Earlier I'd posted about having a belly full of fried shrimp and noodles, and not feeling like going to class. Well, I made it, and it was a good one. I feel much better. Unfortunately it is already time for bed, and only NOW do I feel that good energy running through me.
One trick I've learned for motivating myself, especially if I'm holed up in my bed with my laptop directly in front of me, unable and unwilling to move an inch, except for my fingers tapping away on the keyboard and my eyeballs to the upper right hand corner of the screen to check how much longer until I am ripped from my zone of comfort (forget yoga, this is MY pose!), is a few minutes of cardiovascular exercise. This is also good for when you feel depressed, or sad, or bored, or angry. Just a few minutes - no huge commitment. I recently bought a skipping rope for this purpose; you could also do a few jumping jacks interspersed with push-ups, a couple lunges, jogging on the spot, star jumps, some pilates abs, etc. I tend to stay away from burpees and mountain climbers, as they are made of rotten celery, and should be banned from exercise regimes worldwide. Ugh. But I would mention here that before I had a skipping rope I would sort of skip on the spot as though I had one, ever since one of my crazy will-of-steel students gave me the idea when she told me that she lost a bunch of weight through skipping for something like four hours a day, on the instruction of her professors at the fitness college she attended. Please don't think this is a normal thing to do - this happened in Korea. Actually she permanently injured her feet doing this and developed a severe case of edema - I've seen the black, blue and bloody pictures to prove it and it honestly looks as though she might have had to get her feet amputated (she didn't). Disturbing, yes, (very - especially considering her instructors AND PARENTS encouraged her to continue skipping even after her feet had begun their descent into puffy, bloody bundles of pus, which is one of the reasons they got so bad, the other reason being that, hello, she was skipping for 4 hours a day. She only stopped after she was literally unable to walk and in the freaking hospital) but anyway she remained adamant that jumping rope was the best cardiovascular exercise known to human. So, like I said, I'd been sort of pretending to jump rope without anything in my hands for the better part of a year during my exercise routines, until I broke down and bought a jump rope.
Well holy crap, it's not easy, is it?! Yeah, just slightly harder with the actual rope. Try it. It's not just for kids. (Although if you have a kid, this is also of course a great purchase. Do kids still jump rope? I hope so. The kids at the elementary school I worked at two years ago were reasonably non-adverse to exercise, which was a relief to me.)
Anyway, yes, I began to feel better immediately after I did a bit of cardio, and that also got my stomach rumbling a bit and moving that heavy food through my system.
Now, I should also state that there has been an elephant in the blog, because I have failed to expand upon the fact that the weekend of my cousin's wedding, I missed not one, not two, but THREE classes on my challenge! What is funny is that on the actual day of her wedding, the day I had thought it would be impossible to attend, I made it to class. Friday was insanely busy with the rehearsal and dinner, Sunday was a complete write-off, and then on Monday I didn't realize that because it was a holiday, several of the evening classes were cancelled. (I even made my way to the studio only to be turned around and told to go back home.) So, although this is Day 35 of my 50 Day Challenge, I really have only been to 32 classes, and since the break over that weekend, seven contiguous classes, including today's.
Although having to do three doubles at some point over the next two weeks is going to suck ass (yes, by the way, I am on the home stretch of this challenge with just two measly weeks left!) - I must say that the little break I took there absolutely recharged me. The slate was wiped clean and I like it. Maybe missing only one class would have done the trick, but it happened the way it happened and all I can do now is ensure that I complete the 50 classes by the last day of my Challenge. Heaven forbid - I repeat Heaven. Forbid - I don't complete this challenge after coming this far and spending four years brooding about the fact that I failed to complete my 60 Day Challenge back in 2008. Oh wait, that's practically five years. Yes, well, come hell or high water I will finish this Challenge intact.
I have certainly had my ups and downs over the past month or so, and I do not push to my edge and kill myself every single class, but overall it's been great. I'd say I've had about seven really tough classes in total, where I was pretty useless, red-faced, and limited in what I could do, and the rest have been reasonably strong for the amount that I am going. By no means am I feeling like my body has been overworked or overstretched, or in a weakened condition. I did feel that for a while there when I probably wasn't eating or sleeping enough, but now I am, and I feel like the proverbial Bengal Tiger. My flexibility has improved, my will is strong, I tell my wandering mind what to think and when not to think, and sometimes it even follows my instructions, I have a fair amount of energy, and my overall level of pain in different areas of my body has decreased. I was worried that at this point I'd be in a fragile state. I have still managed to keep off that 5.5 pounds, (which was gained weight - this was not a new loss), but I stress that it is mostly through adjusting my diet and being much more careful about what I'm eating than one might imagine getting 90 minutes plus of exercise daily, but like I've said in the past, my body doesn't seem to consider Bikram Yoga a calorie burning activity. So fucking annoying. And as an addendum to that, with work and my social life, downtime, and of course the two hour commitment to yoga every day, I haven't really done much else in the way of exercise beyond daily commute walking or biking, and little five, ten or twenty minute routines here and there. Not nothing, but not nearly as much as usual. I have this free-weight arms workout that I do every few days because I am concerned about my arms getting more toned. (Same with my abs, but I've been neglecting that as of late.)
I miss other styles of yoga and pilates especially, and the main reason (not the only reason) I'll be happy once this challenge is over is that I'll have the time to start incorporating other forms of exercise into my days, especially at this time of year. I love being outside and moving my body. When I don't feel like doing the typical outdoors activities I will absolutely plop myself down in the middle of a crowded, grassy area and do a full pilates routine, which people find quite weird. (That's actually my favourite, and yes I get lots of looks, and no I don't appear to be any kind of advanced pilates practitioner! I don't give a shit.) I also love to swim and jog at the beach. We really only get two or three months worth of great weather in this city and I will take full advantage of that, alongside a Bikram Yoga practice of about three times a week. I wouldn't want to dip below that after all the progress I've made, but we shall see how it goes.
Namsies. (I have no idea what that means.)
Monday, May 27, 2013
This is What Happens when you Delay Class.
You stuff yourself with chow mein and coconut fried shrimp for dinner and then you lay in bed in a fear coma, reading the WTF section of BuzzFeed, plagued with the legitimate worry that you won't have enough energy or space in your belly to handle class at 8:15 pm, five hours after the class you'd originally planned on going to.
Oh WOE IS ME. Never delay class. Never! No reason is good enough. Just go and then bask in the glory of having gone, having gotten it over with!
Like they say in Standing Head to Knee, don't even think about it, just DO IT. That's exactly like class. Just go. If you start to analyze and fantasize about what 90 minutes in the heat with a stomach full of Chinese food could possibly entail, well ... that's called There Goes my Motivation.
I have told myself not to do this on numerous occasions. At least I am on a challenge so I have to go. If I wasn't I'd be in even worse agony, debating with myself whether to go or not. I know I'll go. I just really don't want to anymore.
Oh WOE IS ME. Never delay class. Never! No reason is good enough. Just go and then bask in the glory of having gone, having gotten it over with!
Like they say in Standing Head to Knee, don't even think about it, just DO IT. That's exactly like class. Just go. If you start to analyze and fantasize about what 90 minutes in the heat with a stomach full of Chinese food could possibly entail, well ... that's called There Goes my Motivation.
I have told myself not to do this on numerous occasions. At least I am on a challenge so I have to go. If I wasn't I'd be in even worse agony, debating with myself whether to go or not. I know I'll go. I just really don't want to anymore.
Sunday, May 26, 2013
Here's an Idea: Don't eat Denny's before Class!
Yesterday for breakfast instead of my usual fruit and/or oatmeal and/or green smoothie I flipped my health the bird and consumed two and a half pieces of buttered toast with pb and jam, one gigantic pancake positively drenched in butter and syrup (and not actual maple syrup, not even close, we're talking high fructose corn syrup delight here), two slices of cardboard turkey bacon which I will never eat again as long as I shall live, and two fried eggs. And coffee.
Um. Whoa. What.
