I'm taking a break with my other blog because I feel that it's too negative and I don't feel any better about things after an entry. I also put pressure on myself to post, usually when I'm nowhere near a computer or in a position to be writing anything, and I've grown weary of thinking about it. I have a lot on my plate at the moment because I'm on the brink of some major life changes, so I need to use my spare time productively. Reason for change? Oh, I don't know. I feel that I've been stagnant for too long and it's time to get moving. Chop chop.
I don't like Vancouver; that's not a secret. I am only sticking around (and not for much longer) because I grew up here and I have grown scarily dependent on a support system of family and friends. Many people are in similar boats but they don't view it as a problem. It would seem that I do. However, I am of a mind that one's location shouldn't matter too much in the grand scheme of life and that it's best to make do with what you've got. In other words, there's no difference between a janitor's closet and the Himalayas; neither is inherently a "better" place to meditate, it just seems that way. Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. This is the goal, or ideal. At the same time, I feel that the spirit here is very sterile and apathetic, very humorless, and it is affecting me negatively. At this point I just don't have the resources to adequately shield myself from negative influences, and I believe that it is hindering me from making the kind of progress necessary to get on to the path of the janitor's closet. Hmmm. I also fear my thinking here may be contradictory. Nonetheless, I'm off!
I should be writing in here more frequently because, as I've mentioned, I'd like to keep a record of my progress and I have so many interesting little thoughts associated with yoga that I know I forget. I always mean to write soon after class, but instead I've taken to watching TV once I get home for some reason! I'm not sure why, but that's got to stop. I hardly watch TV, it's very rare. I am deep in thought for at least 75% of my waking hours and although it's exhausting, which is why I turn to stupid things like magazines, msn messenger, TV, weed, and alcohol, for refuge. Yoga is supposed to replace all of this! (I also thrive on this deep thinking, though, obviously, but I can't have it all the time because I'm already partially crazy.) Anyway, I especially like to daydream after class because I'm not quite ready to think deeply yet but if I do something invigorating like engage in conversation or read, I'll miss that relaxation period. However, sometimes my daydreaming gets very intense (and no I don't mean sexually!) and it turns into that same deep thinking I need a break from. So, TV gives me a chance to daydream lightly - I can't think too hard because I remain focused on the show, but I can let my thoughts wander without tensing up. It's very pleasant. I should find a way to do this that doesn't involve TV.
As they tell us, one of the most difficult things in yoga practice is achieving mental stillness. This is why I crave the really difficult classes, especially - and I know it sounds terrible - if I'm out to impress, because my mind becomes very still and focused. Does that sound right or wrong? I figure that what's going on in class and who is teaching shouldn't matter so much to my own individual practice, but I suppose these are beginner's woes. It's like this: If I am having an easy class or it is a huge class and I'm not likely to be noticed so I let myself slack a little, my mind can wander like mad. It can be very difficult to stay focused. Sometimes I even doze off during the 20 second savasanas, which is really bad. Last week, somehow, I fell asleep very briefly, right before third part of Locust, while we were flat on our faces. I even had a quick dream that someone was biting my lip. Weird. Anyway, what I wanted to say was that I feel the circumstances in a particular class rather than the length of time a person has been practicing may have just as much of an influence on mental stillness. Maybe not. I know that I am still very much a beginner and I hesitate to get too far ahead of myself, but am I really improving in this area or is it an ebb and flow type thing? It's hard to remember what things were like a few months ago.
Once a professor lamented to my class that it is impossible for us to truly remember what it is like to be a child because our adultness colors over the memories and changes them. Without intending to I find that I have given this a great deal of thought. Not only do I find memory itself to be particularly perplexing, I've always prided myself on my ability to vividly recall events that happened and, more importantly, the thoughts I had, very early in childhood. I am willing to accept that I may be completely or partially wrong about this, but I really do feel that I am able to remember what it was like to have a child's perspective. I just deleted everything I wrote in the second half of this paragraph because it sounded all wrong. I'll try to explain it another time. Anyway, my point was that I have difficulty trying to recall what the yoga was like at the very beginning because I only seem to know what it is like now. Every time I attempt to single out a thought or feeling or way about the yoga that seemed to occur exclusively at the very start I am forced to admit that it isn't really changed now.
Okay, I'm really tired. Good night!
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Thursday, November 16, 2006
The Laziness Returns...
...Or maybe I just needed a break. As predicted, I didn't continue without pause after finishing the 30 day challenge. Rather, I took three days off in a row, and then dragged myself to 7:15 pm class this evening. It wasn't a bust, thankfully, and my flexibility seemed limitless. Well, for me, anyway. In actuality it was quite limited, but I felt open and strong. I don't know if this is a yoga phenomenon or just the way I get sometimes naturally, but since the challenge ended and I took my break, I have been experiencing insane amounts of energy. It takes until at least 2 or 3 am to get sleepy enough to even attempt going to bed, and then I am up again by at least 8 if not earlier. What is this?! I should be using this to my advantage and accomplishing things, but unfortunately I also have "racing mind" so I'm finding it really difficult to focus. I hate that.
Yeah, so I would have gladly skipped AGAIN today but I knew I had to blow off some of this energy. A lot of times I think to myself that class exhausts me despite the seemingly indisputable claim that yoga gives a person more energy than it takes to practice. Well, not today. I zipped through class, and although I'm a bit more subdued I still have that racy feeling. It was a good class, though, as I mentioned. Whenever I'm sluggish and lethargic in class, it's much harder for me to focus and remain still between postures and during savasana. However, having extra energy and strength like I had today is great because I hardly feel the need to fidget at all and it feels very natural to hold completely still.
Anyway, we had a "yoga show off" in class today. Yoga show-offs pop up in class every now and then and are hardly ever dedicated exclusively to Bikram's, it seems - they usually come from a regular practice in some different style of yoga, or perhaps even dance or gymnastics. Some people think Bikram's is flashy, but it honestly isn't. It's very uniform, and everyone must be doing the same poses at the same time so that the class moves as one (unless, of course, you're lying out a pose, which is fine). Understanding the importance of this here is like baby steps. Even the most well practiced students rarely draw much attention to themselves unless a teacher calls it to them; otherwise, it's more like the better you get, the less you stand out. The opposite is true for yoga show-offs, though. Overly flexible, these types rebel against the postures in that they don't follow directions, often go so much deeper into a particular pose than prescribed that they're actually in a different pose, sometimes (smugly?) knowing and sometimes not even realizing, and their trademark seems to be holding the poses for longer so that, I assume, everyone can see how flexible they are. Ugh. Where do these wayward students come from? Ashtanga? Who knows.
However, this illustrates what I love about Bikram style yoga: the series is extremely humbling no matter what your level. All egotistical notions of progress get blown away by the very first instruction which is to just do what you're told and that's all there is to it. Some people say that Bikram's becomes "too easy". Alarms should be going off! What is "too easy"? Show me a practitioner that can sit or stand still for an hour and a half while maintaining the same focus and calm characteristic of the 20 second savasanas between postures during spine-strengthening series and then we'll talk about easy! I don't know, maybe I'm speaking too soon. In any case, it's really hard for me to stifle the voice inside my head that says, "I'm right, they're wrong!" even when it comes to yoga. Gotta work on that.
Yeah, so I would have gladly skipped AGAIN today but I knew I had to blow off some of this energy. A lot of times I think to myself that class exhausts me despite the seemingly indisputable claim that yoga gives a person more energy than it takes to practice. Well, not today. I zipped through class, and although I'm a bit more subdued I still have that racy feeling. It was a good class, though, as I mentioned. Whenever I'm sluggish and lethargic in class, it's much harder for me to focus and remain still between postures and during savasana. However, having extra energy and strength like I had today is great because I hardly feel the need to fidget at all and it feels very natural to hold completely still.
Anyway, we had a "yoga show off" in class today. Yoga show-offs pop up in class every now and then and are hardly ever dedicated exclusively to Bikram's, it seems - they usually come from a regular practice in some different style of yoga, or perhaps even dance or gymnastics. Some people think Bikram's is flashy, but it honestly isn't. It's very uniform, and everyone must be doing the same poses at the same time so that the class moves as one (unless, of course, you're lying out a pose, which is fine). Understanding the importance of this here is like baby steps. Even the most well practiced students rarely draw much attention to themselves unless a teacher calls it to them; otherwise, it's more like the better you get, the less you stand out. The opposite is true for yoga show-offs, though. Overly flexible, these types rebel against the postures in that they don't follow directions, often go so much deeper into a particular pose than prescribed that they're actually in a different pose, sometimes (smugly?) knowing and sometimes not even realizing, and their trademark seems to be holding the poses for longer so that, I assume, everyone can see how flexible they are. Ugh. Where do these wayward students come from? Ashtanga? Who knows.
However, this illustrates what I love about Bikram style yoga: the series is extremely humbling no matter what your level. All egotistical notions of progress get blown away by the very first instruction which is to just do what you're told and that's all there is to it. Some people say that Bikram's becomes "too easy". Alarms should be going off! What is "too easy"? Show me a practitioner that can sit or stand still for an hour and a half while maintaining the same focus and calm characteristic of the 20 second savasanas between postures during spine-strengthening series and then we'll talk about easy! I don't know, maybe I'm speaking too soon. In any case, it's really hard for me to stifle the voice inside my head that says, "I'm right, they're wrong!" even when it comes to yoga. Gotta work on that.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Second 30DC: Finished!
I finished my second thirty day challenge this morning at 9:30 am! Congratulations to me, but I didn't have a good class today due to drinking alcohol last night and getting too little sleep. I barely remember class, to tell you the truth. Also, my flexibility was the shits. Oh well.
In addition, I was having a fantastic class last night at 6:15 pm when suddenly the fire alarm went off right in the middle of Balancing Stick and we had to evacuate the building! I couldn't believe it. We weren't sure what was going on at first and we actually advanced into Standing Separate Leg Stretching amidst the blaring, but soon enough we were informed that class was officially over. I felt myself getting really upset about it at first because I was scared that the interruption would have some kind of ill effect on my mood that evening, but I got over it. As for this morning, I knew I would be drinking last night and that class would feel dreadful this morning, especially since I also had to go in to work today, so I was prepared. All's well, and I have tomorrow and the next day off work so I am really excited about that.
As I mentioned previously, I'm really serious about not letting my practice drop off now that the challenge is over. It has to be 5 days a week minimum. That might sound like a lot to some people but it isn't a lot for me because I know I can do it and I cannot argue in good faith that there is something better I could be doing with my time. There just isn't. I don't even have to budget in travel time as I live practically next door to the studio, and I'm not even working a full 40 hours per week. No more excuses.
Anyway, I mentioned earlier that this challenge had been considerably easier and barely even felt like a challenge. Hah. That was before week 4. That was also before I made up the three classes I missed (I know, I said I wouldn't miss any and then I missed 3, but somehow this is allowed at our studio and my absenses were work-related) with three doubles in a row during the same week I started a new job (that would be this week)! It was actually really hard and I got super tired and cranky - at one point I was like "I can NOT go to another class." (I did, though.) Also, particular teachers started to get on my nerves, big-time, and I am also guilty of beating myself up for laziness, inflexibility and lack of strength, both physically and mentally. That doesn't get anyone anywhere. So, needless to say the challenge ended up being very challenging, but an extremely rewarding experience.
My plan is to go to class tomorrow. I don't know if I'll stick to that plan, but I'd like to. Now that I have more time on my hands I will work on updating this blog regularly.
In addition, I was having a fantastic class last night at 6:15 pm when suddenly the fire alarm went off right in the middle of Balancing Stick and we had to evacuate the building! I couldn't believe it. We weren't sure what was going on at first and we actually advanced into Standing Separate Leg Stretching amidst the blaring, but soon enough we were informed that class was officially over. I felt myself getting really upset about it at first because I was scared that the interruption would have some kind of ill effect on my mood that evening, but I got over it. As for this morning, I knew I would be drinking last night and that class would feel dreadful this morning, especially since I also had to go in to work today, so I was prepared. All's well, and I have tomorrow and the next day off work so I am really excited about that.
As I mentioned previously, I'm really serious about not letting my practice drop off now that the challenge is over. It has to be 5 days a week minimum. That might sound like a lot to some people but it isn't a lot for me because I know I can do it and I cannot argue in good faith that there is something better I could be doing with my time. There just isn't. I don't even have to budget in travel time as I live practically next door to the studio, and I'm not even working a full 40 hours per week. No more excuses.
Anyway, I mentioned earlier that this challenge had been considerably easier and barely even felt like a challenge. Hah. That was before week 4. That was also before I made up the three classes I missed (I know, I said I wouldn't miss any and then I missed 3, but somehow this is allowed at our studio and my absenses were work-related) with three doubles in a row during the same week I started a new job (that would be this week)! It was actually really hard and I got super tired and cranky - at one point I was like "I can NOT go to another class." (I did, though.) Also, particular teachers started to get on my nerves, big-time, and I am also guilty of beating myself up for laziness, inflexibility and lack of strength, both physically and mentally. That doesn't get anyone anywhere. So, needless to say the challenge ended up being very challenging, but an extremely rewarding experience.
My plan is to go to class tomorrow. I don't know if I'll stick to that plan, but I'd like to. Now that I have more time on my hands I will work on updating this blog regularly.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
My Experience
I can't believe how different this challenge feels from the last one. It's incredible how much things have changed, from my perspective, inside the heated room. Mind you, I'd only been practicing for about a month and a half when I began the last challenge (which seems unreal) and it has been almost 8 months now, so one would expect a difference. So, what do I mean? Well, for one thing, it's been much easier to get through. Last challenge I would count the days until I was done after every class, unable to believe how far I'd come yet how distant still the end day was. This time around it's honestly not even on my mind. I don't feel like I'm on a "challenge" right now. I feel like I just go to yoga every day because that's what I want to do. I don't even know what day I am on! I could figure it out easily enough, but it's just not important to me anymore.
However, it's important to note that I don't work the 9 to 5 anymore so I've been able to mix up my classes quite a bit. I have to take that into consideration because it was a lot more difficult to have no choice but 6:15 or 8:15 every weekday evening. We actually have a new room open at our studio, which means lots of selection for class times, but it isn't hot enough in there yet. Apparently the heating system is still a bit off and needs further adjustment. I don't mean to be picky, but I almost find it too cold to practice in there! The other day I had one hell of a time in there: first of all I almost killed myself driving like a maniac to make 5:15 class after getting off work at 5, and I got there late. I only missed first set of Pranayama breathing, but it still ticked me off after all of that effort. I practically catapulted myself up the hill after parking (running as fast as your legs will take you up a steep hill is a new and rather unpleasant experience I've gained throughout the past few months rushing for class from the SkyTrain or a parking spot down the hill! It's similar to "dream running" as you still can't go very fast despite maximal effort.) and then I flung my clothes all over the floor of the changeroom. Anyway, I was in such a rush that I didn't even have a sip of water before heading into class, so I was totally parched, and also I had to go pee really badly! All of this after whirling into class late! I thought that the need to pee would go away with all the sweating, but because it was only lukewarm in the new classroom it only increased. I actually had to leave the room, which I never do. What a class. Floor series was okay. Anyhow, I do feel bad about the new room but I know that they're working on it, and it does offer a beautiful view as two of the walls are windows and, as I mentioned, our studio is located on top of a big hill.
My back has been giving me some problems. I have actually had two massages in two weeks, but I don't know if they helped much. (Not that it didn't feel good, I just don't know how therapeutic it actually was.) The problem seems to be in my lower back, right at the tip of my tailbone: that's what hurts the most. I'm going to try to fix it with this ancient workout VHS called "Callanetics", an old favourite. The exersises are specifically aimed at people with back and knee problems and I remember really liking the video, so maybe I'll give it a shot tomorrow morning or something.
I'm not really as interested in talking about improvements in particular postures these days. It used to be a subject of endless fascination for my sister and me. The series has become much more the sum of its parts rather than individual poses. I have had the most special classes of my life during these past few weeks, and I just can't believe that there was a time this summer when I had begun to lose interest. I simply couldn't imagine giving this up. I'd sooner give up just about anything. My job. My social life. Going on mini-vacations. I'd even give up sleeping in a bed! (I think that big comfy beds and lots of pillows are totally overrated, anyway. All you need is a nice mat and some shelter. Now that's yogini talk!) Everything else that I used to value seems downright frivolous in comparison to practicing yoga. What else could possibly be more important? It's becoming more and more difficult to relate to people that have no interest in yoga, though, which is weird, because hardly anyone I know practices very regularly. Thank God I have my sister. She is much more reserved compared to me, but I know that she feels strongly about this as well.
I've actually had a major change in my thinking throughout the past little while, right down to my perception of the universe and my place in it. Anyone that has ever talked about "the deep stuff" with me (lots of people, as I studied philosophy) would no doubt be surprised at this shift, as I had a tendency to swing pretty far in the opposite direction at times. I've maintained a sort of "hippie buddhist" mentality throughout my 20s (I'm now 28), and even during my childhood and teens, though I was kind of weird back then and still considerably influenced by Catholicism, having attended Catholic school all the way until high school graduation. However, at the same time I can be devastatingly detached and clinical. It isn't that I was a "Jesus teen" or anything like that, but I did let go of my religion at 18 - it isn't that I began to reject it outright, but rather, I set it free. I left it for everyone else and decided to open my own mind up to whatever came to me. I am still this way, I suppose.
