Bumps in the Road

So last I checked in my practice had been quite consistent and I was looking for ways to challenge myself further, physically. Well, everything's changed!

It all began about two weeks ago when I started feeling dizzy at every turn. I wasn't sure what was going on, if I was coming down with the flu or it was something I ate, or even stress. Anyway, on Tuesday the 8th I think it was I pushed myself VERY hard, and that was the first class I'd had in a while where I was able to produce a lot of sweat. (By the way, I don't know what's going on at the studios but there are some classes where it's been tough to even break a sweat let alone drip like I remember doing every class back in the old days. I don't know what's going on - now I know the condition of one's own body and the weather, the time of day, all of that stuff affects how humid the room gets, but this is a trend I've noticed. Maybe it's the new ventilation systems. I look around the room and notice the others aren't very sweaty either. The room certainly smells nice - that's definitely not like the old days!)

Anyway, that class may have actually been when my dizziness started. I had also pushed myself with a Cassie (blogalates.com) thighs routine that left me so stiff and sore I could barely move. So while Wednesday's class was good, after doing that really hard class and the other routine I really had to take it easy, plus I felt dizzy and nauseous.

On Thursday I felt dizzy all day long, and wasn't going to go to class at all, but at the last minute I decided to give 8:15 pm class a try - oh boy. I felt dizzy from the first set of pranayama breathing and it never ended. I had to sit out many postures, I would say about 1/4 of the class. That was my worst class since my return! I was so shaky. The teacher tried to offer me some correction and I actually spoke in class, which I almost never do, to say that I felt really sick and was just trying my best, basically saying I wasn't receptive to correction. It can be really hard on the ego to have a bad class like that when there aren't many people in the room, you just feel so useless. I know the teacher is well aware that everyone has classes like that. It's so silly, but it was on my mind.

I did take Friday and Saturday off, and returned on Sunday evening for a fairly strong class with little dizziness. However, I felt that I might have injured myself (and actually, I still feel that way) because my flexibility has been significantly compromised, I have lower back pain, and left hip pain, when usually my right hip is the problem one. I cannot even do Triangle, and Standing Sep Leg Head to Knee is VERY painful for me on the left side. This has never happened to me before! Anyway, on Sunday I just took it easy on myself but had a great class.

Then I made a pact with myself that I would attend 9:30 am class every day this week (I usually go to 4:15 pm or 6:15 pm) as I'm on a funny work schedule - I just wanted to see how that felt, and get yoga out of the way earlier in the day so as to get more things done.

Now I should mention that here in Vancouver where I'm located we're experiencing cold temperatures, meaning stiffer bodies. Also, I get a lot of soreness in my left wrist (arthritic beginnings, possibly) during cold weather due to a bad break I had about 10 years ago. I've been told this is something I will suffer with for the rest of my life. I spent last winter in Hawaii and the year before that wasn't too cold, so I haven't had wrist trouble in some time, but it's pretty bad right now.

Anyway, 9:30 am class on Monday morning - I could barely move! It was so painful. The forward bend part of Half-Moon with Hands to Feet was almost impossible for me. I almost fell over, honestly. I was in a fair amount of pain from stiffness and that left-side weirdness and it lasted all day.

Nonetheless I got up for 9:30 am class the next day as well : OH MY GOD. Never in my life have I been in so much pain during a BY class. It was utterly exhausting. The class went on for ever and ever, it was not enjoyable in any way, and I had trouble walking later that day. Really. Walking. Anyway I had a beer at a late lunch that day and I felt a lot better. Actually, I did feel pretty good for the rest of Tuesday but I did have a really busy day with a lot of walking, and it left me feeling unusually tired. I got home at about10 pm and totally crashed.

On Wednesday morning I slept STRAIGHT through my alarm. My body was desperate for rest. When I finally did wake up at about 10, after twelve hours of sleep, I made the decision not to go to yoga that day. I spent a few hours playing with my 1 and a half year old niece, who was being baby-sat by my parents, and used that as an opportunity to get some movement into my joints and limbs, and stretch out. I had limited mobility.