I devoured this monstrosity at about 9:59 am and had planned on attending a 12:15 Bikram yoga class. What was I thinking? Not even close. I hate to be one of these health nuts that acts like any food that is not in its organic, vegan, raw, state might as well be mainly composed of arsenic, but this breakfast really had a negative effect on me. I already knew I was in trouble on the drive home. After having had a full night's sleep and luxurious Saturday morning sleep in, I had to go right back to bed at around 11:30. I literally could not keep my eyes open for long enough to read more than a sentence or two of my book at a time, and drifted in and out of a fitful sleep for about two hours. I barely, barely recovered in time to trudge down to the studio for 2:15 pm class, which was the latest class I could attend as I had plenty of other things to do yesterday, such as move house (!), that I could not attend to as I lay in a Denny's Breakfast Coma wondering how the hell I was going to get through class and then go to a kid's birthday party and then go out for a night on the town and try to find someone to marry me.
My class was not easy. I was very low energy, especially at first, and I had approximately three minor panic attacks during Pranayama Breathing. The high-expectation, eagle-eyed teacher lay off me, thank Godliness, even though I had gone and placed myself right at the mirror to the left of the stage in an effort to motivate myself. I regretted this decision during the first few postures, in a big, big way.
But then, awesomely, something truly funny occurred that caused in me the rumblings of deep, belly laughter one normally does not associate with yoga. Unless it's Laughter Yoga, of course. Anyway, I hadn't laughed as hard as that in a long time, and certainly not during class: our teacher repeatedly did various imitations of the worst type of practitioner kicking out in a wildly unstable way (on a bent knee, of course) during Standing Head to Knee, in order to show us what not to do. I can't really explain why, but it was some of the funniest shit I had ever seen. He made me laugh a few more times during class, which was so refreshing, and gave me the energy I needed for a great floor series despite my comatose beginnings.
In light of this little anecdote about the hilarious, verbose, risk-taking Patrick Chui, I wanted to mention that I am reading Hellbent (click to read reviews on Amazon). As you can see, this book, which was written by a pretty dedicated (yet not without concerns & doubts regarding the practice and the "cult of bikram" in general) Bikram yogi who went to BY teacher training, got some pretty great reader reviews. I haven't finished yet, but I have mixed feelings myself. I will save my commentary for after I am done. The book is really informative and I've been reading it slowly, usually when I don't feel like going to class, because as honest and skeptical a look at the whole circus sideshow that the world of Bikram Yoga that this writer's perspective really IS, it is nonetheless a great motivator. I hear people criticizing this style of yoga almost every day, and I am not without worries myself, so although in many ways the practice does speak for itself and that is all that really matters to me, my interest was piqued when I saw this book.
Anyway, one of the key concepts that the writer hones in on is that Bikram Yoga teacher training does not necessarily aim to churn out good teachers. Well! I feel like this is something I already knew, but to have it spelled out like that, I didn't know whether to be furious or approving. The training program is basically just there to ensure that new teachers memorize the dialogue, and from Bikram's perspective, there is a sense in which that is all that really matters. I do get that. People also say that the longer you practice, the less it matters who is teaching the class.
Personally, I think the quality of Bikram Yoga teachers varies a lot, and for me, it can make a huge difference on those days when I am struggling. Sometimes it absolutely does not, and that is where I see my development as a practitioner and the beauty of the dialogue. There are teachers that just spew out the dialogue without any additions or personal corrections - nothing but straight-up dialogue delivered in an even tone. I had a class like this a few days ago and it was really rather refreshing. (It actually made me think about how a lot of the nonsense teachers babble during class can be annoying and I worry that their shitty opinions are going to tattoo themselves onto my subconscious, because I am so open to receiving their words during my practice.)
But for me, I'm already hooked. The main reason why a "good" teacher is more desirable than a crappy one or a really standard kind of teacher that doesn't stray from the dialogue is that with all the distractions life has to offer and the considerable commitment that maintaining a regular practice requires, studios really need those knockout teachers to provide motivation. Think about how many students drop out and start doing different styles of yoga, or stop doing yoga altogether. This happens by the hundreds! Let's face it, Bikram Yoga is more challenging, it's hotter, it's more intimidating, it's longer, it's more expensive, and the fact that it proclaims itself to take place in a "torture chamber" isn't exactly the selling point that true devotees might imagine it to be! Keeping ordinary students coming is a challenge for any studio, I would imagine. Meanwhile, a single memorable class with a clever, loving teacher could turn a new student into a lifer.
Anyway, I have often lamented the fact that there are so many great intermediate level students that practice regularly that would make excellent teachers, but the majority of these people will never teach. In order for a person to have the desire to be a teacher, the nine weeks available at the specific times of year that the training is offered, and the money to go to training, for all of that to line up, well, that's obviously quite rare and a very special thing. My concern is that spoiled and whimsical young adults who have that kind of free block of time and free access to the bank of mom and dad are somewhat over-represented, and this demographic often (but not always) don't turn out to be the most knowledgeable or motivating. At least not for me.
This being said, I do still believe that we are truly saved by the dialogue and the sequence, and I am eternally grateful that it is copyrighted.
Um. Whoa. What.
I devoured this monstrosity at about 9:59 am and had planned on attending a 12:15 Bikram yoga class. What was I thinking? Not even close. I hate to be one of these health nuts that acts like any food that is not in its organic, vegan, raw, state might as well be mainly composed of arsenic, but this breakfast really had a negative effect on me. I already knew I was in trouble on the drive home. After having had a full night's sleep and luxurious Saturday morning sleep in, I had to go right back to bed at around 11:30. I literally could not keep my eyes open for long enough to read more than a sentence or two of my book at a time, and drifted in and out of a fitful sleep for about two hours. I barely, barely recovered in time to trudge down to the studio for 2:15 pm class, which was the latest class I could attend as I had plenty of other things to do yesterday, such as move house (!), that I could not attend to as I lay in a Denny's Breakfast Coma wondering how the hell I was going to get through class and then go to a kid's birthday party and then go out for a night on the town and try to find someone to marry me.
My class was not easy. I was very low energy, especially at first, and I had approximately three minor panic attacks during Pranayama Breathing. The high-expectation, eagle-eyed teacher lay off me, thank Godliness, even though I had gone and placed myself right at the mirror to the left of the stage in an effort to motivate myself. I regretted this decision during the first few postures, in a big, big way.
But then, awesomely, something truly funny occurred that caused in me the rumblings of deep, belly laughter one normally does not associate with yoga. Unless it's Laughter Yoga, of course. Anyway, I hadn't laughed as hard as that in a long time, and certainly not during class: our teacher repeatedly did various imitations of the worst type of practitioner kicking out in a wildly unstable way (on a bent knee, of course) during Standing Head to Knee, in order to show us what not to do. I can't really explain why, but it was some of the funniest shit I had ever seen. He made me laugh a few more times during class, which was so refreshing, and gave me the energy I needed for a great floor series despite my comatose beginnings.
In light of this little anecdote about the hilarious, verbose, risk-taking Patrick Chui, I wanted to mention that I am reading Hellbent (click to read reviews on Amazon). As you can see, this book, which was written by a pretty dedicated (yet not without concerns & doubts regarding the practice and the "cult of bikram" in general) Bikram yogi who went to BY teacher training, got some pretty great reader reviews. I haven't finished yet, but I have mixed feelings myself. I will save my commentary for after I am done. The book is really informative and I've been reading it slowly, usually when I don't feel like going to class, because as honest and skeptical a look at the whole circus sideshow that the world of Bikram Yoga that this writer's perspective really IS, it is nonetheless a great motivator. I hear people criticizing this style of yoga almost every day, and I am not without worries myself, so although in many ways the practice does speak for itself and that is all that really matters to me, my interest was piqued when I saw this book.
Anyway, one of the key concepts that the writer hones in on is that Bikram Yoga teacher training does not necessarily aim to churn out good teachers. Well! I feel like this is something I already knew, but to have it spelled out like that, I didn't know whether to be furious or approving. The training program is basically just there to ensure that new teachers memorize the dialogue, and from Bikram's perspective, there is a sense in which that is all that really matters. I do get that. People also say that the longer you practice, the less it matters who is teaching the class.