When it comes right down to it, I don't believe in sugar coating life. It's probably been a gradual thing, especially with the yoga, and I have read a lot of strange books lately, but there IS a single event that I believe to this day has had the most remarkable effect on my perception. I don't know how it's going to come out in print, but here it is:
I had a somewhat bizarre yet truly wonderful experience during class (and beyond!) during late summer that spawned a whole new way of thinking. It was right before I began to drop off, actually, which seems strange, as I consider the experience life-altering. (It wasn't really my fault that I dropped off, though, as I went away for two weeks right after that, leaving that very day.) It was a really warm day, and I'd spent the previous night at a friend's house, but left at around 7:30 AM. I wanted to go to the library that morning to grab some books for my trip, but it didn't open until 10, so I'd meandred around downtown for a few hours, which I suppose really loosened me up. I was going away that afternoon, so I didn't think that I had time to go to class. I still had a lot to do that day. Anyway, as I was walking up that hill I mentioned, my cell phone rang, and after hanging up, I happened to notice the time. Class was starting in 5 minutes, and suddenly I was right outside the studio. I went through that jerky movement where you're not quite sure what to do next, when I realized that I just had to have one more class before I left. I didn't have anything on me, but I was wearing shorts and a tank top that I figured would work in the classroom, and I could always rent a towel and a mat.
Anyway, I was having a fairly good warm-up, unremarkable but good, when suddenly I felt my flexibility just expand. It was in Standing Head-to-Knee pose, first set. This is going to be so anti-climactic but I don't know how else to describe what happened to me, so here goes. I decided I'd be okay to kick my leg out, which is still hard for me to hold. I felt stable from the get-go, but suddenly I was more than stable. I was so light. Weightless. I was made out of something other than my body. I felt as though I was gaining strength from some inexhaustible source outside of me at the same time as I was giving that strength back. I felt this incredible well of energy, or strength, flow through me, and it was as though I was getting it and giving it at the exact same time. I suppose that this sort of feeling has arisen during class on other occasions, in terms of shared energy perhaps, but this was somehow different. Maybe just more intense, but at the same time very subtle. The most subtle. When I think back, the only word that comes to mind is "strength". I felt I'd tapped into the tip of the iceberg of a reservoir of strength so mind-bogglingly enormous I could scarcely fathom it. However, the part that is really strange is that I felt like that strength was also coming from inside of me. It was like I discovered something that I'd been perfectly blind to, but that was readily and wholly available to me. I don't know for sure, but I would probably call this a religious experience, or at least the closest to a real religious experience that I've ever had. I think about it all the time, and I truly hope that I haven't built it up into something more than what it was, but I don't even know if that's possible. Whatever I found that day was real, but it's nothing that you would ever be able to really tell anyone about. It's not that this is coming out wrong exactly, but this just isn't doing it justice. You'd have to find it for yourself. I don't know for certain, but I feel that this could only be grasped properly through yoga. Disappointingly, I haven't been able to connect with it so directly again, but I'm very aware of it at times, inside and outside of class.
Well, that's my story! My yoga practice has definitely changed since this happened. I'll try to write again soon, but I think that's enough for now. Good night!
However, it's important to note that I don't work the 9 to 5 anymore so I've been able to mix up my classes quite a bit. I have to take that into consideration because it was a lot more difficult to have no choice but 6:15 or 8:15 every weekday evening. We actually have a new room open at our studio, which means lots of selection for class times, but it isn't hot enough in there yet. Apparently the heating system is still a bit off and needs further adjustment. I don't mean to be picky, but I almost find it too cold to practice in there! The other day I had one hell of a time in there: first of all I almost killed myself driving like a maniac to make 5:15 class after getting off work at 5, and I got there late. I only missed first set of Pranayama breathing, but it still ticked me off after all of that effort. I practically catapulted myself up the hill after parking (running as fast as your legs will take you up a steep hill is a new and rather unpleasant experience I've gained throughout the past few months rushing for class from the SkyTrain or a parking spot down the hill! It's similar to "dream running" as you still can't go very fast despite maximal effort.) and then I flung my clothes all over the floor of the changeroom. Anyway, I was in such a rush that I didn't even have a sip of water before heading into class, so I was totally parched, and also I had to go pee really badly! All of this after whirling into class late! I thought that the need to pee would go away with all the sweating, but because it was only lukewarm in the new classroom it only increased. I actually had to leave the room, which I never do. What a class. Floor series was okay. Anyhow, I do feel bad about the new room but I know that they're working on it, and it does offer a beautiful view as two of the walls are windows and, as I mentioned, our studio is located on top of a big hill.
My back has been giving me some problems. I have actually had two massages in two weeks, but I don't know if they helped much. (Not that it didn't feel good, I just don't know how therapeutic it actually was.) The problem seems to be in my lower back, right at the tip of my tailbone: that's what hurts the most. I'm going to try to fix it with this ancient workout VHS called "Callanetics", an old favourite. The exersises are specifically aimed at people with back and knee problems and I remember really liking the video, so maybe I'll give it a shot tomorrow morning or something.
I'm not really as interested in talking about improvements in particular postures these days. It used to be a subject of endless fascination for my sister and me. The series has become much more the sum of its parts rather than individual poses. I have had the most special classes of my life during these past few weeks, and I just can't believe that there was a time this summer when I had begun to lose interest. I simply couldn't imagine giving this up. I'd sooner give up just about anything. My job. My social life. Going on mini-vacations. I'd even give up sleeping in a bed! (I think that big comfy beds and lots of pillows are totally overrated, anyway. All you need is a nice mat and some shelter. Now that's yogini talk!) Everything else that I used to value seems downright frivolous in comparison to practicing yoga. What else could possibly be more important? It's becoming more and more difficult to relate to people that have no interest in yoga, though, which is weird, because hardly anyone I know practices very regularly. Thank God I have my sister. She is much more reserved compared to me, but I know that she feels strongly about this as well.
I've actually had a major change in my thinking throughout the past little while, right down to my perception of the universe and my place in it. Anyone that has ever talked about "the deep stuff" with me (lots of people, as I studied philosophy) would no doubt be surprised at this shift, as I had a tendency to swing pretty far in the opposite direction at times. I've maintained a sort of "hippie buddhist" mentality throughout my 20s (I'm now 28), and even during my childhood and teens, though I was kind of weird back then and still considerably influenced by Catholicism, having attended Catholic school all the way until high school graduation. However, at the same time I can be devastatingly detached and clinical. It isn't that I was a "Jesus teen" or anything like that, but I did let go of my religion at 18 - it isn't that I began to reject it outright, but rather, I set it free. I left it for everyone else and decided to open my own mind up to whatever came to me. I am still this way, I suppose.
When it comes right down to it, I don't believe in sugar coating life. It's probably been a gradual thing, especially with the yoga, and I have read a lot of strange books lately, but there IS a single event that I believe to this day has had the most remarkable effect on my perception. I don't know how it's going to come out in print, but here it is:
I had a somewhat bizarre yet truly wonderful experience during class (and beyond!) during late summer that spawned a whole new way of thinking. It was right before I began to drop off, actually, which seems strange, as I consider the experience life-altering. (It wasn't really my fault that I dropped off, though, as I went away for two weeks right after that, leaving that very day.) It was a really warm day, and I'd spent the previous night at a friend's house, but left at around 7:30 AM. I wanted to go to the library that morning to grab some books for my trip, but it didn't open until 10, so I'd meandred around downtown for a few hours, which I suppose really loosened me up. I was going away that afternoon, so I didn't think that I had time to go to class. I still had a lot to do that day. Anyway, as I was walking up that hill I mentioned, my cell phone rang, and after hanging up, I happened to notice the time. Class was starting in 5 minutes, and suddenly I was right outside the studio. I went through that jerky movement where you're not quite sure what to do next, when I realized that I just had to have one more class before I left. I didn't have anything on me, but I was wearing shorts and a tank top that I figured would work in the classroom, and I could always rent a towel and a mat.
Anyway, I was having a fairly good warm-up, unremarkable but good, when suddenly I felt my flexibility just expand. It was in Standing Head-to-Knee pose, first set. This is going to be so anti-climactic but I don't know how else to describe what happened to me, so here goes. I decided I'd be okay to kick my leg out, which is still hard for me to hold. I felt stable from the get-go, but suddenly I was more than stable. I was so light. Weightless. I was made out of something other than my body. I felt as though I was gaining strength from some inexhaustible source outside of me at the same time as I was giving that strength back. I felt this incredible well of energy, or strength, flow through me, and it was as though I was getting it and giving it at the exact same time. I suppose that this sort of feeling has arisen during class on other occasions, in terms of shared energy perhaps, but this was somehow different. Maybe just more intense, but at the same time very subtle. The most subtle. When I think back, the only word that comes to mind is "strength". I felt I'd tapped into the tip of the iceberg of a reservoir of strength so mind-bogglingly enormous I could scarcely fathom it. However, the part that is really strange is that I felt like that strength was also coming from inside of me. It was like I discovered something that I'd been perfectly blind to, but that was readily and wholly available to me. I don't know for sure, but I would probably call this a religious experience, or at least the closest to a real religious experience that I've ever had. I think about it all the time, and I truly hope that I haven't built it up into something more than what it was, but I don't even know if that's possible. Whatever I found that day was real, but it's nothing that you would ever be able to really tell anyone about. It's not that this is coming out wrong exactly, but this just isn't doing it justice. You'd have to find it for yourself. I don't know for certain, but I feel that this could only be grasped properly through yoga. Disappointingly, I haven't been able to connect with it so directly again, but I'm very aware of it at times, inside and outside of class.
Well, that's my story! My yoga practice has definitely changed since this happened. I'll try to write again soon, but I think that's enough for now. Good night!
Friday, October 13, 2006
Yes, I'm still kicking.
Wow, I haven't written in my Bikram blog in almost three months! I did let extended periods of time slip by without going to class (I think the longest was two and a half weeks), but I still go fairly regularly. In fact, today I started my second 30 day challenge! Three cheers for discipline. I am really excited about maintaining a steady practice and not having to feel guilty about skipping class anymore, or at least for a month. I mean, I have been on and off and it's got to stop. My sister said we should just feel good about the fact that we still go to class after 7 months, even if it isn't as consistent as we'd like.
Anyway, for anyone that's just started and is dissatisfied with their flexibility, I've got some good news: just keep at it. It comes. Today was actually a breakthrough for me, as the top of my head grazed my mat in Standing Separate Leg Head-to-Knee for the VERY FIRST TIME! It actually freaked me out for some reason. I spoke to an instructor after class and he said I should start reaching for my heels instead of the sides of my feet from now on; for some reason, I've never attempted this. I should mention that I always had a lot of trouble with this pose and it took me ages to be able to lock out my knees - for a long time I couldn't even grab the sides of my feet. Meanwhile, my sister's head touched the ground months ago! I am just not flexible, so this is truly amazing. After I locked out my knees it was steady progress.
My strongest pose is probably Standing Bow, right side. Left side has improved immensely, but there is no question that I can go deeper and just feel more comfortable on the right. My body just likes this pose for some reason, which kind of surprises me. I was never able to do the full splits in any direction despite taking a bit of gymnastics as a child, so I know that I have limits in this posture, but I can see a lot of my leg coming up over the top of my head now--thigh, even--and on the best days my torso is almost parallel to the ground. Through practicing and listening carefully to the dialogue I discovered some pretty good tricks in this pose. Here they are:
1. Yes, you have got to actively kick. The entire time. Kick up. However, don't waste all your energy at the beginning- spread it evenly to create a nice hum.
2. Speaking of energy, I think that losing it is the number one reason people fall out of the pose early. If you rev your engine too high, you'll waste all your gas before you're finished your trip, so remember that hum. 60 seconds has never felt so long, so learn to conserve energy and relax wherever you can. ALL you're doing is kicking and stretching. Period. Otherwise, relax and focus.
3. Get that torso down. Pull as you go lower.
4. Grip higher on your ankle than you have been. Don't be touching your foot at all.
5. Use that last 5 or 10 seconds at the end wisely and go to your edge. Go beyond your edge. Believe me, it pays off!
6. FOCUS POINT! Find one. It's absolutely necessary for holding balance. I know because my balance is naturally the shits.
What else? Standing Head-to-Knee is still incredibly challenging, but I definitely lock my knees out for a period of time nowadays, especially the left knee. The right still wavers. Kicking out happens on both sides, and I've even begun to lower myself, but it's very tough and I do fall out all the time still. This is another pose (well, I guess this applies to all of them) where you must relax and focus for balance and stamina. Everything is resting on that knee.
Wow, when did Triangle get so bearable? I was reading over a few previous entries and it reminded me of how much I used to dread this pose. Not anymore. It's still tough but man, the way I felt about it before...I complained bitterly! Now that it doesn't burn me out completely I am working really hard on my form and stealing glances in the mirror when I can. I have a ways to go but it's coming along.
I still balk at spine-strengthening series during tougher classes. It's just so much damn effort! My legs do go up higher in Locust these days, thankfully, but I've got to say that it still takes a lot of effort for me to give it my all. I still slack sometimes. Must work on that.
Lots more to say but I should get to sleep so I can wake up early for class tomorrow (hehe). I do want to mention that in terms of flexibility, the third portion of Head-to-Knee is also among my most improved poses. My head is nowhere near my feet yet but I am also very far from where I started. No more pain. It's gone! Just pulling.
Anyway, for anyone that's just started and is dissatisfied with their flexibility, I've got some good news: just keep at it. It comes. Today was actually a breakthrough for me, as the top of my head grazed my mat in Standing Separate Leg Head-to-Knee for the VERY FIRST TIME! It actually freaked me out for some reason. I spoke to an instructor after class and he said I should start reaching for my heels instead of the sides of my feet from now on; for some reason, I've never attempted this. I should mention that I always had a lot of trouble with this pose and it took me ages to be able to lock out my knees - for a long time I couldn't even grab the sides of my feet. Meanwhile, my sister's head touched the ground months ago! I am just not flexible, so this is truly amazing. After I locked out my knees it was steady progress.
My strongest pose is probably Standing Bow, right side. Left side has improved immensely, but there is no question that I can go deeper and just feel more comfortable on the right. My body just likes this pose for some reason, which kind of surprises me. I was never able to do the full splits in any direction despite taking a bit of gymnastics as a child, so I know that I have limits in this posture, but I can see a lot of my leg coming up over the top of my head now--thigh, even--and on the best days my torso is almost parallel to the ground. Through practicing and listening carefully to the dialogue I discovered some pretty good tricks in this pose. Here they are:
1. Yes, you have got to actively kick. The entire time. Kick up. However, don't waste all your energy at the beginning- spread it evenly to create a nice hum.
2. Speaking of energy, I think that losing it is the number one reason people fall out of the pose early. If you rev your engine too high, you'll waste all your gas before you're finished your trip, so remember that hum. 60 seconds has never felt so long, so learn to conserve energy and relax wherever you can. ALL you're doing is kicking and stretching. Period. Otherwise, relax and focus.
3. Get that torso down. Pull as you go lower.
4. Grip higher on your ankle than you have been. Don't be touching your foot at all.
5. Use that last 5 or 10 seconds at the end wisely and go to your edge. Go beyond your edge. Believe me, it pays off!
6. FOCUS POINT! Find one. It's absolutely necessary for holding balance. I know because my balance is naturally the shits.
What else? Standing Head-to-Knee is still incredibly challenging, but I definitely lock my knees out for a period of time nowadays, especially the left knee. The right still wavers. Kicking out happens on both sides, and I've even begun to lower myself, but it's very tough and I do fall out all the time still. This is another pose (well, I guess this applies to all of them) where you must relax and focus for balance and stamina. Everything is resting on that knee.
Wow, when did Triangle get so bearable? I was reading over a few previous entries and it reminded me of how much I used to dread this pose. Not anymore. It's still tough but man, the way I felt about it before...I complained bitterly! Now that it doesn't burn me out completely I am working really hard on my form and stealing glances in the mirror when I can. I have a ways to go but it's coming along.
I still balk at spine-strengthening series during tougher classes. It's just so much damn effort! My legs do go up higher in Locust these days, thankfully, but I've got to say that it still takes a lot of effort for me to give it my all. I still slack sometimes. Must work on that.
Lots more to say but I should get to sleep so I can wake up early for class tomorrow (hehe). I do want to mention that in terms of flexibility, the third portion of Head-to-Knee is also among my most improved poses. My head is nowhere near my feet yet but I am also very far from where I started. No more pain. It's gone! Just pulling.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Good Class
Yesterday, I had a very good Bikram class, but I am sore as hell today for some reason. My ribs, my upper back, my hamstrings. Wow. Interesting, though, because I felt really flexible in class. Maybe I went a bit too far.
The only part of my body that is NOT bothering me, surprisingly, are my wonky knees. I can't figure this out because they give me all kinds of trouble and I had my thighs almost parallel to the floor in the second part of Awkward Pose yesterday thanks to the not-so-gentle encouraging of our instructor. The reason I have trouble in this pose is because of my knees, but I started to think yesterday that maybe it has developed into laziness and someone besides me figured that out first. However, with my body, if it's not one thing it's another.
After over four months of fairly steady practice, I still can't lock out my knees for any extended period of time (ie 60 seconds). My sister can. What am I doing wrong? I have the idea that I am not relaxing into the postures like I am supposed to and thus expending too much energy, making it so that I can't hold some of them for the required length of time. Exerting too much energy also interferes with balance, another key aspect of the yoga practice that I am struggling with. I know that all of this is quite normal and it would be a mistake for me to compare myself with anyone else, especially my own sister, but I always feel like I don't do as well as others in anything despite my most sincere efforts. This is just me being honest - it certainly isn't how I like to present myself to the public!
