I was saying to my sister that this challenge is proof that mentality means so much when it comes to strength. On previous challenges (30 days) I was really hurting by the last week, with fatigue, lack of motivation, anger, mysterious random pains in my body that felt like they might be injuries, etc. Now it's Day 24 and I'm fine, but I know it's partially because this is a 60 day challenge and I've just surrendered. It's like how sometimes a one hour flight or drive can feel longer than a 4 hour journey, because you mentally prepare yourself when you know you're really in it for the long haul and that is an important step. I'd also like to mention that this is the longest I've ever gone consecutively because I always skipped a few days here and there and did doubles (which actually made the challenge more difficult overall, especially because I usually skipped classes when I'd drank alcohol the night before and I would have been far better sweating that out the next day.) This has been a good challenge so far.
I had a really good class today. I am a bit overtired and I had nightmares last night for some reason, but I managed to go in with a good attitude and I felt very strong. I have been concentrating most classes on staying still between the postures and coming out of postures very slowly. I never used to care about that stuff for the most part, my mentality was like "all I can possibly do is make it here, you can't expect any more from me than that." Now I make it a point to continually ask myself if I'm trying my 100% honest best and it's made a really big difference for me. I've heard plenty of people say that that's when their practice really changed, when they started giving 100%, but I still felt it didn't apply to me - it was just one of those things like "yeah, well I also can't stick to 1500 calories a day or avoid alcohol or be a complete saint like you and I'm not going to apologize for it because at least I'm trying here." But I guess you hear things properly when you're ready for them, you make that change when you're ready. I still have a lot of room to grow, of course, but I went into this with the mentality that I was going to turn my practice around and that is what I'm doing.
Meanwhile, my schedule at work has changed and I'm considering aiming for 6am classes during the week. I don't know if this is really what I want to do or even can do seeing as I'm a night owl and I suffer from insomnia - I can't see myself asleep in bed by 10 every night...but it's a maybe nonetheless. Even though classes are more difficult in the morning, I don't feel like I stretched as well because the muscles are so tight, I still feel you're better off going to bed early and practicing first thing. It's the traditional way I'm told, not that we're ultra-traditional around here ;) Night!
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Day 19 -- WAHHHH!
Class starts in 16 minutes. (Don't worry, I live within two minutes walking distance from my studio, which is how I got hooked on this yoga in the first place.)
I don't want to go to class. I'm still tired from yesterday's class! I ate an egg salad sandwich at 5pm and I still feel really full off it. I also had a cracker with goat's cheese from a platter in the staff room at 5 to 6; what was I thinking? I haven't drank enough water today and I am sooo unmotivated.
I can't believe I'll only be a third of the way through the challenge tomorrow...Can I really do this?!
I fantasized about skipping class today although I have absolutely no good reason to do so, and doing a double somewhere down the road. I would pay any money to stay home tonight and watch episode after episode of Dexter. Wouldn't that be the life? Should I rest for another hour and go to class at 8:15? I'd have time for a single episode...no, I need to go. I worked my butt off the last three classes yet I couldn't fall asleep last night and I felt exhausted this morning, and the first day back after long weekends is never very fun for me (or anyone, I suppose)...
AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gotta go now =*(
I don't want to go to class. I'm still tired from yesterday's class! I ate an egg salad sandwich at 5pm and I still feel really full off it. I also had a cracker with goat's cheese from a platter in the staff room at 5 to 6; what was I thinking? I haven't drank enough water today and I am sooo unmotivated.
I can't believe I'll only be a third of the way through the challenge tomorrow...Can I really do this?!
I fantasized about skipping class today although I have absolutely no good reason to do so, and doing a double somewhere down the road. I would pay any money to stay home tonight and watch episode after episode of Dexter. Wouldn't that be the life? Should I rest for another hour and go to class at 8:15? I'd have time for a single episode...no, I need to go. I worked my butt off the last three classes yet I couldn't fall asleep last night and I felt exhausted this morning, and the first day back after long weekends is never very fun for me (or anyone, I suppose)...
AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gotta go now =*(
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Day 16
Well, I haven't written in a little while, but today was my 16th consecutive class. I feel pretty good. My upper back is sore, but that's about it for bodily aches and pains. (That being said, it's really quite sore and interfering with some of the postures, but it's actually getting better and I'm going for a massage on Monday.) My flexibility is almost at its best, except in hands-to-feet pose, as there was a time when I could lock my knees out better, for longer and more often. I'm not sure what's going on there, but I'm going to push through it. My moods have been pretty good, but I've been fighting with people lately. It's actually been a really busy week and a half with relatives in town, a full schedule at work, and plenty of things to do and take care of.