Personally, I think the quality of Bikram Yoga teachers varies a lot, and for me, it can make a huge difference on those days when I am struggling. Sometimes it absolutely does not, and that is where I see my development as a practitioner and the beauty of the dialogue. There are teachers that just spew out the dialogue without any additions or personal corrections - nothing but straight-up dialogue delivered in an even tone. I had a class like this a few days ago and it was really rather refreshing. (It actually made me think about how a lot of the nonsense teachers babble during class can be annoying and I worry that their shitty opinions are going to tattoo themselves onto my subconscious, because I am so open to receiving their words during my practice.)
But for me, I'm already hooked. The main reason why a "good" teacher is more desirable than a crappy one or a really standard kind of teacher that doesn't stray from the dialogue is that with all the distractions life has to offer and the considerable commitment that maintaining a regular practice requires, studios really need those knockout teachers to provide motivation. Think about how many students drop out and start doing different styles of yoga, or stop doing yoga altogether. This happens by the hundreds! Let's face it, Bikram Yoga is more challenging, it's hotter, it's more intimidating, it's longer, it's more expensive, and the fact that it proclaims itself to take place in a "torture chamber" isn't exactly the selling point that true devotees might imagine it to be! Keeping ordinary students coming is a challenge for any studio, I would imagine. Meanwhile, a single memorable class with a clever, loving teacher could turn a new student into a lifer.
Anyway, I have often lamented the fact that there are so many great intermediate level students that practice regularly that would make excellent teachers, but the majority of these people will never teach. In order for a person to have the desire to be a teacher, the nine weeks available at the specific times of year that the training is offered, and the money to go to training, for all of that to line up, well, that's obviously quite rare and a very special thing. My concern is that spoiled and whimsical young adults who have that kind of free block of time and free access to the bank of mom and dad are somewhat over-represented, and this demographic often (but not always) don't turn out to be the most knowledgeable or motivating. At least not for me.
This being said, I do still believe that we are truly saved by the dialogue and the sequence, and I am eternally grateful that it is copyrighted.
Friday, May 24, 2013
Challenge Ups & Downs
On Day 32 (truly 29) of my 50 day challenge, and it has brought great joys. I pushed myself harder. than. ever. ever. before today and I have a mandatory bath with epsom salts in my very near future!
I have been a lazybones in Half Moon. It's official. I am not sure why. I have it buried deep in my subconscious that Pranayama Breathing, Half Moon with Hands to Feet, and Awkward (the first breathing exercise - actually a posture in my opinion! - and the first two postures) are the hardest part of the class and if I push myself too hard, I could use up all my energy and not go strong for the rest of the class. In fact we are reassured that the opposite is true. In any case, today I really went for it in Half Moon and it was quite scary, but I felt a bit sheepish afterwards because I realized how much deeper I can stretch my spine to the sides than I usually do.
With my lower back injury or issue or whatever the hell is up with my back I have been strictly pushing myself further than I want to in all of the backbends. God, I used to be lazy. Locked in my comfort zone. Not anymore. (By the way, please don't ever lie to yourself into believing the oft stated untruth that you can't make progress or do as well as you could before because of your age. If you took the 20 year old me and compared it to the 34 year old me, man oh man. You'd know that you really can turn back the clock. You can build a whole new you. I understand that I'm relatively young still. But all the same, I hear people my age and younger complaining about the ill effects of age and time on their bodies on a daily basis. I'm living proof it doesn't have to be that way!)
Anyway back to backbending, I especially love it when I am face to face with the floor during the first backbend and I hear at least three cracks. That happened today and I thought I was gonna die. In a good way. Sometimes, especially in the morning, my spine is like: UH ... NO. Sometimes I look back and that is all I can do: my spine stays stationary. I used to get mad at myself when that happened, as though I'd failed. Now I feel like a scientist doing a study on my own body. It is a fantastic thing to get to know your body as well as you can being a yogi. Before it was like living in a house where you never turned the lights on.
Hands to Feet had been borderline impossible earlier this challenge due to my back pain, especially on the right side. Sciatica, some have said it is. Seriously, after doing yoga for 10 years I found myself unable to touch my toes. Disappointing to say the least, extremely painful at its worst. Anyway, I am really happy to say that I am almost back to normal flexibility after about a month and a half of concentrated effort. One stretch that I have found to be particularly helpful is called "stacking the logs" (google it, obviously) - my cousin, who is a dancer and had also suffered with lower back pain, was recommended this stretch for at least 60 seconds on several each side, times a day. She told me she was very consistent and it made a difference. I do it at least once a day (usually post-final savasana, in the hot room) and like I said, I do have much less pain in my body than I did, say, last January, but that could be due to a number of factors. I do stretch in the evenings as well, a lot of hip openers like pigeon pose and the type of stretching for the splits and to ease pressure on the lower back. But I must say, when I didn't do my "stack the logs" for a few days there and then I attempted to do the stretch one day when my body was totally cold, my lower back started twitching and I couldn't believe how tight I was, and what a relief it was to stretch that way. So yes, it's a good one. Stretching is just so vital to a good feeling in the body, isn't it?
There is a girl at my school in a wheelchair, and I was looking at her one day and thinking about all the stretches I would do if I ever had to be in a wheelchair. I got pretty deep into this fantasy. I don't anticipate that being the case for me, of course! Heaven forbid. But goes to show how "into" stretching I am!
My most challenging pose when it comes right down to it continues to be Standing Head to knee, or in my case, Standing. Problem number one, of course, is that I cannot fully kick either of my legs out, let alone get my head to my knee, and it's not due to not being able to lock my knee. I can lock my knee for the full sixty seconds. I just can't stretch my leg out. Also, for the past seven years I have been duckfeeting it, (and I know that I do it, it's just that I feel wildly out of alignment when I don't tilt my standing leg's foot out to the side) and I was finally properly called out on this, by one of the teachers whose class I take regularly, and who is a medical doctor. She told me to talk to her after class, and explained to me that I have a lot of flexibility in my knee (I didn't even know that one's knee could be flexible or inflexible) and have not developed the necessary muscles in my inner thigh and buttocks, that my flexible knee is taking all the weight of the posture, and feeling the need to spread my feet was actually compensation. She went on to say that 'lock the knee' actually means lock the inner and outer thigh, the buttock, and the hip - it's all got to lock solid. Well, I didn't know that, did I? She said it could take another 20 or 25 classes, but that I had to re-align in that posture and build up strength in other areas. And, of course, be sure that my standing foot is pointing straight towards the mirror. Then I can start thinking about kicking out. Seven years, people, and this is where I am. My friend Genieve could lock her knee and kick out straight on her very first Bikram yoga class, which was also her very first yoga class. I couldn't believe it. Mind you, I've seen some people there for years and they're still kicking out on a bent knee, which is probably the worst thing you could do (and I never did that, thankfully). Don't do that! Be patient. I'm glad I know exactly what I have to do now. If you're not where you want to be in a posture, there is nothing you can do to force that. You just have to keep trucking, day by day, and do the posture the right way. I can tell you that a tiny bit of progress is actually very significant. If there's one thing I can say after having gained the amount of experience that I now have with this yoga practice, it's that there really are no shortcuts. Doing the posture the wrong way in order to go deeper (or appear to be going deeper) is absolutely the essence of counter-productivity in terms of building a yoga practice. It's an illusion. I've done it. Don't.
Well, that's my update for now. I had a very weak week back there somewhere, I think two weeks back, and it didn't help matters that I was trying to diet for the first thirty days of this challenge! I am eating well, hydrating, taking vitamin C and chlorella, green smoothies, lots of fruit, big bowls of oatmeal, and as much sleep as I can squeeze in. I'm going for it! Day 32 and feeling very strong.
I have been a lazybones in Half Moon. It's official. I am not sure why. I have it buried deep in my subconscious that Pranayama Breathing, Half Moon with Hands to Feet, and Awkward (the first breathing exercise - actually a posture in my opinion! - and the first two postures) are the hardest part of the class and if I push myself too hard, I could use up all my energy and not go strong for the rest of the class. In fact we are reassured that the opposite is true. In any case, today I really went for it in Half Moon and it was quite scary, but I felt a bit sheepish afterwards because I realized how much deeper I can stretch my spine to the sides than I usually do.