My flexibility is definitely improving, but it was at a pretty low level to begin with; also, it seems to waver. Some days I'm much more flexible than others. For instance, I know that today won't be a good day, I can just feel it.
Notably for yesterday, though: In Standing Separate Leg Stretching, I can grab the bottoms of my feet with ease, even upon widening my legs further in order to get my head closer to the ground. I honestly see my head on the ground in my future, and I didn't think that it would ever be possible before. In Standing Separate Leg Head-to-Knee, I can almost straighten out my front leg completely, especially if my hands are separated, and I can get the tip of my forehead onto my knee. I don't know if I mentioned it but I'd begun to die in this pose, I just couldn't handle holding it. Things are better now. Hmmm...what else? I actually got compliments in Tree and Camel of all poses, not sure why, but I can see that my Tree is better. Toe Stand is also much better, one of my most improved postures, but I can't seem to get up on first set. I just collapse out of the pose and stand up normally. One thing is for sure: by the time we hit Toe Stand, I'm ready for that 2 minutes of relaxation. I am so ready.
Spine-strengthening series is still tough, especially Locust. In the third part, it sometimes feels as though my legs are a centimetre above the ground. I know they're going higher, but it takes SO MUCH effort. Also, I've developed the tendency to want to separate my legs a bit. I know this is wrong. I'll stop! My instructor had to remind me to keep the tops of my feet on the ground in Cobra, which I've never heard anyone asked to do in the past. I don't think that I ordinarily lift my feet. I guess I'll have to watch for that.
Anyway, I really hope that I can get back on the track of attending class daily, as long as I'm in town.
The only part of my body that is NOT bothering me, surprisingly, are my wonky knees. I can't figure this out because they give me all kinds of trouble and I had my thighs almost parallel to the floor in the second part of Awkward Pose yesterday thanks to the not-so-gentle encouraging of our instructor. The reason I have trouble in this pose is because of my knees, but I started to think yesterday that maybe it has developed into laziness and someone besides me figured that out first. However, with my body, if it's not one thing it's another.
After over four months of fairly steady practice, I still can't lock out my knees for any extended period of time (ie 60 seconds). My sister can. What am I doing wrong? I have the idea that I am not relaxing into the postures like I am supposed to and thus expending too much energy, making it so that I can't hold some of them for the required length of time. Exerting too much energy also interferes with balance, another key aspect of the yoga practice that I am struggling with. I know that all of this is quite normal and it would be a mistake for me to compare myself with anyone else, especially my own sister, but I always feel like I don't do as well as others in anything despite my most sincere efforts. This is just me being honest - it certainly isn't how I like to present myself to the public!
My flexibility is definitely improving, but it was at a pretty low level to begin with; also, it seems to waver. Some days I'm much more flexible than others. For instance, I know that today won't be a good day, I can just feel it.
Notably for yesterday, though: In Standing Separate Leg Stretching, I can grab the bottoms of my feet with ease, even upon widening my legs further in order to get my head closer to the ground. I honestly see my head on the ground in my future, and I didn't think that it would ever be possible before. In Standing Separate Leg Head-to-Knee, I can almost straighten out my front leg completely, especially if my hands are separated, and I can get the tip of my forehead onto my knee. I don't know if I mentioned it but I'd begun to die in this pose, I just couldn't handle holding it. Things are better now. Hmmm...what else? I actually got compliments in Tree and Camel of all poses, not sure why, but I can see that my Tree is better. Toe Stand is also much better, one of my most improved postures, but I can't seem to get up on first set. I just collapse out of the pose and stand up normally. One thing is for sure: by the time we hit Toe Stand, I'm ready for that 2 minutes of relaxation. I am so ready.
Spine-strengthening series is still tough, especially Locust. In the third part, it sometimes feels as though my legs are a centimetre above the ground. I know they're going higher, but it takes SO MUCH effort. Also, I've developed the tendency to want to separate my legs a bit. I know this is wrong. I'll stop! My instructor had to remind me to keep the tops of my feet on the ground in Cobra, which I've never heard anyone asked to do in the past. I don't think that I ordinarily lift my feet. I guess I'll have to watch for that.
Anyway, I really hope that I can get back on the track of attending class daily, as long as I'm in town.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
You must master the physical before you can know the spiritual
I can't even believe that I wrote this month - I thought it had been even longer (though the last entry before that was exactly one month prior, so really, I'm averaging a post a month here).
I'm finding it so difficult to balance summer and a steady yoga practice that I'm almost yearning for summer to be over! Not really, of course, but this was a lot easier when it wasn't warm outside and the beach and patios and mini-holidays and endless other hot weather activities weren't calling out to me and distracting me so. Not helping matters is the fact that I was recently out of town for 9 days in a place where no Bikram studio exists. I drove out to the nearest one once but it was quite far and the drop-in rate is expensive, especially when I am paying for monthly unlimited at my own studio. However, I made a very interesting discovery while I was out of town:
Flow yoga.
I actually don't know if this is what it was technically called. I found a studio that caters to people at beginning levels, I suppose, or at least provides a place where people can continue to practice yoga while they are away from their own studios. (It's located in Point Roberts, a town that swells to three times its population during the summer months, so there were lots of vacationers in class.) I went for three classes at the studio: first a beginner's class, then a "level 3" class, and then a mixed-level class. The third was definitely my favourite. We went through a lot of different postures, but it felt more like a dance routine in parts than the yoga series I am used to. For instance, we would do a small sequence, and then repeat it again and again, but upon each repitition a new element was added, and when the sequence was complete we would do it a number of times more. Then we would start a new sequence, but some things would stay constant. It's hard to explain. The instructor, Desiree, called it a sun salutation, but it was quite different from the sun salutation that we were taught at my previous studio, and I thought that was quite standard. I'm quite sure she was making up the routines herself, and some of what we did didn't even feel like yoga, really. I don't know. We did a few postures that are included in the Bikram sequence, but they were different! In particular, Triangle and Tree poses were not the same at all, and much easier! Same with Spine-Twist. Everything was easier, to be honest.
I told Desiree that I did Bikram yoga quite regularly, and the first thing she was concerned about was that I was not used to doing vinyasas--in particular, Downward Dog. That's interesting because one of the first things I ever read about Bikram yoga was that the reason the sun salutation was never introduced to the series is because Bikram believes that Downward Dog is too difficult for beginners. I don't understand why it is any harder than anything else, though I don't doubt it. DD is painful for me in the hamstrings if I really go into it, and I'm never sure that I am doing it right. At my very first studio, I was often corrected while in Downward Dog and it always felt much more difficult in the "right position".
Anyway, I'm not going to say that any of the classes were a piece of cake, but it was a lot easier to get through than Bikram. Bikram is guaranteed to be a tough class, even when you have a good class. It can feel like an enormous commitment to get through the full 90 minutes. Even when I say to myself "You're in rough shape today, you're tired, you're sore, don't go too far into the postures, anything that you can manage is going to be fine, just take it easy", it is still quite the workout! I can't just "hang out". However, I do feel like I could get away with that in a Flow class. It was very peaceful and relaxing, and it felt good to go through a vinyasa and then relax in child's pose. None of the poses made me feel like I was about to die or, at the very least, keel over, and her manner and voice were so pleasant I could have gone to sleep to her gentle instructions. She played all this jingly music (think Krishna Das, Deva Premal, Buddha Bar kinda stuff) that put me in a terrific mood, and the doors were open so that we felt a natural breeze throughout the practice. It was warm and tranquil and friendly. I absolutely loved it.
However, it was no Bikram's Beginning Yoga Class.
It was just different. A lot of times, peoples' biggest complaint about BY is that it doesn't seem to encourage any spiritual growth and it can feel really clinical. Not all of the Bikram teachers seem very nice, and some of them can be quite pushy in class, which does not really feel the least bit relaxing or meditative. Some teachers mention the mental or spiritual aspect, but most of the time they focus on the physiological benefits of the yoga and encourage you to "work" hard. (I honestly couldn't see Desiree ever referring to yoga as "work".) The lights are on bright, and for the entire standing series all you can focus on is your red-faced, inflexible self in the mirror, trying (and failing) to pass for graceful. Also, you don't always find the friendliest people at the studio, and before and after class students and teachers alike can be found milling about, laughing, engaged in lengthy conversations that have nothing to do with yoga, talking on cell phones, etc. It irritates me at times. As I said in my other blog, when I began this, I was horrified when I walked into my studio for the first time. No candles. No jingle music. They had the radio on. It stunk.
Yeah.
Nonetheless, I wouldn't trade this stuff for anything. The practice is hands-down the most important thing that I do. It is more important than my impending career commencement. It's more important than my social life, which is weird for me, really weird. It's more important than going away for mini-vacations, even. I feel that I need it in my life more than anything except my loved ones.
However, if you want to get more out of the practice, it is really a do-it-yourself kind of deal. I was reading a pamphlet on a yoga workshop that is going to focus on getting the most out of each asana - the difference between mimicking a posture and really practicing a posture. Bingo! That's what I need to learn! I know about breathing, of course, and some level of focus is an absolute requirement or you'll never be able to hold the poses, but there must be a better headspace for the practice besides what I have got going on. I try to think "Bengal Tiger strength, English Bulldog determination", and it helps, but I feel like I'm missing something. Bikram says, "You must master the physical before you can know the spiritual", but I have recently come to the conclusion that I don't understand! When will that be?
For the time being, I might take a Flow (or other, who knows) class here and there, but nothing's going to replace Bikram just yet.
I'm finding it so difficult to balance summer and a steady yoga practice that I'm almost yearning for summer to be over! Not really, of course, but this was a lot easier when it wasn't warm outside and the beach and patios and mini-holidays and endless other hot weather activities weren't calling out to me and distracting me so. Not helping matters is the fact that I was recently out of town for 9 days in a place where no Bikram studio exists. I drove out to the nearest one once but it was quite far and the drop-in rate is expensive, especially when I am paying for monthly unlimited at my own studio. However, I made a very interesting discovery while I was out of town:
Flow yoga.
I actually don't know if this is what it was technically called. I found a studio that caters to people at beginning levels, I suppose, or at least provides a place where people can continue to practice yoga while they are away from their own studios. (It's located in Point Roberts, a town that swells to three times its population during the summer months, so there were lots of vacationers in class.) I went for three classes at the studio: first a beginner's class, then a "level 3" class, and then a mixed-level class. The third was definitely my favourite. We went through a lot of different postures, but it felt more like a dance routine in parts than the yoga series I am used to. For instance, we would do a small sequence, and then repeat it again and again, but upon each repitition a new element was added, and when the sequence was complete we would do it a number of times more. Then we would start a new sequence, but some things would stay constant. It's hard to explain. The instructor, Desiree, called it a sun salutation, but it was quite different from the sun salutation that we were taught at my previous studio, and I thought that was quite standard. I'm quite sure she was making up the routines herself, and some of what we did didn't even feel like yoga, really. I don't know. We did a few postures that are included in the Bikram sequence, but they were different! In particular, Triangle and Tree poses were not the same at all, and much easier! Same with Spine-Twist. Everything was easier, to be honest.
I told Desiree that I did Bikram yoga quite regularly, and the first thing she was concerned about was that I was not used to doing vinyasas--in particular, Downward Dog. That's interesting because one of the first things I ever read about Bikram yoga was that the reason the sun salutation was never introduced to the series is because Bikram believes that Downward Dog is too difficult for beginners. I don't understand why it is any harder than anything else, though I don't doubt it. DD is painful for me in the hamstrings if I really go into it, and I'm never sure that I am doing it right. At my very first studio, I was often corrected while in Downward Dog and it always felt much more difficult in the "right position".
Anyway, I'm not going to say that any of the classes were a piece of cake, but it was a lot easier to get through than Bikram. Bikram is guaranteed to be a tough class, even when you have a good class. It can feel like an enormous commitment to get through the full 90 minutes. Even when I say to myself "You're in rough shape today, you're tired, you're sore, don't go too far into the postures, anything that you can manage is going to be fine, just take it easy", it is still quite the workout! I can't just "hang out". However, I do feel like I could get away with that in a Flow class. It was very peaceful and relaxing, and it felt good to go through a vinyasa and then relax in child's pose. None of the poses made me feel like I was about to die or, at the very least, keel over, and her manner and voice were so pleasant I could have gone to sleep to her gentle instructions. She played all this jingly music (think Krishna Das, Deva Premal, Buddha Bar kinda stuff) that put me in a terrific mood, and the doors were open so that we felt a natural breeze throughout the practice. It was warm and tranquil and friendly. I absolutely loved it.
However, it was no Bikram's Beginning Yoga Class.
It was just different. A lot of times, peoples' biggest complaint about BY is that it doesn't seem to encourage any spiritual growth and it can feel really clinical. Not all of the Bikram teachers seem very nice, and some of them can be quite pushy in class, which does not really feel the least bit relaxing or meditative. Some teachers mention the mental or spiritual aspect, but most of the time they focus on the physiological benefits of the yoga and encourage you to "work" hard. (I honestly couldn't see Desiree ever referring to yoga as "work".) The lights are on bright, and for the entire standing series all you can focus on is your red-faced, inflexible self in the mirror, trying (and failing) to pass for graceful. Also, you don't always find the friendliest people at the studio, and before and after class students and teachers alike can be found milling about, laughing, engaged in lengthy conversations that have nothing to do with yoga, talking on cell phones, etc. It irritates me at times. As I said in my other blog, when I began this, I was horrified when I walked into my studio for the first time. No candles. No jingle music. They had the radio on. It stunk.
Yeah.
Nonetheless, I wouldn't trade this stuff for anything. The practice is hands-down the most important thing that I do. It is more important than my impending career commencement. It's more important than my social life, which is weird for me, really weird. It's more important than going away for mini-vacations, even. I feel that I need it in my life more than anything except my loved ones.
However, if you want to get more out of the practice, it is really a do-it-yourself kind of deal. I was reading a pamphlet on a yoga workshop that is going to focus on getting the most out of each asana - the difference between mimicking a posture and really practicing a posture. Bingo! That's what I need to learn! I know about breathing, of course, and some level of focus is an absolute requirement or you'll never be able to hold the poses, but there must be a better headspace for the practice besides what I have got going on. I try to think "Bengal Tiger strength, English Bulldog determination", and it helps, but I feel like I'm missing something. Bikram says, "You must master the physical before you can know the spiritual", but I have recently come to the conclusion that I don't understand! When will that be?
For the time being, I might take a Flow (or other, who knows) class here and there, but nothing's going to replace Bikram just yet.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
not actually so dedicated these days!
OMG. It's been exactly one month since I finished the Challenge and updated.
I have to be honest: it's summer, and I really dropped off for a while there. I have been dragging myself to class on the days that I actually attend. (I never regret class, mind you. I am always very relieved that I went and sure that the reluctance will not return the next day. It does, though.) Many times, I have dropped plans to go at the last minute, or, after mentally berating myself for laziness, forced myself out the door with three minutes to spare before class started after already commiting myself to a night off.
I think that one week I only attended class three times.
Oh. I guess that's not so bad.
I have been avoiding putting all of this into writing, to be honest. This is just a progress record for myself to look back on, and not my main blog or diary. I just thought it would be a fun way to spill about yoga in a forum erected strictly for that purpose instead of mucking up "Allergic to Life" with a subject that, quite frankly, does not hold lasting fascination for all that many people.
In addition, I decided to call this "Dedicated", and I'm not really worthy of the title if I spend all day dreading the moment when I'm going to have to decide whether or not I'm going to go to yoga. I can find any excuse to skip. I have reached a big bump in the road, so to speak.
Yoga means union between body and mind. This is easy to say as we know what a body is like and we use the word 'mind' as synonymous with 'brain'. Likewise, we know what a brain is like and its function in tandem with the body is not entirely a medical mystery. There are lots of different ways that brain and body can become disconnected, and we thought about this before we started to practice yoga. But what does it really mean? I think by the time I figure it, if such a blessed day will actually come for me, I will be passed the point of being able to blog about yoga!!
I have to be honest: it's summer, and I really dropped off for a while there. I have been dragging myself to class on the days that I actually attend. (I never regret class, mind you. I am always very relieved that I went and sure that the reluctance will not return the next day. It does, though.) Many times, I have dropped plans to go at the last minute, or, after mentally berating myself for laziness, forced myself out the door with three minutes to spare before class started after already commiting myself to a night off.
I think that one week I only attended class three times.
Oh. I guess that's not so bad.
I have been avoiding putting all of this into writing, to be honest. This is just a progress record for myself to look back on, and not my main blog or diary. I just thought it would be a fun way to spill about yoga in a forum erected strictly for that purpose instead of mucking up "Allergic to Life" with a subject that, quite frankly, does not hold lasting fascination for all that many people.
In addition, I decided to call this "Dedicated", and I'm not really worthy of the title if I spend all day dreading the moment when I'm going to have to decide whether or not I'm going to go to yoga. I can find any excuse to skip. I have reached a big bump in the road, so to speak.
Yoga means union between body and mind. This is easy to say as we know what a body is like and we use the word 'mind' as synonymous with 'brain'. Likewise, we know what a brain is like and its function in tandem with the body is not entirely a medical mystery. There are lots of different ways that brain and body can become disconnected, and we thought about this before we started to practice yoga. But what does it really mean? I think by the time I figure it, if such a blessed day will actually come for me, I will be passed the point of being able to blog about yoga!!
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Regarding Teachers
Not sure if I am really qualified yet, having only been practicing for two and a half months, but I have become very opinionated about Bikram's teachers.
