think adults just start to worry and mull over everything and that takes up so much energy it's hard to learn new things, and worrying and mulling do not encourage good sleep! So, calling it quits with my co-dependent relationship with worry and mulling and instead devoting my energies to learning and processing is one of my biggest projects!)
Anyway, I am absolutely up for the challenge, but first thing in the morning it does feel somewhat overwhelming, because in truth I am not a child, I am an adult, and I have been trained for so long to just worry about everything. I think something that adds to that is not being organized, waking up to a messy room or shaky plans, waking up and having to be in a rush (if it is a work day, which today wasn't, of course.) And I have seen evidence of that feeling being somewhat diminished or lessened when I wake up completely organized and with my day all planned out. It is really MUCH better, and this also applies to non-work days. This is hard for me because of my long habits of disorderly and chaotic dealings with my belongings and my living space - again, another project.
(Another idea I had was putting my chakra focus affirmation card by my bed and thinking about that first thing. Just taking a few moments to build up the courage to start all over again.)
Back to my disorganized ways, lately I have become really annoyed and exhausted when leaving the house takes me half an hour just to get my bag packed and find everything I need, or more. It's ridiculous, I totally reject it. What a waste of time. And so many days, it has been like that. In a way it's not my wrong-doing because whether I am walking, driving, or taking the bus, I do need different things, and I want to bring varied things anyway because of the types of things I like to do. But it is excessive, and still a challenge. Today will be better.
Reacting
Reacting (originally written on Friday, March 29th, 2013)
It has often been the case that I will find myself in a good or neutral sort of mood, and then have a negative encounter with someone that gets me down. It can change my mood completely, even the course of my entire day. Throughout the past few years I have come to realize that maybe there is something that I can do about this. It's something we hear a lot (we can control our reactions), but I have actually found it quite challenging. I'm happy to report that I have had some progress.
It is still MUCH easier for me to maintain a positive or neutral mood when my interactions are pleasant, and I don't come into contact with people who have a "bad energy" feel to them.
However, I think it's significant that reaching a place where you can control the way (and the degree to which) other people affect you is a process. We hear that we can do this, and think that the next negative encounter will magically be different, just because we've decided that is what we want. And then, before we know it, a negative encounter occurs, we let ourselves get worked up or upset or offended, and to boot now we blame ourselves for not dealing with it properly. But reacting poorly is a habit, and habits take time to break. The fact that it isn't easy allows us to grow and develop. Overcoming challenge is a major part of the human experience!
That being said, I think it's very important to recognize what is and what isn't a personal challenge for ourselves as individuals. For instance, one thing I have always been good at was dealing with difficult customers. I started working with the public at a young age, and to this day (though I've had several different kinds of jobs) I still work with people, and it requires a lot of patience that I absolutely have. I used to pride myself on this, until I thought about the fact that it just came naturally to me. People often comment on my patience, as though I am constantly exercising great control over my reactions. However, I am usually not. It's just the way I am. Having patience with customers and guests and students is not my challenge, as it is for some people. My challenge is dealing with people in authority, such as managers and bosses, landlords, and even still my parents. I get my feelings hurt easily, and often feel as though I am disliked, or being treated unfairly, or used, and especially that I have done something wrong. Negative (or sometimes even neutral) encounters with a person in authority can result in a lot of stress for me. This is my personal challenge, and I still have a long way to go.
One thing that I have found very helpful, not only in unpleasant or unwanted dealings with people, but also situations like bad traffic or an unexpected bill, is acknowledging the way I actually feel, and showing myself a little compassion. I tend to get mad at myself for feeling bad. What good is that? I also find that being fake or phony with myself, or being overly optimistic or dismissive is not helpful. My mind knows when I am being dishonest with myself. If I am trying to enjoy myself, and then hear some disappointing news, or someone says something that hurts my feelings, I can't just carry on as though nothing happened in the name of not letting situations and people have control over what I am feeling - I think this is a common mistake people make. Maybe it does work for some people - I don't know. In my case, giving myself a few moments to discover what I am feeling, and why, and just accept the way I feel as the response of a fairly normal person, makes it surprisingly easy to let the whole thing go. I don't remember to do this every time, especially when I am in a hurry or high stress situation (such as work). Needless to say, though, I hope to use this technique more and more.