I'm surprised I've managed to go to yoga every day as I've been overtired, and on Tuesday night I went out drinking and clubbing until 2 AM - I had to leave work early the next day, but I trooped off to yoga that evening all the same. By the end of the week, though, I started to really think about how much I need this long weekend. At work on Friday, I had absolutely had it with some of the students. I teach ESL, and normally I love my job but lately I've become really irritated with the prevalence of racism and homophobia amongst a lot of the students at my school. Usually I turn a blind eye towards it because I can get very argumentative and sensitive and in the past I've had very little luck with closed-minded people, so I barely even bother. I never seem to convince anyone of anything when it comes to the issues I care about the most, and then I mull over it for hours afterward; also, I feel I have to stay relatively neutral as a language teacher as we discuss some heavy issues in class sometimes, so unless someone says something highly offensive (which does happen, actually) I will let a lot of different opinions pass and be heard with little interference. On Friday, however, I was ready to blow my top.
Anyway, I'm really happy I'm on this challenge. Did I mention I'm on the 60 day challenge? I know that after completing several 30 day challenges in the past I've said I want to establish a regular practice without going the route of a challenge, but let's face it, I haven't had much luck with that. However, I did manage to go very regularly for a month and a half for the first time in a year before I started this challenge, and I really wanted to go 60 days in a row at some point very soon, so this was a good excuse for me to do it, because a 30 or 60 challenge popped up at my studio. I don't know of anyone else that is doing the 60 day, though. Maybe it's just me. Anyway, that's what Bikram recommends for beginners, and Ren told me I had to go back to the beginning and start again, so here I am. Day 16. Yesterday I was 1/4th of the way through!
I've made the realization that many times I go to class and don't try my very best. Perhaps even as little as 75% effort is what I give some classes. I've just found it so difficult to get there in the first place that I don't beat myself up if I sit a posture out or come out of something early, even if it's not absolutely necessary. But then I realized that it's been ages since I gave 100% in Half-Locust, (because I freaking hate that posture), and maybe that's why I am having all these pains in my upper back! It makes sense, doesn't it? Every posture prepares your body for the next, and the next, and the next. Ren said that if you miss a posture, you basically mess up the rest of your class so even if you feel really sick you should at least do one set. Anyway, even if I was doing two half-hearted sets of Half-Locust, I wasn't properly preparing myself for the rest of spine-strengthening series and every posture after that, especially Camel and Rabbit which totally focus on the spine! (Sometime I cannot do Rabbit, I'm not kidding, I have to stay scrunched up on my heels because of the pain I feel when I lift my hips up.) Well, today I said to myself, "you are going to try 100% in everything including Half-Locust," and that's exactly what I did. The posture wasn't brutal at all. It was fine. What was I so worried about? Attempting it half-heartedly actually makes the posture a lot harder is what I realized today.
Anyway, and I'm not just saying this for special effects, I honestly felt especially good after today's class because I worked so hard, and it showed me that actually, I have been kind of lazy and it really does make a difference. Also, the past few classes it's been really hard for me to twist during spine-twisting because of the pain in my back, but today it was just a teensy-bit easier.
OK, well, I want to keep up with this so I can look back and remember what it was like during this challenge.
I'm surprised I've managed to go to yoga every day as I've been overtired, and on Tuesday night I went out drinking and clubbing until 2 AM - I had to leave work early the next day, but I trooped off to yoga that evening all the same. By the end of the week, though, I started to really think about how much I need this long weekend. At work on Friday, I had absolutely had it with some of the students. I teach ESL, and normally I love my job but lately I've become really irritated with the prevalence of racism and homophobia amongst a lot of the students at my school. Usually I turn a blind eye towards it because I can get very argumentative and sensitive and in the past I've had very little luck with closed-minded people, so I barely even bother. I never seem to convince anyone of anything when it comes to the issues I care about the most, and then I mull over it for hours afterward; also, I feel I have to stay relatively neutral as a language teacher as we discuss some heavy issues in class sometimes, so unless someone says something highly offensive (which does happen, actually) I will let a lot of different opinions pass and be heard with little interference. On Friday, however, I was ready to blow my top.
Anyway, I'm really happy I'm on this challenge. Did I mention I'm on the 60 day challenge? I know that after completing several 30 day challenges in the past I've said I want to establish a regular practice without going the route of a challenge, but let's face it, I haven't had much luck with that. However, I did manage to go very regularly for a month and a half for the first time in a year before I started this challenge, and I really wanted to go 60 days in a row at some point very soon, so this was a good excuse for me to do it, because a 30 or 60 challenge popped up at my studio. I don't know of anyone else that is doing the 60 day, though. Maybe it's just me. Anyway, that's what Bikram recommends for beginners, and Ren told me I had to go back to the beginning and start again, so here I am. Day 16. Yesterday I was 1/4th of the way through!