I like strict, honest, down-to-earth teachers. I had a great teacher about a week ago called Mack. He was tough and critical of typical student antics (depending on water and towel, not giving 100 %, sitting postures out, losing focus, etc.) and some people seem to be wary of him, but I thought he was really good. He whipped me into shape and I ended up giving way more effort than I had intended, as I had him on my second class of the day last Saturday, and I was pretty damn tired. He certainly didn't try to make best friends with anyone. He didn't say "try to do this" as teachers often tend to do, he said "do this". I liked that. Despite his gruff way about teaching, it was obvious that he understood our struggles very well and had everybody's best interest in mind. He anticipated student tendencies and explained exactly why we should avoid certain things, and he told us where he fell down as a beginner. I learned a lot that class.
I really dislike flakiness and passive-aggressiveness, generally and especially in class. Teachers need to find the balance between discipline and understanding. Sometimes a teacher will try so hard to come across as nice and understanding (as opposed to "too hard on the class"), and often that does a real disservice to everyone. Students need discipline! They shouldn't flutter around and be all "just try your best, whatever that may be" (although of course that is true, but it's open to interpretation) and then act all surprised when students are sucking back the water, sitting out postures and wiping sweat like crazy. Conversely, they shouldn't order people to get up if they're really feeling sick and lying down, or get strict all of a sudden, out of frustration, as I have also seen.
The teachers aren't there to be your best friend, they are there to take you from the beginning to the end of class so that you get as much benefit as possible. It's a hard job and it takes a lot of effort on their part - this is very obvious. But Bikram's teachers make a huge commitment to get where they are in terms of their own practice and the time and cost of the teacher training, so this isn't a half-assed sort of deal. Therefore, they should explore every avenue for self-improvement - the teacher makes a big difference in class. Maybe it's not like that with other yoga or for more advanced students, but most of the people in class are fairly green, and they need a solid instructor.
One last thought: some of the young women don't seem to have developed the confidence in themselves as people to direct the class completely efficiently. I guess these things come with time. It's just that it seems as though young women comprise a big percentage of teachers and teacher hopefuls, so they need to be good.
I like strict, honest, down-to-earth teachers. I had a great teacher about a week ago called Mack. He was tough and critical of typical student antics (depending on water and towel, not giving 100 %, sitting postures out, losing focus, etc.) and some people seem to be wary of him, but I thought he was really good. He whipped me into shape and I ended up giving way more effort than I had intended, as I had him on my second class of the day last Saturday, and I was pretty damn tired. He certainly didn't try to make best friends with anyone. He didn't say "try to do this" as teachers often tend to do, he said "do this". I liked that. Despite his gruff way about teaching, it was obvious that he understood our struggles very well and had everybody's best interest in mind. He anticipated student tendencies and explained exactly why we should avoid certain things, and he told us where he fell down as a beginner. I learned a lot that class.
I really dislike flakiness and passive-aggressiveness, generally and especially in class. Teachers need to find the balance between discipline and understanding. Sometimes a teacher will try so hard to come across as nice and understanding (as opposed to "too hard on the class"), and often that does a real disservice to everyone. Students need discipline! They shouldn't flutter around and be all "just try your best, whatever that may be" (although of course that is true, but it's open to interpretation) and then act all surprised when students are sucking back the water, sitting out postures and wiping sweat like crazy. Conversely, they shouldn't order people to get up if they're really feeling sick and lying down, or get strict all of a sudden, out of frustration, as I have also seen.
The teachers aren't there to be your best friend, they are there to take you from the beginning to the end of class so that you get as much benefit as possible. It's a hard job and it takes a lot of effort on their part - this is very obvious. But Bikram's teachers make a huge commitment to get where they are in terms of their own practice and the time and cost of the teacher training, so this isn't a half-assed sort of deal. Therefore, they should explore every avenue for self-improvement - the teacher makes a big difference in class. Maybe it's not like that with other yoga or for more advanced students, but most of the people in class are fairly green, and they need a solid instructor.
One last thought: some of the young women don't seem to have developed the confidence in themselves as people to direct the class completely efficiently. I guess these things come with time. It's just that it seems as though young women comprise a big percentage of teachers and teacher hopefuls, so they need to be good.
30 Day Challenge: Complete
That's right, I finished the challenge yesterday: thirty classes in thirty days!
Unfortunately, I missed a whopping four days (three were on a Sunday) and consequently had to complete four doubles, the last of which took place on Thursday. It was two classes straight. It was gruesome. The previous two, as I have mentioned, were split up so they weren't so bad, but the first one was also back-to-back. Yikes. Anyway, so although I am proud of myself, of course, I do feel as though I cheated a bit. Next challenge I commit to only one or two doubles. It's not quite the same if you don't go every day, I think.
I wanted to go out with a bang, but I was a mess on Saturday morning. Early morning classes, though they're supposed to be the best, are tough for me because I am so inflexible. I feel like I can't move and I'm frequently in pain. Even Pranayama series was rough. Not helping matters was the fact that I drank wine on Friday night and very little water after Friday evening class -dehydration!! In an attempt to right myself I guzzled down two electrolyte drink packets in my water bottle and did jumping jacks in the handicapped bathroom to warm up. I still ended up having a mediocre class, but floor series was okay. I sat out a couple poses during standing series due to fatigue, mainly. Second set Trikanasana, for instance, was oh you tee.
Teachers have been reminding us that with summer approaching (though you wouldn't know it here in rainy Van) we should increase our water consumption accordingly. I, on the other hand, seem to be going downhill in this department. I used to drink three litres of water a day when I first started (I was terrified of the nausea), but now I'm doing well if I drink a litre and a half. To be honest, I have walked into that class with barely 500 ml plus pop and coffee in me - not good.
The teachers also say that if you're not losing weight (that would be me), you have to cut your eating in half. Huh. In any case, I really want to make a commitment to eating healthier. I spent the weekend in Seattle and although I usually don't monitor my eating while I'm on vacation, (even minuscule vacations like a weekend in Seattle), this was ridiculous. McDonalds, chips, ice cream, (which I don't even like), chocolate, creamy pasta, pizza, pop, not to mention drinking. I need to gain some self-control. To be fair, I am toning up and I am feeling more comfortable with my body, but I still say that nothing works like starving yourself when it comes to losing weight. But that's not right and I know that. AND - it's very short-term. The changes I am making in my body are deep and long-term, and I can really feel that.
I was going to take a two-day break and I still might, but my sister is going to class tomorrow and I will probably want to as well. We'll see. It will be nice to take it easy some days and not go to class if I really don't feel up to it, and the 30 day challenge really interfered with my social life. I am so glad I did it, and I feel a little sad that I won't be able to put a smiley sticker up after every class and get encouragement from people around the studio. Oh well. Officially the challenge is still on (as I started early), so I'll have to serve as motivation for the others.
A quick thought:
Some people in class are damn lazy. What's the point? Unless I'm in seriously rough shape that class (ie tired, hung over), I always ask myself if I am honestly trying my best, and if the answer is no, I shape up.
Unfortunately, I missed a whopping four days (three were on a Sunday) and consequently had to complete four doubles, the last of which took place on Thursday. It was two classes straight. It was gruesome. The previous two, as I have mentioned, were split up so they weren't so bad, but the first one was also back-to-back. Yikes. Anyway, so although I am proud of myself, of course, I do feel as though I cheated a bit. Next challenge I commit to only one or two doubles. It's not quite the same if you don't go every day, I think.
I wanted to go out with a bang, but I was a mess on Saturday morning. Early morning classes, though they're supposed to be the best, are tough for me because I am so inflexible. I feel like I can't move and I'm frequently in pain. Even Pranayama series was rough. Not helping matters was the fact that I drank wine on Friday night and very little water after Friday evening class -dehydration!! In an attempt to right myself I guzzled down two electrolyte drink packets in my water bottle and did jumping jacks in the handicapped bathroom to warm up. I still ended up having a mediocre class, but floor series was okay. I sat out a couple poses during standing series due to fatigue, mainly. Second set Trikanasana, for instance, was oh you tee.
Teachers have been reminding us that with summer approaching (though you wouldn't know it here in rainy Van) we should increase our water consumption accordingly. I, on the other hand, seem to be going downhill in this department. I used to drink three litres of water a day when I first started (I was terrified of the nausea), but now I'm doing well if I drink a litre and a half. To be honest, I have walked into that class with barely 500 ml plus pop and coffee in me - not good.
The teachers also say that if you're not losing weight (that would be me), you have to cut your eating in half. Huh. In any case, I really want to make a commitment to eating healthier. I spent the weekend in Seattle and although I usually don't monitor my eating while I'm on vacation, (even minuscule vacations like a weekend in Seattle), this was ridiculous. McDonalds, chips, ice cream, (which I don't even like), chocolate, creamy pasta, pizza, pop, not to mention drinking. I need to gain some self-control. To be fair, I am toning up and I am feeling more comfortable with my body, but I still say that nothing works like starving yourself when it comes to losing weight. But that's not right and I know that. AND - it's very short-term. The changes I am making in my body are deep and long-term, and I can really feel that.
I was going to take a two-day break and I still might, but my sister is going to class tomorrow and I will probably want to as well. We'll see. It will be nice to take it easy some days and not go to class if I really don't feel up to it, and the 30 day challenge really interfered with my social life. I am so glad I did it, and I feel a little sad that I won't be able to put a smiley sticker up after every class and get encouragement from people around the studio. Oh well. Officially the challenge is still on (as I started early), so I'll have to serve as motivation for the others.
A quick thought:
Some people in class are damn lazy. What's the point? Unless I'm in seriously rough shape that class (ie tired, hung over), I always ask myself if I am honestly trying my best, and if the answer is no, I shape up.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Day 19 and Counting - Also, Best Class of my Life Today
Today was Day 19, but only my eighteenth class of of the Challenge.
It was also my fiftieth class in total since March 15th, 2006 :) Not exactly "every day for two full months", but not too shabby all the same.
I missed class AGAIN yesterday, bringing me into my third double (planned for Thursday) of this challenge. I read challenge rules posted on another studio's website and this isn't even allowed. However, it was kind of up in the air how many times you could skip class and make up for it at my studio so I think I am in the clear, but wow, it can't happen again. It is all on account of going out and drinking too much and then finding myself unable to get to class the day after, hungover, when I probably need it the most.
But I went to Whistler this weekend!!
So, I ended up doing my second double last Thursday instead of Tuesday, meaning I attended 6 AM on both days. I missed class this morning (attending 6:15 PM instead), but I'll have to do it again this Thursday as that's the day I plan to do my third double. I'm very inflexible at this time of morning and I find myself dreading a full day of work following practice. I need to get over these humps because it is really convenient to get up and start the day off with a nice practice, and then have my evening totally free.
I have found a little trick for increasing flexibility and stamina during class: a quick (under ten minutes) jog beforehand. I don't know if this would come recommended or is even good for me, but I've done it three times now and the result was the three best practices of my life! It seems to increase my energy at least two-fold, and if I can jog AND stretch before class, like I did this evening, my flexibility is awesome.
This notwithstanding, I've also had some crappy classes lately (namely, Saturday and Sunday morning, both at 8 AM). Also, my lower back hurt a lot over the weekend - it felt sciatic as it went down into my thighs. The two hour drive to Whistler and back was particularly painful and I even had to get out of the car to stretch. I've never had back pain like that before. However, it feels much better today and I can't help but think that it might have been a good idea to skip class yesterday, also since it was the beginning of my period. They say that Bikram's is clear for menstruating women as there are no inverted postures, but I had a pretty brutal class last month on the first day of my period.
I think I'm ready to go over each posture again and talk about any change or progression:
1. Pranayama Breathing
I’ve begun to develop a concern that I am moving my back on the exhale. I’m probably not, but it occurred to me a couple of times that if you don’t pay attention (and it’s easy to go on autopilot after all this time), you might cease to breathe correctly.
2. Half Moon Pose with Hands to Feet Pose
Vast improvement in Half Moon. I don’t go too deep in the first set but in the second I am able to go down much further, and I look right. No longer excruciating, and second set actually feels pretty good.
My backbend varies depending on how my back is doing that day. I have a lot of lower back pain, especially at the beginning of class if I am not very warm. On the forward bend, I really take it easy first set and walk my hips out for as long as possible. If I am not warm, it can be extremely painful.
On a good day I can sandwich my body against my legs and practically lock out my knees. However, I still have trouble touching my pinky fingers in back as my hands go out the side of my heels. I don’t know how I can improve this.
3. Awkward Pose
Arghh. I dread this pose now. First part drags forever, and I still can’t go down very far in second part without my right knee cap feeling really sore. I have my heels way up so at least my form is right, but I can’t get my thighs parallel with the ground. Third part is very good, but my knees can get testy.
4. Eagle Pose
I am still having trouble in Eagle with balance - I can usually get my toes right around my calf. I haven’t tried putting my hands in Namaskar as I don’t feel that my form is good enough yet. It’s improving, though.
5. Standing Head-to-Knee
Again, lots of improvement here but it has been fairly slow. I can kick both legs out on the second set for a portion of the pose, without losing my balance. My right leg is stronger than my left, and I can kick my left leg out for longer. I can hold first set for the full sixty seconds on a good day, but I still have a ways to go with keeping that knee locked out for the full time. I’m just not strong enough yet.
However, I’m developing some crazy muscle in my thigh!
6. Standing Bow
I came to realize a few weeks ago that I wasn’t really locking my knee in this pose. I am sure to now, and as a result, I often don’t go as deep. On a bad day, I have a lot of trouble holding my balance and I have felt disappointed in myself. Today was good, though, and I held the pose very well. I went deep second set, and my leg half-way up the shin is visible in the mirror on my right side. On the left, I can see just above the ankle. Also, my form wasn’t the greatest on the left side at first but I think I’ve almost overcome it.
7. Balancing Stick
Much better. Apparently, I DO look like a “T” now, I’ve been told! I find this posture invigorating and satisfying.
8. Standing Separate Leg Stretching
Another potentially painful pose. I cannot grasp my heels - I’m lucky if I can grab the sides of my feet with my knees locked out and not pass out with pain. My head isn’t on the floor, but it’s getting there. Slow, steady improvement.
9. Triangle Pose
Hands-down, the toughest pose of the entire series. Triangle calls for the most strength and the deepest concentration. I have to fight the temptation to make the twist before my thigh is completely parallel to the ground for some reason - I’m not sure why I’m reluctant as it’s easier this way. Laziness, I guess. On a bad day, I skip one set of Trikanasana. I know I shouldn’t but I absolutely can’t resist.
10. Standing Separate Leg Head-to-Knee
Wobble wobble wobble. Although I can’t keep my hands in prayer without tipping from side to side, my front leg is almost completely straight on a good day. During the tougher classes, I bend my knee or face crippling lower back pain.
11. Tree Pose
I look a bit better in Tree than I used to, standing up taller. Sometimes I lose my balance, strangely, and other times my concentration. It’s easy to drift off in this pose.
12. Toe Stand
Wow. I have come a long way in this pose. Today - on both sides - I was able to get one hand up in Namaskar once I was down, and I pushed myself up without any great exertion or danger of falling out. I was very strong in this pose today, and I feel much sturdier.
13. Savasana
Still loving it when this rolls around. Got to remember not to scratch and wipe. I have this problem where sweat drips into my ear and it really bugs me, so I like to wear a hair band in class.
14. Wind Removing Pose
A few classes ago a teacher told me that I was “hanging out” in the first part of this pose. Harrumph!!! So maybe I was…but I’ve been doing better. I can grip both elbows even when I am dripping with sweat in shorts now, so I must be getting stronger.
15. Sit-Up
I *need* sit-up for Head-to-Knee later on. If sit-ups aren’t going well, Head-to-Knee will be very painful.
16. Cobra
Okay, I finally realized how to do this pose properly. I don’t know what I was doing before, but I was using too much arm-strength. Now it’s almost entirely my lower back. Still, the easiest of the spine-strengthening series.
17. Locust
I love to slack off in this pose…I seem to have reached a plateau in height in the third part of the posture as I don’t feel I’m getting my legs up any higher than I was even a month ago. It’s probably because I’ve been slacking.
18. Full Locust
I try to give this my best shot, even on bad days. My sister said I looked good when she caught a glimpse of me a couple classes ago.
19. Bow Pose
Still super tough. Sometimes I find myself falling out of the pose early, which I hate to do. It takes a lot of effort to give maximum effort for the full twenty seconds on both sets.
20. Fixed Firm
My knees are starting to hurt in this pose. I can still go into it fully, though.
21. Half-Tortoise
I don’t see any improvement in this pose, so I’m not sure where I’m going wrong, if anywhere. I still can’t get my forehead to touch before my hands, I still can’t get my nose to touch, and I still can’t lift my hands up so that only the “razor-edge” of my pinky fingers are touching. Oh well.
22. Camel Pose
I never sit this one out anymore - I find it very valuable. Sometimes I don’t put my hands down on first set, but almost always on second. I still have concern that my hips, thighs and stomach aren’t far forward enough, but I feel improvement. They say you shouldn’t be resting any weight on your ankles, but I still do. Less, though. I like this pose very much.
23. Rabbit
This pose is tiring and uncomfortable for me. I have trouble doing both sets for the full length.
24. Head-to-Knee
I still dread this pose because the third part is so painful. I can’t stop repeating the words “if you can, you must” because I am always tempted to not lift my heels. I can lift my heels for the entire portion now, but it takes maximal effort.
Anyway, I had a huge breakthrough in the first and second parts of the pose today - previously I was unable to keep my individual legs straight and had to bend at the knee, sometimes quite a bit. However, somehow, today, I was able to flatten out my left leg completely and my right let just about. Unbelievable, what happened?!