It is still MUCH easier for me to maintain a positive or neutral mood when my interactions are pleasant, and I don't come into contact with people who have a "bad energy" feel to them.
However, I think it's significant that reaching a place where you can control the way (and the degree to which) other people affect you is a process. We hear that we can do this, and think that the next negative encounter will magically be different, just because we've decided that is what we want. And then, before we know it, a negative encounter occurs, we let ourselves get worked up or upset or offended, and to boot now we blame ourselves for not dealing with it properly. But reacting poorly is a habit, and habits take time to break. The fact that it isn't easy allows us to grow and develop. Overcoming challenge is a major part of the human experience!
That being said, I think it's very important to recognize what is and what isn't a personal challenge for ourselves as individuals. For instance, one thing I have always been good at was dealing with difficult customers. I started working with the public at a young age, and to this day (though I've had several different kinds of jobs) I still work with people, and it requires a lot of patience that I absolutely have. I used to pride myself on this, until I thought about the fact that it just came naturally to me. People often comment on my patience, as though I am constantly exercising great control over my reactions. However, I am usually not. It's just the way I am. Having patience with customers and guests and students is not my challenge, as it is for some people. My challenge is dealing with people in authority, such as managers and bosses, landlords, and even still my parents. I get my feelings hurt easily, and often feel as though I am disliked, or being treated unfairly, or used, and especially that I have done something wrong. Negative (or sometimes even neutral) encounters with a person in authority can result in a lot of stress for me. This is my personal challenge, and I still have a long way to go.
One thing that I have found very helpful, not only in unpleasant or unwanted dealings with people, but also situations like bad traffic or an unexpected bill, is acknowledging the way I actually feel, and showing myself a little compassion. I tend to get mad at myself for feeling bad. What good is that? I also find that being fake or phony with myself, or being overly optimistic or dismissive is not helpful. My mind knows when I am being dishonest with myself. If I am trying to enjoy myself, and then hear some disappointing news, or someone says something that hurts my feelings, I can't just carry on as though nothing happened in the name of not letting situations and people have control over what I am feeling - I think this is a common mistake people make. Maybe it does work for some people - I don't know. In my case, giving myself a few moments to discover what I am feeling, and why, and just accept the way I feel as the response of a fairly normal person, makes it surprisingly easy to let the whole thing go. I don't remember to do this every time, especially when I am in a hurry or high stress situation (such as work). Needless to say, though, I hope to use this technique more and more.
The Chakras
(Originally Written on Friday, March 29, 2013)
I find it hard to grasp the concept of energy centres in the body, (also called chakras). It just doesn't come naturally to me to believe that any such thing actually exists, though I know the idea is central to many belief systems and interpretations of the way the human body works.
That being said, I have done A LOT of work with chakras, or at least been involved with stuff that incorporated them into the teachings or practices.
For example, I did a one month intensive yoga retreat during which we brought our attention to, and talked about, chakras all the time. I have also practiced different styles of yoga that involved focusing on the chakras - probably hundreds of times.
I dd another separate eight week (once per week) workshop style class on kundalini yoga - again, practically the entire focus was on the chakras.
I also took a three day tantric seminar - non-stop chakra-talk.
Come to think of it, I even studied about the chakras in university during my courses in mahayana Buddhism. And in my own time, I have read dozens of books that explored or at least referred to the chakras and energy (or chi/prana, depending on the religious system or philosophy).
Oh yes, one more thing: I took an online course in intuitive development that included two different guided meditation that involve clearing one's own chakras, which I still listen to from time to time. I have been taught that intuition in the spiritual sense is strongly linked to an awareness of the chakra.
Finally, I once had a series of energy healing treatments with the goal of unblocking my chakras and allowing energy to run more smoothly through my body. It was an enjoyable and relaxing experience, and as a matter of fact I do believe that I gained a lot of benefit from these treatments.
Oh yes, one more thing: I took an online course in intuitive development that included two different guided meditation that involve clearing one's own chakras, which I still listen to from time to time. I have been taught that intuition in the spiritual sense is strongly linked to an awareness of the chakra.