I've made the realization that many times I go to class and don't try my very best. Perhaps even as little as 75% effort is what I give some classes. I've just found it so difficult to get there in the first place that I don't beat myself up if I sit a posture out or come out of something early, even if it's not absolutely necessary. But then I realized that it's been ages since I gave 100% in Half-Locust, (because I freaking hate that posture), and maybe that's why I am having all these pains in my upper back! It makes sense, doesn't it? Every posture prepares your body for the next, and the next, and the next. Ren said that if you miss a posture, you basically mess up the rest of your class so even if you feel really sick you should at least do one set. Anyway, even if I was doing two half-hearted sets of Half-Locust, I wasn't properly preparing myself for the rest of spine-strengthening series and every posture after that, especially Camel and Rabbit which totally focus on the spine! (Sometime I cannot do Rabbit, I'm not kidding, I have to stay scrunched up on my heels because of the pain I feel when I lift my hips up.) Well, today I said to myself, "you are going to try 100% in everything including Half-Locust," and that's exactly what I did. The posture wasn't brutal at all. It was fine. What was I so worried about? Attempting it half-heartedly actually makes the posture a lot harder is what I realized today.
Anyway, and I'm not just saying this for special effects, I honestly felt especially good after today's class because I worked so hard, and it showed me that actually, I have been kind of lazy and it really does make a difference. Also, the past few classes it's been really hard for me to twist during spine-twisting because of the pain in my back, but today it was just a teensy-bit easier.
OK, well, I want to keep up with this so I can look back and remember what it was like during this challenge.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
I'm hot.
The weather in Vancouver is uncharacteristically hot at the moment. I took a nap this afternoon and woke up drenched in sweat. Ugh. All I do is sweat!
Well, today I officially signed up for the challenge, but I consider this to be Day 3 because this is my third consecutive day in a row and I made this decision on Friday, so Friday is when I consider myself to have started. (But officially, today is Day 1. Ugh. Never mind that.) This is my first challenge in over a year, and I'm going for 60 days instead of 30. That's right, 60 days in a row. Sixty.
Just think in four days, I'll be 1/6th of the way through this challenge! Wow. I'll be done on Monday, October 13th, what a day that will be. I'll be on Day 43 on my birthday, which is September 26th...I thought about it yesterday and what I thought was, what a wonderful place to be on your birthday, completely devoted to your yoga practice. That's what I thought! Actually, I plan on taking my entire birthday week off, which will be a nice break for me. I'll probably need it. I like to take a lot of time off throughout the year because I put a lot of energy into my job and I get super tired if I don't take time off. (I'm an ESL teacher.) Other people just work and work and work but I simply cannot. I NEED time off every once in a while. I also believe that I should be paid just for living on this earth but that's another matter!
I can't believe I'm doing a 60 day challenge that is going to take me all the way to early Fall. Am I crazy? I actually had three potential weeks of vacation this September and I was going to go on a big trip, somewhere balmy, beautiful, a place where you could actually swim in the ocean rather than look at it from a distance and wonder why it looks so brown and cold. I had a couple of places in mind - California, Caribbean or Central America. I was going to visit friends or family, or maybe just backpack around a little by myself. However, ever since that seminar with Ren (which I will talk about a little bit later, once I'm settled into my challenge) I've been dreading taking this vacation because I knew it would be a big disruption to my yoga practice and my health. (As you can see, I can dread just about anything - I've already told you I dread yoga and now I'm telling you I dread dream vacations.) I'm just not the type of person that stays healthy and active during vacations; I drink too much, fail to exercise, eat basically anything I can get my hands on, etc...I always feel like crap when I come back and have to spend days or weeks getting back into a healthy routine. Therefore, it's honestly a relief to me that I've canceled my trip and have nothing to focus on for the next two months besides yoga. (I AM still going to take a trip, but it won't be until later on this year or early next year.)
I've also got other things I'd like to accomplish. I went to the library and took out four books I've been meaning to read for years: They are: Postman by Charles Bukowski, Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts, Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins, and Fear of Flying by Erica Jong. I couldn't believe I found them all! Actually there are many more books in this world besides these four that I want to read but these four have just been on my 'must read' list for so long, and I never have - I never even see them anywhere for some reason. So, I hadn't been to the library for a really long time because I racked up tons of fees on both my Vancouver and Burnaby library cards, but I realized I have my mom's Burnaby card so I decided to have a look today and see what I could find. I found everything! The library is awesome! That also saved me about $70.00 if I were to buy the books new...something to think about. I buy a lot of books, but many times I buy them secondhand or steal them straight off peoples' bookcases and say "Hey I'm borrowing this!" just as I'm leaving their house.
Anyway, I also want to stop wasting time doing stupid things like flipping through random peoples' photo albums on facebook, reading celebrity blogs, and watching dumb clips on youtube. What a waste of time, God. I mean if it were for five minutes here and there it would be fine but I can waste hours on the Internet every day if I'm not careful. So, I want to spend this kind of spare time reading these wonderful works of literature and also working on my own writing, which has been severely neglected lately. So far I'm doing well; I'm already 70 pages into Jitterbug Perfume, which has come highly recommended to my by about 10 people, and last night I read Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho (in its entirety!!) while engaged in deep belly breathing. It took me like, five hours, and by the time I was finished I swear I was in a trance-like state. It was a moving experience. I'M WEIRD!