25. Spine-Twisting Pose
I want to slack in this pose because it’s the last one, but I usually don’t. No major concerns here.
26. Kapalbhati Breathing
I finally got the breathing down - it took me an extra long time to figure it out. I used to get cramps under my feet and feel a bit dizzy, but all of that seems to be a thing of the past now.
Well, there they are. On a final note, I'd like to also mention that I have made it a point to stop wiping my sweat away at any point during the class, and I am much better for it.
It was also my fiftieth class in total since March 15th, 2006 :) Not exactly "every day for two full months", but not too shabby all the same.
I missed class AGAIN yesterday, bringing me into my third double (planned for Thursday) of this challenge. I read challenge rules posted on another studio's website and this isn't even allowed. However, it was kind of up in the air how many times you could skip class and make up for it at my studio so I think I am in the clear, but wow, it can't happen again. It is all on account of going out and drinking too much and then finding myself unable to get to class the day after, hungover, when I probably need it the most.
But I went to Whistler this weekend!!
So, I ended up doing my second double last Thursday instead of Tuesday, meaning I attended 6 AM on both days. I missed class this morning (attending 6:15 PM instead), but I'll have to do it again this Thursday as that's the day I plan to do my third double. I'm very inflexible at this time of morning and I find myself dreading a full day of work following practice. I need to get over these humps because it is really convenient to get up and start the day off with a nice practice, and then have my evening totally free.
I have found a little trick for increasing flexibility and stamina during class: a quick (under ten minutes) jog beforehand. I don't know if this would come recommended or is even good for me, but I've done it three times now and the result was the three best practices of my life! It seems to increase my energy at least two-fold, and if I can jog AND stretch before class, like I did this evening, my flexibility is awesome.
This notwithstanding, I've also had some crappy classes lately (namely, Saturday and Sunday morning, both at 8 AM). Also, my lower back hurt a lot over the weekend - it felt sciatic as it went down into my thighs. The two hour drive to Whistler and back was particularly painful and I even had to get out of the car to stretch. I've never had back pain like that before. However, it feels much better today and I can't help but think that it might have been a good idea to skip class yesterday, also since it was the beginning of my period. They say that Bikram's is clear for menstruating women as there are no inverted postures, but I had a pretty brutal class last month on the first day of my period.
I think I'm ready to go over each posture again and talk about any change or progression:
1. Pranayama Breathing
I’ve begun to develop a concern that I am moving my back on the exhale. I’m probably not, but it occurred to me a couple of times that if you don’t pay attention (and it’s easy to go on autopilot after all this time), you might cease to breathe correctly.
2. Half Moon Pose with Hands to Feet Pose
Vast improvement in Half Moon. I don’t go too deep in the first set but in the second I am able to go down much further, and I look right. No longer excruciating, and second set actually feels pretty good.
My backbend varies depending on how my back is doing that day. I have a lot of lower back pain, especially at the beginning of class if I am not very warm. On the forward bend, I really take it easy first set and walk my hips out for as long as possible. If I am not warm, it can be extremely painful.
On a good day I can sandwich my body against my legs and practically lock out my knees. However, I still have trouble touching my pinky fingers in back as my hands go out the side of my heels. I don’t know how I can improve this.
3. Awkward Pose
Arghh. I dread this pose now. First part drags forever, and I still can’t go down very far in second part without my right knee cap feeling really sore. I have my heels way up so at least my form is right, but I can’t get my thighs parallel with the ground. Third part is very good, but my knees can get testy.
4. Eagle Pose
I am still having trouble in Eagle with balance - I can usually get my toes right around my calf. I haven’t tried putting my hands in Namaskar as I don’t feel that my form is good enough yet. It’s improving, though.
5. Standing Head-to-Knee
Again, lots of improvement here but it has been fairly slow. I can kick both legs out on the second set for a portion of the pose, without losing my balance. My right leg is stronger than my left, and I can kick my left leg out for longer. I can hold first set for the full sixty seconds on a good day, but I still have a ways to go with keeping that knee locked out for the full time. I’m just not strong enough yet.
However, I’m developing some crazy muscle in my thigh!
6. Standing Bow
I came to realize a few weeks ago that I wasn’t really locking my knee in this pose. I am sure to now, and as a result, I often don’t go as deep. On a bad day, I have a lot of trouble holding my balance and I have felt disappointed in myself. Today was good, though, and I held the pose very well. I went deep second set, and my leg half-way up the shin is visible in the mirror on my right side. On the left, I can see just above the ankle. Also, my form wasn’t the greatest on the left side at first but I think I’ve almost overcome it.
7. Balancing Stick
Much better. Apparently, I DO look like a “T” now, I’ve been told! I find this posture invigorating and satisfying.
8. Standing Separate Leg Stretching
Another potentially painful pose. I cannot grasp my heels - I’m lucky if I can grab the sides of my feet with my knees locked out and not pass out with pain. My head isn’t on the floor, but it’s getting there. Slow, steady improvement.
9. Triangle Pose
Hands-down, the toughest pose of the entire series. Triangle calls for the most strength and the deepest concentration. I have to fight the temptation to make the twist before my thigh is completely parallel to the ground for some reason - I’m not sure why I’m reluctant as it’s easier this way. Laziness, I guess. On a bad day, I skip one set of Trikanasana. I know I shouldn’t but I absolutely can’t resist.
10. Standing Separate Leg Head-to-Knee
Wobble wobble wobble. Although I can’t keep my hands in prayer without tipping from side to side, my front leg is almost completely straight on a good day. During the tougher classes, I bend my knee or face crippling lower back pain.
11. Tree Pose
I look a bit better in Tree than I used to, standing up taller. Sometimes I lose my balance, strangely, and other times my concentration. It’s easy to drift off in this pose.
12. Toe Stand
Wow. I have come a long way in this pose. Today - on both sides - I was able to get one hand up in Namaskar once I was down, and I pushed myself up without any great exertion or danger of falling out. I was very strong in this pose today, and I feel much sturdier.
13. Savasana
Still loving it when this rolls around. Got to remember not to scratch and wipe. I have this problem where sweat drips into my ear and it really bugs me, so I like to wear a hair band in class.
14. Wind Removing Pose
A few classes ago a teacher told me that I was “hanging out” in the first part of this pose. Harrumph!!! So maybe I was…but I’ve been doing better. I can grip both elbows even when I am dripping with sweat in shorts now, so I must be getting stronger.
15. Sit-Up
I *need* sit-up for Head-to-Knee later on. If sit-ups aren’t going well, Head-to-Knee will be very painful.
16. Cobra
Okay, I finally realized how to do this pose properly. I don’t know what I was doing before, but I was using too much arm-strength. Now it’s almost entirely my lower back. Still, the easiest of the spine-strengthening series.
17. Locust
I love to slack off in this pose…I seem to have reached a plateau in height in the third part of the posture as I don’t feel I’m getting my legs up any higher than I was even a month ago. It’s probably because I’ve been slacking.
18. Full Locust
I try to give this my best shot, even on bad days. My sister said I looked good when she caught a glimpse of me a couple classes ago.
19. Bow Pose
Still super tough. Sometimes I find myself falling out of the pose early, which I hate to do. It takes a lot of effort to give maximum effort for the full twenty seconds on both sets.
20. Fixed Firm
My knees are starting to hurt in this pose. I can still go into it fully, though.
21. Half-Tortoise
I don’t see any improvement in this pose, so I’m not sure where I’m going wrong, if anywhere. I still can’t get my forehead to touch before my hands, I still can’t get my nose to touch, and I still can’t lift my hands up so that only the “razor-edge” of my pinky fingers are touching. Oh well.
22. Camel Pose
I never sit this one out anymore - I find it very valuable. Sometimes I don’t put my hands down on first set, but almost always on second. I still have concern that my hips, thighs and stomach aren’t far forward enough, but I feel improvement. They say you shouldn’t be resting any weight on your ankles, but I still do. Less, though. I like this pose very much.
23. Rabbit
This pose is tiring and uncomfortable for me. I have trouble doing both sets for the full length.
24. Head-to-Knee
I still dread this pose because the third part is so painful. I can’t stop repeating the words “if you can, you must” because I am always tempted to not lift my heels. I can lift my heels for the entire portion now, but it takes maximal effort.
Anyway, I had a huge breakthrough in the first and second parts of the pose today - previously I was unable to keep my individual legs straight and had to bend at the knee, sometimes quite a bit. However, somehow, today, I was able to flatten out my left leg completely and my right let just about. Unbelievable, what happened?!
25. Spine-Twisting Pose
I want to slack in this pose because it’s the last one, but I usually don’t. No major concerns here.
26. Kapalbhati Breathing
I finally got the breathing down - it took me an extra long time to figure it out. I used to get cramps under my feet and feel a bit dizzy, but all of that seems to be a thing of the past now.
Well, there they are. On a final note, I'd like to also mention that I have made it a point to stop wiping my sweat away at any point during the class, and I am much better for it.
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
First 6AM Class
Well, I haven't been doing the greatest job of keeping my 30-day journal updated. Today is Day 12 (unbelievable, already?) but I missed class on Sunday so I have to do a double today for the second time. I don't even know if this is allowed. Anyway, it will be much easier going this time around as I was able to do the first class at 6AM (a mere 10.25 hours after I finished my last class at 7:45PM yesterday) and I'll either go to 6:15 or 8:15 tonight. Then I will be caught up.
I'll be honest: the first double, last Wednesday, was tough. I had planned on taking it really easy during the first class but instead I felt compelled to push to my edge. I don't know why, exactly. I brought a new towel and a change of clothes for round two (which commenced half an hour after the prior class finished) and drank a litre of water with electrolytes. I was really surprised by how much I sweat during the second class as I thought I didn't have any fluid left in my body by that point, but I was drenched all over again. I had to lie through a few poses in the second class due to sheer fatigue. All in all, though, I felt pretty all right when it was all over, but I was too pumped to get a really good night's sleep. I thought I'd pass out immediately, but it was like I had drank three cups of coffee before going to bed.
I missed Thursday's class and headed back for 6:15PM on Friday. That class was a killer. I had drank alcohol the night before which of course never helps matters, and I found just remaining in the room near intolerable let alone going through all the poses. Laying down didn't help matters at all, as the room felt unbearably hot. Also, I was so sleepy that during each savasana I could barely keep my eyes open. Wretched!! I literally had to drag myself home.
Nonetheless, I trooped off to 8AM Saturday morning thinking it would be a slow, sparsely populated, easy-going class. Hah! I was dead wrong. The hot room was packed solid with people eager to get their yoga out of the way in order to enjoy the weekend, and it turned out to be another tough one. I would have loved something in my stomach as I hadn't even eaten since before the last class, so I was pretty starved. Thirsty, too. My sister was along with me so that was rather comforting, and I no longer find her to be such a distraction in class (before I would find myself staring at her constantly and involuntarily trying to match or go beyond her depth in the poses, even when I wasn't ready). Not a terrible class, but not particularly smooth, either.
I had planned to go Sunday afternoon, but Saturday night was a big one, making the entire next day a complete write-off. My sister wasn't able to attend class, either. Instead I enjoyed a leisurely Mother's Day dinner and a night of watching movies. Phew, that felt really good.
Last night's class (Monday), went fairly well. Standing series was kind of hard as I felt really tired for some reason, and by the time we hit Tree Pose I felt like I could use a nap. However, floor series went well, even spine-strengthening series. I got stronger and stronger as the end of the class neared, and then I sailed right out of there! Too bad standing series was so monstrous.
And that brings me to this morning's class at 6AM. I tried my best to get to sleep as early as possible last night but I fear it wasn't until around 11:00, and I got up around 5:30. Not too bad. By the time I ran into the studio I only had minutes to spare, so no time for stretching. I was really surprised to see a new girl in class today - I don't think I'd be very keen on having my very first class at that hour. Once again, standing series was tougher than floor series. During both classes I found it very difficult to hold Standing Head to Knee and Standing Bow as I can't seem to keep my strength up or hold my balance. I know I'm giving up too soon but I can't seem to help it.
I'll be honest: the first double, last Wednesday, was tough. I had planned on taking it really easy during the first class but instead I felt compelled to push to my edge. I don't know why, exactly. I brought a new towel and a change of clothes for round two (which commenced half an hour after the prior class finished) and drank a litre of water with electrolytes. I was really surprised by how much I sweat during the second class as I thought I didn't have any fluid left in my body by that point, but I was drenched all over again. I had to lie through a few poses in the second class due to sheer fatigue. All in all, though, I felt pretty all right when it was all over, but I was too pumped to get a really good night's sleep. I thought I'd pass out immediately, but it was like I had drank three cups of coffee before going to bed.
I missed Thursday's class and headed back for 6:15PM on Friday. That class was a killer. I had drank alcohol the night before which of course never helps matters, and I found just remaining in the room near intolerable let alone going through all the poses. Laying down didn't help matters at all, as the room felt unbearably hot. Also, I was so sleepy that during each savasana I could barely keep my eyes open. Wretched!! I literally had to drag myself home.
Nonetheless, I trooped off to 8AM Saturday morning thinking it would be a slow, sparsely populated, easy-going class. Hah! I was dead wrong. The hot room was packed solid with people eager to get their yoga out of the way in order to enjoy the weekend, and it turned out to be another tough one. I would have loved something in my stomach as I hadn't even eaten since before the last class, so I was pretty starved. Thirsty, too. My sister was along with me so that was rather comforting, and I no longer find her to be such a distraction in class (before I would find myself staring at her constantly and involuntarily trying to match or go beyond her depth in the poses, even when I wasn't ready). Not a terrible class, but not particularly smooth, either.
I had planned to go Sunday afternoon, but Saturday night was a big one, making the entire next day a complete write-off. My sister wasn't able to attend class, either. Instead I enjoyed a leisurely Mother's Day dinner and a night of watching movies. Phew, that felt really good.
Last night's class (Monday), went fairly well. Standing series was kind of hard as I felt really tired for some reason, and by the time we hit Tree Pose I felt like I could use a nap. However, floor series went well, even spine-strengthening series. I got stronger and stronger as the end of the class neared, and then I sailed right out of there! Too bad standing series was so monstrous.
And that brings me to this morning's class at 6AM. I tried my best to get to sleep as early as possible last night but I fear it wasn't until around 11:00, and I got up around 5:30. Not too bad. By the time I ran into the studio I only had minutes to spare, so no time for stretching. I was really surprised to see a new girl in class today - I don't think I'd be very keen on having my very first class at that hour. Once again, standing series was tougher than floor series. During both classes I found it very difficult to hold Standing Head to Knee and Standing Bow as I can't seem to keep my strength up or hold my balance. I know I'm giving up too soon but I can't seem to help it.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Day 6 & 7, Together as One.
Yesterday was Day 5 of the challenge, and it went pretty well.
However, Day 4 was a bit of a bust. Fatigued and out of it, I discovered a new trick: NOT trying hard. As I sheepishly looked round the room as I sauntered in and out of the tough poses at my own pace, failing to go far or deep, I happened to notice that I am certainly not the first to discover this trick. Well. It should only be used as a last resort, if ever. I can't see that going to class every day and giving half-assed effort most of the time is better than or even equivalent to giving four solid classes per week. So there!
Anyway, I was actually instructed to give non-maximal effort today as I have to do a dreaded double class. This is my first time and I'm scared, especially since I am tired as it is. I wish I could find my tea tree cream to rub into my leg muscles especially, which are pretty sore.
However, Day 4 was a bit of a bust. Fatigued and out of it, I discovered a new trick: NOT trying hard. As I sheepishly looked round the room as I sauntered in and out of the tough poses at my own pace, failing to go far or deep, I happened to notice that I am certainly not the first to discover this trick. Well. It should only be used as a last resort, if ever. I can't see that going to class every day and giving half-assed effort most of the time is better than or even equivalent to giving four solid classes per week. So there!
Anyway, I was actually instructed to give non-maximal effort today as I have to do a dreaded double class. This is my first time and I'm scared, especially since I am tired as it is. I wish I could find my tea tree cream to rub into my leg muscles especially, which are pretty sore.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Three Classes in a Row: HUNG OVER
So, only 27 days left! Hurray, I'm almost done.
I didn't just drink "a bit" last night, I drank a lot, and it was tough just getting out of bed let alone dragging my sorry ass to yoga at 4:15 PM. However, I did an amazing thing this afternoon - I went to the pool and swam around and lounged in the hot tub and even glided down the waterslide. If it wasn't for this unusual burst of activity I don't know what kind of an awful class I might have had. As it was, however, class was pretty good and I feel much better now than I would have if I'd spent the day laying about shoving food into my face.
Triangle was bearable today, unbelievably.
I usually wear exersise pants to the knee in class but today I wore shorts and I realized that is what I should be wearing. It lets you sweat freely and I was all-around more comfortable. Also, it was the best Eagle of my life with nothing but my bare, sweaty flesh to wrap my legs around. Wind-removing pose is tough with shorts on because my arms slip but I think that only means I was slackin' before. The problem is I only have a couple of pairs of shorts that would be good for yoga and I don't really like either of them, so I will have to get a good pair or two next paycheque.
It's funny how you do start to want to look good in class, or as good as you can possibly look with your hair, face and body sopping wet for most of the class. When I first started doing yoga (Ashtanga) in regular room temperature I thought wearing something special to class was stupid and I refused to buy into the mentality of "cute yoga clothes". Nowadays I'm not as bad as some of the other women at the studio and I will wear an ordinary top if I must, but I fear that's only because I can't really afford to buy more outfits. I go crazy in Lululemon now and it's become fascinating to go in there and look through the new items. Lately, stuff to wear to class is the only thing I want to buy. I've been converted! (After all, we have mirrors at Bikram's and you don't want to look at yourself wearing something wretched.)