With my lower back injury or issue or whatever the hell is up with my back I have been strictly pushing myself further than I want to in all of the backbends. God, I used to be lazy. Locked in my comfort zone. Not anymore. (By the way, please don't ever lie to yourself into believing the oft stated untruth that you can't make progress or do as well as you could before because of your age. If you took the 20 year old me and compared it to the 34 year old me, man oh man. You'd know that you really can turn back the clock. You can build a whole new you. I understand that I'm relatively young still. But all the same, I hear people my age and younger complaining about the ill effects of age and time on their bodies on a daily basis. I'm living proof it doesn't have to be that way!)
Anyway back to backbending, I especially love it when I am face to face with the floor during the first backbend and I hear at least three cracks. That happened today and I thought I was gonna die. In a good way. Sometimes, especially in the morning, my spine is like: UH ... NO. Sometimes I look back and that is all I can do: my spine stays stationary. I used to get mad at myself when that happened, as though I'd failed. Now I feel like a scientist doing a study on my own body. It is a fantastic thing to get to know your body as well as you can being a yogi. Before it was like living in a house where you never turned the lights on.
Hands to Feet had been borderline impossible earlier this challenge due to my back pain, especially on the right side. Sciatica, some have said it is. Seriously, after doing yoga for 10 years I found myself unable to touch my toes. Disappointing to say the least, extremely painful at its worst. Anyway, I am really happy to say that I am almost back to normal flexibility after about a month and a half of concentrated effort. One stretch that I have found to be particularly helpful is called "stacking the logs" (google it, obviously) - my cousin, who is a dancer and had also suffered with lower back pain, was recommended this stretch for at least 60 seconds on several each side, times a day. She told me she was very consistent and it made a difference. I do it at least once a day (usually post-final savasana, in the hot room) and like I said, I do have much less pain in my body than I did, say, last January, but that could be due to a number of factors. I do stretch in the evenings as well, a lot of hip openers like pigeon pose and the type of stretching for the splits and to ease pressure on the lower back. But I must say, when I didn't do my "stack the logs" for a few days there and then I attempted to do the stretch one day when my body was totally cold, my lower back started twitching and I couldn't believe how tight I was, and what a relief it was to stretch that way. So yes, it's a good one. Stretching is just so vital to a good feeling in the body, isn't it?
There is a girl at my school in a wheelchair, and I was looking at her one day and thinking about all the stretches I would do if I ever had to be in a wheelchair. I got pretty deep into this fantasy. I don't anticipate that being the case for me, of course! Heaven forbid. But goes to show how "into" stretching I am!
My most challenging pose when it comes right down to it continues to be Standing Head to knee, or in my case, Standing. Problem number one, of course, is that I cannot fully kick either of my legs out, let alone get my head to my knee, and it's not due to not being able to lock my knee. I can lock my knee for the full sixty seconds. I just can't stretch my leg out. Also, for the past seven years I have been duckfeeting it, (and I know that I do it, it's just that I feel wildly out of alignment when I don't tilt my standing leg's foot out to the side) and I was finally properly called out on this, by one of the teachers whose class I take regularly, and who is a medical doctor. She told me to talk to her after class, and explained to me that I have a lot of flexibility in my knee (I didn't even know that one's knee could be flexible or inflexible) and have not developed the necessary muscles in my inner thigh and buttocks, that my flexible knee is taking all the weight of the posture, and feeling the need to spread my feet was actually compensation. She went on to say that 'lock the knee' actually means lock the inner and outer thigh, the buttock, and the hip - it's all got to lock solid. Well, I didn't know that, did I? She said it could take another 20 or 25 classes, but that I had to re-align in that posture and build up strength in other areas. And, of course, be sure that my standing foot is pointing straight towards the mirror. Then I can start thinking about kicking out. Seven years, people, and this is where I am. My friend Genieve could lock her knee and kick out straight on her very first Bikram yoga class, which was also her very first yoga class. I couldn't believe it. Mind you, I've seen some people there for years and they're still kicking out on a bent knee, which is probably the worst thing you could do (and I never did that, thankfully). Don't do that! Be patient. I'm glad I know exactly what I have to do now. If you're not where you want to be in a posture, there is nothing you can do to force that. You just have to keep trucking, day by day, and do the posture the right way. I can tell you that a tiny bit of progress is actually very significant. If there's one thing I can say after having gained the amount of experience that I now have with this yoga practice, it's that there really are no shortcuts. Doing the posture the wrong way in order to go deeper (or appear to be going deeper) is absolutely the essence of counter-productivity in terms of building a yoga practice. It's an illusion. I've done it. Don't.
Well, that's my update for now. I had a very weak week back there somewhere, I think two weeks back, and it didn't help matters that I was trying to diet for the first thirty days of this challenge! I am eating well, hydrating, taking vitamin C and chlorella, green smoothies, lots of fruit, big bowls of oatmeal, and as much sleep as I can squeeze in. I'm going for it! Day 32 and feeling very strong.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Day 22
Today I thought long and hard about my priorities and what I truly want out of life. I came to the realization that although I have thought I had been living authentically, I haven't been, not completely. And the truth is, in my estimation, that not living completely authentically is not living authentically at all.
I really get discouraged and disturbed when I bear witness to (and realize I'm a part of) the bullshit way we communicate with one another as a society. We feel annoyance, resentment, and genuine anger towards the people in our lives, yet we don't tell these people how we really feel. Instead we bottle it up and let it linger, fester, build up, our only relief being complaining to others' behind their backs, or letting them "have it"in tiny jabs and brisk comments. It's so fucking stupid. I used to be considered very argumentative and at times hard to get along with, (rarely, of course, with acquaintances and strangers, only with the people closest to me, and of those people, only some of them), and after enough people complained about the same thing, I did adjust my level of reactiveness. I'm glad I did. I am not saying I want to return to arguing with people. But at the opposite end of the spectrum now, I do think it's unloving and disingenuous to just let everything go all the time. Why? Because we're not really letting it go. In some recess of our brains, we are "keeping track". And I think it's damaging. It hurts our relationship with our higher selves, and damages and makes superficial our relationships with other people. I just don't want to live like that anymore. I DO have serious issues
with and concerns about some people in my life, for them as individuals as well as in terms of our relationship, and I don't believe that I can keep living as though this isn't the truth.
Today I made the decision that I would be very upfront and honest about the direction one of my oldest (active) friendships has taken. I have been enabling what I consider to be destructive behavioural patterns for so long. Why? Out of fear. Fear that once I started being truly authentic and honest about how disappointing I find our relationship to be, I wouldn't be able to stop, and years of resentment would come tumbling out. And that she would be mad at me, or not face me anymore. One of my biggest fears - and this is truly my ego speaking - is that my truth will be so devastating to a person that it will turn their lives upside down and they won't be able to recover, and ultimately, I will be the cause of that.
Anyway, I wrote this friend a letter, and although it is clear, firm, and I go further with the truth of my feelings than I've ever gone before, it really only scratches the surface. Still, I worry. I've sent the email. Reactions to come.
To me it's plain that so many people live their lives in this screwed up, dependent manner, just one step away from falling apart. Lonely, unfulfilled, bored, playing their role in dysfunctional relationships. Lives of quiet desperation, as Pink Floyd would say. But to point it out, to bemoan this reality, is to have different priorities than the norm. Truly. I feel that this is the essence of being common, and my whole life I have resisted it.
Although I'm not exactly where I want to be in life, I am not trapped, and for this I am eternally grateful. I still believe that I have a world of possibility ahead of me. I don't earn or have the money I want to, or hope to, but I have ultimately made the decision that I cannot live my life locked to a company, without the freedom to work independently, or take unpaid leaves of absence. I simply will not. Similarly, I am very hesitant about being tied to a mortgage. I understand (to some basic degree) the value of being a home owner, and I see that on a particular view, paying rent is a fruitless scheme. But at the same time, you are ultimately paying for your freedom. Freedom to live in the area you want to live in, and not merely where you can afford to buy. The freedom to pick up and leave.