On Thursday (this is yesterday) I struggled with motivation and considered skipping class again - however, I turned to the letter I wrote to myself urging myself to fight my demons and make the best choice for my body, and decided to go to 12 pm class. I arrived a bit early and poured my heart out about all my aches and hurts and the limited flexibility to the teacher, (whom I had never met), and she was very understanding and patient. It felt good to let it all out. She gave the usual advice, nothing too out of the ordinary or insightful, but I wasn't really looking for any of that. She gave me just what I needed!

The room was nice and warm and it was quite sunny, so I put my mat near the window and pretended I was in a balmy place. It was truly a wonderful class. I tried extra hard in Half Locust to raise up my legs so as to hopefully offer a little healing to my wrist. In the past I've suffered from Carpal Tunnel (I type a lot) and I've found BY, specifically that pose, to be very helpful. My wrist does feel better on the days I practice but for me the most important thing is not to let my hands get cold.

Last night I had a nice dinner out and that included some cocktails. After going to bed quite late, when I woke up this morning I wasn't feeling the greatest and could not bear the thought of going to an AM class. I also had errands to run today and wondered if I would make it to class at all. However, any time I consume alcohol I like to get to class as soon as I can afterward to flush it out of my system, so I talked myself into going to class at 6:15. Driving there I somehow knew intuitively that even though yoga was the last thing in the world I felt like doing, that I would end up having a good class. And, I was right! The room was super humid and I sweat a ton. Besides a bit of a pinched feeling still present in my left hip and hamstring (reducing flexibility in about five of the postures) I felt absolutely great. Not my strongest ever, nor my most flexible, but Standing Head to Knee was surprisingly strong and I just felt very good in class.

So, am I healed? I hope so. The dizziness seems to have passed, thankfully. I am now wondering if the morning stiffness should be addressed with a few more attempts at 9:15 am classes, just taking it very slow and maybe trying to get a little walk in beforehand to loosen up.

God, you'd think I was about 80 years old!

Anyway, goes to show: your practice could change completely within a matter of days. You get sloppy, you get lazy, boom, there's a minor injury. Then you don't accept your injury and push yourself too hard, and you aggravate it even more. It's the ego!

Teacher Madness!

A few months ago I was being interviewed by a language student (I work as a private English language teacher) from Rome, who was only in town for about six months. She was explaining to me why she felt she'd prefer to take private lessons for a couple of hours a day instead of enrolling in a class. In a nutshell, she felt that an inadequate teacher and students at a lower level than she was might drag her down, or that a bad textbook or curriculum wouldn't allow her to maximize her learning potential. Because I felt that she and I weren't a very good fit, (due to my timetable that month, and other reasons), I was completely honest with her about her attitude towards the ESL classroom: I told her it didn't matter who her teacher was, and it didn't matter if every other student in there couldn't speak a lick of English. A bad textbook can can definitely be a hindrance - I mean, all of those things she was worried about DO have an effect, but I said that ultimately it was up to her to learn English, to facilitate her own learning. I'm a strong proponent of the idea that students in all disciplines have to take absolute responsibility for their education, and that blaming any external factors often beyond our control doesn't really do us any good, even if we have some valid points in our criticism.

The best students rarely complain, even when a classroom situation is less than ideal. (Some students, by the way, always complain, even when everything is handed to them with a side of extra spicy buffalo wings.) I've learned that much over the years. Good students make the best of the situation and know that they can learn just as much if not more when they decide that they can rise above negative factors and make the most of their education no matter what. 

Now as much as I maintain my firm stance on this issue, I don't want to drive this point home too hard with my own students because I also take big responsibility for my role as an instructor, and I would never want them to doubt that. When I feel I've been lazy with my lesson plans or have perhaps delivered a lesson that sort of flopped, I do feel guilty and responsible, and start to lead myself down a path of thinking in which I play a larger-than-life role in my students' success. So, as a teacher I think it's important not to de-emphasize the impact you can have on your students. 