In addition to this, I want to cut back on my alcohol intake almost completely (I'm going to try to limit it to organic red wine like they say in "Skinny Bitch", we'll see how that goes, hehe). I'm supposed to be this healthy, aware, spiritual-type person, but actually I'm still a total party girl, same as always. I'm also trying to monitor what I eat, as per usual - Bikram teachers say that if you practice a lot but you're not losing weight you have to take what you normally eat every day and cut it in half. I think I've mentioned this before. Um...I don't know if that is going to be entirely possible but I went to Safeway after class today and bought lots of produce and tofu and nuts and other healthy stuff, so uh, yeah, I'll give that my best shot...!
I want to take some of the money I was going to use for my trip and spend it on my new health-conscious lifestyle. I want to buy a juicer, (I had to throw my last one out because I left the fruit pulp in it for about two weeks after using it one day and when I found it was covered, and I mean covered, in flies - I dropped it into a big black garbage bag and ran screaming to the back of the house), start drinking wheatgrass, and get some other stuff from Capers and places like that, like Oil of Oregano and epsom salts and organic skin and haircare products. I also need a new stainless steel water bottle because I left mine at my studio and now it's gone! I actually saw someone using it but it was during class, and then I never saw him again. However, it was missing the lid and I dented that one, so I kind of wanted a new one anyway. Also, if someone's using it now then I don't want their icky germs. They can just have it. Hmm, what else? Not sure - oh yeah, I am in desperate need of some new yoga clothes! That usually motivates me to go to class, and JC knows I need all the motivation I can get. I'm sorry to invoke the name of Jesus while we're talking about yoga here but that's the West for you.
Yes, so that's what I'm gonna spend my trip money on, along with paying off my credit card. That's my plan. As for what I'm hoping to accomplish by doing this 60 day challenge, I really just want to improve my postures to what I feel they should be - for ME - after practicing for 2 and a half years. For instance, what a disaster I am in Standing-Head-to-Knee, I mean really. I'm going to talk about all this stuff down the road, but I just want to increase my strength and flexibility to a level that I can be proud of. I don't mean to sound competitive or self-deprecating, but I'm just being honest when I say that sometimes you do feel like you've reached a point in your practice that you can't get past, and I've been there for a long time so I'm ready to make that progression. Updates to come.
Gosh I'm boring! But writing this is very therapeutic.
Well, today I officially signed up for the challenge, but I consider this to be Day 3 because this is my third consecutive day in a row and I made this decision on Friday, so Friday is when I consider myself to have started. (But officially, today is Day 1. Ugh. Never mind that.) This is my first challenge in over a year, and I'm going for 60 days instead of 30. That's right, 60 days in a row. Sixty.
Just think in four days, I'll be 1/6th of the way through this challenge! Wow. I'll be done on Monday, October 13th, what a day that will be. I'll be on Day 43 on my birthday, which is September 26th...I thought about it yesterday and what I thought was, what a wonderful place to be on your birthday, completely devoted to your yoga practice. That's what I thought! Actually, I plan on taking my entire birthday week off, which will be a nice break for me. I'll probably need it. I like to take a lot of time off throughout the year because I put a lot of energy into my job and I get super tired if I don't take time off. (I'm an ESL teacher.) Other people just work and work and work but I simply cannot. I NEED time off every once in a while. I also believe that I should be paid just for living on this earth but that's another matter!
I can't believe I'm doing a 60 day challenge that is going to take me all the way to early Fall. Am I crazy? I actually had three potential weeks of vacation this September and I was going to go on a big trip, somewhere balmy, beautiful, a place where you could actually swim in the ocean rather than look at it from a distance and wonder why it looks so brown and cold. I had a couple of places in mind - California, Caribbean or Central America. I was going to visit friends or family, or maybe just backpack around a little by myself. However, ever since that seminar with Ren (which I will talk about a little bit later, once I'm settled into my challenge) I've been dreading taking this vacation because I knew it would be a big disruption to my yoga practice and my health. (As you can see, I can dread just about anything - I've already told you I dread yoga and now I'm telling you I dread dream vacations.) I'm just not the type of person that stays healthy and active during vacations; I drink too much, fail to exercise, eat basically anything I can get my hands on, etc...I always feel like crap when I come back and have to spend days or weeks getting back into a healthy routine. Therefore, it's honestly a relief to me that I've canceled my trip and have nothing to focus on for the next two months besides yoga. (I AM still going to take a trip, but it won't be until later on this year or early next year.)
I've also got other things I'd like to accomplish. I went to the library and took out four books I've been meaning to read for years: They are: Postman by Charles Bukowski, Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts, Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins, and Fear of Flying by Erica Jong. I couldn't believe I found them all! Actually there are many more books in this world besides these four that I want to read but these four have just been on my 'must read' list for so long, and I never have - I never even see them anywhere for some reason. So, I hadn't been to the library for a really long time because I racked up tons of fees on both my Vancouver and Burnaby library cards, but I realized I have my mom's Burnaby card so I decided to have a look today and see what I could find. I found everything! The library is awesome! That also saved me about $70.00 if I were to buy the books new...something to think about. I buy a lot of books, but many times I buy them secondhand or steal them straight off peoples' bookcases and say "Hey I'm borrowing this!" just as I'm leaving their house.