I do understand that what I have written here represents merely my own current system of values, and in writing this I do not suggest that it is right to adopt it. Many people in my society are living a life that would be miserable to me, and they rejoice in it. I don't doubt this for a second, and that is not my point. (In fact, many of those people are INDEED living their truth, and I condone them, no matter what their lifestyle.)
My point is that I do believe that my values are much more common than people are courageous enough to admit, and to deny one's own self the liberty and right of living according to one's OWN SYSTEM OF VALUES, not those of their spouse, parents', siblings', friends', or society, is to live inauthentically. I also have come to believe that it is utterly wrong and selfish to depend on anyone or expect anyone to behave in a certain way, or do anything - ANYTHING - merely because you want them to, or that is your preference. That is exactly how we are taught to structure our relationships, and it is BS. That is conditional love, and it is the poisonous seed of co-dependence. It would also take enormous pressure off to know that no one was doing anything for me as a special favour, or against their true desire, but rather because in their heart they wanted to do that thing. To me, that is amazing. It is such a lie to think that asking people to do things they don't want to do - just because we want them to - is the basis of a loving, authentic relationship. I used to think just the opposite of this. But it is just enabling yourself and the other person to depend on each other for one's own personal happiness. This is so dangerous. Actually, it is a recipe for disaster. Yet it is the basis for romantic and familial love as we know it in our society, and we are encouraged to demand it, or at least manipulate each other to get what we want to the best of our ability. This is not to say I don't think it's OK to ask. Yes, absolutely! That's part of it. Ask, and be totally honest about your preferences. But don't be disappointed if the answer is: "hell, no!"
And also, don't be afraid to say no yourself, as I've mentioned in an earlier post. It is the right thing to do, even when it feels counterintuitive. Just say no! No, I'm sorry, I'm too tired. No, I'm sorry, I don't want to. Whatever! It doesn't matter why the answer is no. That's your business.
I question myself how realistic I'm being here, as this is not exactly a formula I have followed precisely. I have made ALL of these mistakes, and more, in virtually every relationship I've ever been a part of. (And I used to be truly hopeless at saying "no", but now I'm a C - ... I'll get there!) Nevertheless, this does represent what I truly believe, and it's about time I start being vocal about it.
I also realize that in everything I have said, I am only halfway there.
I must start being more honest with myself and with the people in my life about how I feel, about them, about our relationships, about what I want, about the boundaries I wish to set. About everything. Even if it rocks the boat. Even if the storm that has been brewing, collecting ammunition, finally settles down on this town and rips the houses from their foundation and rocks every boat at the port. Kaboom!
I must do it, without fear of consequence.
I must live authentically! Only then.
I really get discouraged and disturbed when I bear witness to (and realize I'm a part of) the bullshit way we communicate with one another as a society. We feel annoyance, resentment, and genuine anger towards the people in our lives, yet we don't tell these people how we really feel. Instead we bottle it up and let it linger, fester, build up, our only relief being complaining to others' behind their backs, or letting them "have it"in tiny jabs and brisk comments. It's so fucking stupid. I used to be considered very argumentative and at times hard to get along with, (rarely, of course, with acquaintances and strangers, only with the people closest to me, and of those people, only some of them), and after enough people complained about the same thing, I did adjust my level of reactiveness. I'm glad I did. I am not saying I want to return to arguing with people. But at the opposite end of the spectrum now, I do think it's unloving and disingenuous to just let everything go all the time. Why? Because we're not really letting it go. In some recess of our brains, we are "keeping track". And I think it's damaging. It hurts our relationship with our higher selves, and damages and makes superficial our relationships with other people. I just don't want to live like that anymore. I DO have serious issues
with and concerns about some people in my life, for them as individuals as well as in terms of our relationship, and I don't believe that I can keep living as though this isn't the truth.
Today I made the decision that I would be very upfront and honest about the direction one of my oldest (active) friendships has taken. I have been enabling what I consider to be destructive behavioural patterns for so long. Why? Out of fear. Fear that once I started being truly authentic and honest about how disappointing I find our relationship to be, I wouldn't be able to stop, and years of resentment would come tumbling out. And that she would be mad at me, or not face me anymore. One of my biggest fears - and this is truly my ego speaking - is that my truth will be so devastating to a person that it will turn their lives upside down and they won't be able to recover, and ultimately, I will be the cause of that.
Anyway, I wrote this friend a letter, and although it is clear, firm, and I go further with the truth of my feelings than I've ever gone before, it really only scratches the surface. Still, I worry. I've sent the email. Reactions to come.
To me it's plain that so many people live their lives in this screwed up, dependent manner, just one step away from falling apart. Lonely, unfulfilled, bored, playing their role in dysfunctional relationships. Lives of quiet desperation, as Pink Floyd would say. But to point it out, to bemoan this reality, is to have different priorities than the norm. Truly. I feel that this is the essence of being common, and my whole life I have resisted it.
Although I'm not exactly where I want to be in life, I am not trapped, and for this I am eternally grateful. I still believe that I have a world of possibility ahead of me. I don't earn or have the money I want to, or hope to, but I have ultimately made the decision that I cannot live my life locked to a company, without the freedom to work independently, or take unpaid leaves of absence. I simply will not. Similarly, I am very hesitant about being tied to a mortgage. I understand (to some basic degree) the value of being a home owner, and I see that on a particular view, paying rent is a fruitless scheme. But at the same time, you are ultimately paying for your freedom. Freedom to live in the area you want to live in, and not merely where you can afford to buy. The freedom to pick up and leave.
I do understand that what I have written here represents merely my own current system of values, and in writing this I do not suggest that it is right to adopt it. Many people in my society are living a life that would be miserable to me, and they rejoice in it. I don't doubt this for a second, and that is not my point. (In fact, many of those people are INDEED living their truth, and I condone them, no matter what their lifestyle.)
My point is that I do believe that my values are much more common than people are courageous enough to admit, and to deny one's own self the liberty and right of living according to one's OWN SYSTEM OF VALUES, not those of their spouse, parents', siblings', friends', or society, is to live inauthentically. I also have come to believe that it is utterly wrong and selfish to depend on anyone or expect anyone to behave in a certain way, or do anything - ANYTHING - merely because you want them to, or that is your preference. That is exactly how we are taught to structure our relationships, and it is BS. That is conditional love, and it is the poisonous seed of co-dependence. It would also take enormous pressure off to know that no one was doing anything for me as a special favour, or against their true desire, but rather because in their heart they wanted to do that thing. To me, that is amazing. It is such a lie to think that asking people to do things they don't want to do - just because we want them to - is the basis of a loving, authentic relationship. I used to think just the opposite of this. But it is just enabling yourself and the other person to depend on each other for one's own personal happiness. This is so dangerous. Actually, it is a recipe for disaster. Yet it is the basis for romantic and familial love as we know it in our society, and we are encouraged to demand it, or at least manipulate each other to get what we want to the best of our ability. This is not to say I don't think it's OK to ask. Yes, absolutely! That's part of it. Ask, and be totally honest about your preferences. But don't be disappointed if the answer is: "hell, no!"
And also, don't be afraid to say no yourself, as I've mentioned in an earlier post. It is the right thing to do, even when it feels counterintuitive. Just say no! No, I'm sorry, I'm too tired. No, I'm sorry, I don't want to. Whatever! It doesn't matter why the answer is no. That's your business.
I question myself how realistic I'm being here, as this is not exactly a formula I have followed precisely. I have made ALL of these mistakes, and more, in virtually every relationship I've ever been a part of. (And I used to be truly hopeless at saying "no", but now I'm a C - ... I'll get there!) Nevertheless, this does represent what I truly believe, and it's about time I start being vocal about it.
I also realize that in everything I have said, I am only halfway there.
I must start being more honest with myself and with the people in my life about how I feel, about them, about our relationships, about what I want, about the boundaries I wish to set. About everything. Even if it rocks the boat. Even if the storm that has been brewing, collecting ammunition, finally settles down on this town and rips the houses from their foundation and rocks every boat at the port. Kaboom!
I must do it, without fear of consequence.
I must live authentically! Only then.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Pickle Juice!