Meanwhile, as of late I've found myself in the student role (a different kind of student, of course, in Bikram yoga class), feeling rather glum and disdainful of teachers that don't really inspire me. Yes, I can be an entitled student myself, which is part of the reason I really know how to deliver the goods as a teacher ;) 

So, GRANTED I believe that as a student, so long as you try your best you're absolutely fine, there's nothing wrong with fine-tuning our preferences for the good of society, right? Well luckily, that's what this post is about.

Now, thanks to the ever-reliable Bikram dialogue, the regulated series of postures, and the prescribed length of time spent in each pose, a Bikram yoga teacher can only suck so badly, (unlike other styles of yoga which have had me wanting to walk out of the room and demand my money back, or perhaps asking a homeless person off the street to come in and take over and see if they could do a better job.) Basically, all a Bikram style yoga teacher has to do is memorize the dialogue and deliver it at the correct speed, so that the class lasts an hour and a half. (This involves nine weeks of rigorous practice and training, which is sometimes hard to believe they've gone through, but anyway.)

Bikram designed the program so that the teachers, most of whom, in the grand scheme of things, really are beginners to yoga practice, can only add to the students' experience with their enthusiasm, particular advice or encouragement while one or many are struggling in a posture, sense of humour, etc., and not *necessarily* detract from it. What I mean by that is, you can make up your mind to come to class and try your hardest, to simply listen to the dialogue and follow it word for word, and not pay any attention at all to anything going on around you, and you will get all the benefits of the class.

However, as anyone who practices this yoga knows, and as I discussed in a previous post, it can take a great deal of motivation to bring yourself to class on a regular basis, and when you're going through a rough patch in your practice, it can seem altogether not worth it to keep attending. This is when fabulous teachers can make all the difference in the world. Despite what I said in the opening of this article, I really do feel sometimes like 10 classes with mediocre teachers in rooms that aren't hot/humid enough to really get sweaty are worth a single class with an excellent teacher! Am I contradicting myself? I'm not really sure. It could very well be. But one tends to realize the limits of language as one endures on their yogic journey, so please don't worry about the details and come along for the ride!

So, we all have different favourites in terms of teachers, of course (and this extends beyond the yoga classroom, to all modes of instruction and teaching, in all kinds of learning environments), but I'd like to explore a little bit about what I really like/dislike.

Excellent teachers:

*Are willing to make an emotional investment in the students in that room.

*Are naturally (or practiced) good public speakers.

*Make (a) intuitive, (b) constructive, and (c) specific corrections.

*Offer inspiring insights and advice based on their OWN experience and what they've learned as teachers. 

*Begin and end class on time.

*Don't try to berate attendees in manner of Bikram himself.

*Are impressive yogis themselves, especially those that came a long way, which is different for everybody. (When you watch teachers practice, they are all at different levels themselves, and some of the girls that have danced or done gymnastics their entire lives are obviously going to be a lot more flexible and fun to watch than a former athlete or couch potato who is male, and in his 40s, for instance. That's not what matters, right? What matters is that they really tried their best and came down a long road to get to where they are today. I really believe that's vital for any teacher.)

Final word: As far as I'm concerned, teaching a single Bikram yoga class should be considered an enormous feat! It's a big job, prescribed dialogue notwithstanding!

Mediocre teachers:

*Have a weak voice, tend to slur or eat their words, have poor annunciation, speak way too fast, or too quietly, do not speak English as a first language and have not worked on the pronunciation of key vocabulary in the dialogue (any combination of these aspects). I know this comes with practice, but I've got my fingers pointed at some teachers that have been around since the dawn of recorded history.

*Have a tendency to walk in like they own the place --> big ego fills the room.