Anyway, I also want to stop wasting time doing stupid things like flipping through random peoples' photo albums on facebook, reading celebrity blogs, and watching dumb clips on youtube. What a waste of time, God. I mean if it were for five minutes here and there it would be fine but I can waste hours on the Internet every day if I'm not careful. So, I want to spend this kind of spare time reading these wonderful works of literature and also working on my own writing, which has been severely neglected lately. So far I'm doing well; I'm already 70 pages into Jitterbug Perfume, which has come highly recommended to my by about 10 people, and last night I read Veronika Decides to Die by Paulo Coelho (in its entirety!!) while engaged in deep belly breathing. It took me like, five hours, and by the time I was finished I swear I was in a trance-like state. It was a moving experience. I'M WEIRD!
In addition to this, I want to cut back on my alcohol intake almost completely (I'm going to try to limit it to organic red wine like they say in "Skinny Bitch", we'll see how that goes, hehe). I'm supposed to be this healthy, aware, spiritual-type person, but actually I'm still a total party girl, same as always. I'm also trying to monitor what I eat, as per usual - Bikram teachers say that if you practice a lot but you're not losing weight you have to take what you normally eat every day and cut it in half. I think I've mentioned this before. Um...I don't know if that is going to be entirely possible but I went to Safeway after class today and bought lots of produce and tofu and nuts and other healthy stuff, so uh, yeah, I'll give that my best shot...!
I want to take some of the money I was going to use for my trip and spend it on my new health-conscious lifestyle. I want to buy a juicer, (I had to throw my last one out because I left the fruit pulp in it for about two weeks after using it one day and when I found it was covered, and I mean covered, in flies - I dropped it into a big black garbage bag and ran screaming to the back of the house), start drinking wheatgrass, and get some other stuff from Capers and places like that, like Oil of Oregano and epsom salts and organic skin and haircare products. I also need a new stainless steel water bottle because I left mine at my studio and now it's gone! I actually saw someone using it but it was during class, and then I never saw him again. However, it was missing the lid and I dented that one, so I kind of wanted a new one anyway. Also, if someone's using it now then I don't want their icky germs. They can just have it. Hmm, what else? Not sure - oh yeah, I am in desperate need of some new yoga clothes! That usually motivates me to go to class, and JC knows I need all the motivation I can get. I'm sorry to invoke the name of Jesus while we're talking about yoga here but that's the West for you.
Yes, so that's what I'm gonna spend my trip money on, along with paying off my credit card. That's my plan. As for what I'm hoping to accomplish by doing this 60 day challenge, I really just want to improve my postures to what I feel they should be - for ME - after practicing for 2 and a half years. For instance, what a disaster I am in Standing-Head-to-Knee, I mean really. I'm going to talk about all this stuff down the road, but I just want to increase my strength and flexibility to a level that I can be proud of. I don't mean to sound competitive or self-deprecating, but I'm just being honest when I say that sometimes you do feel like you've reached a point in your practice that you can't get past, and I've been there for a long time so I'm ready to make that progression. Updates to come.
Gosh I'm boring! But writing this is very therapeutic.
Friday, August 15, 2008
2008 in a Nutshell.
This is my first post in a year and a half! Wow, who am I now? I dunno still...
For the life of me I couldn't remember the name of this old yoga blog that I used to update on the odd occasion. Oh yeah: Dedicated. Haha, cute. Well, after a year and a half, I'm back! I had to google weird word combinations to get to my other old blog, which I remembered linked to this one. I can't believe that I used to keep 2 blogs...um, hi. I guess I used to have a lot of time on my hands because I worked at a lame office job.
Well...it's been a rough year for Adri and yoga. I returned to a steady Bikram practice at the beginning of June of this year. THANK GOD. Prior to that, I hadn't practiced Bikram yoga properly and regularly since June of 2007, which seems crazy to me now. Really? Yes, it's true. I'm just being honest. I mean, I still *went* to class at least a few times a month, most months, and some months I was up to a few times a week, but I was totally irregular and it never lasted and my heart was elsewhere. Where? I don't know. My heart was in a very strange place. Anyway, I decided to experiment with other styles and see what would happen. So here goes:
First I did a lot of spiritual reading and took a 2 month workshop style course in Kundalini Yoga (non-hatha) in mid-winter. Now that was an experience! We were asked to do a lot of journaling and sharing and exploration of the chakras. (By the way, no one was ever able to tell me whether the chakras are meant to be viewed as symbolic or if they are real things in and about our bodies. Is that something you're supposed to decide for yourself?) However, I already do a lot of journaling and sharing. I'm a pretty open person, except where I'm very secretive, and nothing about that workshop changed that about me. So, the truth is that I didn't really like the class and I'm not sure how or why it was beneficial for me, but I definitely don't regret taking it. Like I said, it was interesting. (By the way, at first I was really scared I would awaken my kundalini and eff my life up completely - that's what all that stupid reading did for me! I read too much, honestly, especially when it comes to spirituality, I mean you're supposed to do not read. Anyway I can't believe that I actually thought this was going to happen to me. I'm paranoid about the weirdest things.) Oh yeah, taking that course also qualified me to stay for free at a supposedly beautiful ashram in eastern BC as long as I'm under 31. I don't know if I'll have time to do that, but you never know, and I might want to go to an ashram someday and perhaps decrazify myself.