So, anyway, clearlyI would like to believe in chakras. Intelligent people I trust think of them as very real things - tangible as well. And I have felt the effects of energy healing. I do believe that people can store hurt and negativity in different places in the body, and that this can have negative consequences for their health as well as the way outside factors relate to their existence. I also believe in good and bad energy, because I am quite sensitive to it. It sounds weird, but if I don't feel well, like if I have a stomach ache or I'm tired, and I play with a puppy or cuddle a baby, or even just cuddle or get touched by a person with what I feel is good energy, I absolutely feel the benefit of that. (Actually I have felt guilty about this before, as though maybe I am taking something away from them. But I think it's OK). Nonetheless, I still struggle with feeling the positive effects of clearing out my own chakras. And I don't seem to feel that a yoga class is any different when I focus on this chakra or that one, or if I spend the whole class thinking about how I just want to be skinny and hope that I'm burning enough calories I still feel just as good or neutral. Really. Doesn't that sound superficial, but I get really annoyed with the fake talk I hear amongst people that practice yoga. I really just need to be real about this.
Anyway, I do enjoy what the chakras represent, and I am obviously attracted to philosophies and religious practices that talk about energy centres. So I decided to make the seven days of this week correspond to each of the chakras, beginning with the root, which was Monday, as part of my quest to become mindful.
I made 7 little cards, one of which to slip into my journal each day. Each has three related affirmations to help me to keep my focus. See:
By the way, I didn't make these affirmations up myself, I just found them on the Internet. I like them well enough. I also changed the screen on my iphone each day with a symbol for each of the chakras (again I found the images on the internet and just saved them on to my phone).
Here are the results so far:
On Monday, I wore a great red sweater (red is my favorite color, by the way), and focused on my root chakra, and said the affirmations quite a lot. I also tried to stay very awake and aware and non-reactive. I had a good day. However, a big issue I am having right now is with snacking, especially out of boredom and loneliness, as well as stress. I did buy a chocolate croissant on Monday. But I feel that I took an important first step in recognizing why I have been doing the snacking, and I asked myself if the urge was irresistible - my answer was yes, absolutely. Haha. So I just had the snack and was done with it.
Tuesday (sacral) was a hectic day for me. I forgot to say the affirmations. I feel this may be significant as I do struggle with second chakra issues, and I feel that making romantic connections is borderline impossible for me right now. Also, this does sound like a funny thing to admit but I am working on developing the sensual, sexy side of myself by doing things like eating and moving slower, being aware of the way I move and the expression on my face, not being so spazzy, stuff like that. And it's really tough! I also forgot to wear orange. Haha. I had a great yoga class, though - that was a highlight. Unfortunately, I felt the need for a treat again - I had a tall green tea frappuccino from Starbucks.
Wednesday was solar plexus day - the solar plexus is a huge focus of mine right now because of the emphasis placed on it in the Master Key system, (a 24 week self-study course that I am on, which I am sure I'll make reference to in the future). I don't have anything yellow, I discovered, except panties, so I wore those :) Again, I had a hectic day and kept forgetting to say my affirmations, but I did manage to keep the focus.
Yesterday, Thursday, was heart chakra day. This was significant because I found myself feeling a lot of anger and irritation with my students, my parents, even people that I didn't encounter yesterday. At first I found that disheartening (pun intended) because yesterday was the day I was "supposed" to be feeling love and forgiveness, and actually I felt less of that than usual, but eventually I just decided to go with it. That is what came up: what can you do? So I allowed myself to feel those emotions and explored them gently. I also had a bit to drink last night. Maybe I was dealing with some stuff on the sub-conscious level. I did remember to wear green.
Today is throat chakra day, and yes I am dressed in blue. I also started this blog today, and began the day with some journaling, and worked a tiny bit on my novel, which has become a real rarity. Today I am focusing on expressing to the people in my life how I truly feel in a calm, gentle, and honest way, instead keeping quiet about it and letting anger build up inside of me. This is a strong tendency that I have, one that is closely linked to my need to be liked, accepted - as well as my fear of "getting into trouble." However, it often results in nasty or unpleasant encounters where I find myself speaking bitterly, sarcastically, hurting a person's feelings, or even picking a fight. I really believe that my life and my relationships will improve dramatically once I get better at not bottling things up inside and having the courage to be honest with the people in my life about the way that I feel. I never realized how much courage it could take to be honest. But it does.
Also, I am going to work on my art in a little while, which is another aspect of being creative and expressing myself. I have been doing a lot of art lately, which feels really great.
So...the chakras. At the very least, they're a great focus. I'll report on third eye and crown chakra days (tomorrow and Sunday - which, interestingly, is Easter) in a few days.
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