Last night was my sister's birthday and I had a couple of glasses of wine times three. Yeah, about that. Maybe a bit more. Times four? No! Couldn't have been...
Anyway I am not disallowing alcohol in my life at this time; rather I am making hydration a must at all times. After spending last Sunday lying on the beach all day without any water, sweating litres in class later that day, and then not properly hydrating, I REALLY paid for that on the Monday. Not repeating that. So in a way I'm glad I had that experience because I never want to feel that way again, and I won't.
My body is very sensitive right now. I am practicing food combining (for the most part) meaning that I either have a carb like rice or yam or squash with veggies, OR a protein like meat, chicken, fish, etc with veggies, but not a carb and a protein together at the same meal, (and sometimes I just have veggies with no carb or protein), AND I only eat fruit on an empty stomach. I don't know to what degree food combining is necessary or effective for me, but as I've mentioned I am trying to drop a few more pounds and I want to maximize digestive efficiency in order to utilize all the nutrients I consume the best way I can, and save energy. Anyway, I threw caution to the wind this weekend - for instance last night we ate at the Keg, and I had bread, cheese (which I'm not really having right now), tons of butter, steak, crab, potatoes...and ice cream cake for dessert Whew! (That is NOT a typical meal for me but needless to say: amazingly yummy). Ordinarily my stomach would actually be fine with all that as I'm not that food sensitive, but that certainly affected my stomach and energy levels last night and today, especially with all that wine. I haven't felt that FULL in a long time, and I must say that feeling about that full was a very regular, almost daily fact of life for me in the past. How could I have lived like that?! It was so unpleasant.
Oh but it didn't stop there. Today I had a mini burger at Mother's Day lunch (alongside chicken salad) and then a relatively small piece of cake with whipped cream and strawberries about two hours later. It really wasn't that much food, but again: I felt it. In fact I conked out for about an hour and a half, even though I'd slept 8.5 hours last night! When I woke up I could still feel that cake sitting there, and it took yoga to move all that food through my system. To be honest, I didn't eat again today. I'm not sure if that's bad, but I just didn't feel the need or desire. After yoga I prepared a very delicious lunch for myself tomorrow consisting of a Thai veggie soup and steamed squash with all kinds of delightful seasonings, but I didn't feel the slightest inkling to eat any of it. There have been quite a few days on this challenge where I have not eaten dinner. The paleo crowd says that this is fine, and from an evolutionary perspective and looking at different groups around the world, it is and has been VERY normal to skip a meal. But it was always so ingrained in us never to do that, and generally as a society we're still quite hooked on the 3 square meals a day thing. Also there's the blood sugar thing. If I feel hungry and I don't eat, I turn illogical and emotional (something my ex could see coming a mile away, and would call "bonking"). So, who knows. Some say "listen to your body", others say "what about when your body tells you to eat a whole box of cookies?! No, definitely do not listen to your body in fact that term doesn't even mean anything."
Anyway, since Day 1 (20 days ago) I have dropped 3-5 pounds (it goes up and down depending on the day). I guess that is quite significant, it just doesn't feel like it because I am still not at my slimmest.
Moving along, I had the strongest class of my challenge today! I judge a class by many things, but one is the way I feel during the 20 second savasanas of the floor series. if I feel restless and heatstroked and exhausted, that's bot a great class. today I felt deep calm and even a kind of euphoria. So great! the classes that keep you going. My back was almost pain free and I haven't yet mentioned that I have seen big improvements with my flexibility. My body is healing! It is no longer the case that I feel the need to modify my postures just to stay out of pain.
During class the teacher mentioned that during her teacher training the attendees would drink pickle juice to get the salts back in their body. (By the way, I have been consuming more salt than usual and feeling that it has been a benefit. Miso soup feels like an especially nutrifying and helpful food at this time.) So a girl piped up and said that pickle juice was the cure for hangovers in Russia.
Well, that was all I needed to hear. I was sold. When I got home - without thinkng about it, without ANY hesitation - I had my very first cold, refreshing glass of pickle juice ... and it tasted DIVINE!
Try it!
Anyway I am not disallowing alcohol in my life at this time; rather I am making hydration a must at all times. After spending last Sunday lying on the beach all day without any water, sweating litres in class later that day, and then not properly hydrating, I REALLY paid for that on the Monday. Not repeating that. So in a way I'm glad I had that experience because I never want to feel that way again, and I won't.
My body is very sensitive right now. I am practicing food combining (for the most part) meaning that I either have a carb like rice or yam or squash with veggies, OR a protein like meat, chicken, fish, etc with veggies, but not a carb and a protein together at the same meal, (and sometimes I just have veggies with no carb or protein), AND I only eat fruit on an empty stomach. I don't know to what degree food combining is necessary or effective for me, but as I've mentioned I am trying to drop a few more pounds and I want to maximize digestive efficiency in order to utilize all the nutrients I consume the best way I can, and save energy. Anyway, I threw caution to the wind this weekend - for instance last night we ate at the Keg, and I had bread, cheese (which I'm not really having right now), tons of butter, steak, crab, potatoes...and ice cream cake for dessert Whew! (That is NOT a typical meal for me but needless to say: amazingly yummy). Ordinarily my stomach would actually be fine with all that as I'm not that food sensitive, but that certainly affected my stomach and energy levels last night and today, especially with all that wine. I haven't felt that FULL in a long time, and I must say that feeling about that full was a very regular, almost daily fact of life for me in the past. How could I have lived like that?! It was so unpleasant.
Oh but it didn't stop there. Today I had a mini burger at Mother's Day lunch (alongside chicken salad) and then a relatively small piece of cake with whipped cream and strawberries about two hours later. It really wasn't that much food, but again: I felt it. In fact I conked out for about an hour and a half, even though I'd slept 8.5 hours last night! When I woke up I could still feel that cake sitting there, and it took yoga to move all that food through my system. To be honest, I didn't eat again today. I'm not sure if that's bad, but I just didn't feel the need or desire. After yoga I prepared a very delicious lunch for myself tomorrow consisting of a Thai veggie soup and steamed squash with all kinds of delightful seasonings, but I didn't feel the slightest inkling to eat any of it. There have been quite a few days on this challenge where I have not eaten dinner. The paleo crowd says that this is fine, and from an evolutionary perspective and looking at different groups around the world, it is and has been VERY normal to skip a meal. But it was always so ingrained in us never to do that, and generally as a society we're still quite hooked on the 3 square meals a day thing. Also there's the blood sugar thing. If I feel hungry and I don't eat, I turn illogical and emotional (something my ex could see coming a mile away, and would call "bonking"). So, who knows. Some say "listen to your body", others say "what about when your body tells you to eat a whole box of cookies?! No, definitely do not listen to your body in fact that term doesn't even mean anything."
Anyway, since Day 1 (20 days ago) I have dropped 3-5 pounds (it goes up and down depending on the day). I guess that is quite significant, it just doesn't feel like it because I am still not at my slimmest.
Moving along, I had the strongest class of my challenge today! I judge a class by many things, but one is the way I feel during the 20 second savasanas of the floor series. if I feel restless and heatstroked and exhausted, that's bot a great class. today I felt deep calm and even a kind of euphoria. So great! the classes that keep you going. My back was almost pain free and I haven't yet mentioned that I have seen big improvements with my flexibility. My body is healing! It is no longer the case that I feel the need to modify my postures just to stay out of pain.
During class the teacher mentioned that during her teacher training the attendees would drink pickle juice to get the salts back in their body. (By the way, I have been consuming more salt than usual and feeling that it has been a benefit. Miso soup feels like an especially nutrifying and helpful food at this time.) So a girl piped up and said that pickle juice was the cure for hangovers in Russia.
Well, that was all I needed to hear. I was sold. When I got home - without thinkng about it, without ANY hesitation - I had my very first cold, refreshing glass of pickle juice ... and it tasted DIVINE!
Try it!
Tuesday, May 07, 2013
I was abducted by aliens during pranayana
It's 11:30 and long past my bedtime, well in an ideal world that is, but I forgot I'd made this commitment to writing in here every day. Why, oh I don't know. I want to keep track of the highs and lows of my challenge. One day, people may actually read this blog, and I want them to have some back entries to turn to.