Oh yeah, I made a breakthrough in Head-to-Knee. In the third part of the pose I was able to lift my heels up off the ground for the whole time, even though it felt like a killer. I think that I wasn't quite trying hard enough in the sit-ups leading up to the pose so I'll have to remember to push harder so that Head-to-Knee isn't so painful. Because even though it's second-to-last, I've really started to dread it.
Hmmm....not much else that is noteworthy. This week is going to be pretty tough.
I didn't just drink "a bit" last night, I drank a lot, and it was tough just getting out of bed let alone dragging my sorry ass to yoga at 4:15 PM. However, I did an amazing thing this afternoon - I went to the pool and swam around and lounged in the hot tub and even glided down the waterslide. If it wasn't for this unusual burst of activity I don't know what kind of an awful class I might have had. As it was, however, class was pretty good and I feel much better now than I would have if I'd spent the day laying about shoving food into my face.
Triangle was bearable today, unbelievably.
I usually wear exersise pants to the knee in class but today I wore shorts and I realized that is what I should be wearing. It lets you sweat freely and I was all-around more comfortable. Also, it was the best Eagle of my life with nothing but my bare, sweaty flesh to wrap my legs around. Wind-removing pose is tough with shorts on because my arms slip but I think that only means I was slackin' before. The problem is I only have a couple of pairs of shorts that would be good for yoga and I don't really like either of them, so I will have to get a good pair or two next paycheque.
It's funny how you do start to want to look good in class, or as good as you can possibly look with your hair, face and body sopping wet for most of the class. When I first started doing yoga (Ashtanga) in regular room temperature I thought wearing something special to class was stupid and I refused to buy into the mentality of "cute yoga clothes". Nowadays I'm not as bad as some of the other women at the studio and I will wear an ordinary top if I must, but I fear that's only because I can't really afford to buy more outfits. I go crazy in Lululemon now and it's become fascinating to go in there and look through the new items. Lately, stuff to wear to class is the only thing I want to buy. I've been converted! (After all, we have mirrors at Bikram's and you don't want to look at yourself wearing something wretched.)
Oh yeah, I made a breakthrough in Head-to-Knee. In the third part of the pose I was able to lift my heels up off the ground for the whole time, even though it felt like a killer. I think that I wasn't quite trying hard enough in the sit-ups leading up to the pose so I'll have to remember to push harder so that Head-to-Knee isn't so painful. Because even though it's second-to-last, I've really started to dread it.
Hmmm....not much else that is noteworthy. This week is going to be pretty tough.
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Right Before my Very Eyes, I'm on the Thirty Day Challenge
OK, so forget about using the ten days prior to May 15th to prepare for the "30-Day Challenge" - somehow, it started yesterday.
What happened is that the studio put up a big sign-up board with the chart to mark progress, but people just started checking off days as soon as it went up (Wednesday, I think). My sister and I signed up and, knowing that we had the option of starting yesterday or waiting until we were ready, decided it would be best to just go for it. I thought about it all throughout class. I tend to think these things happen for a reason.
I still think this is the best thing to do, it's just that I have drank alcohol for three nights in a row now (yikes), I'm probably going to be drinking tonight, and next weekend we are having a massive rager at our house. Help? I was supposed to be in my best form for this stupid challenge. I should have known - this is exactly how I go into things: completely disorganized and unprepared. (So at least I'm used to it.)
Needless to say, I'm a little worried, but I should still be able to swing this. I have a will of steel!
Meanwhile, regarding yesterday's class:
I feel vast improvement in the fourth part of Half-Moon pose, the forward bend. My top and bottom half are totally glued together now whereas before there was usually lots of room "for light or air". I still can't get my pinky fingers touching underneath my heels, though, and I'm starting to think the problem might be physiological. Why can't I do it? Maybe I should ask someone about it after class.
Now that I can get my toes all the way around my calves in Eagle, my balance has taken a nose dive. Eagle has become a very challenging pose.
I was able to hold second set Standing Bow for the full thirty seconds on both sides.
Triangle was pure torture yesterday. I couldn't even do second set. Oh my God.
The floor series went well but I felt like I did something weird to my leg in Camel. After that pose I was quite anxious for the class to be over. Nonetheless it was a great class and I really did feel a lot better coming out than going in, as I felt kinda crappy yesterday.
I'm actually off to class right now. Bye!
What happened is that the studio put up a big sign-up board with the chart to mark progress, but people just started checking off days as soon as it went up (Wednesday, I think). My sister and I signed up and, knowing that we had the option of starting yesterday or waiting until we were ready, decided it would be best to just go for it. I thought about it all throughout class. I tend to think these things happen for a reason.
I still think this is the best thing to do, it's just that I have drank alcohol for three nights in a row now (yikes), I'm probably going to be drinking tonight, and next weekend we are having a massive rager at our house. Help? I was supposed to be in my best form for this stupid challenge. I should have known - this is exactly how I go into things: completely disorganized and unprepared. (So at least I'm used to it.)
Needless to say, I'm a little worried, but I should still be able to swing this. I have a will of steel!
Meanwhile, regarding yesterday's class:
I feel vast improvement in the fourth part of Half-Moon pose, the forward bend. My top and bottom half are totally glued together now whereas before there was usually lots of room "for light or air". I still can't get my pinky fingers touching underneath my heels, though, and I'm starting to think the problem might be physiological. Why can't I do it? Maybe I should ask someone about it after class.
Now that I can get my toes all the way around my calves in Eagle, my balance has taken a nose dive. Eagle has become a very challenging pose.
I was able to hold second set Standing Bow for the full thirty seconds on both sides.
Triangle was pure torture yesterday. I couldn't even do second set. Oh my God.
The floor series went well but I felt like I did something weird to my leg in Camel. After that pose I was quite anxious for the class to be over. Nonetheless it was a great class and I really did feel a lot better coming out than going in, as I felt kinda crappy yesterday.
I'm actually off to class right now. Bye!
Friday, May 05, 2006
Missing in Class
Whenever I miss yoga class for two days in a row (or more, heaven forbid), I feel completely out of it, like I haven't done it in weeks. I feel as though I don't even "do yoga" anymore, like it's something I used to do in the past. It's peculiar. I think that this is because I'm still in the very beginning stages of developing a practice, and I'm still working hard at establishment.
Right now, the 30-day challenge seems crazy, impossible. I know that it's not, but it will call for a real change in habits for me. I will have to be in best form physically and mentally, and that means (very) limited alchohol, maximum sleep, lots of water and healthy eating. It doesn't sound so hard but maintaining that kind of lifestyle can be as hard, if not harder, as the yoga itself! It's fine now to drag myself to class a bit hungover and sleep-deprived, but it won't be nearly as easy if I'm locked and bound to thirty classes in a row with no days off. Especially working the nine-to-five, because I find it really difficult to catch up on sleep with such a tight, even schedule. It seems strange, as though it should be the opposite, but while I was doing shiftwork and/or in school, I could always manage to catch up on lost sleep every few days. Now it seems that lost sleep is gone forever.
Not really helping matters is the fact that May and June are party months! It will be tough knowing that unless they start offering 6:00 AM classes at my studio, which I could REALLY use, I will always have to rush home straight after work, even if it's sunny and drinks on a patio are calling my name. My social life is already suffering because of the yoga, but I have learned to live with that for the time being. It's just that I work right downtown now, right up off the water, and it's such a beautiful area. I don't want to always have to go straight home. Oh well. There is always after practice.
I am leaving work early today so that I can attend a 4:15 class. Despite all the negativity, I'm looking forward to it. I did Pilates (MW advanced w/ sculpting band) yesterday in a last-ditch effort to get some kind of activity in my day. It felt good to work my arm muscles like that and I do love Pilates, but it just can't compare to yoga.
Right now, the 30-day challenge seems crazy, impossible. I know that it's not, but it will call for a real change in habits for me. I will have to be in best form physically and mentally, and that means (very) limited alchohol, maximum sleep, lots of water and healthy eating. It doesn't sound so hard but maintaining that kind of lifestyle can be as hard, if not harder, as the yoga itself! It's fine now to drag myself to class a bit hungover and sleep-deprived, but it won't be nearly as easy if I'm locked and bound to thirty classes in a row with no days off. Especially working the nine-to-five, because I find it really difficult to catch up on sleep with such a tight, even schedule. It seems strange, as though it should be the opposite, but while I was doing shiftwork and/or in school, I could always manage to catch up on lost sleep every few days. Now it seems that lost sleep is gone forever.
Not really helping matters is the fact that May and June are party months! It will be tough knowing that unless they start offering 6:00 AM classes at my studio, which I could REALLY use, I will always have to rush home straight after work, even if it's sunny and drinks on a patio are calling my name. My social life is already suffering because of the yoga, but I have learned to live with that for the time being. It's just that I work right downtown now, right up off the water, and it's such a beautiful area. I don't want to always have to go straight home. Oh well. There is always after practice.
I am leaving work early today so that I can attend a 4:15 class. Despite all the negativity, I'm looking forward to it. I did Pilates (MW advanced w/ sculpting band) yesterday in a last-ditch effort to get some kind of activity in my day. It felt good to work my arm muscles like that and I do love Pilates, but it just can't compare to yoga.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Good Class Bad Class
And then there are the classes where you're just not into it.
I really wanted to get into the habit of writing in here as soon as I finish class (or soon after) because that's when I remember everything. Now all I remember from Sunday and Monday's classes is that they were great, but yesterday wasn't so hot.
Lots of different stuff affects a practice and although it isn't really possible to guarantee a great class, there are certain things I can do to up my chances of having one. First and foremost, I have to have an empty stomach. If I can feel any food in there whatsoever I will be sluggish at best and, at worst, so dizzy and nauseous I'll have to lie down for extended periods. That's why I will not eat for a solid three hours before class starts, even though that seems kind of extreme for some people.
Next thing is the water - I must drink a minimum of two litres, and ideally, that's not even enough. It can be hard, though. Sometimes, if I know I haven't drank enough water throughout the day for whatever reason, I'll chug half a litre right before class starts. I know it's best to spread the water out but for me, it seems to make a big difference and it's a good last resort if I'm still worried. Also, because alcohol is very dehydrating and I for some reason find it difficult to drink great amounts of water when I'm hungover, it is always best if I haven't drank alcohol the night before my practice. (Of course!) I also try not to drink more than a smallish cup of coffee in the morning or consume any other dehydrating drinks.
Because I never get enough sleep, I'm always tired, and working in an office DOES NOT HELP, so I count on class in the evening to revitalize me. However, if I'm too tired, it's almost like it makes things worse. I usually go to a 6:15 class but I will go to 8:15 class and take a nap after work if I feel it is necessary (which it was last night), as that helps. Once I ate just a banana around two and a half hours prior to class and went to sleep for a around an hour and a half. I had a great class that night! But a nap is only a substitute for a good night's sleep. I couldn't imagine what class might feel like after a week of solid rest.
Then there is my mental state: sounds terrible, but often when I go to class with my sister we have broken out into a fight right before our practice and then made by our conscience to hastily make amends right before class starts, sometimes after we've already entered the hot room. Needless to say, this puts a damper on things, but it's not just fighting that can have a negative impact. Sometimes during and after work I find myself getting so irritated with people on the Skytrain or even just on the streets and through work and sitting in front of a computer all day can be just awful and draining. My after-work fatigue never helps my frame of mind and it's so busy downtown and sometimes these feelings build and build so that I find myself in a pretty bad mood right before I'm about to head off for yoga. This is definitely something I have to work on. If only I didn't work, my yoga practice would be so much better! I know that sounds like a given, but I find myself earnestly pondering this all the time.
Many other little things, such as the time of day of practice, the right outfit, the most comfortable hair-do, and having a good towel can also have an effect on the practice, but water, food, energy level and mindframe are the big ones. Of all of these, the only excuse strong enough to allow for me to justify not going to class, personally, would be eating too late. That would be the deal-breaker for me because I have done it in the past and truly suffered - suffered to the point where I couldn't participate in the postures. Under every other circumstance (besides maybe being sick with the flu or a really bad cold or something), I know I can make it to class and that I'll be better for it.
All of this standing, like I said - you can't always ensure that you'll have a good class. A bad class can just rise up out of nowhere when you least expect it. Granted, this has never happened when I've been in perfect form but I've had plenty of great classes where I was in much less than perfect form. (Let's face it, I'm hardly ever in perfect form.) Anyway, last night's class was almost going through the motions for me. I must have been really tired because I had to fight from closing my eyes during each Savasana and I really struggled to hold many of the poses. By the end of class my mind was completely elsewhere and I just wanted to go home.
But never mind, that's all right. I just remembered that I may be having a Toe Stand breakthrough. As I've mentioned, I have real problems with this pose. Namely, my knees (especially my left knee) is really weak. It just can't seem to hold me up, and when I first started I would often just stay in Tree rather than even make an attempt on this difficult pose. However, things seem to be looking up. I no longer have to cheat and bend my knees before my hands touch the ground on the way down, and my balance is much better now, particularly while I'm being held up by my left leg. It still hurts, but I can do it now whereas before I would just collapse. The only thing that is still practically impossible is coming up in form while balancing on my left leg (I practically give myself a stroke trying to come up) and, of course, getting my hands into Namaskar. It will be a long time before we see that day, my friends.
It is also worth mentioning that I was able to hold second set Standing Bow on both sides very well yesterday.
I'm still pumped for the 30 day challenge!
I really wanted to get into the habit of writing in here as soon as I finish class (or soon after) because that's when I remember everything. Now all I remember from Sunday and Monday's classes is that they were great, but yesterday wasn't so hot.
Lots of different stuff affects a practice and although it isn't really possible to guarantee a great class, there are certain things I can do to up my chances of having one. First and foremost, I have to have an empty stomach. If I can feel any food in there whatsoever I will be sluggish at best and, at worst, so dizzy and nauseous I'll have to lie down for extended periods. That's why I will not eat for a solid three hours before class starts, even though that seems kind of extreme for some people.
Next thing is the water - I must drink a minimum of two litres, and ideally, that's not even enough. It can be hard, though. Sometimes, if I know I haven't drank enough water throughout the day for whatever reason, I'll chug half a litre right before class starts. I know it's best to spread the water out but for me, it seems to make a big difference and it's a good last resort if I'm still worried. Also, because alcohol is very dehydrating and I for some reason find it difficult to drink great amounts of water when I'm hungover, it is always best if I haven't drank alcohol the night before my practice. (Of course!) I also try not to drink more than a smallish cup of coffee in the morning or consume any other dehydrating drinks.
Because I never get enough sleep, I'm always tired, and working in an office DOES NOT HELP, so I count on class in the evening to revitalize me. However, if I'm too tired, it's almost like it makes things worse. I usually go to a 6:15 class but I will go to 8:15 class and take a nap after work if I feel it is necessary (which it was last night), as that helps. Once I ate just a banana around two and a half hours prior to class and went to sleep for a around an hour and a half. I had a great class that night! But a nap is only a substitute for a good night's sleep. I couldn't imagine what class might feel like after a week of solid rest.
Then there is my mental state: sounds terrible, but often when I go to class with my sister we have broken out into a fight right before our practice and then made by our conscience to hastily make amends right before class starts, sometimes after we've already entered the hot room. Needless to say, this puts a damper on things, but it's not just fighting that can have a negative impact. Sometimes during and after work I find myself getting so irritated with people on the Skytrain or even just on the streets and through work and sitting in front of a computer all day can be just awful and draining. My after-work fatigue never helps my frame of mind and it's so busy downtown and sometimes these feelings build and build so that I find myself in a pretty bad mood right before I'm about to head off for yoga. This is definitely something I have to work on. If only I didn't work, my yoga practice would be so much better! I know that sounds like a given, but I find myself earnestly pondering this all the time.
Many other little things, such as the time of day of practice, the right outfit, the most comfortable hair-do, and having a good towel can also have an effect on the practice, but water, food, energy level and mindframe are the big ones. Of all of these, the only excuse strong enough to allow for me to justify not going to class, personally, would be eating too late. That would be the deal-breaker for me because I have done it in the past and truly suffered - suffered to the point where I couldn't participate in the postures. Under every other circumstance (besides maybe being sick with the flu or a really bad cold or something), I know I can make it to class and that I'll be better for it.
All of this standing, like I said - you can't always ensure that you'll have a good class. A bad class can just rise up out of nowhere when you least expect it. Granted, this has never happened when I've been in perfect form but I've had plenty of great classes where I was in much less than perfect form. (Let's face it, I'm hardly ever in perfect form.) Anyway, last night's class was almost going through the motions for me. I must have been really tired because I had to fight from closing my eyes during each Savasana and I really struggled to hold many of the poses. By the end of class my mind was completely elsewhere and I just wanted to go home.
But never mind, that's all right. I just remembered that I may be having a Toe Stand breakthrough. As I've mentioned, I have real problems with this pose. Namely, my knees (especially my left knee) is really weak. It just can't seem to hold me up, and when I first started I would often just stay in Tree rather than even make an attempt on this difficult pose. However, things seem to be looking up. I no longer have to cheat and bend my knees before my hands touch the ground on the way down, and my balance is much better now, particularly while I'm being held up by my left leg. It still hurts, but I can do it now whereas before I would just collapse. The only thing that is still practically impossible is coming up in form while balancing on my left leg (I practically give myself a stroke trying to come up) and, of course, getting my hands into Namaskar. It will be a long time before we see that day, my friends.