While this workshop was going on and I was dragging my lazy butt to Bikram yoga 1-3 times per week or less, I randomly decided to sign up for the 9 week starter package practicing *"Hatha Yoga" at Open Door, which extended into mid-Spring. (*I really hesitate to call certain styles of yoga "Hatha" as opposed to some other style or name because as long as the yoga is physical, it's Hatha. You know that, right? Ha-tha, sun-moon. For instance, at Open Door there are two names for classes, Hatha and Power, but Power IS also Hatha, so the distinction bothered me. It was the same at the Ashtanga studio I used to go to; there were a bunch of different types of classes ie Ashtanga, Vinyasa Flow, Yoga Nidra, etc. but only one of them was named Hatha. One last thing: Bikram yoga is absolutely a Hatha Yoga practice for the many people that have asked me about it!!!)
I enjoyed my brief stint at Open Door. I really did. But most of the classes were about as tough as a Swedish massage, (though almost as relaxing!) and a Bikram practitioner like myself has to wonder about that. I'm not criticizing, you know, I loved it and perhaps it challenged and moved me in ways that I don't realize. I'm just saying that I am not at a place spiritually or physically or whatever that I'm going to feel satisfied with a practice that doesn't properly challenge or even maintain my strength and flexibility. I know that might sound un-yogic but 9 out of every 10 things I say are pretty un-yogic and I'm a Bikram adherent so what can you expect?
That being said, one of the "Power" classes I took was one of the hardest yoga classes I've ever taken in my life. WEIRD. I was dripping with sweat, and it was hard for me to work up a good enough sweat when I did Ashtanga Yoga, though I believe that's because I wasn't strong enough. It's hard to describe what this class was like or why it was so hard - we weren't even doing vinyasas. All I remember about the teacher is that she had just gotten back from someplace in India and this was her first class back - yeah, well, she worked me to the bone. Also, it was early in the morning and I'd done a Bikram class late the night before, so my muscles basically went on strike. Later, as I was walking to the bus stop I was so freaking tired and shaky that it took me about quadruple the time to get there that it normally would have.
However, like I said, most of the classes at that studio are super-relaxed. I would highly recommend that place to people with stressful jobs/lives, hands-down. One time I fell asleep and dreamed for about half the class and no one said a word. FACT. I couldn't imagine dreading going to yoga at Open Door - it would be like dreading looking at a picture of an adorable puppy. Doesn't make sense. I mean sometimes the class was a bit harder than what I'm saying and when you throw those vinyasas in there it starts to feel like more of a physical challenge, but most of the yoga wasn't really like that. Anyway, let's just put it this way: if I had all the time and money in the world I would totally go back to that studio!
Moving right along, in late May, early June I got back into Bikram yoga for about two weeks steady, during which time I was very proud of myself, but then I spent the second week of June at my cabin in Point Roberts. I went for six consecutive classes at the Vinyasa-Flow style studio there. That was definitely challenging for me, I mean I was drinking through that with being on vacation, you know... So, it's a really cute little studio shaped like a miniature barn, attached to a really lovely bed and breakfast, and when you look out the window you see horses grazing! Isn't that nice? A lot of the people that practice there are quite a bit older and some are just plain OLD so you would expect the yoga not to be ultra-challenging or fast-paced, but I was sore as hell that week! The lady that runs the studio throws a lot of (what seem to me like) traditional abdominal exercises into her routines. I think that's why, or partially why. I got my butt kicked a few times.
By the way mommy came for her first (and only) yoga class EVER that week, to the "Gentle Yoga" on Thursdays. She did really well, kind of. So, if you're ever in Pt. Roberts, definitely check out Madrona Yoga, especially with Kathleen on Mondays and Tuesdays - I absolutely love this woman.
For some unknown reason, after that I never went to another yoga class period until the 5th of June. WTF?! Why do I do that to myself? The whole time I was like, "what are you doing, why aren't you going to yoga, you need to go back to yoga, you're going to regret this, you already regret this and you're not even finished your regretful action..."
Well thankfully, (thankfully to myself, that is), since the 5th I've been doing Bikram at least every other day except for the brief time I spent in Calgary, but that doesn't count. I'm very proud of myself. It's about bloody time. I feel enormously relieved, and better about myself, my life, everything. I feel like I had my figurative "year abroad" and now I've come home to Bikram yoga, where I seem to belong. Of all the Bikram yogis I am definitely a person that is aware of the controversy surrounding this style of yoga and I DO have my problems with it, believe me. However, I know now that this is the yoga for me right now and that this IS the community I want to belong to, flawed as it may be.