*Have a weak practice. (How am I supposed to trust someone that isn't as committed to the practice as I am, as a student?!)

*Hold postures for inconsistent lengths of time on the right and left side, (or leave us hanging out on one side while they babble their nonsense) OR tend to race through postures that should be held for longer. Timing is important, and again, I know that it comes with practice. But the greenies are not who I'm targeting here.

*Merely deliver the dialogue, never straying, never adding. Bikram says this is absolutely fine. And it is, technically. But the title of this section is 'mediocre', and that is exactly what that is, in my opinion.

*Seem to offer bizarre advice that doesn't match the mood in the room and sounds more like something they thought would make them sound authoritative than something actually useful. For example, something like this: in Standing Head to Knee, sometimes there isn't a single person there that is able to kick out to the full expression, let alone get their head on their knee. So why go through a thirty second demonstration and explanation of final expression, head to knee. It's not useful to these students at this time in their practice. They can't even understand what you're talking about because they're not there yet! This isn't a performance.

**(That being said, I do feel demonstrations can be extremely helpful when offered in a timely fashion, and I can honestly say I would never have gotten triangle right if it weren't for a demo made by Danny D that was aimed specifically at my faulty towers version of the pose.)

At the end of the day, sometimes you just like a person or you don't, and there's no explanation why. Some people just get on my nerves, and I probably get on their nerves, too. All teachers will have people that don't like them, for whatever reason. That's life! And that's why we can choose from a variety of teachers, as some really do suit the individual better than others. Some can break some of these rules and get away with it, while others can't, and who has the final word on whether or not that's happened? Approximately no one.

That being said, I really feel like asking all the leagues of BY teachers precisely why they decided to become a Bikram yoga teacher. Why did you think YOU were fit for the job? Being "good at" yoga (which believe me, means different things to different people), and having the money and the time to go for the training process is not enough. Is it? I think teachers should be able to answer the question: what separates you from a voice on CD? Why don't we just pop on a CD of Bikram teaching the class and follow that for the next 90 minutes instead of you. Yes you're a human being, you're alive and you have vitality, and your mere presence in the room is motivation and guidance in its own right. OK. But do you really believe that cuts it? I would honestly expect that any teacher should be able to wax pure confidence and assuredness of their own value as an instructor if faced with this question or similar, or at least use it for self development. I know that many teachers are quite young and they have a long way to go. That's fine. We're all learning here.

I feel this way not only because yoga is really expensive and I am a paying customer, to put it crudely - but in addition to this, I am a person that believes that this yoga saves lives: I'm not exaggerating. I think being a teacher is a BIG responsibility, no matter what the discipline, but especially there, in that hot room, where health is in some cases being positively salvaged from the ruins. Yes, many people go to Bikram yoga because they think it's going to help them lose weight (yeah maybe, but not necessarily) or because they need to include some exercise in their lives and this is something they enjoy doing. But some people are mentally or physically in dire need of this practice in order to cope. In order to stay off poisonous, health-banishing medications, or to keep from having invasive surgeries that interfere with the natural functioning of their bodies. Yes, I've met people like this when I worked at the studio. And often these people are the ones that find it most difficult to keep coming to class, because it's painful and tiring, pricey, and unless you keep up that vital regular practice, the benefits start to drop off and the mind forgets how beneficial it really is. You start to tell yourself excuses. So these people need all the motivation they can get, right? :)

Just something to think about. 

Anyway, if you're a new or potential or struggling student, like I said, you don't need to worry, because the dialogue is such that teachers are given plenty of breathing room to grow and develop alongside the practitioner, not to mention as practitioners themselves. And, as I stated in my intro, your teacher is usually not as vital to your learning process as many students seem to think he or she is.

And now for one of my favorite BY quotes, (though whether it can be attributed to Bikram or if I'm mixing it up a bit I'm not sure!):

"Look into your own eyes in the mirror. You are looking at your one true teacher."

AWESOME!