Anyway, I'd mentioned yesterday that I lay on the beach without any sunscreen or water yesterday for the first time this season; up until yesterday, we'd basically been in winter. Well, not exactly, but it definitely hadn't started bikini season yet. So I was feeling amazing and great yesterday and I went to sleep on cloud 9.
I even had fantasies about waking up at 5:20 this morning to go to the early morning class. Insert PeeWee Herman's laugh at this point if you're familiar with such a thing. It sounds like this: haHA!
Not a chance!
I woke up at 7, feeling like I'd been bulldozed. I got ready for work inna total haze and tried to dress myself in a bizarre, comfy outfit consisting of short shorts and a sports bra under a baggy tank top, clearly NOT business casual (luckily I had the sense to change) I could barely walk to the train my right hip was aching so badly (God only knows why) and I was just weak: completely in a weakened state.
Now I have to admit here that I am doing something rather foolish but it's just that I am a bridesmaid in two weeks and I just wanted to shed a few pounds. Yes I am on a diet. No I'm not eating enough calories to support my lifestyle. End of story for now - yes there are more details than that but the bottom line is I just want to get down to a certain magical number on the scale for this durn wedding and then after that I will ease up a bit. Ok I'll digress: Low carb style eating is effective for weightloss for me but I just loathe it and also it makes me feel like shit. So I have to carb it up. Not massively, but I'm sorry veg and fruit alone is not carb enough, not by a long shot. So that means I have to do low cal, if there's any hope of shedding a few pounds. I'm in a transition phase.
Also, throughout the week I've been doing a wee bit of interval and weight training.
So yes, I woke up this morning feeling like I was about 80 years old. Luckily I had prepped a fantastically healthy and filling lunch so I really indulged, and by the afternoon I was feeling better. Not 100%, though. It's really quite hot here and I think that might be adding to the lethargy, not to mention my sunburn. But intuitively I feel that the main culprit is dehydration. So I really tried to wawa it up but I still had 2 coffees...and I could have done with another 500 ml of water evenly drunk throughout the morning. I've got to stay on top of that tomorrow. I tend to forget to drink and then chug, which isn't as efficient a hydration method, imo.
After trying to relax a bit I trudged into my studio at 7:15 pm this evening like I'd been conscripted for the army. Everyone got a heavy dose of my moaning (and they were very good about it! they humoured me, lets put it that way!) This is not normal behaviour, I'll have you know. Everyone else is all perks and smiles and jazzy little outfits. It's only me that keeps carrying on about being on a challenge as though some unseen force is making me do this. The funny thing is that I am the only one doing the 50 day "guru challenge", as it's being called. There are sone doing the 30 day. But only crazy I am doing the 50 day. I keep having to remind myself that I'm the one that signed up for this!
So something very strange happened: one moment we'd begun pranayama breathing and the next SECOND (it felt like) we were already starting half moon. I thought the teacher was joking! Seriously. I even looked around again and again, utterly confused, my knuckles still glued to my chin, but when I realized no one else was acting like anything else was amiss, I figured that I had gone into full speed autopilot for virtually all of pranayama breathing, both sets. Yikes. It turns out I remember what I had been thinking about: a recipe I'd read online about these oat blueberry muffins. Yup. The idea of baking and eating those delicious muffins so consumed me it was as though I'd "lost time", as people claim to do when they are abducted! Yeah I really need to eat something...!
Anyway, I'd mentioned yesterday that I lay on the beach without any sunscreen or water yesterday for the first time this season; up until yesterday, we'd basically been in winter. Well, not exactly, but it definitely hadn't started bikini season yet. So I was feeling amazing and great yesterday and I went to sleep on cloud 9.
I even had fantasies about waking up at 5:20 this morning to go to the early morning class. Insert PeeWee Herman's laugh at this point if you're familiar with such a thing. It sounds like this: haHA!
Not a chance!
I woke up at 7, feeling like I'd been bulldozed. I got ready for work inna total haze and tried to dress myself in a bizarre, comfy outfit consisting of short shorts and a sports bra under a baggy tank top, clearly NOT business casual (luckily I had the sense to change) I could barely walk to the train my right hip was aching so badly (God only knows why) and I was just weak: completely in a weakened state.
Now I have to admit here that I am doing something rather foolish but it's just that I am a bridesmaid in two weeks and I just wanted to shed a few pounds. Yes I am on a diet. No I'm not eating enough calories to support my lifestyle. End of story for now - yes there are more details than that but the bottom line is I just want to get down to a certain magical number on the scale for this durn wedding and then after that I will ease up a bit. Ok I'll digress: Low carb style eating is effective for weightloss for me but I just loathe it and also it makes me feel like shit. So I have to carb it up. Not massively, but I'm sorry veg and fruit alone is not carb enough, not by a long shot. So that means I have to do low cal, if there's any hope of shedding a few pounds. I'm in a transition phase.
Also, throughout the week I've been doing a wee bit of interval and weight training.
So yes, I woke up this morning feeling like I was about 80 years old. Luckily I had prepped a fantastically healthy and filling lunch so I really indulged, and by the afternoon I was feeling better. Not 100%, though. It's really quite hot here and I think that might be adding to the lethargy, not to mention my sunburn. But intuitively I feel that the main culprit is dehydration. So I really tried to wawa it up but I still had 2 coffees...and I could have done with another 500 ml of water evenly drunk throughout the morning. I've got to stay on top of that tomorrow. I tend to forget to drink and then chug, which isn't as efficient a hydration method, imo.
After trying to relax a bit I trudged into my studio at 7:15 pm this evening like I'd been conscripted for the army. Everyone got a heavy dose of my moaning (and they were very good about it! they humoured me, lets put it that way!) This is not normal behaviour, I'll have you know. Everyone else is all perks and smiles and jazzy little outfits. It's only me that keeps carrying on about being on a challenge as though some unseen force is making me do this. The funny thing is that I am the only one doing the 50 day "guru challenge", as it's being called. There are sone doing the 30 day. But only crazy I am doing the 50 day. I keep having to remind myself that I'm the one that signed up for this!
So something very strange happened: one moment we'd begun pranayama breathing and the next SECOND (it felt like) we were already starting half moon. I thought the teacher was joking! Seriously. I even looked around again and again, utterly confused, my knuckles still glued to my chin, but when I realized no one else was acting like anything else was amiss, I figured that I had gone into full speed autopilot for virtually all of pranayama breathing, both sets. Yikes. It turns out I remember what I had been thinking about: a recipe I'd read online about these oat blueberry muffins. Yup. The idea of baking and eating those delicious muffins so consumed me it was as though I'd "lost time", as people claim to do when they are abducted! Yeah I really need to eat something...!
Sunday, May 05, 2013
Sun Smart? Not a chance. I was a Sun Fool!
I had my first real beach day today, meaning I lay on the sand in a bathing suit. It was gorgeous. Absolutely adored being there. It was a bit chilly when I arrived at around 11 am, but warmed up quickly and just about hit that summer feeling by later afternoon. Anyway, I don't know what I was thinking, but I didn't use any protection and I just lay there, exposed, for a good couple of hours. What can I say? I lost my mind. I had heatstroke. I am now sunburned. This is so rare an event for me; I spent four months in Hawaii last year and did not even burn once. But here I am in dreary old Vancouver, lobster chested on the 5th of May. WTH!
I thought I might have a dreadful class at 4:15 pm today post-beach with getting all that sun, also - I felt I hadn't hydrated well enough. Instead of my mainstay, ie WATER, I chose to drink coffee, Kombucha drink, and a big can of coconut water on the beach. Again, what was I thinking? I didn't even bring my water bottle to the beach. So I grabbed a one litre of regular water on the drive home and tried to chug as much of it as I could before class. Actually, I almost finished it, but prior to that I hadn't even drunk any water at all today, except for a bit first thing in the morning.