I like to think that when I used to write in this blog, I was such a good girl. I was really excited about the yoga and I was making steady progress and I still had that beginner's glow about my new-found practice. Needless to say, things have changed since then. I got frustrated, lazy, discouraged, jaded and disappointed. However, I persevered, and now I'm back with new purpose. I don't think I'm at square one. I know I'm not at square one. But, I've got some work to do before I can really take this to the next level, and that's what I want to do. That's what I'm in the process of doing!
I said that things changed for me at the beginning of July, but actually nothing *really* changed until after I went to the seminar two weeks ago with Ren Soriano. At one point during the seminar I found myself thinking, "why am I here, this is such a waste of time." I didn't feel that he was giving any good tips that I didn't know and a few times I actually questioned the validity of his advice, which struck me as rather IFFY to say the least! In addition to this I felt out of shape and hungry (nice combo there) and couldn't bear the thought of having to take class after six hours in that hot room. I couldn't stop dreading it, which is what I've hated about my yoga practice in general, why I DREAD GOING. Who the hell DREADS yoga, that's absurd.
Anyway, I'm not going to get heavily into the seminar right now, but I'll say this: something that Ren said completely knocked me off my feet, and you know, I honestly think that if I hadn't spent $100 and gone to that seminar all by myself I would not be writing this right now. My practice would have been at danger of slipping and sliding into temporary oblivion once again, and I would have remained lost. But, for once in my life I listened to my gut instead of the crazy voices in my head and did the right thing, and I made the yoga equivalent of the realization of a lifetime. I really did. I did not understand something absolutely vital until two weeks ago, and before that time I was just a visitor to this world.
Now I live here.
For the life of me I couldn't remember the name of this old yoga blog that I used to update on the odd occasion. Oh yeah: Dedicated. Haha, cute. Well, after a year and a half, I'm back! I had to google weird word combinations to get to my other old blog, which I remembered linked to this one. I can't believe that I used to keep 2 blogs...um, hi. I guess I used to have a lot of time on my hands because I worked at a lame office job.
Well...it's been a rough year for Adri and yoga. I returned to a steady Bikram practice at the beginning of June of this year. THANK GOD. Prior to that, I hadn't practiced Bikram yoga properly and regularly since June of 2007, which seems crazy to me now. Really? Yes, it's true. I'm just being honest. I mean, I still *went* to class at least a few times a month, most months, and some months I was up to a few times a week, but I was totally irregular and it never lasted and my heart was elsewhere. Where? I don't know. My heart was in a very strange place. Anyway, I decided to experiment with other styles and see what would happen. So here goes:
First I did a lot of spiritual reading and took a 2 month workshop style course in Kundalini Yoga (non-hatha) in mid-winter. Now that was an experience! We were asked to do a lot of journaling and sharing and exploration of the chakras. (By the way, no one was ever able to tell me whether the chakras are meant to be viewed as symbolic or if they are real things in and about our bodies. Is that something you're supposed to decide for yourself?) However, I already do a lot of journaling and sharing. I'm a pretty open person, except where I'm very secretive, and nothing about that workshop changed that about me. So, the truth is that I didn't really like the class and I'm not sure how or why it was beneficial for me, but I definitely don't regret taking it. Like I said, it was interesting. (By the way, at first I was really scared I would awaken my kundalini and eff my life up completely - that's what all that stupid reading did for me! I read too much, honestly, especially when it comes to spirituality, I mean you're supposed to do not read. Anyway I can't believe that I actually thought this was going to happen to me. I'm paranoid about the weirdest things.) Oh yeah, taking that course also qualified me to stay for free at a supposedly beautiful ashram in eastern BC as long as I'm under 31. I don't know if I'll have time to do that, but you never know, and I might want to go to an ashram someday and perhaps decrazify myself.
While this workshop was going on and I was dragging my lazy butt to Bikram yoga 1-3 times per week or less, I randomly decided to sign up for the 9 week starter package practicing *"Hatha Yoga" at Open Door, which extended into mid-Spring. (*I really hesitate to call certain styles of yoga "Hatha" as opposed to some other style or name because as long as the yoga is physical, it's Hatha. You know that, right? Ha-tha, sun-moon. For instance, at Open Door there are two names for classes, Hatha and Power, but Power IS also Hatha, so the distinction bothered me. It was the same at the Ashtanga studio I used to go to; there were a bunch of different types of classes ie Ashtanga, Vinyasa Flow, Yoga Nidra, etc. but only one of them was named Hatha. One last thing: Bikram yoga is absolutely a Hatha Yoga practice for the many people that have asked me about it!!!)
I enjoyed my brief stint at Open Door. I really did. But most of the classes were about as tough as a Swedish massage, (though almost as relaxing!) and a Bikram practitioner like myself has to wonder about that. I'm not criticizing, you know, I loved it and perhaps it challenged and moved me in ways that I don't realize. I'm just saying that I am not at a place spiritually or physically or whatever that I'm going to feel satisfied with a practice that doesn't properly challenge or even maintain my strength and flexibility. I know that might sound un-yogic but 9 out of every 10 things I say are pretty un-yogic and I'm a Bikram adherent so what can you expect?