It is also worth mentioning that I was able to hold second set Standing Bow on both sides very well yesterday.
I'm still pumped for the 30 day challenge!
Sunday, April 30, 2006
30 Day Challenge
Whew! After going away for the weekend and drinking alcohol two days in a row (a fair bit of alcohol, I might add), I was worried about how class would go at 4:15 today. However, even though I didn't drink enough water today (which I really should have tried to with being so dehydrated already), I had a great class. My dizziness seems to have eased up, thank God.
The funny thing about Bikram's--and everyone knows this--is that you don't make steady progress in the same way that you do with many other activities and workouts. I'm not saying that not every class counts because I think that every class really does count for so much; I really believe in that build-up of "merit". However, like I was saying, with other sorts of activities (and maybe even other kinds of yoga) you get a feel for the routine and master aspects of it and expect to gain steadily. For instance, in Pilates, once you can "do" a pose or go to a particular depth in a pose, you can now "do it". Meaning, it usually doesn't happen that suddenly you find you can't do it anymore, or if you do, you suspect it's because you've sustained an injury. Similarly, with jogging, say, once you've worked your way up to a certain pace for a certain amount of time, you figure you'll be able to go that distance from a point onwards as long as you feel all right. If you're really tired or hung over or sick or some other extraneous circumstance is interfering with your jog that day, you adjust and know to take it easy, or know it's going to be *that much harder*. I'm not saying that other workouts don't vary, but I don't get surprised all that often.
Think it's like this with Bikram's Yoga? No. It can be very surprising. I've only been practicing this yoga for a month and a half and I'm already amazed at the variance I've seen in my body with particular poses on certain days. Specifically, I will be fairly happy with a certain pose and feel that it is getting progressively less difficult for several classes only to get going in class and find that suddenly it has become one of the hardest of the 26 poses! And it will stay that way, class after class. So far, this has happened to me with the following:
1. Awkward Pose (the first part has become impossible - I just can't get down).
2. Eagle Pose (I can't seem to make any progress with this pose and it's become really hard to balance).
3. Standing Bow (everything in the world has gone wrong with this pose - I can't keep my balance, I can't get my leg up, I can't get my arm up, and it exhausts me).
4. Balancing stick (all of a sudden this pose is torture - I dread it and sweat buckets throughout).
5. Standing Separate Leg Head-to-Knee (in a big way for at least six classes, but finally a breakthrough! Now I'm better than ever with this pose and have almost straightened out my knee).
6. Tree (the most relaxing pose of all has become very hard to balance, have no clue how this has happened).
7. Rabbit (this pose has been unique torture for at least ten classes - my sister feels the same way).
8. Head-to-Knee (my hamstrings are in pain for the entire three-part posture. This one hurts like hell these days, but it may be that I am going deeper whereas I wasn't challenging myself very much in the earlier days).
Of course, it's worth mentioning that some poses actually get a lot easier and I find myself wondering how they ever gave me so much trouble to begin with (especially since the "newly difficult" poses now seem so much more dreadful in comparison. In any case, like I said - it goes up and down and you just never know what kind of class you're going to have.
***My studio is having a 30-day challenge beginning May 15th and I've decided I'd like to go for it. So far I've only been five classes in a row at most and I've really only been able to maintain a practice of 4-5 classes per week, but I figure this is a great opportunity. Going away out of town several times and overly busy weekends have been the main interferences with my practice. I had planned to go camping for the May-long weekend but I'm not that heartbroken over cancelling, and I'd far prefer to stay in town over this long weekend as opposed to later on in the summer. I can foresee no major events between the fifteenth days of May and June and as I anticipate my practice slowing down in the summer with hot weather and a busy schedule and going out of town, this is the perfect way to finish off the intensity of my first three months of Bikram Yoga. I'm excited!
The funny thing about Bikram's--and everyone knows this--is that you don't make steady progress in the same way that you do with many other activities and workouts. I'm not saying that not every class counts because I think that every class really does count for so much; I really believe in that build-up of "merit". However, like I was saying, with other sorts of activities (and maybe even other kinds of yoga) you get a feel for the routine and master aspects of it and expect to gain steadily. For instance, in Pilates, once you can "do" a pose or go to a particular depth in a pose, you can now "do it". Meaning, it usually doesn't happen that suddenly you find you can't do it anymore, or if you do, you suspect it's because you've sustained an injury. Similarly, with jogging, say, once you've worked your way up to a certain pace for a certain amount of time, you figure you'll be able to go that distance from a point onwards as long as you feel all right. If you're really tired or hung over or sick or some other extraneous circumstance is interfering with your jog that day, you adjust and know to take it easy, or know it's going to be *that much harder*. I'm not saying that other workouts don't vary, but I don't get surprised all that often.
Think it's like this with Bikram's Yoga? No. It can be very surprising. I've only been practicing this yoga for a month and a half and I'm already amazed at the variance I've seen in my body with particular poses on certain days. Specifically, I will be fairly happy with a certain pose and feel that it is getting progressively less difficult for several classes only to get going in class and find that suddenly it has become one of the hardest of the 26 poses! And it will stay that way, class after class. So far, this has happened to me with the following:
1. Awkward Pose (the first part has become impossible - I just can't get down).
2. Eagle Pose (I can't seem to make any progress with this pose and it's become really hard to balance).
3. Standing Bow (everything in the world has gone wrong with this pose - I can't keep my balance, I can't get my leg up, I can't get my arm up, and it exhausts me).
4. Balancing stick (all of a sudden this pose is torture - I dread it and sweat buckets throughout).
5. Standing Separate Leg Head-to-Knee (in a big way for at least six classes, but finally a breakthrough! Now I'm better than ever with this pose and have almost straightened out my knee).
6. Tree (the most relaxing pose of all has become very hard to balance, have no clue how this has happened).
7. Rabbit (this pose has been unique torture for at least ten classes - my sister feels the same way).
8. Head-to-Knee (my hamstrings are in pain for the entire three-part posture. This one hurts like hell these days, but it may be that I am going deeper whereas I wasn't challenging myself very much in the earlier days).
Of course, it's worth mentioning that some poses actually get a lot easier and I find myself wondering how they ever gave me so much trouble to begin with (especially since the "newly difficult" poses now seem so much more dreadful in comparison. In any case, like I said - it goes up and down and you just never know what kind of class you're going to have.
***My studio is having a 30-day challenge beginning May 15th and I've decided I'd like to go for it. So far I've only been five classes in a row at most and I've really only been able to maintain a practice of 4-5 classes per week, but I figure this is a great opportunity. Going away out of town several times and overly busy weekends have been the main interferences with my practice. I had planned to go camping for the May-long weekend but I'm not that heartbroken over cancelling, and I'd far prefer to stay in town over this long weekend as opposed to later on in the summer. I can foresee no major events between the fifteenth days of May and June and as I anticipate my practice slowing down in the summer with hot weather and a busy schedule and going out of town, this is the perfect way to finish off the intensity of my first three months of Bikram Yoga. I'm excited!
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Lock the Knee
That's what the New West studio is called! I really like that. How appropriate.
Speaking of locking the knee, I do think that I'm improving. The hardest pose in which you must lock your knee is, of course, Standing Head-to-Knee. I think that having each knee locked firmly for the full sixty seconds on each side would be an amazing feat. I sometimes wonder if there is anything I can do outside of class to further me along in this area. However, I suppose that each person chugs along at their own pace, and I have heard it been said that this can take up to six months, so I'm hardly there yet.
Until I'm there, though, Standing Bow just won't look right.
Speaking of locking the knee, I do think that I'm improving. The hardest pose in which you must lock your knee is, of course, Standing Head-to-Knee. I think that having each knee locked firmly for the full sixty seconds on each side would be an amazing feat. I sometimes wonder if there is anything I can do outside of class to further me along in this area. However, I suppose that each person chugs along at their own pace, and I have heard it been said that this can take up to six months, so I'm hardly there yet.
Until I'm there, though, Standing Bow just won't look right.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
The big 2-6
Last week wasn't a good week for yoga, to be perfectly honest. The problem is that...well, there certainly isn't just one problem. Where do I begin? Let me go through each posture and breathing exersise and describe the various difficulties.
1. Pranayama Breathing
On pretty steady ground with this one, actually. I can get my elbows up pretty high and I've become quite good at inhaling and exhaling for a count of six. Others in class seem to be having trouble with their timing. It's still difficult, though, and it seems to last forever.
2. Half Moon Pose
Oh. God. This pose alone is as hard for me as at least ten others put together; I find it excruciating. First of all, I can't jut my hips out very far to the right or left. My form is much better now that I have finally learned to push my arms back behind my ears as far as they'll go, as previously, the location of my big old head made it impossible for me to lock my arms and glue my palms together at the same time; it was either one or the other. It still takes incredible effort to hold each side for sixty seconds, and it doesn't help that my arms hyperextend. Anyway, I now feel home-free after the first set of left and right. On to pose 2, the backbend: the only saving grace of this pose is that it doesn't last sixty seconds. I can go back quite a bit further than I could when I started, but it hurts like hell (as the instructors frequently remind us) and I still find it extremely hard to breathe! What's with that? Also, it's hard to bring my arms back with my head. Anyway, I can't help but to be sure to take it easy with the U-turn into forward bending because this feels really hard on my lower back. As soon as my hands touch the ground and I begin to walk my hips out, I am sometimes amazed by the pain. (I always feel much better in second set, though.) Anyway, despite my bitter complaining up to this point, pose 3 of Half Moon is actually the most difficult. I'm not flexible naturally, and although I can bend further from my hips and my legs are straighter, my knees are nowhere near locked. Also, I tend to want to cheat and not touch my legs with my face. AND I don't know what is wrong with me because everyone else seems to be able to do it just fine, but when I place my palms under my feet, I can't get my pinky fingers side-by-side! I bend way down and give it an honest try, but I simply cannot even get into the position let alone hold it. So although my hands are well under my feet, they stick out from the sides still. Oh well. Again, the second set is much easier going than the first, as is not always the case in Bikram's.
3. Awkward Pose
If I was to use the word "like" in regards to any of the poses, I might use it for Utkatasana. But I'm not prepared to use that word yet! I'm getting much better getting into the first part of the pose, and I actually got some good advice from the instructor at Calgary Hot Yoga: don't even think about it before you drop. Just drop. The second part of the pose is more difficult as I only began to get up fully on my tiptoes a couple of classes ago. It's hard to hold, and I shake. I feel some pretty heavy temptation to drop my feet down a bit and I used to give in, but I'm trying really hard to keep my heels way up now. As a result, I can't get as far down. That's all right, of course. I work very hard at going down into the third part of the pose to a count of ten and I can usually do it, but coming up is really hard. I've noticed people racing up, and I try to stay among the slowest. However, I don't bounce up and down like I am "on a motorcycle" because I find it too hard on my knees. I don't know what's wrong with them but they hurt a lot in class.
4. Eagle Pose
As I strive to improve this posture, hidden difficulties have surfaced. I have always been able to hold the pose quite well but now that I am going deeper, I've begun to lose my balance a little bit. I can't get my foot around the side of my calf completely, but I've noticed other students lifting the leg up quite high before wrapping it around the opposite leg and I've been trying it, but so far, I haven't been able to go any further. I can't get very low in Garaurasana because I feel that I'm still working so hard on my form! I'm going to try getting my hands into prayer this week and really improve my concentration. I find I'm thinking about water way too much during this pose!
5. Standing head-to-knee
This pose is so tough it's not even that tough yet, if that makes any sense, because I'm still stuck at the very beginning stage. I can now lock my knee for up to fifteen/twenty seconds, but that's still the limit for me. I'm lucky if I can hold each side for sixty seconds on the first set let alone keep my knee locked the entire time and kick out! I've tentatively kicked out a couple of times but I'm really not ready yet. I can usually hold second set for the full thirty seconds but as I mentioned, my knee is not completely locked the whole time. This pose takes a hell of a lot of concentration. I find that I go a lot smoother if I concentrate really hard on locking my knee before I even lift the foot of the opposite leg off of the ground. I think I'll see steady improvement with this pose, but it's very slow-going.
6. Standing Bow
Oh my gosh, I find this pose most aesthetically pleasing and I really yearn to go deeper into it. I really see a difference between my right and left side in this pose as I am much more comfortable on the right and I am able to kick up higher. My kick isn't that bad for a beginner, I think. I find the advice "if you're losing your balance, kick harder" to be very truthful. I have held the pose for the full sixty seconds on each side in the first set only about twice or three times, but I find it incredible tough. (Of course!) However, now I can usually hold second set for the full thirty seconds on each side so I am glad for that. If my balance is good that day I am really satisfied with going deeper into the pose for the final five seconds, but I am often feeling weak at this point. As I've mentioned, I'm not naturally flexible, particularly in the legs. I've never been able to do the splits fully, so I don't know how high I'll ever get. This seems to be a tough one for many in the classes.
7. Balancing Stick
I love the expression "you can do anything for ten seconds". Hah! We often have to hold Tuladandasana for longer than ten seconds - of that I'm sure. Lately I have felt exhausted by this pose and I find it makes me dizzy. Anyway, I didn't mind this one when I first started Bikram's but now I almost dread it. I don't know what I look like from the side, but I'm pretty sure it's not a "T"!
8. Standing Separate Leg Stretching
Arghhh! Here's where my problems really begin as this pose and the next two have left me feeling dizzy and weak. I think it's possible I'm not drinking enough water, especially since Canadian Springs went on strike. Anyway, I feel really unflexible in this pose. I can't spread my legs out very far to begin with, and my head certainly isn't touching the ground. During a good class, this pose feels all right, but during a bad class, it's really rough as my legs and back feel really tight. I can't get my hands under my heels yet; they are still underneath the middle of my feet. If I feel all right, I find it's a good idea to pull hardest at the last few seconds as I have made some real progress this way - it's important to really bend from the hips and get them high up.
9. Triangle Pose
Half-way mark! But oh my Lord this one just about kills me. Unbelievably--if my outstretched foot isn't slipping and sliding all over the place as it often is--I have developed pretty decent form in this pose (I know because I've actually been complimented on it by a teacher and recently received the most minimal of corrections). But it takes the utmost in effort to hold this nightmare pose, "the marriage of the heart and the lungs", and at no other point during class do I feel the desire stronger to collapse into Savasana!! I have skipped second set more than a couple times, I am ashamed to admit. It's just so damn hard! I think it's because I used to cheat by leaning hand pressure on the foot of the bent knee and not bending my knee to the full 90 degree angle. I do everything properly now, though, and sometimes it feels next to impossible to hold. But I keep chugging along. Once again, I find this particular pose very lovely (except when I'm in it, as I look like a shaky, pudgy mess).
10. Standing Separate Leg Head-to-Knee
When did this pose get so hard? Lately I've been getting really dizzy on my way down, and all I can think of at this point is hitting the floor in a few minutes. It took me a while to get good form in this one, and I have to concentrate on keeping my hips in line before descending. My leg in front is not straight yet; again, problems with the flexibility. It really is hard to breathe in this one, but they tell us that's normal. I've become tempted to skip a set, which is funny because when I first started I really did not have a problem with doing this pose - must have been because I wasn't doing it right! I find I need a lot of control on the ascent, or else I wobble.
11. Tree Pose
Tree is supposed to be relaxing, but I have not relaxed very well into it lately. I can't get both hands into prayer - maybe if I wore shorts, and I really should. I find it really difficult to straighten out my back and I just don't look all that good or comfortable in Tree. Bad posture! Also, my knees just kill me when I release my bent leg. I need to concentrate and meditate better in Tadasana because I can't stop thinking of Savasana!!
12. Toe Stand
Oh oh. I actually asked for extra help after class with Toe Stand because I was starting to feel that I was the only one unable to get to the floor without completely collapsing every time and falling right on my bum (I haven't improved vastly, but at least I know I'm capable of the pose now!) It takes a lot of strength for me to attempt Toe Stand but on a good day I can do the modified version (ie I can't get my hands into prayer, not even close). My knees, though - man are they ever weak! I don't get my foot up very high on my leg before heading down for this one but apparently that's okay. I can almost reach the floor without bending my standing leg but not quite, so I'm working on that. I look awful in this pose, I feel, very slouched and on the verge of falling over, which happens quite regularly! Getting up again is a nightmare, but I can do it now. Toe Stand continues to test my knees and overall strength on every attempt.
13. Savasana
Ah, freaking finally. I'm pretty good at laying still, and it is important to me to do so. I feel distracted by others in the class that move about constantly and really take their time getting into position (or so it seems). Sometimes I really want to itch or wipe but I try not to. I must say that I don't really like looking up at the flourescent lights, but I don't suppose there's anything that can be done about that.
14. Wind Removing Pose
Not much to say here - I went through a period during which I was having trouble grabbing at the elbow in the third part of the pose, but now I'm fine with it (though I find it hard to breathe and forget about lying my head flat). I have a lot of room to improve flexibility in my back and hips in this pose, and sometimes my hips pinch to the point of real discomfort. Still in relaxed mode from wonderful Savasana, though.
15. Sit-Up
Sit-up is fine, I suppose. I'm still sort of working on the double exhale but I think I've almost got it down. Of course, always looking to improve flexibility in my legs, and the sit-up really helps for later on during Head-to-Knee.
16. Cobra
Yikes, class sure gets tough again with the spine-strengthening series! This pose isn't too hard, but it's easy to slack off in it and rely on your arms. I try my best not to, of course.