Anyway, the sun must have given me power all the same, because I had a tremendous class. I sweat buckets. I was definitely mildly uncomfortable and feeling warmer than usual because of my sun-kissed skin, but overall, really strong one. It also occurred to me that it feels like a great break if you go to an early morning class one day and then on the next day you go to an afternoon (or, I would assume, evening) class. I felt as though the slate had been wiped clean. Great teachers always help, too. There really are some wonderful teachers at the studio I go to now, and since there are so many classes to choose from, there are a lot of different people to experience. I feel really lucky for this. I am a big fan of special people :)
I thought I might have a dreadful class at 4:15 pm today post-beach with getting all that sun, also - I felt I hadn't hydrated well enough. Instead of my mainstay, ie WATER, I chose to drink coffee, Kombucha drink, and a big can of coconut water on the beach. Again, what was I thinking? I didn't even bring my water bottle to the beach. So I grabbed a one litre of regular water on the drive home and tried to chug as much of it as I could before class. Actually, I almost finished it, but prior to that I hadn't even drunk any water at all today, except for a bit first thing in the morning.
Anyway, the sun must have given me power all the same, because I had a tremendous class. I sweat buckets. I was definitely mildly uncomfortable and feeling warmer than usual because of my sun-kissed skin, but overall, really strong one. It also occurred to me that it feels like a great break if you go to an early morning class one day and then on the next day you go to an afternoon (or, I would assume, evening) class. I felt as though the slate had been wiped clean. Great teachers always help, too. There really are some wonderful teachers at the studio I go to now, and since there are so many classes to choose from, there are a lot of different people to experience. I feel really lucky for this. I am a big fan of special people :)
Saturday, May 04, 2013
It's Hard! It's HARD!
Today was Day 13 of my 50 day challenge, meaning I'm about 1/4 of the way through. I'm over halfway to halfway, you could say. I can't really think about the halfway point or the finish point or anything other than getting to class day by day, because otherwise it just seems impossible. There have been a few days where I was very tempted not to go to class, and just make up for it down the road with a double. Knowing myself, (and I know this sounds defeatist but I'm just being honest), I probably will do this soon. What's held me back so far is the fear that it will weaken my will, and I only have just enough will to take this challenge day by day as it is, so I really can't afford to drop the ball here, so to speak. Every day that I wake up and face the mini-challenge (actually a major challenge) of going to class, one of the main things that gives me the motivation I need to get my butt there is the memory that yesterday, I did it, and I feel good about having done that.
So, what's so hard about it anyway? Don't I like going to yoga? Yes, sure. And it's not really that hard, is it? Not if you take it easy, which I have been doing a few classes, that's for sure.
Sometimes I have a few strong classes and always allow myself to become fooled into thinking the series has become easy for me now; it's like my little secret. I am feeling good, feeling strong, and then I look around and see that others are sluggishly getting into posture a few beats after the starting gun, or have dropped to their knees, or are even sprawled out on their mat, unable to move. I think, "Oh that's over for me now, I remember when I that used to happen to me. But I've got this series nailed now. Look at the teacher, she can see I'm a regular, she can see I've been doing this yoga for ages. She can tell how far I've come, how hard I've worked, that I'm an intermediate practitioner. I'm a role model! Beginners and strugglers can look to me for guidance, that is plain to everyone in this class. That's it, it's final: I'm going to teacher training."
I can't tell you how many times this foolish though process has played over in my mind when I should have been quieting my mind, and working to improve my practice.
But then, next class: bam, it's all over. As I've mentioned before, some people say "getting there is half the battle", but I don't believe this applies to Bikram Yoga. No matter how tough the challenge of motivating oneself to just get to the studio might be, the class itself is frequently much more challenging - unbelievably, surprisingly challenging, even when it's just the SAME OLD series of postures, hundreds of times over. So you've been going strong, but then one day you walk in too hungry, dehydrated, tired, in a bad mood, or perfectly fine even sometimes, (sometimes there is no logical, predictable reason) and suddenly you're in the eye of the storm having a shitty, hard class, and it sucks more than it's ever sucked before. It's like the difficulty level hits you again for the first time.
On the other hand, many classes are neither difficult nor strong, they're just regular. Monotonous. Especially during a challenge. Even though the ever-unchanging sequence of postures is something I find highly appealing and would never, ever want to see it changed in any way, it does get to me. "Here we go again", I think during pranayama breathing, (the first breathing exercise, which only lasts for a couple minutes but can feel like an eternity). The start of class is sometimes so difficult for me, mentally, especially when I am tired. In general, the most monotonous sections of class are the first three postures (for me, these have always been the hardest) and the floor series after spine-strengthening series on the stomach. It is during these two sections of the class that I am prone to feeling intense boredom and a strong desire to flee.
Anyway, there are other things I am doing to keep this doable for myself. I'm off the wine and on the coconut water. I've been taking some electrolytes. Hydrating as much as humanly possible. I'm keeping my calorie intake relatively low, and it feels right to me. I'm sleeping as much as I possibly can given my schedule. I am meditating for 15 minutes a day, usually right before bed. I have been doing various psoas muscle stretches outside of class, which seems to really be helping my lower back. My social life is still existent, but I am setting some boundaries, which is really hard. This is not a time for whooping it up. And I'm still working on saying NO. No to what I don't want to do, and yes to what I do, without allowing the people in my life to guilt me. Living my life exactly the way I want to live it, or at least getting one step closer every day...
Within reason :)
So, what's so hard about it anyway? Don't I like going to yoga? Yes, sure. And it's not really that hard, is it? Not if you take it easy, which I have been doing a few classes, that's for sure.
Sometimes I have a few strong classes and always allow myself to become fooled into thinking the series has become easy for me now; it's like my little secret. I am feeling good, feeling strong, and then I look around and see that others are sluggishly getting into posture a few beats after the starting gun, or have dropped to their knees, or are even sprawled out on their mat, unable to move. I think, "Oh that's over for me now, I remember when I that used to happen to me. But I've got this series nailed now. Look at the teacher, she can see I'm a regular, she can see I've been doing this yoga for ages. She can tell how far I've come, how hard I've worked, that I'm an intermediate practitioner. I'm a role model! Beginners and strugglers can look to me for guidance, that is plain to everyone in this class. That's it, it's final: I'm going to teacher training."
I can't tell you how many times this foolish though process has played over in my mind when I should have been quieting my mind, and working to improve my practice.
But then, next class: bam, it's all over. As I've mentioned before, some people say "getting there is half the battle", but I don't believe this applies to Bikram Yoga. No matter how tough the challenge of motivating oneself to just get to the studio might be, the class itself is frequently much more challenging - unbelievably, surprisingly challenging, even when it's just the SAME OLD series of postures, hundreds of times over. So you've been going strong, but then one day you walk in too hungry, dehydrated, tired, in a bad mood, or perfectly fine even sometimes, (sometimes there is no logical, predictable reason) and suddenly you're in the eye of the storm having a shitty, hard class, and it sucks more than it's ever sucked before. It's like the difficulty level hits you again for the first time.
On the other hand, many classes are neither difficult nor strong, they're just regular. Monotonous. Especially during a challenge. Even though the ever-unchanging sequence of postures is something I find highly appealing and would never, ever want to see it changed in any way, it does get to me. "Here we go again", I think during pranayama breathing, (the first breathing exercise, which only lasts for a couple minutes but can feel like an eternity). The start of class is sometimes so difficult for me, mentally, especially when I am tired. In general, the most monotonous sections of class are the first three postures (for me, these have always been the hardest) and the floor series after spine-strengthening series on the stomach. It is during these two sections of the class that I am prone to feeling intense boredom and a strong desire to flee.
Anyway, there are other things I am doing to keep this doable for myself. I'm off the wine and on the coconut water. I've been taking some electrolytes. Hydrating as much as humanly possible. I'm keeping my calorie intake relatively low, and it feels right to me. I'm sleeping as much as I possibly can given my schedule. I am meditating for 15 minutes a day, usually right before bed. I have been doing various psoas muscle stretches outside of class, which seems to really be helping my lower back. My social life is still existent, but I am setting some boundaries, which is really hard. This is not a time for whooping it up. And I'm still working on saying NO. No to what I don't want to do, and yes to what I do, without allowing the people in my life to guilt me. Living my life exactly the way I want to live it, or at least getting one step closer every day...
Within reason :)
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