That being said, one of the "Power" classes I took was one of the hardest yoga classes I've ever taken in my life. WEIRD. I was dripping with sweat, and it was hard for me to work up a good enough sweat when I did Ashtanga Yoga, though I believe that's because I wasn't strong enough. It's hard to describe what this class was like or why it was so hard - we weren't even doing vinyasas. All I remember about the teacher is that she had just gotten back from someplace in India and this was her first class back - yeah, well, she worked me to the bone. Also, it was early in the morning and I'd done a Bikram class late the night before, so my muscles basically went on strike. Later, as I was walking to the bus stop I was so freaking tired and shaky that it took me about quadruple the time to get there that it normally would have.
However, like I said, most of the classes at that studio are super-relaxed. I would highly recommend that place to people with stressful jobs/lives, hands-down. One time I fell asleep and dreamed for about half the class and no one said a word. FACT. I couldn't imagine dreading going to yoga at Open Door - it would be like dreading looking at a picture of an adorable puppy. Doesn't make sense. I mean sometimes the class was a bit harder than what I'm saying and when you throw those vinyasas in there it starts to feel like more of a physical challenge, but most of the yoga wasn't really like that. Anyway, let's just put it this way: if I had all the time and money in the world I would totally go back to that studio!
Moving right along, in late May, early June I got back into Bikram yoga for about two weeks steady, during which time I was very proud of myself, but then I spent the second week of June at my cabin in Point Roberts. I went for six consecutive classes at the Vinyasa-Flow style studio there. That was definitely challenging for me, I mean I was drinking through that with being on vacation, you know... So, it's a really cute little studio shaped like a miniature barn, attached to a really lovely bed and breakfast, and when you look out the window you see horses grazing! Isn't that nice? A lot of the people that practice there are quite a bit older and some are just plain OLD so you would expect the yoga not to be ultra-challenging or fast-paced, but I was sore as hell that week! The lady that runs the studio throws a lot of (what seem to me like) traditional abdominal exercises into her routines. I think that's why, or partially why. I got my butt kicked a few times.
By the way mommy came for her first (and only) yoga class EVER that week, to the "Gentle Yoga" on Thursdays. She did really well, kind of. So, if you're ever in Pt. Roberts, definitely check out Madrona Yoga, especially with Kathleen on Mondays and Tuesdays - I absolutely love this woman.
For some unknown reason, after that I never went to another yoga class period until the 5th of June. WTF?! Why do I do that to myself? The whole time I was like, "what are you doing, why aren't you going to yoga, you need to go back to yoga, you're going to regret this, you already regret this and you're not even finished your regretful action..."
Well thankfully, (thankfully to myself, that is), since the 5th I've been doing Bikram at least every other day except for the brief time I spent in Calgary, but that doesn't count. I'm very proud of myself. It's about bloody time. I feel enormously relieved, and better about myself, my life, everything. I feel like I had my figurative "year abroad" and now I've come home to Bikram yoga, where I seem to belong. Of all the Bikram yogis I am definitely a person that is aware of the controversy surrounding this style of yoga and I DO have my problems with it, believe me. However, I know now that this is the yoga for me right now and that this IS the community I want to belong to, flawed as it may be.
I like to think that when I used to write in this blog, I was such a good girl. I was really excited about the yoga and I was making steady progress and I still had that beginner's glow about my new-found practice. Needless to say, things have changed since then. I got frustrated, lazy, discouraged, jaded and disappointed. However, I persevered, and now I'm back with new purpose. I don't think I'm at square one. I know I'm not at square one. But, I've got some work to do before I can really take this to the next level, and that's what I want to do. That's what I'm in the process of doing!
I said that things changed for me at the beginning of July, but actually nothing *really* changed until after I went to the seminar two weeks ago with Ren Soriano. At one point during the seminar I found myself thinking, "why am I here, this is such a waste of time." I didn't feel that he was giving any good tips that I didn't know and a few times I actually questioned the validity of his advice, which struck me as rather IFFY to say the least! In addition to this I felt out of shape and hungry (nice combo there) and couldn't bear the thought of having to take class after six hours in that hot room. I couldn't stop dreading it, which is what I've hated about my yoga practice in general, why I DREAD GOING. Who the hell DREADS yoga, that's absurd.
Anyway, I'm not going to get heavily into the seminar right now, but I'll say this: something that Ren said completely knocked me off my feet, and you know, I honestly think that if I hadn't spent $100 and gone to that seminar all by myself I would not be writing this right now. My practice would have been at danger of slipping and sliding into temporary oblivion once again, and I would have remained lost. But, for once in my life I listened to my gut instead of the crazy voices in my head and did the right thing, and I made the yoga equivalent of the realization of a lifetime. I really did. I did not understand something absolutely vital until two weeks ago, and before that time I was just a visitor to this world.
Now I live here.
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