17. Locust
I used to dread lifting both legs at the same time, but now it's the individual leg lifting that I face most difficulty with. First of all, it's hard to keep my hips in line. Second, I don't know how high up I'm getting my leg. High enough? Who knows. I'm still not getting my legs all that high up in the third part of the pose and you can really hear me groaning after each set!
18. Full Locust
It's sure getting easy to slack off in Full Locust! Generally, this pose is just really trying and it can feel awful to hold it while giving 100% honest effort...what else can I say? It can be done, but it hurts!
19. Bow Pose
Bow is my least favourite of the spine-strengthening series because I find that the full twenty seconds is excruciating. I also find that the right and left sides of my body look somewhat misaligned when I steal a glance in the mirror, like one hip (and, consequently, leg and foot) is in a different position than the other. To tell you the truth, I really have trouble holding this pose, and I am so relieved when it's over.
20. Fixed Firm
I always find that getting up from the spine-strengthening series gives me a head rush unless I take it very, very slow. So I can't always begin the pose at the same time as everyone else. However, it's not clear to me why so many people have difficulty getting all the way down in Fixed Firm because I've been able to do it from the very start and I don't find it hard on my knees. Usually if anyone finds anything particularly difficult, it's going to be me, and whenever teachers allude to a particular difficulty, it's like they're speaking directly to me! Must be because I've never really been a runner. I think it's athletes or the injured that struggle on this one. I'm not sure about raising my chest after getting into position, though. This is a nice one, and almost relaxing (though that probably means I'm "doing it wrong")!
21. Half-Tortoise
On the way down I can finally get my forehead touching the ground before my arms, but not every time, and I do feel the urge to just drop. This pose takes a lot of control. I actually don't find this pose all that relaxing, especially with trying to get my forehead and nose on the ground at the same time as I lock out my arms. The teacher at Calgary Hot Yoga got on top of my back while I was in Ardha Kurmasana and I was really surprised at how far she was able to push me down. Is that from bad posture? It actually felt pretty good.
22. Camel Pose
Oh yeah, here's the "torture chamber" for you. If I do this pose at all, and sometimes I lie in Savasana right through the second set, I must admit, I have to go all the way down, otherwise I just can't breathe. I die in Camel, I swear to God. Nothing I can really say about improving my form as I think that it is all right, and I always just out my hips and stomach, but it's just so hard to hold and it wears me right out. I find it really hard to get through two full sets and YES I feel dizzy and nauseous upon ascending!
23. Rabbit
Hmmm. Because of Rabbit, I can't wear my hair in a high ponytail, which would otherwise be ideal because I can't stand lying on the lump my hair forms during Savasana. Rabbit is far from comfortable, but it's doable. I like how it stretches my upper back and it's a neat pose. Tough, as always.
24. Head-to-Knee
Begun to dread this one, strangely. I can't get my individual legs completely straight in the first part of the pose but I've been pushing myself recently and I may be improving. I feel really tight, though. In part two, I am finally able to not only get my legs locked out in front as I grab my toes, but also lift my heels for about ten or fifteen seconds or so. Not quite the full length, as it gets really painful and hard to breathe evenly. My back is surely slouched. This appears to consume all of my remaining energy, though! Whew! So far I can't get my torso very low at my legs, but this is one pose in which I've seen steady, consistent improvement, so I'm working at it.
25. Spine-Twisting Pose
I don't mind this pose. No issues here, except I've got to halt feelings of elation that the class is just about over and work on being more mindful.
26. Kapalbhati Breathing
Okay, I'm not sure if anyone else has issues, but I find this breathing exersise difficult to execute. Sometimes I'm sure I'm doing it right, but then I compare the movement of my stomach to others and it seems like my breathing is off. In any case, although this is a short one (not to mention the closer!), I can't wait to get through it. Sometimes I get a cramp in one or both of my feet and I almost have to get into cross-legged position, but I always tough it out. I don't know why I get this cramp. Also, in second set, (which, of course, is faster), I sometimes feel a weird pressure between my eyes, almost in my sinuses.
Well, that's where I stand with all 26. I hope this week is better than last, because I can't stand the dizziness anymore.
And just because I'm a yogini now:
Namaste :)
1. Pranayama Breathing
On pretty steady ground with this one, actually. I can get my elbows up pretty high and I've become quite good at inhaling and exhaling for a count of six. Others in class seem to be having trouble with their timing. It's still difficult, though, and it seems to last forever.
2. Half Moon Pose
Oh. God. This pose alone is as hard for me as at least ten others put together; I find it excruciating. First of all, I can't jut my hips out very far to the right or left. My form is much better now that I have finally learned to push my arms back behind my ears as far as they'll go, as previously, the location of my big old head made it impossible for me to lock my arms and glue my palms together at the same time; it was either one or the other. It still takes incredible effort to hold each side for sixty seconds, and it doesn't help that my arms hyperextend. Anyway, I now feel home-free after the first set of left and right. On to pose 2, the backbend: the only saving grace of this pose is that it doesn't last sixty seconds. I can go back quite a bit further than I could when I started, but it hurts like hell (as the instructors frequently remind us) and I still find it extremely hard to breathe! What's with that? Also, it's hard to bring my arms back with my head. Anyway, I can't help but to be sure to take it easy with the U-turn into forward bending because this feels really hard on my lower back. As soon as my hands touch the ground and I begin to walk my hips out, I am sometimes amazed by the pain. (I always feel much better in second set, though.) Anyway, despite my bitter complaining up to this point, pose 3 of Half Moon is actually the most difficult. I'm not flexible naturally, and although I can bend further from my hips and my legs are straighter, my knees are nowhere near locked. Also, I tend to want to cheat and not touch my legs with my face. AND I don't know what is wrong with me because everyone else seems to be able to do it just fine, but when I place my palms under my feet, I can't get my pinky fingers side-by-side! I bend way down and give it an honest try, but I simply cannot even get into the position let alone hold it. So although my hands are well under my feet, they stick out from the sides still. Oh well. Again, the second set is much easier going than the first, as is not always the case in Bikram's.
3. Awkward Pose
If I was to use the word "like" in regards to any of the poses, I might use it for Utkatasana. But I'm not prepared to use that word yet! I'm getting much better getting into the first part of the pose, and I actually got some good advice from the instructor at Calgary Hot Yoga: don't even think about it before you drop. Just drop. The second part of the pose is more difficult as I only began to get up fully on my tiptoes a couple of classes ago. It's hard to hold, and I shake. I feel some pretty heavy temptation to drop my feet down a bit and I used to give in, but I'm trying really hard to keep my heels way up now. As a result, I can't get as far down. That's all right, of course. I work very hard at going down into the third part of the pose to a count of ten and I can usually do it, but coming up is really hard. I've noticed people racing up, and I try to stay among the slowest. However, I don't bounce up and down like I am "on a motorcycle" because I find it too hard on my knees. I don't know what's wrong with them but they hurt a lot in class.
4. Eagle Pose
As I strive to improve this posture, hidden difficulties have surfaced. I have always been able to hold the pose quite well but now that I am going deeper, I've begun to lose my balance a little bit. I can't get my foot around the side of my calf completely, but I've noticed other students lifting the leg up quite high before wrapping it around the opposite leg and I've been trying it, but so far, I haven't been able to go any further. I can't get very low in Garaurasana because I feel that I'm still working so hard on my form! I'm going to try getting my hands into prayer this week and really improve my concentration. I find I'm thinking about water way too much during this pose!
5. Standing head-to-knee
This pose is so tough it's not even that tough yet, if that makes any sense, because I'm still stuck at the very beginning stage. I can now lock my knee for up to fifteen/twenty seconds, but that's still the limit for me. I'm lucky if I can hold each side for sixty seconds on the first set let alone keep my knee locked the entire time and kick out! I've tentatively kicked out a couple of times but I'm really not ready yet. I can usually hold second set for the full thirty seconds but as I mentioned, my knee is not completely locked the whole time. This pose takes a hell of a lot of concentration. I find that I go a lot smoother if I concentrate really hard on locking my knee before I even lift the foot of the opposite leg off of the ground. I think I'll see steady improvement with this pose, but it's very slow-going.
6. Standing Bow
Oh my gosh, I find this pose most aesthetically pleasing and I really yearn to go deeper into it. I really see a difference between my right and left side in this pose as I am much more comfortable on the right and I am able to kick up higher. My kick isn't that bad for a beginner, I think. I find the advice "if you're losing your balance, kick harder" to be very truthful. I have held the pose for the full sixty seconds on each side in the first set only about twice or three times, but I find it incredible tough. (Of course!) However, now I can usually hold second set for the full thirty seconds on each side so I am glad for that. If my balance is good that day I am really satisfied with going deeper into the pose for the final five seconds, but I am often feeling weak at this point. As I've mentioned, I'm not naturally flexible, particularly in the legs. I've never been able to do the splits fully, so I don't know how high I'll ever get. This seems to be a tough one for many in the classes.
7. Balancing Stick
I love the expression "you can do anything for ten seconds". Hah! We often have to hold Tuladandasana for longer than ten seconds - of that I'm sure. Lately I have felt exhausted by this pose and I find it makes me dizzy. Anyway, I didn't mind this one when I first started Bikram's but now I almost dread it. I don't know what I look like from the side, but I'm pretty sure it's not a "T"!
8. Standing Separate Leg Stretching
Arghhh! Here's where my problems really begin as this pose and the next two have left me feeling dizzy and weak. I think it's possible I'm not drinking enough water, especially since Canadian Springs went on strike. Anyway, I feel really unflexible in this pose. I can't spread my legs out very far to begin with, and my head certainly isn't touching the ground. During a good class, this pose feels all right, but during a bad class, it's really rough as my legs and back feel really tight. I can't get my hands under my heels yet; they are still underneath the middle of my feet. If I feel all right, I find it's a good idea to pull hardest at the last few seconds as I have made some real progress this way - it's important to really bend from the hips and get them high up.
9. Triangle Pose
Half-way mark! But oh my Lord this one just about kills me. Unbelievably--if my outstretched foot isn't slipping and sliding all over the place as it often is--I have developed pretty decent form in this pose (I know because I've actually been complimented on it by a teacher and recently received the most minimal of corrections). But it takes the utmost in effort to hold this nightmare pose, "the marriage of the heart and the lungs", and at no other point during class do I feel the desire stronger to collapse into Savasana!! I have skipped second set more than a couple times, I am ashamed to admit. It's just so damn hard! I think it's because I used to cheat by leaning hand pressure on the foot of the bent knee and not bending my knee to the full 90 degree angle. I do everything properly now, though, and sometimes it feels next to impossible to hold. But I keep chugging along. Once again, I find this particular pose very lovely (except when I'm in it, as I look like a shaky, pudgy mess).
10. Standing Separate Leg Head-to-Knee
When did this pose get so hard? Lately I've been getting really dizzy on my way down, and all I can think of at this point is hitting the floor in a few minutes. It took me a while to get good form in this one, and I have to concentrate on keeping my hips in line before descending. My leg in front is not straight yet; again, problems with the flexibility. It really is hard to breathe in this one, but they tell us that's normal. I've become tempted to skip a set, which is funny because when I first started I really did not have a problem with doing this pose - must have been because I wasn't doing it right! I find I need a lot of control on the ascent, or else I wobble.
11. Tree Pose
Tree is supposed to be relaxing, but I have not relaxed very well into it lately. I can't get both hands into prayer - maybe if I wore shorts, and I really should. I find it really difficult to straighten out my back and I just don't look all that good or comfortable in Tree. Bad posture! Also, my knees just kill me when I release my bent leg. I need to concentrate and meditate better in Tadasana because I can't stop thinking of Savasana!!
12. Toe Stand
Oh oh. I actually asked for extra help after class with Toe Stand because I was starting to feel that I was the only one unable to get to the floor without completely collapsing every time and falling right on my bum (I haven't improved vastly, but at least I know I'm capable of the pose now!) It takes a lot of strength for me to attempt Toe Stand but on a good day I can do the modified version (ie I can't get my hands into prayer, not even close). My knees, though - man are they ever weak! I don't get my foot up very high on my leg before heading down for this one but apparently that's okay. I can almost reach the floor without bending my standing leg but not quite, so I'm working on that. I look awful in this pose, I feel, very slouched and on the verge of falling over, which happens quite regularly! Getting up again is a nightmare, but I can do it now. Toe Stand continues to test my knees and overall strength on every attempt.
13. Savasana
Ah, freaking finally. I'm pretty good at laying still, and it is important to me to do so. I feel distracted by others in the class that move about constantly and really take their time getting into position (or so it seems). Sometimes I really want to itch or wipe but I try not to. I must say that I don't really like looking up at the flourescent lights, but I don't suppose there's anything that can be done about that.
14. Wind Removing Pose
Not much to say here - I went through a period during which I was having trouble grabbing at the elbow in the third part of the pose, but now I'm fine with it (though I find it hard to breathe and forget about lying my head flat). I have a lot of room to improve flexibility in my back and hips in this pose, and sometimes my hips pinch to the point of real discomfort. Still in relaxed mode from wonderful Savasana, though.
15. Sit-Up
Sit-up is fine, I suppose. I'm still sort of working on the double exhale but I think I've almost got it down. Of course, always looking to improve flexibility in my legs, and the sit-up really helps for later on during Head-to-Knee.
16. Cobra
Yikes, class sure gets tough again with the spine-strengthening series! This pose isn't too hard, but it's easy to slack off in it and rely on your arms. I try my best not to, of course.
17. Locust
I used to dread lifting both legs at the same time, but now it's the individual leg lifting that I face most difficulty with. First of all, it's hard to keep my hips in line. Second, I don't know how high up I'm getting my leg. High enough? Who knows. I'm still not getting my legs all that high up in the third part of the pose and you can really hear me groaning after each set!
18. Full Locust
It's sure getting easy to slack off in Full Locust! Generally, this pose is just really trying and it can feel awful to hold it while giving 100% honest effort...what else can I say? It can be done, but it hurts!
19. Bow Pose
Bow is my least favourite of the spine-strengthening series because I find that the full twenty seconds is excruciating. I also find that the right and left sides of my body look somewhat misaligned when I steal a glance in the mirror, like one hip (and, consequently, leg and foot) is in a different position than the other. To tell you the truth, I really have trouble holding this pose, and I am so relieved when it's over.
20. Fixed Firm
I always find that getting up from the spine-strengthening series gives me a head rush unless I take it very, very slow. So I can't always begin the pose at the same time as everyone else. However, it's not clear to me why so many people have difficulty getting all the way down in Fixed Firm because I've been able to do it from the very start and I don't find it hard on my knees. Usually if anyone finds anything particularly difficult, it's going to be me, and whenever teachers allude to a particular difficulty, it's like they're speaking directly to me! Must be because I've never really been a runner. I think it's athletes or the injured that struggle on this one. I'm not sure about raising my chest after getting into position, though. This is a nice one, and almost relaxing (though that probably means I'm "doing it wrong")!
21. Half-Tortoise
On the way down I can finally get my forehead touching the ground before my arms, but not every time, and I do feel the urge to just drop. This pose takes a lot of control. I actually don't find this pose all that relaxing, especially with trying to get my forehead and nose on the ground at the same time as I lock out my arms. The teacher at Calgary Hot Yoga got on top of my back while I was in Ardha Kurmasana and I was really surprised at how far she was able to push me down. Is that from bad posture? It actually felt pretty good.
22. Camel Pose
Oh yeah, here's the "torture chamber" for you. If I do this pose at all, and sometimes I lie in Savasana right through the second set, I must admit, I have to go all the way down, otherwise I just can't breathe. I die in Camel, I swear to God. Nothing I can really say about improving my form as I think that it is all right, and I always just out my hips and stomach, but it's just so hard to hold and it wears me right out. I find it really hard to get through two full sets and YES I feel dizzy and nauseous upon ascending!
23. Rabbit
Hmmm. Because of Rabbit, I can't wear my hair in a high ponytail, which would otherwise be ideal because I can't stand lying on the lump my hair forms during Savasana. Rabbit is far from comfortable, but it's doable. I like how it stretches my upper back and it's a neat pose. Tough, as always.
24. Head-to-Knee
Begun to dread this one, strangely. I can't get my individual legs completely straight in the first part of the pose but I've been pushing myself recently and I may be improving. I feel really tight, though. In part two, I am finally able to not only get my legs locked out in front as I grab my toes, but also lift my heels for about ten or fifteen seconds or so. Not quite the full length, as it gets really painful and hard to breathe evenly. My back is surely slouched. This appears to consume all of my remaining energy, though! Whew! So far I can't get my torso very low at my legs, but this is one pose in which I've seen steady, consistent improvement, so I'm working at it.
25. Spine-Twisting Pose
I don't mind this pose. No issues here, except I've got to halt feelings of elation that the class is just about over and work on being more mindful.
26. Kapalbhati Breathing
Okay, I'm not sure if anyone else has issues, but I find this breathing exersise difficult to execute. Sometimes I'm sure I'm doing it right, but then I compare the movement of my stomach to others and it seems like my breathing is off. In any case, although this is a short one (not to mention the closer!), I can't wait to get through it. Sometimes I get a cramp in one or both of my feet and I almost have to get into cross-legged position, but I always tough it out. I don't know why I get this cramp. Also, in second set, (which, of course, is faster), I sometimes feel a weird pressure between my eyes, almost in my sinuses.
Well, that's where I stand with all 26. I hope this week is better than last, because I can't stand the dizziness anymore.
And just because I'm a yogini now:
Namaste :)
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